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50 Shades Of Grey – The TRUTH About “Girl” Porn

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50 Shades Of Grey is one of the best selling books of all time – and you’ve likely heard about the darker sexual plot. Is erotica about to become mainstream?

Scores of women, all over the world are obsessed with 50 Shades Of Grey – an S&M related erotic thriller. It’s given birth to an entirely new genre of literature: “girl porn.” But what does that mean, exactly? What does it mean to women? To men? More importantly, what does it mean to you?

Sorry, It’s Not “New”

The whole “girl porn” thing isn’t new. Books like “My secret garden” have told stories of female centered erotica for years, and the concept is as old as time itself. It’s just becoming more and more prevalent and mainstream. Why? Part of it is feminism, partly due to relaxing social attitudes towards sex and sexuality, but mostly it’s due to one thing: technology. It used to be if you were a woman and you wanted to get your girl porn on, you had to buy a book, and carry that book around wherever you wanted to go and read it.

Everyone likes a little naughty reading time, but nobody wants to really be outed as doing it. Enter smartphones. And tablets. Amazon and Apple sell the tablets simply to drive purchases of digital content through the mediums they rule with an iron fist. conspiracy theories aside, this allows you to buy as much girl porn as you can stand, read it wherever you like and no one will no about it.

You might be asking yourself “Tony, are you saying that woman on the subway who looked way too happy to be there was getting her girl porn on? Am I really to believe that she was reading 50 Shades Of Grey?” Yes grasshopper. She was and you should. The explosion that is 50 Shades of Grey is directly related to the explosion of iPads, Kindle Fires, iPhones, Android phones, android tablets, and the like.

Girls Like It Dirty!

Here’s another truth: women are dirty. They talk dirty and they want dirty things. Chris Rock has this joke: “your woman is nastier and dirtier and more sexual than you ever imagined. She’s dying to do it. But anything you mutter ain’t getting done.” Women have always been this sexual. They’ve always been into porn. They are just into a different kind of porn than men are. Don’t believe that women are pervs too? Two words: Magic Mike. Women losing their minds over have naked shirtless men who are ripped and in great shape. They eat that up. Literally.

Women have always been massively sensual creatures, but they’ve been bread to repress that. Times are changing. That repression is being peeled away layer by layer. Thanks to technology and the internet, women in particular have access to any kind of sex and relationship type they could possibly want, and access to any kind of girl porn they want. They know it’s out there, and that helps them know that it’s okay, whatever that it is.

The Domination Factor

50 Shades Of Grey also reveals and increasing desire for women to be submissive and dominated. Often the women who exhibit the strongest desire to be dominated in the bedroom are the ones who are most dominant outside of it. It may seem a bit screwy, but it’s not. It actually makes quite a bit of sense when you think about it.

There is so much pressure on women today, most of it put on women by themselves and other women. They are obligated to “have it all” whatever that means. They are earning more than ever, having more responsibilities than ever. There’s an ever increasing number of roles women are having to play and as they take many of the leadership and powerful roles that men have traditionally played, they begin to feel the same pressures.

With all the hats women wear today, it’s no wonder that they want to throw them all off (in addition to their clothes). Being submissive allows you to surrender control and not have to worry about anything. You can use it as an excuse to give into any number of secret sex related desires you’ve long held (orgies, swinging, anal sex, lesbianism, bondage, etc), and in your mind you’re totally in the clear because you were “forced” to do it, but really, that isn’t true at all.

You were simply creating a scenario where you could finally allow yourself to have the kind of pleasure you’ve long desired, but do it in a way that’s safe for your mind and body. And for a woman, that’s an incredibly appealing proposition. That’s what these girl porn books offer.

Kinky Things To Do With Your Fingers That She Will LOVE!

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Fingering can be hotter than it was in high school when you hadn’t yet reached third or fourth base. Here’s how to make using your hands sexier and more adult!

What other kinky things are fingers good for? If you and your wife are both up for something a bit more out-there, try turning up the kinky knob on your relationship and trying out a few new tricks. Bondage, discipline, dominance, submission and sadomasochism are all designed to lead to increased pleasure for both parties. If you or your wife might get off on the exchange of power or pain, why not take a stroll down a few new pathways?

BDSM

Whether you bind her wrists to give you the upper hand or simply to immobilize hers, bondage is a great way to use your hands to make her very conscious of what her hands can and can’t do. Add a blindfold, and she won’t have any idea what amazing new move is coming her way!

BDSM requires lots of discussion and decision making to reach informed consent. The use of a safe word is very important if you will be playing with any kind of bondage or pain play.

When it comes to pain play, your hands are really your best asset. There are lots of little devices you can buy, but if you are just getting to know her responses, you want the hands-on experience that comes from using your own skin. An over-the-knee bare hand spanking can be an incredible bonding experience, and depending on how much force is used, can be anything from energizing and stimulating to excruciatingly painful.

Walk the line carefully. You can also use the same technique to give a light “spank” to her vulva. Be very gentle here, in the facing-her-feet or spooning position, unless she asks you to go harder!

The other great thing your fingers can do to start off playing with pain is tweaking her nipples. What can easily be pleasurable with a gently touch can quickly turn to pain – sometimes, that delicious kind of pain – when it comes to pinching and twisting those sensitive little nubs.

Exhibitionism

In my opinion, that best kind of kink that comes from learning new hand tricks is a little bit of exhibitionism. If you can get her off without either of you having to get naked, it opens up a whole world of possibilities – literally!

With a skirt and skimpy (or no) panties, you have all the access you need to finger her under the dinner table, in a movie theatre, in the back seat of the car, in the bathroom, while she’s sitting on your lap at the club, in an elevator, or just about anywhere else you’ve ever dreamed of getting busy. Time to make a date!

Fisting For Beginners

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Fisting is an intense, overwhelming, and challenging experience for any couple, and is definitely not for everyone. Putting the entire hand inside the vaginal cavity is possible; the vagina is made to stretch to fit a crowning baby. The size of your hands and the elasticity of your wife’s vagina, however, will be determining factors when assessing your ability to explore this activity, perhaps more so than your wife’s willingness.

If you are brand new to the intricacies of fingering, don’t start with fisting. Take your time to learn and enjoy fingering itself, because this will help increase her ability to accommodate your whole hand. Women tend to be deeper and more accommodating, and their cervix softer and more receptive to touch, when they are fertile. Try to schedule your time during this window each month for best results.

Oil & Lube

For this kind of intense stretching and stimulation, lots of lube is required. Don’t forget that you can prepare ahead of time by having different lubes on hand, such as water based and silicone or flavored, to make the experience more enjoyable.

Massage Her Vagina Slowly First

Focus especially, but not exclusively, on the rear wall of the vagina and the perineum. If your wife has given birth before, you may have been taught this technique already, as a method to help prevent tearing during the birthing process.

You have nothing so dire to worry about while fisting, unless your hands are the size of newborns, but the massage will help to improve her body’s ability to stretch and fit around you without undue pain.

Loosen Up

When the two of you have decided that it’s time to give fisting a try, set aside a few hours of your day. Yes, hours. This is no wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am sort of affair. Fisting takes time to work up to and to come down from, so plan accordingly.

The most effective way to loosen the vagina is orgasm, as the muscles release during the refractory period, so the best candidate for fisting is a multi-orgasmic woman with excellent control of her PC muscles.

Start out with only as many fingers as can comfortably fit inside her, even if it is only one or two. Make your way around the entire circumference of her vaginal wall, starting at the opening and then circling deeper inside her. Try to thrust gently, while massaging the vaginal walls, in this same circular motion.

Stay In the Game

It is important that your wife maintain a certain level of excitement and arousal during the process, to ensure it is enjoyable and she stays relaxed. Make sure she breathes deeply into her belly even when she is very turned on and breathing very rapidly. Don’t forget to keep stimulating her while you’re working on stretching.

Only put in as many fingers as is comfortable, and don’t force anything. Make sure you ask her to let you know by using the safe word if she experiences any discomfort, and back off a little bit whenever she does. You may not make it in during your first time, or even on the third occasion you attempt it in earnest, so you should be sure to remember you are both there to enjoy the ride, not the destination.

Thumbing A Ride

When it comes time to add your third finger, forget about your ring and pinkies for a while. Turn your hand so your wrist faces up, with your thumb on top, and slide these two fingers down along her perineum. The three inserted digits – index finger, middle finger and thumb – should form a triangle that flares out toward your hand.

When you add your fourth finger – the ring finger – it’s time to move the thumb back a bit. This will elongate your fingers, but lessen the circumference of your knuckles a bit. Your thumb should rest in the center of your middle finger, and should be flanked by your index and ring fingers on either side, forming a diamond shape with your thumb a bit further back than the rest. Keep your pinkie out of the way as you continue to stretch her.

If you are able to work all the way up to the fifth finger, just slide the thumb back a bit further, to where the middle finger meets the palm. Keep your index and ring fingers turned in a bit, on top of the middle finger, in the same diamond formation as before, and place your pinkie on top of your ring finger.

This position helps you to keep the circumference of your hand fairly small, keep your thumb tucked away so it doesn’t catch on anything inside, and keep the tips of your fingers close together so you don’t inadvertently bump her cervix too hard, which can be painful for many women.

Twister

Once you’ve reached her maximum capacity – whether that is two, three, four or all five fingers – don’t just start trying to thrust away. She will feel incredibly full, and too much thrusting may push her over the edge too hard and too fast.

Instead, try focusing on twisting back and forth for most of the stimulation. Your twisting need not be forceful. If your twist until the knuckle of your middle finger is facing up on the front wall of her vagina where her G-Spot is, with your thumb stimulating the back wall, just a slight rocking from side to side should be enough to produce incredible orgasms.

When She Comes

She may not need any movement at all for this to feel good, so you may instead want to focus your other hand and tongue on pleasuring her clitoris directly. Be sure to add a bit of lube to your hand, here and there, as you work up to fisting and orgasm.

Keeping her wet and slick is the best way to ensure an enjoyable experience for everyone. Don’t be surprised! You will feel some potentially powerful clenching when she comes, so don’t freak out. Stop moving and just let her muscles push you out and pull you in, until she has been completely sated. Don’t try to pop your hand out all at once; take your time. Ease your way out slowly.

Keep in mind that she will be very sensitive, and probably a bit tender, for a few days afterwards. If you are expecting to have intercourse with her, you should do that before you start fisting, and give her at least a day or two to rest afterward, unless she says that is not required.

12 Unbreakable Domination Rules

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Domination can be fun and sexy, but you need to make sure you don’t cross the line. Here are twelve things to keep in mind when getting your BDSM on.

Here’s how this game is played: one partner is the dominant one (the top) and the other plays the submissive role (the bottom). It is the power component that differentiates this form of lovemaking: the bottom accepts the vulnerable position and leaves all responsibility in the hands of the top.

Before engaging to it, be sure that you’re both aware of the following four conditions for good B/D:

  • You know and trust each other enough to go beyond the “normal code” of sexuality
  • You both agreed to practice safe sex and take all the necessary safety precautions so that nothing stands in the way of your pleasure.
  • Neither you, nor her is pressured or uncomfortable doing it.
  • Whenever something starts to feel painful or wrong, you stop immediately.

Do NOT Break These Rules

1. Be Careful With Your Knots

Don’t do anything air, circulation or joint constrictive. Don’t use slipknots (they’ll tighten up when pulled) or stockings (being so thin and slippery, they also tend to tighten up under pressure). The act of bondage is just make believe, so use knots tied very loosely or even thread.

NOTE: keep a pair of scissors nearby, just in case.

2. Never Use Alcohol Or Drugs Before Or During

Don’t abuse alcohol or drugs before doing BDSM. Your judgment will be impaired and you might overdo everything.

3. Use The Right Tools For The Job

Don’t improvise. Use specially designed sex toys for bondage, if you want to remain on the safe side. They are easy to use and don’t present complications.

4. Always, ALWAYS Have A Safe Word

Invent an escape word. Agree on an escape word that ends the game immediately when uttered. A clear and established sign is more prone to be taken into consideration than mere begging, which might be taken as a game play move.

5. Establish Boundaries First

Create a checklist. Sit down with your partner and write what is ok to do and what is not, so that there are no misunderstandings.

6. Don’t Forget The Intimacy

Keep the heat on. Whether you are on the giving or receiving and of the bondage equation, take every opportunity to behave seductively toward your partner. If you want this to work, you must not allow yourselves to get lost in the preparations and forget the goal of all this experience, which is to feel good and share your love for one another.

7. Don’t Aim To Hurt

Stay on the comfort side. The purpose of bondage is to restrain the body for sexual pleasure, but it shouldn’t cause you pain or irritation. It might end up distracting you and putting you off.

8. Keep It Simple

Rope, and handcuffs, and leather, and ear bunnies, and spanking, and dirty talk – sometimes too much is just that- too much. You don’t need to re-enact everything that you’ve read in all the books and magazines that have passed through your hands. Excess fumbling and fussing over elaborate details obscure the ultimate goal.

9. Know Your Limitations

As adventurous as you might be, there are some things that you just can’t do, and attempting to impose or maintain a position at the expense of anatomical realities eventually results in frustration and disappointment.

10. Know How To Release Your Partner Quickly

One of your first purchases when you’re preparing for this type of sexual activity should be a pair of paramedic scissors from a medical supply store. The blades will be at a ninety-degree angle to the handle and the lower one will have a blunt end to avoid cutting skin as you cut rope. If you’re using locking restraints (such as handcuffs), know where the key is at all times, and always have a backup one for emergencies.

11. Pay Attention To The Warning Signs

The human body is extremely unpredictable and no two bodies react the same to the same things. Fainting, out-of-focus gazing and talking, flushed an pale face, clammy skin, all these are signs that she’s not really liking what you two have put together. If you see any of these signs on her face, be prepared to put her out of the restraints immediately.

12. Never, EVER Leave A Partner Who Is Tied Up Alone – EVER

Not for a minute, not for a second. She’s helpless and she’s counting on you to be there. No matter what role play game you’re ‘pretending’ to play, always keep in mind that you’re responsible for whatever outcome this has, since you’re the one pulling the shots. Stay in the same room at all time and keeps your eyes and ears peeled for the tiniest sign of discomfort.

Should You Accept Your Lover’s Strange Fetish?

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Kinky sex is a great way to keep your relationship fresh and new. But should you accept your partner’s strange fetish or should you draw the line?

What She Said:

I think this might be more fantasy then fetish.

Whether its BDSM, high heels or having your eyeballs licked, everyone has a sexual trigger, a turn on, a mild or full-blown fetish.  This day and age with so many easy access to porn online and “personal” massagers that you can pick up at the grocery store, it seems that everyone has an easy outlet for their turn on.

With so many odd fetishes it makes me wonder if regular vanilla sex is now the odd sex act. When you are in a sexual relationship, you want to do any thing and everything to please your partner. But, how do you handle them having this interest that you are not in to?  Maybe your guy is into a 3 some with Asians.  That idea is a turn off to you.

But before you worry about him jumping on a plane to Thailand, there are options. You could watch some Asian porn with him. Or why not dress up like a geisha. What if your man is into hardcore SM?  And your idea of a hot night does not include you dressed in leather wielding a horse whip.

As a compromise, you could wear big black boots and spank him a little. Basically every fetish has its oddities.  But in a relationship the best gift we can give our partner sexually is to offer them a safe place to share their fantasies with you.  A safe place to experiment and a place where there is no judgment.

No matter how kinky you find it to be, if you are open and honest with him about his desires, he in turn will be open to yours.  One night you smack him around a bit, and the next he might give it to you good ol missionary style.

What He Said

Be Proud Of Your Fetishes And Fantasies

I really think that thanks to the internet, vanilla sex is the new kinky sex. It’s like “Really? You just want to pound me missionary style? And a little oral sex? Well, you did buy me dinner and a movie. But that’s way too crazy for me! Can’t you just do something normal like punch me in the vagina repeatedly while humming the Star Spangled Banner and making tacos?” 
No?

That’s never happened to you, well, if it hasn’t you’re just not doing it right. It’s your duty to please that booty, so you should at least try to do what your partner is into. Don’t want to? Well, I’ve got news for you sparky.

You might not want to try oral sex or anal sex, but I guarantee your partner doesn’t want to do half the things they do just so they can get in your pants. That’s what love is: doing things you’d rather take a cheese grater to the genitals than do just to get laid. I mean for the one you love.

I think a lot of people are irrationally afraid of coming out to their partners about their fetishes, or fantasies whatever they may be. It doesn’t matter how weird or depraved or sick your sexual fantasy is. Someone wants to do it with you.

If that’s what your into, then be out and proud about it. If your partner isn’t into it, and you can’t come to some kind of understanding on the subject, then that’s a deal breaker. Get rid of them. It may suck, but finding your type of sex is an important key to happiness. I think Buddha said that. Or Oprah. Same thing.

They say life is too short to be unhappy. That’s not true. Life is too long when you’re unhappy. It goes by slow. Like slower than being suck on a Stairmaster next to someone having a conversation on their cell phone while reading a book on their iPad all while “exercising.”

Life is only short if you’re having fun. It’s the times that people enjoy that go fast. The things that suck (and not in a fun way) go by very, very slowly, and will eat you from the inside and literally kill you with boredom, worry, stress and all other manners of boring shit.

That doesn’t mean you have to get rid of your current lover. Just talk to them and be honest about who and what you are and what you are into sexually. You’ll both be glad you did.