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Can You Get Your Ex Back With The Law Of Attraction?

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One of the Biggest Law of Attraction Mistakes

The Universal Law of Attraction (LOA) is a very powerful force in our everyday lives. As human beings, we are very powerful attractors and can use this wonderful, God-given, power to attract or manifest more of what we want in life simply by paying attention to where we place our focus, thoughts, and desires.

One of the biggest mistakes that people make with the Law of Attraction is trying to control another person. For example, picturing your ex-taking you back is actually a form of trying to control his or her actions and feelings. You simply can’t control how another person feels or acts, only how you react to their feelings and actions.

Here’s a question from Barry who’s not quite sure how to apply this powerful concept in his own life…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ m a 23 years old Taiwanese boy who goes to school in Vancouver BC. When I was 16, I met a girl in Taiwan. Pretty soon after we met, I had to leave Taiwan to return to school in Vancouver. We started a long distance relationship. She met another man in LA, and she overlapped me and him for a while. This was very heartbreaking for me, however I had no doubt in my mind about wanting her back. However, last year (after a 6 year relationship) she broke up with me again for the same reasons.

Since I have read The Secret, I understand the Law of Attraction is to focus on what you want, pretend this is really happening, and accept the fact that it is going to happen. After we broke up, I often pictured the scene of her begging me to take her back again, but I understand that you can never change another person with the Law of Attraction. Is it best me to just move on?

Thank you so much for your time.
–Barry

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5YjwTfNxCM[/youtube]

Focus on What You Really Want

Rather than focus on your ex and getting him or her back, focus on what you really want in a relationship and a partner who is good to you and loves you in return.

You need to stop focusing on your ex…

I know that’s hard but you really have to stop and think about the kind of relationship you do want, but not necessarily in terms of your ex or any particular partner. Focus only on your ideal relationship.

Think of a radio. It has many different stations. To tune into a radio station, you dial up a specific frequency on the dial. As soon as we turn our attention to this certain frequency, it begins its journey to us. We start to experience that radio station. If we want to change it, we simply tune into another frequency.

To change something you no longer want in your life, simply tune in to a different vibration (frequency or radio station) — tune into something that you do want! And whatever you do, don’t dwell on what you don’t want – or you’ll keep getting more of it!

Focus on Your ‘Perfect’ Partner

Visualize the perfect partner for you and focus on what you want to experience together. Focus on how a happy relationship makes you feel. What do you do together? How do you feel when you’re together? What does your life look like with this person?

The Law of Attraction is neutral. You are like a living magnet. You get what you think about, whether wanted or unwanted. So only give your thoughts and focus to what you want!

Stop Telling the Universe HOW to Do It’s Job

Don’t tell the Universe, or God, or Spirit, “how” to give you your dreams or to achieve what you want.

Focus instead on what you want and then choose to be happy with or without it (i.e. your ex). You have to let go of control and trust that the Universe, or God, truly wants all of your dreams to come true. If you’re a parent – think about what you want for your children. It’s not misery and suffering. You want your children to be happy and live a wonderful, fulfilling life. That’s what your creator wants for you as well.

When you focus only on this one particular person, its like telling the universe how to do it’s job. When you say that you only want to be happy if it can be with a specific person, you’re telling the universe that if it doesn’t happen with this particular person then ‘I don’t want it!’. What you have to remember is that this specific person has their own wants and desires, and they may not match up with yours.

Be open to whomever comes into your life, under whatever circumstances. Don’t worry about how it’s going to happen. Let go of your ex and the right person will come along for you. You just have to be looking for them and open to meeting them. You can’t do this if you’re still hanging on to your ex.

The Law of Attraction is working in your life right now, whether you are aware of it or not. You are attracting  people, situations, jobs, and much more into your life this very minute. Stop and answer this: what are you thinking about right now?

Focus only on what you want. And give no energy to the things that you do not want.

High School Sweethearts In Jeopardy – Are We Growing Apart?

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It’s hard enough for grown adults to stay together and have a happy, long lasting relationship… but that’s nothing next to the challenges faced by high school sweethearts.

These young lovers have the odds really stacked against them, and yet many stay together for the long run. But put yourself in a very young woman’s place…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been dating this guy since I was 15 and now we are 19. We were absolutely perfect for a year until we separated for a while to see what else was out there. During that time I dated no one and he did stuff here and there that he kept on the low.

It has been 2 1/2 years since our break and because of our separation it is hard for me to trust him. After graduating high school, I thought college was going to be our only issue but in fact college is not an issue at all. He has his own business and I’m just commuting from college.

Our problem is that we are both changing and it has been a struggle. I also was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, which also made it hard.

I have matured quickly, not wanting to party much and all he wants to do is drink and party. I feel like he wants more then just me but when I discuss wanting to still be with me he says that he never wants to let me go and doesn’t want to break up. We love each other more then life offers, but we are going through a bumpy road and sometimes I feel distant from him – but he’s the man I want to spend the future with.

I don’t know what to do; how can we get through this? Is it possible that we will make it? Please give me advice?

— Ashlee, New York

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq43S25lbZY[/youtube]

What can you do to save your relationship and actually stay together through these turbulent years?

The biggest challenge you face is at that age you’re both changing so fast. We don’t believe that any of us begin to settle in and know who we until our late 20’s.

Young women face special challenges with their young partners, since they tend to mature faster. And at that age, all most guys seem interested in is drinking and partying, and having fun. From the guy’s standpoint, he can easily start feeling held back and trapped. This interaction can be very frustrating and can certainly put a strain on the relationship.

Sure, he’s enjoying his fun. But is that really so bad? Seriously. Consider yourself lucky if he ever matures. But be thankful if he doesn’t. Mature turns into “stuffy” surprisingly fast. BORING! And there’s nothing like boredom to kill the magic in a relationship.

On top of that, there’s the pressure of picking the right college, keeping those grades up so you can graduate, and entering the workforce, whether it’s a job or starting your own business. Wow, nothing stagnant here.

Where does all this change leave you? Will you still be together in a year or two?

It doesn’t matter! Really, it doesn’t. IF you spend all your time worrying about the future, you’ll never enjoy today. Focus on where you are right now, today, and worry less about the future. Today is ALL that is real. Yesterday is just a memory, and tomorrow is a promise, a hope, a dream…

One guarantee… your life and relationship will change. Don’t try to keep things the same, allow room to change and grow.

“Hold on loosely”… You can still hold on to each other and love each other, just not so tightly. Understand that in a period of extreme change, not only are YOU changing, but so is your partner. Respect and embrace that change, and your chances of staying together are much higher.

You’re both young. In time, as you both grow and evolve, you may grow together, or you may grow apart. Either way, it’s OK.

Was your time together wasted if you break up after a couple of years?

Absolutely not! This is where so many people get stuck and keep themselves miserable for years. Fact is, people either grow together or they grow apart. Regardless of where your relationship ends up, the time you spent together is treasured and magical.

After all, you don’t spend your life with a person only to reach that last second before you die. This is a perfect example of how life is truly about the journey, not the destination. Life IS the journey, and you’re very lucky if you have a partner with you, to share the experience, for as much of your journey as possible.

Enjoy and treasure what you have, and appreciate the joy it brings you. Focus on today and how you can still be happy tomorrow, instead of spending your days worrying about what might someday be.

Here’s a dilemma from two young lovers in New York facing the dire prospect of growing apart…

My Girlfriend Is Acting Distant – Is She Cheating?

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If your girlfriend is acting distant, does that mean she’s cheating, or even that she’s planning to break up with you?

Here’s a scenario…

Your girlfriend goes off for the weekend to celebrate her birthday but does not invite you, and she was extra nice to you the week before she left – unnaturally nice. This by itself is enough to raise some red flags, but what if she stops returning your calls and text messages while she’s away? Now that’s enough to drive most men crazy!

There are two possibilities here…

Most likely, she did hook up with someone else while she was away. That’s why she suddenly stopped responding – she doesn’t want the new guy to think he’s unimportant.

The second possibility is that for some reason or other, she’s intentionally putting distance between you. Maybe she’s thinking of breaking up or maybe it’s just moving too fast for her. Maybe she just needs some space.

Either way, this isn’t looking so good for you.

So what can you do?

First, be honest with her and let her know that her recent behavior hurt your feelings and that you feel neglected. It’s very important to be honest, but NOT judgemental or accusing. You need to create an environment where she feels safe being honest with you. That is if you REALLY do want the truth…

And when she does tell you the truth, be supportive and understanding – even if what she says makes you angry. Face it – you cannot control how she feels or what she does. Read that again. You cannot control how she feels or what she does. The only thing in this life that any of us can really control is our actions and our emotional responses to others’ actions. Period.

So take a deep breath and tell her how you feel.

Here’s a question from Ty in Nebraska who is facing this troubling issue right now.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Yeah so my girlfriend had her birth this weekend and I have been having issues not trusting her lately for some reason or and other. Well she went out of town back home for her birthday and she didn’t invite me! She has been real lovely talking to me lately like she is trying to cover up something it seems. Well I talked to her yesterday afternoon at about 2:30 and she said she would call me back so i waited it out all night and I texted her about 9:30 and never heard from her and then texted her happy b-day at 12:00 am this morning wishing her happy b-day and no hear back from her!

This is totally not like her because she is a text message freak and she has been calling me like crazy the last couple of days! I am starting to wonder if is being unfaithful or just ignoring me or what’s up I don’t know how to confront her on her birthday? I need to say something because it really is bothering me big time!

Lets hear back soon.
Thanks, Tyler

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B0rWppyVac[/youtube]

He Said “I Need Space!” and Stormed Out! Are We Breaking Up?

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Isn’t it just amazing how a regular conversation on a happy day can turn into a vile, nasty argument? One minute you’re happy and in love, the next you’re screaming at the top of your lungs, and can’t think of enough hurtful things to throw at your partner! AAAhhhhh!

And then something snaps, and one of you yells “I need space!” and storms out!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

When an argument occurs, more times than not, a guy will say “I need space”.

Is there a deeper meaning to “I need space”? Is he going to break-up with me? He was really angry when he told me this.

— Cris, Pennsylvania

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCFqIcrjY28[/youtube]

“I Need Space!” – What it Really Means

It’s typically the man who needs space, but not always… Maybe it’s the pressure of the argument, maybe it’s something else. The fighting just gets to be too much… and he just can’t take it anymore. So he backs, or runs away to catch his breath and get some air.

“I Need Space” is avoidance, a cry for help from a wounded animal. The argument, the fighting, or life in general has gotten to be way too much and he needs a break from all of the stimulation.

When he says that, you should respect it as frustrating as it may be. Sure you want to understand what’s wrong, what triggered it, and at this point, how you can make it better. But that’s not always possible. Trying to approach someone who’s pulling back like this will often just push him farther away. In this emotional state, he is truly acting like a wounded animal and will likely bite if you try to approach.

So is this the first sign of a break up? Is the end in sight?

Probably not. People argue and fight, and that’s unfortunately just a normal part of any relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to break up, just that he needs a break at that point. It can be as simple as that.

However, if your relationship gets into a cycle of arguing and drama all the time, it very well may lead to break up! People spend time together to find happiness, companionship, and love. Not to fight and argue. No one likes to fight all the time and eventually, someone will leave.

Clash of the Personality Types

Some people thrive on conflict, and others avoid conflict. We are all different, which is really a great thing – wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same? But here’s where problems can start…

Those who thrive on conflict, will debate a topic until they’re completely exhausted. Others simply hate fighting and arguing, and will do anything to avoid conflict.

So for obvious reasons, a relationship between a person who thrives on conflict and a person who always avoids conflict can quickly end in a bitter break up unless they learn to work together and respect one another’s boundaries.

3 Golden Rules to Keep Fights and Arguments from Destroying Your Relationship

Here are our 3 Golden Rules for resolving disagreements and avoiding fights:…

  1. Check your ego
    Fights and arguments are caused by the ego – your ego’s need to “win”, to “be right”. That’s how a simple disagreement or a regular conversation turns into a screaming match. He says something hurtful, she says something hurtful back, then you have to say something even more hurtful, and so on. It just gets dumber and dumber. Really. As an argument progresses, the collective IQ between the two people drops dramatically – at least is seems that way to an outside observer.
  2. Never use the word “You” to start a sentence in an argument
    Keep it about YOUR feelings, and never accuse the other person of what they did or should do. The moment you start saying “you did this” or “you said that”, the other person gets defensive, and all intelligent conversation ends on the spot. Game over.
  3. Agree to disagree
    This is one of the most important relationship secrets EVER. Here’s an amazing tip: you will NOT be able to convince everyone that you’re right on ANY topic. Fact is, we’re all individuals, and we see everything at least a little differently from each other. And that means, we’re occasionally going to disagree. The ego of course hates disagreement, so you end up fighting with people you disagree with and trying to ‘convince’ them why your perspective is obviously the right one. But how about this – respect others for their viewpoints and appreciate your differences, and move on. You don’t really have to change anyone’s mind about anything.

Break Up Despair – Why You Should NEVER Argue by Phone or Email

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Break ups are never fun for either partner. Actually, they tend to be a horrible emotional experience for at least one, if not both people involved.

This is also made worse by the fact that people break up over some really silly things, like misunderstandings, lies, or even just disapproval and non-acceptance from their family members or friends.

But finding out that you’re now single through an email or by phone is even worse. It’s so cold, so impersonal, so clinical. Would YOU want to hear that you’re now single by phone or email?

Unfortunately, many people go through a long process of deciding whether to stay in a relationship or break up. And when they finally come to that decision to be alone, they don’t want to confront the other person. In a way, many don’t want to deal with the pain they’re afraid their partner will experience.

But is it right to just make that final phone call, or send that final email, and just end it? Not to say that you OWE anyone anything, whether it is to commit to be with that person forever or to break up with them in a certain way or another. You have the right and the option to be with whomever you choose, and to live your life in the way that you choose.

But in your heart, you know that YOU would prefer to hear it in person, don’t you? Would you want to agonize ALONE over the possible reasons why your relationship just ended? When would you truly get closure?

Today’s question is from a man in Maine dealing with this very issue – his girlfriend broke up with him by email and he just can’t seem to find peace.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I have been going together for 2 years and we were engaged. But she broke up with me almost a month ago by e-mail.

I haven’t seen her since then because I am almost 200 miles away from her working. 3 days before she had sent me the break up e-mail we had spent a week together and everything was great, or so I thought. The only reason she gave me in the e-mail was that she has been relying on other people for 8 years and she wants to be able to be independent on her own and prove to herself that she can. I had tried many times to call her and talk but she won’t answer the phone. I have texted her here and then and she does text back, but only if it’s nothing to do about us.

She also has 2 kids that I love to death. Their fathers aren’t in there lives so they had been calling me daddy the hole time we were together. I don’t want to lose her or the kids.

I just don’t understand why she would want to throw away a 2 great year relationship over something like this. I texted her today and told her I might be up this weekend or next to get my stuff and asked if she would talk to me when I was there. She said sure but she wasn’t going to talk about things that will make this break up more difficult. What does she think I’m going to want to talk about? To me I think I deserve to be able to talk to her face to face about all this. The way she broke it off with me just wasn’t right. Anyone got any advice to how I should approach this when I get there.

— Jason (Maine)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKfCNyhd5A8[/youtube]