dating – Page 19

Q&A: Help! I Keep Getting Stuck In The Friend Zone

Getting stuck in the friend zone is no fun, especially if you really want more than just a friendship with someone. But are you really looking for a serious relationship, or is it a case of like attracting like? Here’s how to find out if you’re ready for a relationship or you really are getting stuck in the friend zone!

Question: This is my first question to you guys, and i just got wind saying that you guys know your stuff when it comes to relationships. I got out of a 5 year relationship with my fiance, and its been 3 months. I’m talking to women, and it seems like all women want now is casual sex, no commitment. I feel like I keep getting stuck in the “friend zone” and that’s all women look at me as. Any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am9544xXUvw[/youtube]

Are You Really Ready For Committment?

It’s a common belief that “like attracts like” and those looking for serious relationships will actually be attracted to each other. If you’ve just gotten out of a long, committed relationship, you may subconciously just be looking for friendships right now and not know it. If you’re only attracting women who simply want to be friends and have casual sex with no strings attached, take a moment to think about if that’s really what you want too. It’s okay if you’re not ready for a serious relationship and having fun with friends is a great way to get yourself back in the dating game. Sit down and really consider what you want at this time. Are you really looking for another committed relationship or are you attracting the kind of people you subconciously want to date right now?

Don’t Rush It

There’s no rush when it comes to dating after ending a serious relationship with someone. Even if you were the one who ended the relationship, the body, mind and soul still needs to grieve for the loss and take time to adjust to a new lifestyle. Things are very different for you now, and it’s important to give yourself time to absorb it. That doesn’t mean isolate yourself, but you may want to be careful about jumping right into another committed relationship. Give yourself time to think about the relationship, but also allow yourself to think about what you want now before you take the next step.

Attracting The Kind Of Partner You Want

When you’re really ready for a committed relationship, trust that you’ll start attracting people who feel the same way you do and are also looking for a committed relationship. Focus more on having fun now, and let whatever happens happen. Time has a funny way of healing old wounds and paving the way for new and better things in your life if you let it. Constantly trying to attract a partner who wants a serious relationship when you don’t – even subconciously – will only put more stress on you and make you feel like you’re not “dateable” material. Don’t worry about it! Just have fun and build new friendships and nurture old ones. Take this opportunity to make your life what you want it to be right now and in time, the right person will come.

Start Dating Your Way Into A Great Relationship

By maryannecomaroto

Because of who I am, people ask me for dating advice frequently. I certainly have some favorite tips I like to hand out to those in need. So whether you’ve come back to the dating world after a breakup or divorce, or just after an extended break from romance, try these tips to get you on the right path to finding and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Declutter Yourself

To learn what you DO want, define what you DON’T want. Everyone has some things that are non-negotiable – some people won’t tolerate smoking, others won’t tolerate gambling, and so forth. To learn how to make an effective list of deal-breakers, get a copy of Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers.
Prepare yourself for your new relationship everyday by doing little things to de-clutter your soul. It’s time to start letting go of all those old love letters and photos that only remind you of heartbreak. Start looking toward your future and be ready for love!
Desperation doesn’t look good on anyone. No matter how desperate you may feel inside, rushing into things at the first sign of chemistry is not likely to end well. Remember the last time you were head-over-heels about someone and did a bunch of stupid things you now wish you hadn’t? This time around you have an opportunity to do things differently: think it through. Something SEEMING perfect is a lot different from it actually BEING perfect.

Attract The Right Kind Of People

Starting off with “sexy” may seem like a smart move, but is that really how you want people to value you?
You are a human being, not a product in a display window. Don’t go out there trying to sell who you are.
Relax and know that there is enough love out there for all of us, plenty to go around and around. So smile! You don’t have to compete with anyone to come out a winner in this game. There’s plenty of love out there that everyone can win.
Put off that urge to merge until you’ve found out some vital things – what are this person’s relationship goals? Where do they see you fitting into that framework? Jumping into bed is not going to create a foundation if one wasn’t there to begin with.
You want to aim for a balance in the flow between give and take. You bring certain things to the party to offer; what does the other person bring? Knowing this right from the beginning can help you avoid a situation where you’re doing all the giving all the time, and they’re doing all the taking.
Aim to be with someone who likes the kind of person you really are. I used to think I would attract a greater number of people by trying to be what I thought people wanted, but the key to finding someone who fit me well was to embrace my true self, and let that shine through to attract the right person!

Be Your Best Self

Notice how you act and how you feel when you’re around the person you like. Do they bring out your best qualities, or do they bring out some strange things you don’t even recognize as being you? There are some subtle differences between excitement and fear. There’s a difference between feeling energized, invigorated and refreshed, as opposed to anxious, unsure, and insecure.
Safety and integrity are important – don’t compromise on your core values! Use your common sense and take care.

But the best thing I could ever say to you, the advice that will see you through every trial and tribulation, is the one you can start putting into practice today: Great relationships begin within!

All Friends With No Benefits

By maryannecomaroto

Spring has come around yet again, and you know what that means – less clothing, more flirting, and more fun!

Here are some tips to keep your fun from turning into disaster: First, remember to pay attention now or pay later. Keep your wits about you. Second, be honest with yourself whether the fun you’re having is worth the consequences, whatever they might be. Third, remember to use a condom! In the meantime, here are the answers to a couple of your questions.

I met this girl at school and ended up falling for her. However, at the time she had a boyfriend who was moving to France. I saw her a couple of times before they officially broke up and then asked her out on a date. She said yes, then flaked on me twice (both times legitimate-ish reasons such as her grandparents’ anniversary do and something else).

We eventually went out a couple of times and texted each other a bit, then suddenly after our second date when I kissed her goodnight on the cheek she didn’t text me for over a week and just ignored my email (I tried to contact her three times). Then she started to talk again and we have seen each other about every two weeks since. I have kissed her on the cheek a couple of times and once on the lips, but that’s it.

When we are out we have such a good time and get along great, and although there is not much physical contact she flirts back. She has since then invited me to go on holiday with her and her family. I’m just not sure where I stand. Are we going out? Her old bf is in a relationship but she isn’t going out with anyone else and never talks about other guys with me. On Valentine’s Day I gave her a card and chocolates, and she gave me the same. She lets me pay for coffees and other things like that. But my question is: Who am I to her, a friend or a boyfriend?

—James, UK

Ah, James, it’s so cute to hear about people giving each other cards and chocolates on Valentine’s day… if those people are kids! You’re an adult now, so it’s time to start using your words to say what you mean, and to find out where you stand. All you have to do is ask her what she wants, and be straightforward about what you want. She’ll appreciate you not playing games, and in the process you’ll learn whether there’s any mileage in pursuing her or not. But here’s a tip: if you’re not getting any clear signs from her, chances are it’s because she’s not that into you, so prepare yourself.

Every time I meet someone and we wind up liking each other, it always turns out she just wants me as a friend. Even though they all tell me they would date me. Is there any way I can stop winding up the “best friend?”

—Nick, US

There are so many benefits to having a girlfriend, including all the public displays of affection, hugging, kissing, and the wonderful feeling of having someone you’re exclusive with. To get that, you need to look at what you’ve done so far, and compare it to what you should be doing if you want to get that extra step further. Knowing what to do differently can be tricky with women, mostly because our concern for our own safety over the past two millennia has prevented us from having the liberty to come out and say exactly what we want.

Ensuring success in dating is not that different from ensuring success in any other area. You have to define what you want, make a clear plan for getting it, and execute your plan. Remember that what you want is a dating relationship with one girl who meets your criteria – not friendships with a lot of different girls. So find a girl that you’re interested in dating, and ask her on an actual DATE. Girls are keenly aware of the the difference between a date and just hanging out, so if you use that specific word, she won’t be in any doubt as to your intentions. After a few dates, she should have given you a real kiss, or at the very least some very clear signs as to whether or not she’s into being more than friends. 

Unique Date Ideas

By loveandsex

Going out on dates with your partner is important to keeping your relationship interesting and fresh. However, you can only do dinner and a movie—or watching television at home—so many times before you start asking yourself if there’s something (or someone!) better out there for you. Nevertheless, with an open mind and a little advance planning, there are plenty of unique ways to spend quality-time with your significant other.

Go People-Watching

Grab a mug of coffee or a bag of trail-mix and head to a busy public place, like a park or sidewalk bench. Set up somewhere comfortable and just watch passersby for a while. You’ll get a chance to notice things about the world around you which often go unnoticed. Plus, you will have your partner there to talk about the situations you observe or people who catch your eye. You can dream aloud about how you want to be like the old couple, still holding hands after being married for fifty years. You can exchange knowing glances about the downright absurd fashion statements the teenagers are sporting. You can even share a comfortable silence together.

Take A Class Together

Whether it’s painting pottery, learning a new language, or gun-range shooting, find something that you both want to learn more about and sign up. Having someone with you while you learn new things can make the situation less intimidating and sometimes even more fun. A date idea, such as taking a class together, gives you a look into how your partner’s wheels turn when they’re faced with a challenge. Also, you can learn a lot about a person when he or she is out of their comfort zone.

Spend The Night At Home

Spend the night at home, or a night in a hotel if that’s more up your alley. Turn off the phone, the television, the computers…and climb into bed. Arm yourself with a sexy nightie, toys, videos, plenty of water, and some snacks to feed to one another. Take turns giving and receiving massages, have a tickle fight, act out a scene from one of your videos, or tell naughty bedtime stories. Sex is the best part of a date anyway! Why not cut out the middlemen otherwise known as Chili’s and the latest “rom-com”?

Go Old-School

Head to a rink and pull on some roller-skates. Find a diner and split a chocolate shake. Drive up to “the Point,” the beach—wherever the local make-out spot is—and make out. (Leave your clothes on, though. An indecent exposure ticket kind of kills the mood.)

Take A Drive Or Bus Ride

No destination, no expectations. Set out in one direction and see where you end up. You can play slug-bug, try to spot out-of-state license plates, or find a new restaurant. When you start an adventure without knowing how it will end, you never know what you’ll discover.

It could be anything, really. Look at the date as time to have fun and get to know your partner, even if you think you know them well enough already. Some of the greatest memories in a couple’s shared life are made at the most unexpected times.

Phone Sex – Tips For Talking Dirty

By loveandsex

Talking dirty is an art form, one that can seem quite intimidating to master. Contrary to popular belief though, learning to talk dirty isn’t at all difficult. You just have to learn to let yourself go! Here are some excellent tips on how to talk dirty with your partner whether you’re having phone sex or whether you’re in the bedroom!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npGt9tSU4f8[/youtube]

Set The Right Environment

Getting comfortable and setting the right environment will help you feel sexy and relaxed, therefore you’re going to sound sexy on the phone. Find a spot in your home that is quiet and where you won’t be disturbed, such as your bedroom or a guest room or sitting room. Wait until the kids go to bed, or you’re done watching your favorite television show so you can be totally present in the conversation. Don’t try to have phone sex in the kitchen, the garage or the bathroom (of course, unless you’re taking a hot, steamy bath) because when your partner asks you where you are or what you’re doing, saying, “in the kitchen” is definitely not a turn on. Wear some comfortable clothes, or try wearing some sexy clothes and describing to him what you’re wearing. Light some candles or burn incense, and make sure the television is turned off. You want to be relaxed and able to focus on what you’re saying.

Don’t Be Afraid To Take The Lead

Men love it when women take the lead in sex, and phone sex and talking dirty is no different. While some men do enjoy hearing themselves talk dirty, he’s going to like it even more when you’re the one doing it too. He wants to hear what you like, what you fantasize about and what turns you on – in intimate detail. He will like talking about what turns him on too, but he’ll get bored quickly if he’s the only one doing the talking. Take turns describing what you’re wearing to each other and what you’d like to be doing to each other if you were together. Don’t be afraid to get totally absorbed in the conversation and let your true sexy self come out.

If You’re Feeling Shy

Many people, both men and women, are very shy when it comes to talking dirty, whether it’s on the phone or in person. If you’re feeling nervous about it, there are many ways you can try to overcome your shyness. First of all, make sure you’re using grown up words. You may not want to use some of the “hardcore” words that many people associate with talking dirty, but using anatomically correct words such as “penis” is much better than using other words such as “wee wee” or other pet names. If you find that you can’t come up with anything on your own, ask him to describe what he wants you to do to him. Take notes if you need to, and then simply repeat back to him what he said in first person. If your partner is the one that is shy, let him hear what you’d like to do and have him repeat it back to you! This is a super easy and fun way to break the ice and start talking dirty!