dating – Page 40

Did You Know That 81% of People Lie in Their Online Dating Profiles?

For people who are either considering online dating or are already involved in online dating, lying is a big concern.

There are plenty of stories, each more frightening than the last, about first dates gone terribly wrong when the other person showed up and it was obvious that they had lied on their online profile about something really fundamental like their weight, height, or even age.

It’s an incredibly awkward situation to be in, and it rarely ends well.

Now, a research study has been done to find out just how many people are lying in their online dating profiles, and how big the lies are. Jeffery Hancock of Cornell University and his fellow researchers took 80 willing participants, 40 men and 40 women, from the New York area and compared their online dating profiles to their real life selves.

Specifically, they compared the 80 participants on height, weight, and age.

The Lying Masses

What Hancock found was that 81% of the 80 participants lied about at least one of the three things in their profile. Perhaps not surprising, women lied the most about weight by under stating it in their profiles, and men lied most about their height by over stating it in their profiles.

Yet despite such a high number of liars among us, the average lie was actually quite small:

Age – The average lie about age was only .44 years higher or lower than the real number, hardly a lie to be worried about
Height – The average lie about height was only .33 inches higher or lower than the real number. Again, not a big enough lie to really worry about it
Weight – The average lie about weight was 5.86 pounds higher or lower than the real number, which is not small, but not terribly large either

So while 81% of online daters may lie in their profiles, the lies are usually quite small. So small, in fact, that you would probably never even realize you had been lied to in the first place if you met the person in real life.

Most people realize that lying in their online profiles wont pan out in the long run, and any lie they do include is subtle enough that you’re probably not going to notice unless you bring a scale and a tape measure on your date.

A Few Bad Apples

The study found that there were a few people who ignored the obvious consequences and lied in a big way in their online profiles. He mentions that these people are probably where most horror stories about lying in online dating profiles originate. The biggest lie for:

Age was 3 years older and an astonishing 9 years younger than was listed on the online profile
Height was 3 inches taller and 1.75 inches shorter than was listed on the online profile
Weight was an amazing 35 pounds heavier and 20.4 pounds lighter than was listed on the online profile

The Biggies are Obvious

The lies about weight are particularly astounding. It would be immediately obvious to almost anyone that their date had lied about their weight if they showed up 35 pounds heavier than they claimed to be.

The Bottom Line

Yes, most people lie in their online dating profiles, but the lies are small, so small that you’ll never be able to pick out the liars from the from the ones who told the truth so it’s probably best not to worry about it. The few who do tell big lies will be immediately obvious if you ever meet them in person, and if nothing else, the experience will make for a good story to scare your friends with.

Online Dating: 6 Reasons She Doesn’t Email You Back

By dylanalexander

So you find a fantastic girl online, fire off an email to her, and sit back and wait… and wait… and wait. Despite checking your inbox every 15 minutes for 2 days straight, there is no sign of a reply at all.

This is not an uncommon scenario for men, who never stop to think about the woman’s side of the equation… why doesn’t she email back?

The good news is that there are 6 common reasons that she doesn’t reply. Some are simple fixes, others are a little more difficult to overcome. Here they are:

Problem 1 – You didn’t get her attention

Good looking women get A LOT of emails every day… super hot women on busy sites can easily get over a hundred a day! That’s some serious competition! If you don’t get her attention fast, you’ll be forgotten instantly as she moves on to the next guy without even giving a thought to replying to you.

So how do you get her attention? That’s a little more complex. For starters: be interesting, insightful, interested in her, and funny as hell!

This doesn’t apply just to “hot” women… even “average” women require you to get their attention in order to get a reply. They’ve all been pursued by a lot of “average” guys on the internet, and you need to stand out in order to have a chance.

Problem 2 – She thinks you are shallow

Women get a lot of guys looking for one night stands. This is pretty common and they put up a lot of defenses to help them automatically disqualify any guy who appears to be interested in them for the wrong reasons.

Very attractive women know that most guys are just contacting them because they are hot. As much as it’s an ego boost for them, simply knowing you think they are hot doesn’t actually give them any real reason to write you back.

So, in order not to throw up her red flags:

Don’t ask her for sexy photos.
Don’t kiss her butt and tell her how hot she is over and over.
Don’t ask her how much she weighs or what her body type is.
Don’t immediately ask for full body photos.

Yes, you will want full body photos before you go on a date (and she will expect the same from you), just don’t be over the top about it.

Problem 3 – Your photos suck

It doesn’t matter how great your email is, if your picture makes you look terrible, you aren’t getting a response! Period!

Before you start worrying about your gut or thinning hair, let me give you some good news… it’s usually not you, it’s your photo. No matter what you look like, a great photo will attract women to at least take a closer look, and even open your profile. And no matter how good looking you may be, a bad photo won’t even get her attention.

If you don’t have a photo that makes you look great and stands out from all the poor quality photos out there, it’s time to get one. Find a friend with a good camera and go snap some headshots outside, in a nice location, with soft natural light. Or better yet, get an amateur photographer off craigslist.org to do them for free for the practice. It will make a huge difference!

And of course… if you don’t attach either your photos (or a link to your photos) in your email, it might not even get read.

Problem 4 – You were crass, rude, or sexual

Many guys think they should be forward and sexual with women… like they are some sort of sexual James Bond who can’t lose. While there is a time and a place for it, many men go too far too quickly. A lot of things can turn a woman off, but few like being crass, rude, or overly sexual in an opening email.

She’s a woman, not one of your buddies, so don’t try to get her attention through shock value. Yes, it works from time to time, but for the most part, she’ll just delete you as being a pervert, and move on.

Don’t use any four letter words… you know the ones I mean.
Don’t ask her what her favorite sexual position is.
Don’t ask her about her erotic fantasies.
Don’t ask if she has any nude photos.

She gets enough of those emails every day from creeps and perverts… don’t be one.

Problem 5 – You tripped her red flags

You can’t always know what is going to trigger a negative reaction in another person, but there are some common things that will turn most people off. Common red flags are baggage, exes, addictions, failures, anger, and obvious insecurities. These should never even be hinted at in an opening email.

Or any email.

Or your profile.

Ever.

So:

Don’t email her more than once before she replies.
Don’t bring up anything in your past (like exes).
Don’t talk about the bad dates you have had so far.
Don’t talk about why you think online dating sucks or how hard it is.

Besides, she’ll have lots of time to figure out what she doesn’t like about you on the first date!

Problem 6 – She’s just not that into you

This isn’t so much a problem as a simple fact of life. No matter what you do, some women just aren’t going to be that into you.

Maybe she only dates short dorky poor guys, maybe you remind her of her brother, maybe she’s allergic to super hot guys with sexy hair… you’ll probably never know.

This is one of those things that you can’t let get into your head. If you’ve presented yourself in your best light, have a great photo, display your personality and value as a man… and she still doesn’t email you back? It’s just not meant to be, so don’t over think it, just move on to the next girl.

Happy dating!

In Love and Dating… Does Our Age Difference Really Matter?

By loveandsex

In the day in age where celebrity couples and other couples are dating even though they’re five or even ten years apart in age, it can lead many people to believe that age doesn’t matter when dating or getting married.

In truth, it does matter but it matters less and less as you get older. Should you let age be a factor during dating?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Does age difference really affect relationships? My partner and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years. My parents are determined it won’t work because of our ages. We’re 4 years apart but I’m under 18 and he is 19. We have been through so much and we both still believe we can make this work and we’re planning to get married as soon as possible. So is this a waste of time for us or is it possible?

–Corie, Virginia

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYkS-oUF5lU[/youtube]

How Young Is Too Young?

First, let’s take a look at how young “too young” might be. For example, if you have a 15 year old person and an 18 or even 19 year old person, you’re asking for trouble. Although the four year age difference isn’t much when you look at a couple that is 50 and 54 years old, a four year age gap when you’re that young really seems like a bigger age gap than it really is.

Sexually speaking, if these partners are sexually active, you bring in a whole new element to the equation. Statutory rape charges can be filed at that point and one or both partners can end up in more trouble than they’d like to be in. Even a two year age gap at that stage can make a big difference, for example, if one partner is 17 and the other is 19.

Once both partners become “of age” or turn 18, age differences begin to matter less and less as you age. While an age difference between an 18 year old and a 26 year old might seem like a big deal, the age difference between a 41 year old and a 49 year old doesn’t seem bad at all.

When you’re young, be aware of statutory rape laws and other laws and make sure your relationships abide by them. Keep in mind that even once you turn 18, a huge age gap still makes a difference until you get a little older.

Slowing Down

Regardless of your age difference, if you’re young you might want to rethink rushing into a relationship and especially rushing into a marriage. Right now is the time to really figure out who you are and focus on yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t date or have a relationship, but trying to take a plunge into a serious relationship or even a marriage might be more than you want to take on right now.

Sadly, you won’t really realize it until it’s too late, when your responsibilities are overwhelming you. Take some time right now to really enjoy your life and figure out what you want to do with it. Focus on school or your career and let your dating relationships be a source of enjoyment to you, not a source of responsibility.

Let’s take one last look at why age differences seem to matter more when you’re young and why they matter less when you’re older. In past centuries, women were married off when they were very young, as young as thirteen, to much, much older men.

As society grew and developed, this became less of an accepted practice. Laws were created so that 18 was the accepted age where someone becomes an adult, and that sex is illegal unless it is between two consenting adults. If your relationship goes outside those boundaries, you might want to rethink it.

Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships Without Even Knowing It?

By loveandsex

Have you ever noticed yourself falling into an ever familiar pattern of self sabotage shortly after entering into a new relationship?

Self sabotage can take many forms such as engaging in addictive behaviors (i.e. drugs, alcohol, pornography, work , etc), engaging in affairs, withdrawing emotionally, becoming irresponsible with financial matters or personal hygiene, regressing into child like behaviors where you are unconsciously asking your partner to take care of you or rescue you, etc.

Self Sabotaging Behaviors

Of course, such behaviors can only be tolerated for so long even by the most caring and loving of partners before things become unstuck and everything falls apart.

The self sabotaging partner will then feel initial pangs of grief and sadness but there may also be deeper feelings of relief as well. Why is this?

Well, largely because the self sabotaging behaviors are sourced from deep emotional hurts that the individual carries within them either from earlier relationships, and more often from early childhood familial traumas.

These emotional hurts often make the individual feel unworthy, lacking self esteem and self confidence, defective or deficient in some way (i.e. the “there’s something wrong with me” feeling), afraid of being found out by others (especially their partner), incapable of sustaining a healthy relationship for any length of time and generally fragile and anxious.

It’s Really Just a Facade

So although this person desires to be in a relationship, being fully known to their partner entails the great risk of being rejected hence they supposedly feel more in control when they themselves initiate the demise of the relationship through self sabotage.

Behaviors that supposedly compensate for such inner feelings of hurt and allow the individual to “appear together” when they first meet a new partner. However such a facade is in place to unconsciously seduce the partner into a relationship so that they can begin to fulfill a hidden unconsciously held agenda.

The facade is needed because deep down the self sabotaging partner does not believe that they are genuinely lovable.

The hidden agenda is about allowing the “handicapped” partner get the care, soothing and love they need to feel whole and OK about themselves. Unfortunately this not what was bargained for by the relatively more healthy partner and so when it becomes apparent that they have been deceived the relationship begins to falter.

So How Can This Be Remedied?

Well, in my view the only way to effect any real and rapid change in this situation is to help the self sabotaging partner release their emotional pain once and for all from within.

As a former psychiatrist it was my experience that psychotherapy cannot do this. It was this awareness that led me to develop an entirely new and revolutionary approach that goes beyond what most therapists call “therapy”.

This new approach, called the Mind Resonance Process® (MRP), is a process that helps to effectively clear the “hard drive” of your unconscious of any old traumatic memory that is holding you back in your life. The process is such that when the memories are released old negative self sabotaging behaviors associated with them also spontaneously dissolve without any extra effort on your part.

This releases one and helps to build self worth, self confidence, self esteem, a feeling of OK’ness about one’s self, boosts energy, healthy and leads to healthy relationships.

How Do I Know if My Partner Has an Alcohol Problem?

By johnloumcmahon

One of the most common questions I am asked is “Does my partner have an alcohol problem?”. This is not only a very common question it is also a very common problem. It is estimated that, in the Western world, at least 1 in 10 drink in a way that could be harmful.

Furthermore between 3 and 5% drink in a way that could be extremely harmful and about 1% would be classified as alcoholic. So do these statistics help, probably not. We will return to the question, and more importantly why people ask it, shortly but first of all let’s look at this question in a slightly different way.

Yes, Houston, There Is A Problem!

About two weeks ago I was fortunate enough to take possession of a brand-new holiday lodge in the beautiful Devon countryside. This was a lifestyle choice to get out of the city more often, spend quality time as a family, to walk and get fit and to provide a wonderful environment to work and write. The lodge is great. It has everything you would ever need, washing machine, dishwasher and even wireless broadband.

So as you see it is not exactly back to nature or at least not in a primitive way anyway. However last week we were the victims of the UK summer, which seems to be getting progressively wetter. It has been raining a lot recently but one day last week we had rain that was absolutely torrential, it just poured down.

I love storms especially when I am cozy and dry and looking out at them, makes me feel as if I’m in a little cocoon. An hour or so into this storm we became aware of a pool of water under the central heating boiler, so was the boiler leaking? Further investigation showed us that the rain was coming in the flue in the roof, landing on the boiler and running off it onto the floor.

Next-day the repair man arrived. After an inspection he told us that that the leak was caused by the wrong type of rain (not sure what the right type is). When we looked at him completely incredulous he started into a technical explanation about the angle of the tiles and wind direction, almost certainly designed to baffle and make sure ignorant laypeople like us to stop us from asking any more awkward questions.

Finally I said to him I’m not really that interested in long explanations about what is wrong, I already know what is wrong, there’s a leak, what I need to know is can you fix it? All I want is that we do not have any more water coming through the roof.

And The Point Is?

All very nice I hear you say, but what has that got to do with whether or not my partner has an alcohol problem. Well the same principles apply. If you are asking whether your partner has an alcohol problem, then there is probably a problem and it probably concerns alcohol. Your partner’s drinking is causing a problem between you, or at least there is a problem for you. We did not need anyone to tell us that a pool of water on the floor was a problem.

Do you really need someone to tell you that your relationship is suffering because of your partner’s drinking, that you are anxious any time your partner is late home, or when you go to a party. If these types of things are happening then YOU have a problem, that is, your partner’s drinking is causing you difficulty and that is a problem for your relationship.

Would knowing your partner had a the medical diagnosis, alcoholic, dependent, binge drinker, alcohol abuser, make you feel better or help solve your problem? Just like the statistics quoted at the beginning of this article, this is information that is probably not very helpful, so why would you want it? Why do so many people ask this question?

But He Doesn’t Drink Every Day!

The main reason is almost certainly because your partner and you disagree about whether they have a drinking problem. They probably point to the fact that, they don’t drink every day, they don’t get drunk every time they drink and therefore they are not an alcoholic. This may or may not be true but it is a different question altogether.

Even in England it does not rain every day, but when it did the rain came through my roof; problem! If he or she is not drinking or getting drunk every day that is great, but when they do, problem! That is the main criteria – is the drinking causing a problem in your marriage?

Most people with an alcohol problem do not face up to it immediately, but then neither do most people with a weight problem, exercise problem or any other kind of problem. You have probably discussed the issue, maybe angrily, maybe tearfully, in the past.

You are probably feeling fearful, angry, frustrated and insecure. You probably feel that if you just had that little piece of information that would prove s/he has a problem. You want a lever (diagnosis) to make you feel supported and to convince your partner that you are right and that change is required. Well you have the information. You don’t need a doctor to tell you that there is a problem. However what you do about it we will address in another article.