dating – Page 50

How to Recover From an Emotional Hangover and Create a Healthy Relationship

Whether you’ve been in a bad relationship, have been cheated on or even been abused, it is possible for you to carry the emotional baggage with you even once the situation itself has passed.

Women especially are vulnerable to emotional hangovers and can let bad experiences affect them continually, even in new relationships.

Unfortunately, until you get a grip on your emotions, you’re slowly going to poison any relationship that you have.

You need to break the patterns in order to move on.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hello, I read your article on the free library and it connected with me. I am very insecure to the extent I am destroying my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been dating now for almost 3 yrs. He has been sincere but I somehow still manage to not having any faith in him. My ex’s cheated on me and my boyfriend says I am carrying it over into our relationship.

I hate the fact that I am becoming such a monster, that I can’t control my thoughts and that I am loosing the man I want as a husband. We want to start 2008 fresh.

How does one ‘let go and let things be?’ How can I solve my problems? How can I clear my head and heart out and move forward? Where do I start and what should I do? Please help.

– Ulrika, South Africa

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XkGF2yZygM[/youtube]

Recognition

Recognizing that this is happening is the first step to emotional recovery. It takes a lot of courage to face something head on, especially if it’s an emotional issue you’ve been trying to keep buried.

Recognizing that past relationships are affecting your current one is a milestone, and if you’ve even come that far, you should take a breath and congratulate yourself.

Know Your Triggers

Is there something that triggers you to revert back to your old relationships, at least in your unconscious mind? You may not know them right away, so it’s important to work towards discovering them.

You can write down what happens when you start to push your partner away, or if you become withdrawn or even angry. This is much easier to do once you’ve really recognized what your behavior is.

The ”why” will come later! After some time of writing down or keeping track of what happens when your behavior comes into play, you will begin to notice a pattern.

Knowing Your Patterns

With consistency, you’ll begin to learn more about yourself and your behavior patterns. You’ll know what triggers you, and the sequence of events that happen afterward. Do you get angry? Do you become withdrawn? Do you suspect your current partner to be cheating on you, just because your old partners did?

After some time of really being open and honest with yourself about your behavior patterns, you will be able to understand more of what is going on and then you can begin to delve into the deeper aspects of why this may be happening.

Seek Counseling

Counseling is a wonderful option for people who are carrying around emotional baggage. An unbiased therapist can help you to work through your emotional issues and let them go. Be it a traditional counselor, a new age healer or a hypnotherapist, they can use their knowledge and expertise about the human psyche to help you gain back control over your life and your relationships.

Remember, your therapist is not there to solve your problems for you. They are going to give you the tools you need to work through the problems on your own, and the right therapist will be with you every step of the way.

During this process, you should be open and honest with your partner. Now is not the time to hide things from them, because you’ll need their support more than ever. Any partner worth their salt will be understanding and willing to help you, because you’re willing to help yourself.

If you find that you need to be alone to truly come to grips with yourself and get rid of your emotional hangover, be honest about that too. Chances are you’ll be respected and given your space. Give yourself time and lots of love, and you can start on the path to healing and emotional recovery!

How To Get More Hits To Your Online Dating Profile

By nml

I’m going to premise this by saying that I can give you some tips for helping you get more ‘hits’ on your profile but I make no promises that if you write the most amazing profile on earth, you’ll find your soul mate.

A lot can happen after some winks and a flurry of emails! But until then, here are some quick tips for a more attractive online dating profile.

Use a photo!

Everyone should use a photo and it should be one that is representative of you, shows you in as flattering a light as possible, should ideally have just you in it. and should be in focus. Obviously it goes without saying; it should be YOU!

Start on a positive note

I would steer clear of saying anything that makes it sound like dating online is beneath you or that has been forced upon you. It sends the wrong message. Avoid saying anything that makes you sound like a prospect to avoid because you need to captivate them in the first couple of lines. That’s right, captivate, not scare or turn off. Be confident.

Easy on the length

They say that size matters but in this case, it’s about striking a balance between so short it seems like you don’t care, and so long, it seems like you want the person to be overwhelmed with boredom. People don’t read web pages in the same way that they read books or magazines, and are quite likely to skim, so writing the longest profile in history will hinder chances.

Leave a little mystery

Yes the profile is for telling a prospective date about yourself but if you roll out everything in the profile and tell them ever itty, bitty, little piece of info about yourself, what’s left to ask? Write enough to create curiosity and have the prospective date wanting to find out more.

Be careful of stating the obvious and suffering from ‘Those who doth protest too much’ syndrome

It’s better to be funny with your profile rather than state “I’m really funny” because…well that’s not very funny! Convey and prove your personality with whatever you write because quite frankly, I glaze over when I read “great sense of humor” and “great guy”.

And purlease steer clear of trying to ram ‘qualities’ down people’s throats. I’m really nice; I’m really honest; I’m really caring – People who are nice, honest, or caring don’t make a point of stating it, they just are these things.

But…convey your personality and qualities

There’s no point trying to make out like you have one of the greatest sense of humors if you don’t convey this. It doesn’t mean that you turn your profile into a stand-up, but if you want to come across light and humorous, you don’t write a serious, potentially cold profile that is more likely to trigger depression…

Be descriptive

“I spent a year traveling through the luscious jungles of South America, living in a tent, and living off the crops” creates an instant picture as opposed to “I love traveling”.

Be positive

If you sell yourself short and are down on yourself, why do you expect people to be attracted to you? It’s best not to go around stating negatives about yourself, particularly since we can sometimes be critical of the wrong things. You are selling yourself here – not literally obviously!

Don’t do the ‘Poor Pathetic Me Whine”

Sorry guys but this is mainly a male error in online dating profiles. If a woman wrote a profile and said “I’m recently divorced, I’m feeling quite lonely and I wonder if I’ll ever find true love again”, guys would label her ‘needy’ and ‘too emotional’.

When a guy says this stuff, he knows that women out there lap it up and think “Ooh, I can change him! Let me be the one to make him feel whole again”. But women are getting wise to this and it’s not exactly a glowing reflection of your wonderful traits to whine about your problems!

Don’t lie

If you’re married…well you shouldn’t even be writing a profile unless you’re both looking for kinky couples….But that aside, lies are why I am very cautious about dating online. Stick to truths and remember that if you lie, at some point you are going to be caught out.

Don’t boast

Trust me, if you spend your profile boasting about what you own or who you know, or what you do, you’ll sound like a seven year old bragging to the neighborhood kids. You’ll have an audience temporarily and then they’ll go off and laugh at you. Either that or you draw in someone who will take advantage of whatever you have boasted about.

My Boyfriend is a Total Liar! Should I Dump Him Or Give Him Another Chance?

By loveandsex

What should you do if your partner lies to you?

It can be a tough situation to deal with, especially if both partners love and care about each other despite the lies.

There are a few things to ask both yourself and your partner before making a decision whether or not to stay with them.

One thing is for certain – a good relationship is open and honest.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We have been living together for 3 years and together for 3.6 years. We are engaged.

He would do ANYTHING for me, but at the same time LIES. He lies about MONEY and work. He is not a good provider. I can’t even work because he can’t afford his own car and uses mine and He would rather be the one working.

What do you do when you both love each other but your partner can’t tell you the truth about money things? How can I get him to UNDERSTAND that he needs to be honest about money and work? Please help, I need to make a decision FAST before I marry into a problem that cannot be fixed.

– Melissa, NY

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYTOEOm4fUc[/youtube]

Why is he lying?

Is he lying about money? Is he lying about work? Is he lying about extramarital affairs? While it’s important to pinpoint what your partner is lying about, it’s also important to understand why your partner is lying.

Could it be something that stems from childhood?

Many pathological liars have psychological issues that stem from childhood. Whatever issues your partner has that may be causing him to lie to you need to be worked out by him and him alone. This is something he can see a psychiatrist or a therapist for. They will help your partner work through his problems so he can learn to be honest and open with you about everything that has to do with your relationship.

Are you creating an environment that forces him to lie about things?

While partners shouldn’t lie to each other, it is not uncommon for a partner to feel forced to lie because he or she does not feel safe telling their partner the truth. What happens when your partner tells you something you don’t want to hear? Do you jump down his throat? Do you yell, start an argument or berate them?

If this is the case, you must understand that your partner most likely lies to avoid what happens when you don’t get the answer you want. He’s just telling you what you want to hear so you’ll leave him alone. It sounds harsh, but it happens. If you suspect that this might be your situation, relax a little and make your partner feel safe telling you the truth. It will take time, but you and your partner can learn to trust each other again and build the foundation for a great relationship.

Can he change?

You must ask yourself if you’re ready to commit yourself to someone that lies to you. Your partner can’t change because you force him to – he can only change if he wants to. Talk to him. Does he want to change? Can he? If he’s working with a therapist, he most likely can but it will take time.

If your partner doesn’t change, you have to be prepared to be with a liar for the rest of your life. Is this something that you can handle? Is it something you want to handle?

In most cases, the answer to those questions is “no.” So you must do what you have to do if your partner continues to lie to you and move on. Let him know that his lies are driving you apart. He needs to understand that his actions are the cause of the breakup. If your partner wants to change and you believe he can, give him a shot and see where it goes. If you truly love each other and work hard to overcome this obstacle, it can be done.

Men, Does More Muscle Really Equal More Sex?

By bradhoward

On average women find muscular men more sexually attractive.

This may seem a little obvious, but it IS scientifically proven by research. Not only that, but time and time again, social psychology research shows us that women will choose more muscular men for short term sexual partners, and have sex with them faster without a long dating period, than their non muscular counterparts.

Women will also have sex with these “types” of men without developing an emotional attraction to them first as well.

Research shows women prefer muscular men

In fact, a study published in 2007, by Frederick et al. photographed men and had random women judge the look of the muscularity and fatness of their bodies. What the researchers discovered was not only that the men who were judged to be more muscular with less body fat were deemed more attractive, but also that these same “musculed” men had more sexual partners on average than their non “musculed” rivals.

This may seem unbelievably obvious to you, but for some reason there is a notion that your “look” and the condition of your body don’t play a role in attracting women.

Despite this idea, this research is proof that the way your body looks absolutely makes a difference in the amount of sex you will have, and the amount of different, high quality women that you can have sex with.

In other words, the study shows that guys with the right ‘type’ of muscularity can have sex with more women, more often, and have more short term partners than less physically attractive men of the same age and social status (more muscle = more flings).

Point blank, if she’s looking for a hair raising blast in a sports car, and you look like a practical safe station wagon, then it doesn’t matter what you say or do, the chips may be stacked against you more than you know.

What else will you attract?

As an aside, the research by Frederick et al also shows that guys with the right muscular build ALSO have sex with more women that are currently in relationships with other men.

That’s right, according to the research, if you’ve got the right look, even married, engaged, or otherwise ‘attached’ women still want a piece of you, and many are perfectly fine with ‘cheating’ on their significant other to have a taste of what you’ve got to offer.

This effect is all dependent on having the right “ type” of muscular body. As the Frederick research also illustrated, a bodybuilder style build was not as attractive as a male body with properly proportioned muscles.

Luckily, getting the proper proportions is simply a matter of applying the number one physical attraction metric for men–The Adonis Index. With a top flight male transformation program like the Adonis Effect (which is designed to build your body into its most ideal attractive shape) while introducing a wee bit of dedication on your part in order to see astounding results.

So what are you waiting for? Lets get to the gym, and start building the body our women really want!

Getting the proper proportions is simply a matter of applying the number one physical attraction metric for men… The Adonis Index. To find out how to use the Adonis Index to generate subconscious physical attraction, visit the Adonis Effect website.

Why Having Sex Right Away Doesn’t Mean He’ll Call…

By victoryarogers

Okay ladies, I know most of you THINK seducing your date is the quickest way to get him to call you back but in reality it’s the worst thing you can do—especially early on!

There are many “dating experts” that will tell you differently including fellow colleague David Wygant, who by the way gives great advice about other aspects of dating.

I just totally disagree with him on this point! Come on Dave! You’re a guy and you are in no way guaranteeing that taking it off gets a call back. It just gives the guy a great time in the moment! The problem is, the minute you leave, ladies, you are out of sight out of mind.

Why taking it all off doesn’t work

I’m not saying be a prude and cover up from the top of your neck to your ankles. I’m saying, ladies, dress to look nice and desirable as a human being not a piece of meat on display. Men don’t fall in love because of their libido.

They fall in love when they allow themselves to give up their heart. Commitment for a man is always a conscious choice. Until a man decides to commit, he will continue to play the field, often with more than one woman at a time.

Sure, most guys will gladly sleep with you, and they’ll be quite pleased with you for satisfying them. Here’s where you will get confused. Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he loves you. In fact, it doesn’t even mean he LIKES you.

It just means you were willing, he was “in the mood” (which is every guy all the time) and so you did it. It in no way means anything else, in HIS mind as far as “commitment.” Rather it will be a pleasant instant gratification moment.

Another negative about jumping in the sack with your date is that the minute sex is involved, the communication level of a developing relationship seems to just freeze. However well you’ve gotten to know each other at that point seems to be as far as the relationship “depth” goes. This is a very bad consequence if you were trying to move him along the path of committing to you.

Thinking sex right away is a good idea? It’s not just you.

I can give you story after story, example after example to prove my case. I’ve seen the evidence all over America and I’ve seen it all through the entertainment industry (where I spent 16 years and all my single years).

I so feel bad for all these female celebrities because they are making the same mistakes many of you are and jumping in the sack, even getting pregnant, to try and catch their man. For them, the results are worse because they’ve just given the guy bragging rights for nabbing a celeb who they didn’t have to commit to first. Kudos to the guy, sympathies for the celebrity who will soon be dumped—that is if she was ever even considered a girlfriend.

Okay, okay, enough ranting, let me close in just telling you there are many other ways to capture that man’s heart than taking it off and using your body, no matter HOW amazing your body is.

Victorya Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date. To learn more about Victorya Rogers, visit ManToKeep.com.