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How A Woman’s Orgasm Works

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An orgasm isn’t something that men can easily give until they understand the basics of how a it comes about. You’ve probably heard this disconcerting fact before: 75% of women do not reach orgasm during intercourse. This doesn’t mean that 75% of women don’t climax at all, it means only 25% of them can climax while you’re pumping away and screaming baseball statistics into their ears.

This is a rectifiable situation, and it starts with you, buddy. Understanding the four stages of the orgasm, as laid out by sexperts Masters & Johnson, can help you put your significant other into that desired 25%, and make her like you better!

The Stages Of Orgasm

  • Excitement
  • Plateau
  • Orgasm
  • Refractory
  • Resolution

The Excitement Phase

So what happens when you are excited? Blood rushes to your penis, and it gets hard. It is similar for women. Blood rushes to her genitals causing her clitoris to swell and her vagina to increase in diameter and length. Her cervix and uterus are pulled up, and her body produces lubrication, i.e. she gets wet. While this doesn’t happen as quickly as it does to you, 5 minutes into Meet Joe Black she ought to be ready to go.

The Plateau Phase

The term plateau gives the impression that there is not a lot happening. On the contrary, there is a lot going on. Your heart rate and your breathing speed up. Blood is congested in your genitals, waiting to blow. This is the same for her. Listen to her breathing and feel her heart rate. If you don’t notice a change, go back to step one.

The Orgasm Phase

Now here is where men and women differ. Men have a Point of No Return (PNR). This is when there is no stopping a man. He is going to orgasm even if his mother walks into the room. Women do not have this. A woman can be a split second away from orgasm, and it may be interrupted. She must be stimulated all the way through her climax!

The Refractory Period

After this, there is the Refractory Period. That is the part where you’ve climaxed, you may still be hard, but you are definitely not climaxing again. Once again, women do not have a Refractory Period! They go back to the Plateau stage. This confuses men. To them, the orgasm is the end game. Once it’s achieved, the act is over. For women, they’re just getting started. Each proceeding orgasm is more intense than the previous. Given proper stimulation, a woman can reach an “orgasm cloud” where her multiple orgasms are so strong and so continuous, that they seemingly blend into one constant orgasm.

The Resolution Phase

After the Refractory Stage comes the Resolution. This is the part where you’re blissfully snoring before the condom even comes off. Since women don’t go through the Refractory Stage, Resolution begins once stimulation has ended. If you have satisfied her sexually, you have flooded her brain with endorphins, the happiness hormone. That means she will be happier with you, less likely to be angered by your dirty socks on the floor. Well, at least for a few hours anyway.

Q&A: Sex Positions And How She Can Last Longer When She’s On Top

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Sex positions can help you go faster in bed or last longer, depending on which ones you use. Different sex positions help accomplish different things, such as reaching the g-spot better or providing more clitoral stimulation.  Many women like to be on top to speed orgasm up, but there are a lot of women that can actually climax too quickly this way! Here’s how to last longer when riding your man.

Question: My boyfriend really likes it when I’m on top, but I’d like to know how I can last longer in this position. After 2 minutes I get tired! If I let myself go and enjoy, I get paralysed by the pleasure, if I try to focus I lose it. Please help me!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdJcRDL06CE&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Why Girl On Top Is So Great

This sex position is great for many women, because it allows them control over basically every aspect of sex with their partners. When a woman is on top, she can control the pace, as well as the angle and depth of penetration. Having her man underneath her and being in control of everything will often help a woman reach orgasm faster than during other sex positions like missionary or doggy style.

Unfortunately, it’s easy for a woman to get tired when she’s riding her man, because she’s basically the one doing all the work. Her legs or arms may cramp up, or she may get a cramp in her hip depending on what angle she’s at. If she’s trying to go faster after her orgasm so that her man can catch up, she may get tired quickly and be uninterested in continuing, especially if she’s already “gotten hers.”

Go Slower

If you tend to get tired easily when using woman-on-top sex positions, try going slower. Ladies, you don’t have to reach climax within minutes of getting on your guy, just because you can. Stretch it out and make it last – not only will going slower feel better and allow your pleasure to really build, it will also help your guy catch up to you more easily when you can’t hold it in anymore. You’ll last longer because you’re not getting tired as quickly, and also because you’re concentrating less on reaching orgasm and more on prolonging intercourse.

Also, try supporting yourself some with your arms, or use pillows so that your partner can take over some of the thrusting when you get tired. He can do this easily by lifting his legs up a little, bending his knees and putting his feet on the bed (or the floor, couch or wherever you’re at), allowing him to use his feet and legs as leverage to thrust. Not only will this give you a break from doing all the work, it will feel really amazing for him!

Change The Angle And Depth Of Penetration

If you find that you’re just simply reaching orgasm too quickly when you’re on top and your guy is lagging behind, you may need to change the angle or depth that your partner’s penis penetrates so you don’t get too excited too fast. Pull back a little bit and don’t bump up against his pelvis if you notice that gives you a lot of stimulation to your clitoris. Or, sit back or move forward a little to keep the head of his penis from rubbing so much against your g-spot.

Try The Reverse Cowgirl

One of the best sex positions for women to last longer when she’s on top is the reverse cowgirl. This involves a woman riding her man, but while facing his feet instead of his torso. Not only does this give your guy quite the show, it also helps you to keep from reaching climax too quickly. This is because you’re not grinding your pelvis so much against his and stimulating your clitoris, and his penis is also at an angle that doesn’t rub the g-spot as much.

Trying Different Sex Positions

While you may really enjoy girl on top sex positions, if they’re not working, they’re not working. You may need to switch to something else – at least for a while anyway – so you’re not climaxing so fast and leaving your partner in the dust so to speak. Finding different sex positions that allow you and your partner to orgasm closer together (or even have a simultaneous orgasm!) may soon become your new favorite.

Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. If you’re stressing out over not being able to last very long in one sex position, just try another and go with the flow. Experiment to find what works! Chances are, it’s going to be more than one thing that does the trick, but it just may not be what you expect.

What Women REALLY Want In Bed

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Sex is different for girls than it is for guys. Girls experience it differently and feel differently about it than men do. If you think you know what your partner wants when she’s having sex with you, think again! You’d be surprised at the things a woman wants and needs during nookie to get off and feel satisfied. Here’s what a girl ACTUALLY wants in the sack!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fM5gC3Ti1I[/youtube]

Psychological Excitement – Not Just Physical Excitement

A woman is multi-sensory during sex – she doesn’t just want to feel what you’re doing, she wants to think about it, hear it, see it, and imagine what you’re going to do next. A woman uses her brain during sex more than anything else, so if you neglect to stimulate her mind and her imagination when you’re getting it on, you’re not going to get very far.

While girls do appreciate good technique, you can’t skate by on technique alone. If you’re totally “blah” in bed and don’t get her mind, soul, body, emotions and imagination going when you’re getting busy, it’s not going to matter if you can touch her clitoris exactly the right way. She’s not going to be able to reach orgasm if her mind isn’t adequately stimulated.

What Energies A Woman Wants To Feel

Because a woman’s emotions are so deeply involved in sex, it’s important to have the right energy when you slip between the sheets. If you have a weak energy about you – as though you’re going to ask permission to do what you want to her – she’s not going to get turned on at all. These are some things that girls really want to feel when bumping uglies:

Dominance

A woman wants to feel as though she’s with a man who is dominant. She wants to feel like he will take control of the situation if need be, and that he has the confidence to give her pleasure. Having dominance doesn’t necessarily refer to domination like in BDSM, but rather, just a man having a dominant energy and attitude about him. Make her feel like you’re the alpha male!

Variety

Girls also don’t want to do the same thing over and over when they have sex. They want variety, just like anyone else does. You may know just the right techniques but if you do them again and again, they’re going to get old after awhile. Take the time to research new techniques and try them out.

Don’t assume that because you’re good at sex and can give a girl an orgasm that you’re beyond having to hit the books to learn something new – that’s every man’s downfall. Read up on new ways to pleasure your partner and see what works and what doesn’t! She’ll love that you’re adventurous enough to bring something new to the table!

Emotion

Girls are emotional creatures – emotions govern their lives, from what they do to what they wear, what they eat and where they go. It makes sense that emotions govern a woman’s pleasure during sex as well. A woman doesn’t want to get it on with a robot – if you’re incapable of showing emotion when getting busy, your partner will get bored pretty quickly.

Instead, allow the emotions you’re feeling come through. If something feels great, don’t be afraid to say something or even just moan. Don’t be too quiet! Also, dirty talk is a great way to engage her brain during sex. It lets her know that you’re really enjoying what’s happening while also turning her on even more.

After Sex Play

You’ve heard the joke about how all men do after sex is roll over and go to sleep – unfortunately, many men actually do this! They may get up and get a drink or have a smoke afterwards, but when it’s over for a guy, it’s over. However, it’s completely different for a woman. A woman is emotionally geared up after sex – she feels intimate with you and emotionally connected to you. She may want to cuddle or talk, but she probably won’t roll over and go to sleep.

If you emotionally unplug from your partner after orgasm and go do something else, she’s going to feel disconnected from you. Even if she had an orgasm (or two or three), if she doesn’t get that emotional follow up after sex, it’s not going to end well for her. It may even discount the whole experience!

Take some time when you’re done knocking boots to stay connected with her emotionally. Lay by her side and listen to her breathe. Touch her softly and cuddle with her. Even if you can only stay awake for just a few minutes, if you’re cuddling and bonding with your partner, it will make all the difference in the world. It will also increase your chances of getting busy – and not masturbating alone – next time!

They Want Orgasms!

Girls want orgasms during sex. While it is possible for a woman to enjoy it without reaching climax, it’s just a lot better for both you and your partner if you can help her reach her peak. If a girl never has an orgasm, she’s going to feel like having sex with you is a “job” and there’s really no point in doing it at all. That’s when a guy will notice his sex life start to wane – she’s not going to get busy with you if she can’t reach orgasm.

Practice your technique and communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t. Let her know that you genuinely want to please her and need some feedback on what she likes and what she doesn’t. If your partner is having problems with reaching orgasm and it’s not happening very often or at all regardless of what you do, visit a doctor and rule out any medical issues. Explore ways to make sure your partner is enjoying sex as much as you are.

Fingers vs. Sex Toys – Which Is Better?

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Female masturbation can be done with almost anything – hands, sex toys or even a shower head. All women are different and prefer their own style of masturbation – no two women will ever do it exactly the same. But which is better – a vibrator or your hands?

Pros Of Fingering

While some women just enjoy the buzz that a good vibrator can give them, there are certain things that fingers can do that sex toys can’t. While sex toys offer stronger, faster and harder orgasms than  hands can give you in most cases, there are definitely some benefits to “clicking your own mouse” the old fashioned way.

They’re Readily Available Whenever You Want Them

Your hands are attached to you, so if you want to masturbate in the bathroom on a plane or even in your car while stuck in traffic, you can without having to bring any extra tools with you.

Easy To Clean

No special cleansers required here – all it takes to get your hands clean before and after female masturbation is to wash them with good old old fashioned soap and water. In fact, if you’re doing it in the bathroom, you can wash your hands as you come out with no one being the wiser! If you’re not in a place where washing your hands is an option, a good dollop of hand sanitizer will do in a pinch.

Easier To Hide What You’re Doing If You Get Caught Masturbating

If you get caught going for the gold with a huge dildo, it’s going to be pretty difficult to try to hide what you’re doing or explain yourself – unless you want to just come out there and admit you’ve been getting it on with yourself. If you’re fingering yourself and you get caught, it is much, much easier to hide it or pretend that you weren’t masturbating. Not like getting caught with a sex toy!

A Man Is Less Intimidated By Fingers If He’s Intimidated By Sex Toys

If you’re with a guy who has a vendetta against sex toys (and some of them do), he’s going to be less intimidated if he knows you masturbate with your hands instead of a vibrator. While there’s nothing wrong with masturbating either way, some men just feel like they can’t compete with something that runs off of batteries.

Cons Of Using Your Fingers

While there are many benefits to using your hands during female masturbation, there are definitely some cons as well. Ignoring the downfalls of using your hands to get yourself off boils down to the personal preference of each woman.

They May Be Too Short To Reach Your G-Spot

If you have very short arms, hands or fingers, they may not reach your g-spot. While this is fine for women who enjoy fingering their clitoris during female masturbation, women who really enjoy intense g-spot orgasms are going to be disappointed.

It May Take Longer To Reach Orgasm

Vibrators allow women to achieve orgasms faster than ever before, and often the climax is much more intense. Not so with fingers – while you can reach orgasm and it can be just as good, it may take a lot longer to push yourself over the edge. This is especially true if you’re used to masturbating with a vibrator and switch to doing it with your hands.

It May Be Very Uncomfortable To Bend Your Arm And Wrist Enough To Reach Your G-Spot

The angle required to reach the g-spot properly is intense – reaching your own hand down there and angling your fingers in the right way may be uncomfortable or painful. You may be able to do it for a short period of time, but coupled with the movement of your fingers to stimulate your g-spot, you may not be able to keep it up for very long.

Bacteria From Under Your Nails Can Cause Infections

If you’re not good about washing your hands before you masturbate, bacteria under your nails can be introduced into your vagina and cause bacterial or yeast infections. This is why proper hygiene is so important!

Long Nails Can Scratch And Cut

Many women enjoy having long nails or wear acrylic nails. If you do, your long nails can scratch or cut the inside of your vagina. Ouch! If you prefer to masturbate with your hands, try to keep your nails trimmed or file the edges so they are not sharp.

Pros Of Using Sex Toys For Female Masturbation

While many of the benefits of using sex toys during female masturbation are obvious – vibrations, hello? – there are also a number of other benefits of choosing a toy instead of your hands when getting busy by yourself.

Many Sex Toys Are Made Specifically For G-Spot Stimulation

While fingering will do the job most of the time, many sex toys are created specifically for g-spot stimulation. This means that they’re much better at reaching the right spot than you are, and can often provide stronger and faster stimulation.

Some Of Them Vibrate

Sex toys can vibrate. Enough said!

Sex Toys Don’t Get Cramped Up During Use

While ignoring pain or discomfort in your hands is easier to do when you’re almost there, you don’t have to do that with a sex toy. They never get tired or cramped up during use – if your hands get cramped up right before you reach orgasm and you’re unable to finish, it’s all over and you’re going to be an unhappy camper for the rest of the day!

They Come In Different Sizes, Shapes And Materials

Women like different things during female masturbation, and there are as many different kinds of sex toys out there as there are women (almost). They come in a variety of different sizes and shapes, so each woman can find the one she likes best and is most comfortable with.

Most Sex Toys Will Provide More Than One Kind Of Stimulation At A Time

Yes, you can stimulate your clitoris and your g-spot at the same time with your hands, but do you have a third appendage for your anus as well? Also, can you vibrate your clitoris, rub your g-spot, stimulate your anus and just inside your vaginal canal with rotating beads all at the same time? Nope! But a sex toy can. Sex toys are an excellent way to achieve a blended orgasm!

Cons Of Sex Toys

While a vibrator may be the holy grail of female masturbation for many women, believe it or not there are some downfalls to using a sex toy when you’re pleasuring yourself.

They’re More Conspicuous And Harder To Hide

If you get caught fingering yourself, it’s super easy to yank your hands out of your pants and pretend you really weren’t doing anything at all – and you may very well get away with it. Getting caught with a sex toy? Not so much. They’re harder to hide (especially if yours is a vibrating rabbit or a large dildo) and can be very loud if they vibrate. Many of them can’t be taken with you places and can’t be explained away if you get caught using them.

If you want a vibrator that is quiet and easy to tuck away, try smaller, portable ones that don’t require batteries. These tend to be quieter and can easily be stashed in your pocket or purse.

Toys Do Wear Out

Eventually, even your most loved sex toy will bite the dust. It may last you years if it’s produced by a trusted manufacturer and made with quality materials, but eventually, you’ll have to say goodbye to it. Your hands are with you forever.

Many Need Batteries Replaced Or Recharging

Sex toys that require batteries or recharging can be inconvenient. Rechargeable vibrators are less inconvenient than battery operated ones (it’s a pain to continually have to buy batteries every time you’re at the store), but if you’ve ever had a vibrator die on you when you’re thisclose to climax, you may swear by your hands from then on.

Some Of Them Aren’t As Easy To Clean

Some sex toys have lots of crevices and crannies that can get bodily fluids stuck in them – and require intense cleaning if you don’t want your toy to get funky. In some cases, they require special cleaners and can’t be cleaned with traditional soap and water. Other toys aren’t waterproof, so they can’t be wiped down. Nothing can be cleaner than your hands after a good old fashioned wash!

Why Foreplay Is Critical!

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Foreplay is a critical first step for women, and men often overlook it. Men tend to approach sex in the wrong way. They think that the harder they penetrate, the harder she’ll orgasm. Unfortunately for women, this doesn’t work. Did you know the best way to make a woman orgasm is to not even put your penis inside her?

That’s right, good old third base is a home run for the ladies. The vagina has very few nerve endings past the opening, and hitting the g-spot through penetration is more about lucking out than mastering technique.

Fingering Her To A Frenzy

The male species often thinks that third base is a means to prepare her for his throbbing member, which is why the women they’re with tend not to respond with the screaming orgasm of which they are capable. If you re-program yourself to thinking about fingering as part of “having sex,” then you’ll be able to satisfy her on new levels. She will certainly thank you for it!

Mental Foreplay First

Before you make the journey into the bush, you have to start with foreplay first. Women don’t have the ability to dive right into sex the way men do. She needs a bit of a build up. This starts from the moment you hope to have sex with her later. Every small touch, glance, and kiss throughout the night draws her closer to you. It will be very difficult to get her started if you’ve been acting like she’s a stranger for the past several hours. She doesn’t have to feel completely in love with you, but she does need to feel some sort of connection.

Making Out

When you’re finally alone, never underestimate the power of a good make out session. Remember when you were a teenager and making out was so much fun? It’s because you didn’t really know what was going to come next. You hadn’t gotten to home base yet, or even third base, so the excitement of possibly getting to see her breasts or touch her vagina was almost too much to bear. Re-create that feeling all over again by not rushing a great make out session. Take your time and make her feel like you’ve got nothing else better to do than kiss her all night long.

Eventually, the make out session will lead to more than just kissing – but don’t try to force it.  Start with gentle kisses that escalate into tongue tangling passion, and her nether regions will be begging for some attention once you get there. Do to her mouth what you plan on doing to her clitoris during oral sex – she’ll get the hint and it will turn her on even more to get a “preview” of what your tongue can do for her.

Fondling Her

In the midst of your good old fashioned make-out, put your hands other places, and I don’t mean breasts alone. You should stroke her back, her sides, her hair, and her breasts. Touch her softly and don’t rush it. Don’t manhandle her or grab her! You should be using your fingers to stroke her in sensitive places like her neck or the crease of her elbow, and you shouldn’t be touching any harder than you would touch the track pad on your laptop.

Once you’ve gotten her turned on enough, play with her nipples for a while, and then move elsewhere. Go back, move away, and repeat. Once you feel her breath quicken and her grip tighten, and you’re sure that she’s ready for you to make the next move, don’t leave her hanging! Get down there and touch away.

Don’t Assault Her

It is best to not go into full on assault mode. If you start fingering her right away before she’s really good and wet, it will hurt. Some women may get wet just from the kissing and touching, but some won’t. Don’t be afraid to have a good lube on hand. A dab of lube or more can make all the difference between pleasure and pain!

Start by massaging the outer parts of her vulva, and her inner thighs. If you just graze the clitoris now and again, it will send shock waves through her body. When it’s time, zero in on the sweet spot, and don’t move until she has had at least one mind-blowing climax. You can also give her oral sex – it’s probably a woman’s favorite way to get off and makes her more prone to having multiple orgasms!