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Breakup Advice: 9 Ways To Get Over Your Ex

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Breakup advice is in order if your heart has just been broken. Take a step towards a new future with these nine ways to put the past behind you.

What She Said:

Getting over an ex is never fun – but with the right breakup advice, it doesn’t have to be complete torture. Be gentle with yourself while you process what you just went through; but don’t wallow. There’s someone great waiting out there for you. Dry your eyes and follow these tips. You’ll be tripping through the daisies with someone new in no time!

Embrace The Old Adage

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. It’s tried and true. Be sure you’re emotionally ready to share your body with someone and practice safe sex. If you’re ready, you’ll find having a fun fling will help you begin to release the memory of your previous lover.

Lean On Your Friends

This is what friends are for! Call, email, text and lament. You need to vent. You need to process. Just be sure to keep your boundaries. Leaning on pals during tough times is good. Making their ears bleed six months down the line because you can’t shake your feelings is bad.

Wine & Time

There’s no better breakup advice than curling up with a delicious glass of Pinot Noir and contemplating life. Think about what went wrong in your last relationship. Learn from past mistakes so you don’t have to go through those particular lessons again. Don’t drink your face off – but do unwind for a moment. Time heals all wounds. It will pass. And the passage of time will be eased with some relaxation.

Exercise

Don’t overdo it on hitting the bottle. You don’t want “wine waist” – or the depression that comes with drinking too much alcohol. It’s all about moderation. Balance that moderation with plenty of exercise. It’ll help keep your mood elevated – and you’ll be fit for the next time you’re ready to search for love.

Get Back Out There!

You’ve had a fling. You’ve gabbed to your friends. You’ve gotten familiar with your favorite wineries. And you’ve clocked in the miles on the treadmill. Now the best breakup advice is to dust yourself off and enjoy your hard-earned fresh start. Embrace it today!

What He Said:

Burn It

Get rid of all the shit they gave you. Gifts, pictures, clothes, everything. Get rid of all the reminders of that person. Don’t hold on to anything of the past. You’re moving forward not looking back.

Routine Is Your Friend

Ground yourself in your daily routines. Focus more on those things on your to do list. Add a bunch of things to it too. The busier you are the better. It will help you engross yourself in the present and that is a big key to moving on.

Add Some Hobbies

If you’re not really into anything, get into it. If you’ve got a hobby already, throw yourself into it.

One Night Stands Are Your Friend

Supposedly the best breakup advice and the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Sex like that just works. Not really sure why? Because it lets your mind and body know there are other people out there and other fish in the sea and the sooner you catch one the better you’ll feel.

Q&A: Will Masturbation Affect Your Relationship?

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Masturbation is normal and healthy for both guys and gals – it’s a normal way to explore your sexuality as you go through puberty and teenage years, and then it becomes an excellent way to relieve sexual tension and stress when you can’t or don’t want to have sex with another person. It can also help you explore what you like and don’t like during sex, so you can more effectively communicate with your lovers about how you like to be touched. But can it affect a relationship and cause problems between two people? Can excessive masturbation ruin a partnership, or is it more likely due one partner having jealousy and control issues?

Hey Dan and Jenn – I’m 16 and my cousin tells me that masturbation makes you more likely to stay single and I don’t want to stay single! Is that true? Please help! Thanks and I love your show it has helped me so much.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmhykzCjiQQ[/youtube]

Men And Women Learn About Their Sexuality Through Masturbation

Unfortunately, masturbation has a bad rap. Society teaches teens that masturbation is bad or wrong, and this gets even more oppressive in families where their morals or religious beliefs suggest that it is unhealthy. However, it is neither unhealthy nor is it wrong – it’s a natural way for both men and women to learn about their bodies and their developing sexuality. It’s a perfectly normal thing to engage in even daily from pre-teen years through adulthood.

It’s A Healthy Part Of Every Relationship

It’s unrealistic to expect that your partner be able to be around and available to satisfy your sexual needs whenever you have sexual needs. It’s also unfair to them – your partner should not be totally and completely responsible for your sexual satisfaction! Especially for men and women with high libidos, their partners may not want to have sex all day every day. Many women have issues with their male partners masturbating because they feel like he “wants” someone else sexually, or doesn’t like them for some reason. This couldn’t be further from the truth! It’s natural for guys to jerk off when they have a pang of desire, without having to ask their partners to have sex four times a day.

Another reason that masturbation can be beneficial to a relationship is that it teaches each person what they like sexually, so they can then go to their partners and communicate what feels good and what doesn’t. Being able to communicate to your partner what you like is essential to a satisfying and intimate sex life with your lover, because if YOU don’t know how to please yourself, how are THEY supposed to?

Mutual Masturbation

Mutual masturbation is also a fun activity to do together to become more comfortable with the idea of self satisfaction in your relationship and how it can help you both to relax, stay satisfied and learn what you like sexually. Doing it together can also add another element to your sex life that keeps it from getting boring and monotonous!

Jealousy Issues

Often, one partner will be jealous over the other for masturbating. They may be upset that their lover is watching porn, or they may feel like they’re not doing enough to please their partner. Rest assured that if your lover engages in self satisfaction and watches porn that it has nothing to do with your inadequacies as a lover. It simply is a natural, healthy thing to do! There’s no reason to be jealous about it.

How Much Is Too Much?

Of course, as with most things, there’s a caveat here. It can be damaging to a relationship if it goes too far. Normal self satisfaction usually doesn’t cause problems in a relationship, but if it becomes excessive, it can.  If, for example, all you or your partner can think about is masturbating, you or your partner stop spending time together to go masturbate or you substitute it for sex with your partner. In this case, it can definitely be a problem in the relationship and you’ll want to seek help as soon as possible.

Just like with any addiction, if you or your partner are addicted to masturbating, seek help. Lots of addiction programs out there can be applied to masturbation and you can follow the same steps. If it’s taking over your life, you have an addiction and it’s time to do something about it! If it’s not, relax and don’t let it bother you. Normal masturbation is healthy and even beneficial for a relationship!

Relationship Advice: We Both Want To Live In Different Places!

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Good relationship advice is warranted if you and your partner don’t see eye to eye about where you live. Of course, for a good relationship where you and your partner are both happy, you pretty much have to live at least in the same town. Most couples in committed relationships prefer to live together. What should you do if you both want different things?

My live-in boyfriend and I are at odds over a seemingly small issue: we reside in a small town. I’m really bored, but my BF wants to stay. I don’t want to break up, but living where I don’t want to is beginning to feel like a big compromise.

What She Said:

What’s the big picture? How is the state of your relationship? Do you think he’s your soul mate? These are all really important questions you need to be asking yourself, the sooner the better.

If you’re serious about this guy and you see a future with him, maybe where you live isn’t as important as how you live. Perhaps a small town versus the big city isn’t as big of a deal when you have love. Look around at what your town has to offer. Does the slower pace allow you to focus on your hobbies? What’s the quality of life like day to day? Maybe you aren’t thrilled about where you live, but you can improve your experience regardless of residence.

The flip side: Are you marking time with someone you dig – for now? If so, it might be time to take a hard look at your relationship. You’ve got some big choices to make. The safety of companionship can be great – but if you’re passing up life for comfort, you’re doing a great disservice to yourself and your boyfriend.

There are tons of compromises in a long-term union. If you’ve asked all the hard questions and determined you want to stay with your BF then maybe it’s your turn to ask a difficult question of him: I’m willing to stay for you. Are you willing to move for me?

What He Said:

How is this not a deal breaker? If you want to go and he wants to stay, and you’re both set in your ways, then this is a situation that has been brought to a head (and not in a fun way). You either stay here and be miserable but still have your man, or you go off to the big city and you get to do your thing (though minus the boyfriend) and maybe you are more or less happy there.

I guess the real question here is why are you both so set in your ways on the issue? Why are you looking to leave? What is there that you can’t get where you are at? Is it a career opportunity, or is the grass simply greener?

While we’re on the subject of questions, why is he so deadest against going? Is it a family thing? A job? Is he a big fish in a small pond? There are certainly several valid reasons he might not want to go, but then again, it might not be a valid reason.

If all you need is love and he has you and he loves you, why wouldn’t he want to go? I know a woman who moved to L.A. to be an actress. Times were hard and she packed it in and went back to Texas, where she promptly met a guy and fell in love. When she confided in him that her dream was to be an actress, he insisted that they drop everything and move back to L.A. right after they got back from the honeymoon. That, my friends, is a stud.

Why isn’t your man doing that for you? That’s the real question, and the answer is far more important than which town you end up

Don’t Let Sharing A Bed Ruin Your Relationship – Or Your Sleep!

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A relationship involves sleeping in the same bed as your partner – but how will this affect your sleep schedule? And will it wreak havoc on your partnership?

While sharing a bed certainly has a romantic upside, it can wreak havoc on your sleep schedule. Talking to your partner about your issues, like being kept awake by snoring, can help you both solve your sleeping problems. Compromise in the name of catching a few more zzz’s will keep you both happier, at bedtime and beyond.

There was a time back in the ‘50s when you couldn’t show couples sharing a bed on TV. Think back to I Love Lucy, and you’ll recall that Lucy and Ricky had a pair of twin-sized beds in their master bedroom. It seems silly to think of a married couple not sharing a bed, yet anyone who’s ever slept next to a snorer or a blanket hog has probably fantasized about having such a sleeping arrangement.

Sleep Deprivation Means More Fights

Much as we’ve all enjoyed cuddling up under the covers with our significant other, we’ve also probably had at least a few nights where our shut eye quality suffered thanks to having a bed buddy. That might seem like a small sacrifice to make for love, but sleep deprivation is a pretty evil thing. If your partner is disrupting your shut eye night after night, you’re bound to be tired on a daily basis. If you’re tired all the time, you’re likely cranky, and you might find yourself snapping at your mate more often. Things that wouldn’t bother you a bit if you were rested might cause blowout fighting when you’re sleep deprived.

Lay Down The Ground Rules

So how can you get your much needed shut eye without reverting to separate beds? First and foremost, you and your partner need to discuss what, if any, problems you’re having. If you’re a light sleeper and your S.O. snores loudly or talks, talk to them about it. How bad and frequent is the snoring? Is it a once and awhile thing that you can use earplugs to block out? If it’s a little more frequent—say your mate has bad allergies and snores when he/she is stuffed up—try over-the-counter remedies.

Buy him or her a box of those nose strips that help open up your nasal passages so you can breathe easier and don’t snore as much. If the snoring is regular and violent sounding, your significant other might need to go to the doctor or even do a study. They might have a more serious problem like sleep apnea, which can be very dangerous. The doctor could help both your partner’s health and your sanity.

Other Relationship Problems From Sleeping In The Same Bed

Of course, there are other annoyances that can come from sharing a bed. If you’re lucky enough to be a heavy sleeper, you might not notice if your partner tosses and turns or hogs the covers all to his or herself. If you’re not a heavy sleeper, you might wake up every time your S.O. rolls over or pulls the blanket off you.

Make your mate aware of their habits in as polite a manner as possible. Then discuss possible solutions, like buying a better mattress that doesn’t magnify every move your partner makes. Maybe you simply need a bigger bed to put more distance between each other, or even just larger blankets so you’ve each got more to wrap up in.

Most of these problems are at their worst if you have the misfortune of being a light sleeper. If you are, one of the easiest ways to make sure you sleep through the night despite your partner is to go to bed before they do. Of course, you might not always be able to get to bed a little earlier than your S.O.

When you can, however, try to give yourself time enough to get to the point of deep sleep before your mate comes to bed. If you’re really out of it by the time they start snoring or kicking around, you’ll be less likely to notice it. Another option is to have sex before you hit the hay. If you both get a really good orgasm, it’s likely you’ll both be out like a light.

Of course, if none of these ideas work, you may very well have to resort to sleeping Lucy-and-Ricky-style. That, or you might want to invest in some good sleeping pills.

Relationship Advice: Help! I’m Addicted To Drama!

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A relationship should be a safe zone for you – but what if it’s not? What if your relationship is nothing but fighting? What if YOU’RE the one starting it?

My boyfriend and I are in an endless cycle of fighting and making up. My friends say I should dump him, but I’m addicted to the push/pull. I want to note that our fighting doesn’t include anything physical – we’re just into arguing. What should I do?

What She Said:

The big question here is: Are you happy? Only you can make that call, but a constant cycle of fighting and making up sounds pretty exhausting to me. It also sounds like it might be tiring your friends out as well, if they’re so well-versed on the subject that they’re to the point of offering opinions on your relationship.

We’ve all had those relationships that weren’t quite a match, yet were hard to let go of nonetheless. Nothing to be ashamed of there, that’s how you learn! You have to ask yourself what you want for the long term – is the tension of wondering when the next fight will happen really beneficial to your quality of life? Some people do get off on arguing because of the popular assumption that it leads to hot makeup sex. If that’s your trip, you might want to find another (healthier) way to rev up the engines.

The push and pull can be quite seductive. By engaging in this behavior, the two of you are constantly stirring up a fight in order to ultimately confirm that you do want each other. But I have a secret – there is an easier way. Think about how life would be with someone who loved you unconditionally, someone who told you how he felt without a fight. That reality exists and it’s a lot of fun. Now there’s something to think about!

What He Said:

What is it with chicks and fighting? I know, guys date crazy chicks too, but I think it’s different for women. Ever watch a soap opera? Ever see ANY happy well adjusted people on those shows? Hell no! Everyone on those shows are bat-shit crazy and are producing tons of tension. I think women like the unpredictability of it.

It doesn’t matter what we think you should do. You’ve already made your decision. You like the adrenaline rush from a fight. Why? I have no clue. But you like it, so you might as well just get used to everyone saying you’re in a dead end, soul crushing relationship for a simple reason: you are in a dead end, soul crushing relationship, but apparently you’re into that thing for some damn reason. So since you don’t seem interested in coming to your senses and finding a guy who worships, loves, cherishes and adores you (because really, who need that anyway?) you’re going to be stuck in this rut no matter who you date. Different dick, same story.