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Mutual Masturbation – How To Get Your Partner To Try It

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Mutual masturbation can be something fun and exciting to add to your sex  life. Masturbation doesn’t have to be something you hide from your significant other, or that you do in the dark in secret. You can enjoy masturbating with your lover, while watching them do it too. Sound like fun? Here’s how to get your lover into it!

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What Is Mutual Masturbation?

To put it simply, it’s when you masturbate yourself in front of your lover and they masturbate themselves in front of you. It can be at the same time, but it doesn’t have to be. You can also take turns putting on a great show for each other – but most people who do this usually end up getting so turned on that they start touching themselves anyway.

Most couples are too shy to try this – in fact, most people are too shy to talk about masturbation in general – but it can be a great way to bond sexually with your partner. You can bond emotionally by watching each other give themselves pleasure, and you can also pick up some great tips on where they like to be touched and how they like to be stroked.

Get Comfortable With The Topic

First of all, if you’re uncomfortable with the topic of self love in general, it’s time to pony up and get comfortable with it. Rest assured, everyone does it – men and women alike. Although our society places taboos on masturbation (heck, some people even say that it makes you go blind or makes hair grow on the palms of your hands), there’s really nothing wrong with it and it’s a perfectly normal and healthy thing for both men and women to do. Educate yourself about masturbation and get over your preconceived notions that it’s “bad” or “wrong.”

Encourage Your Partner To Do It

Before you jump right in to mutual masturbation, you have to get your partner comfortable with it too. Too often, couples masturbate in secret without ever talking about it with each other. It doesn’t have to be that way! It’s not something to be jealous of, so encourage your partner to masturbate in addition to a healthy sex life with you. Get them a sex toy to enjoy on their own – there are tons of great sex toys for both girls and guys! Don’t think that the sex toy world is limited to vibrators for women. There is so much more out there! Explore some online sex toy stores – if you get the right ones, your lover may find them intriguing enough to try!

Make sure you give them plenty of privacy and time alone to enjoy their masturbation. Honor their privacy and don’t ever bust in on them if you know or suspect they’re masturbating. If the door is closed, knock!

Talk About It With Your Significant Other

If you and your significant other have never had the “masturbation” talk, go ahead and have it! Share stories with each other about your first time doing it or if you ever got caught doing it. Talk about how it’s normal and natural, and let your lover know that you’re not going to judge them at all for their masturbation habits or what they enjoy. Share with your lover what you enjoy and what your fantasies are – take that leap and tell them what you like when you get it on with yourself and they may be more encouraged to share what they like with you!

Your First Time With Mutual Masturbation

You’ve gotten past the “masturbation conversation” and you and your lover are both comfortable talking about it and doing it. You feel ready to take the next step and try doing it in front of each other. For your first time, consider blindfolding your lover. This can be fun, but it also serves a purpose – your lover is going to feel more comfortable masturbating in front of you for the first time if they can’t see you’re there. You can watch them, but they can’t see you! Alternatively, you may feel more comfortable wearing a blindfold for the first time masturbating in front of your lover.

Another great idea is to turn the lights down very low, or use candles. The dim lighting makes it more comfortable for both of you, but still allows you both to see what is going on, which can be incredibly erotic.

Make Your Significant Other Feel Good About It

Don’t be shy when your lover is putting on the show – let them know how much you like it and how much it turns you on! This can be in the form of just vocalizing your pleasure or even dirty talk, which can make it even more erotic for them. Touch yourself while they’re masturbating, so they can see just how turned on you are at the sight of them masturbating. If you want to get your lover to do it more often, you’ve got to give them positive feedback. Don’t be the freak that just sits in the corner staring – get into it! Let your lover know that you’re into it! Enjoy it and have fun with it.

Getting Into A Groove

You’ve tried mutual masturbation for the first time and you really like it – so how do you take it a step further? Try different sex positions when you do – sitting in front of each other is nice, but you can also try lying down, or with one of you lying in the bed and the other sitting in a chair. Use your imagination and consider different possibilities and different ways to try it.

Anal Fingering – 6 Techniques To Introduce Your Partner To Anal Play

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Anal fingering can be a great way to introduce new sensations in your sexual repertoire. The anus is packed with tons of pleasurable nerve endings – but many of them receive pain as well. Anal fingering can be extremely pleasurable or painful, if you don’t do it right. Never tried it before? Here’s how.

Use Plenty Of Lube

You may already know this, but there’s no mistaking the importance that a good amount of lube does for anal sex or any kind of anal play – including fingering. Don’t try to use spit, saliva or oil as a lube – it’s just not going to work. Instead, make sure you have a bottle of water based or silicone based lubricant on hand before you ever get started.

A scented lube can work really well for anal fingering, because not only do they work well, but they smell great too. Your lover may be apprehensive that they will smell bad if you’re that close to their nether region, but if they’re showered first and if you use a scented lube, it most likely won’t be an issue at all.

Never use a desensitizing lube when engaging in anal play. While it may seem beneficial to make sure your lover can’t feel it as much, that means you can do more damage than you intended to and not have any clue that you’re doing it! Your lover will wake up in the morning sore or bleeding, and won’t ever want to try it again!

Start With One Finger

This may seem like a no-brainer, but many people get so excited to try anal fingering with their lover that they try to use more than one finger to start off with. This won’t work very well and may cause  intense pain or discomfort. It’s important to start with one finger (your pinky finger if your hands are extremely large and your fingers are thick) until your lover gets used to the sensation. Once your lover seems to be enjoying it and is well lubed up, you can work on introducing more fingers, one at a time.

Give Them Oral Sex First – And During

For your lover to enjoy the sensations you’re giving during anal fingering, they have to be really, really turned on first. Even with plenty of lube, you’re still going to have a difficult time inserting your finger if their anal muscles are tight and not relaxed. So spend some time getting them turned on first, through foreplay and oral sex. Oral sex is an excellent precursor to anal fingering, simply because it is such an erotic activity.

Lube your finger up and slip it slowly into your lover’s anus while you’re performing oral sex on them. They will be more apt to enjoy the feeling than shy away from it, simply because what you were doing before already felt so good!

Wear Gloves

Consider donning a latex or vinyl glove before anal play. It may make you feel a little awkward, but your lover will appreciate it. You may think you have your nails trimmed and your cuticles cut, but if your hands are at all callused – as in, if you do any work for a living at all – your fingers are going to hurt your lover. Ladies, acrylic nails can hurt a man when you’re trying to massage his prostate gland!

Invest in a good box of gloves and keep them around for using during anal fingering. Your fingers will go in much more smoothly, especially with enough lube on hand. Also, it will protect you from getting bacteria and solid waste under your fingernails! Just be aware that petroleum jelly or oil based products will break down condoms and latex gloves!

Go Slow!

When you’re first fingering your lover, don’t be tempted to go too fast. It’s easy to go fast when you’re excited, but you can really hurt your lover this way. Instead, take your time and go slow. Build up their pleasure with oral sex while you massage their anus. Even if you can only slowly get your finger in and out once, you’re doing good for your first time.

You may not even get to have a really amazing session the first time you try anal fingering with your lover – the first time may actually be just “trying” it. Your lover isn’t sure what to expect and they don’t know what it’s going to feel like. The first time might simply be them getting accustomed to what it’s like. The next few times you’ll notice your lover getting more and more into it, as they get used to how it feels and they learn how to get pleasure out of it.

Use A “Come Hither” Motion

Anal fingering is much the same as vaginal fingering. You want to slowly insert the finger, palm side up. Once you get into position, slowly move your finger in a “come hither” motion, as though you would if you were trying to stimulate the g-spot. This is pleasurable for a woman, and even more so for a man, because it stimulates the prostate gland.

Many people make the mistake of thinking anal fingering is pushing the finger in and out of the anus. This is not going to be pleasurable at all! In fact, insertion and pushing past the tight sphincter muscles is actually the most painful part and only when it’s over can the recipient actually begin to experience pleasure. If you’re just pushing your finger in and out, you’re just repeating the worst part of anal fingering over and over again.

Instead, use the come-hither motion to gently massage all the nerve endings on the inside of the anus, and to put pressure on the pelvic floor. Combined with a glove, patience and plenty of lube, you can get your lover to really enjoy anal fingering!

Mutual Masturbation: How To Get Your Man To Try It

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Mutual masturbation can be super fun, but it can be difficult to get a guy into it. Of course, guys love watching a woman masturbate, but a surprising amount of guys are actually too shy to do the same in front of their girl. If you want to try mutual masturbation, here’s how you can get him interested.

Why Isn’t He Jumping At The Chance?

You’d think that the majority of guys would actually be jumping at the chance to not only watch their girl masturbate, but to masturbate with her. While some guys are confident enough to be able to do this, many of them aren’t. Why?

He’s Afraid Of You Seeing His Porn

A lot of guys are too shy to try mutual masturbation because they think they need porn to masturbate – and they’re afraid of you seeing it. Many men watch porn that they would never in a million years want their partners to see. Whether it’s fetish porn that he thinks his partner would be appalled by, or he just doesn’t want to hurt her feelings (because in most guys’ experiences, women are bothered by their men looking at porn). Either way, he may be too shy to try mutual masturbation simply because he doesn’t want to turn on his porn in front of you.

He’s Been Busted Too Many Times For Masturbation

Unfortunately, there are lots of women that think that if a guy is sexually satisfied in his relationship, that he won’t need to masturbate. This couldn’t be farther from the truth! It’s normal and healthy for a man to masturbate – and even watch porn – if he’s in a sexually satisfying relationship. In fact, it’s healthy for women too.

He may also feel shame over masturbation, especially if he grew up being taught that masturbation was wrong or sinful. Not that he doesn’t do it – he does. But he may do it quickly to “get it over with” and may not see it as something pleasurable or even enjoyable, just something that “has to be done.”

Make Him Feel Comfortable With It In General

If the idea of mutual masturbation seems to make him uncomfortable, it could be due to harbored feelings about masturbation. Encourage him to enjoy his self-love. Get him a masturbation sleeve as a gift, and make sure it’s in an easy to get to place with a bottle of lube. Leave him alone in the house for long enough periods of time that he can do it without fear of being interrupted. If you catch him, politely excuse yourself and allow him to continue if he wants.

Also, talk to him about it. Let him know that you do it, and don’t be afraid to let him catch you getting your self love on too. Don’t act ashamed about it and over time, he will learn not to be ashamed as well.

Try Watching Porn With Mutual Masturbation

While just watching you do yourself may be enough visual stimulation to get him off, watching a porn flick with him while you do might help him get even more into it. However, don’t suggest that he pick it out or that he use any of the videos or pictures that he does when he’s alone. Instead, choose a naughty film together. Select one neither of you have ever seen before, or select one and surprise him with it. Ask him if he’d like to watch it, or just put it on loud enough for him to hear it and see what happens!

Let Him Watch You First

Start by letting him watch you first, before you ask him to engage in mutual masturbation. Go slow at first, and give him time to ogle you and really get turned on. Let him watch you touch your clitoris, or use a sex toy on yourself to stimulate your g-spot. Show no inhibitions – spread your legs wide and let him see every bit of what you’re doing. Chances are, with a combination of sexy moves and confidence, he won’t be able to help but touch himself!

Give Him A Great Handjob And Encourage Him To Take Over

You can also nudge him towards mutual masturbation by giving him a great handjob. Make sure you have your sex toy nearby too, and settle in to give him a great handjob. Use lube and start slow, building speed until he’s incredibly turned on. When he’s closer to orgasm (but not too close), replace your hand with his and whisper to him that you’d like to see him do it himself. He’ll most likely happily oblige.

However, you can also get him close to orgasm and then stop, proceeding to touch yourself or use your sex toy. Chances are, he’s not going to be able to stop himself from masturbating while watching you!

Fingers vs. Sex Toys – Which Is Better?

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Female masturbation can be done with almost anything – hands, sex toys or even a shower head. All women are different and prefer their own style of masturbation – no two women will ever do it exactly the same. But which is better – a vibrator or your hands?

Pros Of Fingering

While some women just enjoy the buzz that a good vibrator can give them, there are certain things that fingers can do that sex toys can’t. While sex toys offer stronger, faster and harder orgasms than  hands can give you in most cases, there are definitely some benefits to “clicking your own mouse” the old fashioned way.

They’re Readily Available Whenever You Want Them

Your hands are attached to you, so if you want to masturbate in the bathroom on a plane or even in your car while stuck in traffic, you can without having to bring any extra tools with you.

Easy To Clean

No special cleansers required here – all it takes to get your hands clean before and after female masturbation is to wash them with good old old fashioned soap and water. In fact, if you’re doing it in the bathroom, you can wash your hands as you come out with no one being the wiser! If you’re not in a place where washing your hands is an option, a good dollop of hand sanitizer will do in a pinch.

Easier To Hide What You’re Doing If You Get Caught Masturbating

If you get caught going for the gold with a huge dildo, it’s going to be pretty difficult to try to hide what you’re doing or explain yourself – unless you want to just come out there and admit you’ve been getting it on with yourself. If you’re fingering yourself and you get caught, it is much, much easier to hide it or pretend that you weren’t masturbating. Not like getting caught with a sex toy!

A Man Is Less Intimidated By Fingers If He’s Intimidated By Sex Toys

If you’re with a guy who has a vendetta against sex toys (and some of them do), he’s going to be less intimidated if he knows you masturbate with your hands instead of a vibrator. While there’s nothing wrong with masturbating either way, some men just feel like they can’t compete with something that runs off of batteries.

Cons Of Using Your Fingers

While there are many benefits to using your hands during female masturbation, there are definitely some cons as well. Ignoring the downfalls of using your hands to get yourself off boils down to the personal preference of each woman.

They May Be Too Short To Reach Your G-Spot

If you have very short arms, hands or fingers, they may not reach your g-spot. While this is fine for women who enjoy fingering their clitoris during female masturbation, women who really enjoy intense g-spot orgasms are going to be disappointed.

It May Take Longer To Reach Orgasm

Vibrators allow women to achieve orgasms faster than ever before, and often the climax is much more intense. Not so with fingers – while you can reach orgasm and it can be just as good, it may take a lot longer to push yourself over the edge. This is especially true if you’re used to masturbating with a vibrator and switch to doing it with your hands.

It May Be Very Uncomfortable To Bend Your Arm And Wrist Enough To Reach Your G-Spot

The angle required to reach the g-spot properly is intense – reaching your own hand down there and angling your fingers in the right way may be uncomfortable or painful. You may be able to do it for a short period of time, but coupled with the movement of your fingers to stimulate your g-spot, you may not be able to keep it up for very long.

Bacteria From Under Your Nails Can Cause Infections

If you’re not good about washing your hands before you masturbate, bacteria under your nails can be introduced into your vagina and cause bacterial or yeast infections. This is why proper hygiene is so important!

Long Nails Can Scratch And Cut

Many women enjoy having long nails or wear acrylic nails. If you do, your long nails can scratch or cut the inside of your vagina. Ouch! If you prefer to masturbate with your hands, try to keep your nails trimmed or file the edges so they are not sharp.

Pros Of Using Sex Toys For Female Masturbation

While many of the benefits of using sex toys during female masturbation are obvious – vibrations, hello? – there are also a number of other benefits of choosing a toy instead of your hands when getting busy by yourself.

Many Sex Toys Are Made Specifically For G-Spot Stimulation

While fingering will do the job most of the time, many sex toys are created specifically for g-spot stimulation. This means that they’re much better at reaching the right spot than you are, and can often provide stronger and faster stimulation.

Some Of Them Vibrate

Sex toys can vibrate. Enough said!

Sex Toys Don’t Get Cramped Up During Use

While ignoring pain or discomfort in your hands is easier to do when you’re almost there, you don’t have to do that with a sex toy. They never get tired or cramped up during use – if your hands get cramped up right before you reach orgasm and you’re unable to finish, it’s all over and you’re going to be an unhappy camper for the rest of the day!

They Come In Different Sizes, Shapes And Materials

Women like different things during female masturbation, and there are as many different kinds of sex toys out there as there are women (almost). They come in a variety of different sizes and shapes, so each woman can find the one she likes best and is most comfortable with.

Most Sex Toys Will Provide More Than One Kind Of Stimulation At A Time

Yes, you can stimulate your clitoris and your g-spot at the same time with your hands, but do you have a third appendage for your anus as well? Also, can you vibrate your clitoris, rub your g-spot, stimulate your anus and just inside your vaginal canal with rotating beads all at the same time? Nope! But a sex toy can. Sex toys are an excellent way to achieve a blended orgasm!

Cons Of Sex Toys

While a vibrator may be the holy grail of female masturbation for many women, believe it or not there are some downfalls to using a sex toy when you’re pleasuring yourself.

They’re More Conspicuous And Harder To Hide

If you get caught fingering yourself, it’s super easy to yank your hands out of your pants and pretend you really weren’t doing anything at all – and you may very well get away with it. Getting caught with a sex toy? Not so much. They’re harder to hide (especially if yours is a vibrating rabbit or a large dildo) and can be very loud if they vibrate. Many of them can’t be taken with you places and can’t be explained away if you get caught using them.

If you want a vibrator that is quiet and easy to tuck away, try smaller, portable ones that don’t require batteries. These tend to be quieter and can easily be stashed in your pocket or purse.

Toys Do Wear Out

Eventually, even your most loved sex toy will bite the dust. It may last you years if it’s produced by a trusted manufacturer and made with quality materials, but eventually, you’ll have to say goodbye to it. Your hands are with you forever.

Many Need Batteries Replaced Or Recharging

Sex toys that require batteries or recharging can be inconvenient. Rechargeable vibrators are less inconvenient than battery operated ones (it’s a pain to continually have to buy batteries every time you’re at the store), but if you’ve ever had a vibrator die on you when you’re thisclose to climax, you may swear by your hands from then on.

Some Of Them Aren’t As Easy To Clean

Some sex toys have lots of crevices and crannies that can get bodily fluids stuck in them – and require intense cleaning if you don’t want your toy to get funky. In some cases, they require special cleaners and can’t be cleaned with traditional soap and water. Other toys aren’t waterproof, so they can’t be wiped down. Nothing can be cleaner than your hands after a good old fashioned wash!

Why Foreplay Is Critical!

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Foreplay is a critical first step for women, and men often overlook it. Men tend to approach sex in the wrong way. They think that the harder they penetrate, the harder she’ll orgasm. Unfortunately for women, this doesn’t work. Did you know the best way to make a woman orgasm is to not even put your penis inside her?

That’s right, good old third base is a home run for the ladies. The vagina has very few nerve endings past the opening, and hitting the g-spot through penetration is more about lucking out than mastering technique.

Fingering Her To A Frenzy

The male species often thinks that third base is a means to prepare her for his throbbing member, which is why the women they’re with tend not to respond with the screaming orgasm of which they are capable. If you re-program yourself to thinking about fingering as part of “having sex,” then you’ll be able to satisfy her on new levels. She will certainly thank you for it!

Mental Foreplay First

Before you make the journey into the bush, you have to start with foreplay first. Women don’t have the ability to dive right into sex the way men do. She needs a bit of a build up. This starts from the moment you hope to have sex with her later. Every small touch, glance, and kiss throughout the night draws her closer to you. It will be very difficult to get her started if you’ve been acting like she’s a stranger for the past several hours. She doesn’t have to feel completely in love with you, but she does need to feel some sort of connection.

Making Out

When you’re finally alone, never underestimate the power of a good make out session. Remember when you were a teenager and making out was so much fun? It’s because you didn’t really know what was going to come next. You hadn’t gotten to home base yet, or even third base, so the excitement of possibly getting to see her breasts or touch her vagina was almost too much to bear. Re-create that feeling all over again by not rushing a great make out session. Take your time and make her feel like you’ve got nothing else better to do than kiss her all night long.

Eventually, the make out session will lead to more than just kissing – but don’t try to force it.  Start with gentle kisses that escalate into tongue tangling passion, and her nether regions will be begging for some attention once you get there. Do to her mouth what you plan on doing to her clitoris during oral sex – she’ll get the hint and it will turn her on even more to get a “preview” of what your tongue can do for her.

Fondling Her

In the midst of your good old fashioned make-out, put your hands other places, and I don’t mean breasts alone. You should stroke her back, her sides, her hair, and her breasts. Touch her softly and don’t rush it. Don’t manhandle her or grab her! You should be using your fingers to stroke her in sensitive places like her neck or the crease of her elbow, and you shouldn’t be touching any harder than you would touch the track pad on your laptop.

Once you’ve gotten her turned on enough, play with her nipples for a while, and then move elsewhere. Go back, move away, and repeat. Once you feel her breath quicken and her grip tighten, and you’re sure that she’s ready for you to make the next move, don’t leave her hanging! Get down there and touch away.

Don’t Assault Her

It is best to not go into full on assault mode. If you start fingering her right away before she’s really good and wet, it will hurt. Some women may get wet just from the kissing and touching, but some won’t. Don’t be afraid to have a good lube on hand. A dab of lube or more can make all the difference between pleasure and pain!

Start by massaging the outer parts of her vulva, and her inner thighs. If you just graze the clitoris now and again, it will send shock waves through her body. When it’s time, zero in on the sweet spot, and don’t move until she has had at least one mind-blowing climax. You can also give her oral sex – it’s probably a woman’s favorite way to get off and makes her more prone to having multiple orgasms!