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How To Stay Focused When Talking To Women

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Even the best dating advice sometimes leaves out how important awareness is when you’re talking to women. If you’re not concentrating in the right place, your conversations with women will go nowhere. Every guy is afraid of clamming up when he’s talking to a woman, and that only happens when a man loses his concentration during a conversation.

In order to have massively successful interactions with women, your focus must be in the right place.

Dominance Is A Factor

Dominance is one of the key factors in attracting women and dominance consists of the alignment between your inner thoughts and actions. However you may be wondering how one gets to the point where their external actions are matching their internal thoughts. The way to do this is easy, and simply consists of making a slight shift in thinking when you are talking to a woman.

Many guys have the problem of running out of things to say when talking to a girl (or using pick up lines), this is because they are simply focusing on their next actions without having their mind in the right place. You need to ask yourself this same question in regards to your interactions with women. This is quite possibly the most important dating advice you’ll ever get – where we focus our attention is simply a habit and to be good with women, you need to break and establish the right habits.

If I were to simplify every interaction to its purest form it would consist of the moments you are interacting with the woman, followed by the moments she spends interacting with you and your response to that. Each person generally switches off talking; however what they are talking about is generally irrelevant. What matters is where your awareness is during the interaction.

What You Should Be Concentrating On

So lets start with where your concentration should be when you are talking and flirting with a woman:

  • If your concentration is on what she thinks of you while you are talking, you failed
  • If your concentration is on trying to say something that you think she will like, you failed
  • If your concentration is on the next step you can take to escalate to a relationship with her, you failed

However, if your focus is on being genuinely curious in finding more about this girl, you have started to think like someone that is naturally good with women.

Digging A Little Deeper

When talking to a woman, your focus should be coming from a place of “Expressive Curiosity,” meaning you understand what it is you are looking for in a girl, and you are genuinely interested in finding out if this girl meets the standards you have set for yourself. It is called “expressive” curiosity because when your focus comes from a place of genuine curiosity, your actions, touch, body language and facial features express that curiosity in a subtle but natural way that further captivates the woman.

Many people think just asking a series of qualifying questions is a form of expressive curiosity but this is bad dating advice and it is not always the case. Once again, it all depends on your focus. Many times, when people go about asking a girl about what their hobbies are, or what makes them interesting, it comes from a place of zero dominance because they are simply asking to keep conversation going or create the illusion of expressive curiosity.

You don’t even have to ask direct questions to find if the woman meets your standards. By being genuinely curious about the woman, you can find out all you need to know about her just by asking about her weekend. By knowing what you want, your curiosity will steer the conversation into qualifying her like a natural.

How To Show A Girl That You’re Genuinely Curious

Here is an example of great dating advice (In this example I am genuinely curious if I can go out on a date and have fun with this girl, making sure she is not a buzz kill):

Me: “What did you do this weekend?”

Her: “Me and my friends went to bar for my friends birthday.”

Me: “Oh really, what bar? I’ve been looking for a new place to go.” (Genuinely curious, seeing if this woman can offer some value to me)

Her: “It’s a place called Amsterdam Lounge, on Pleasant Street.”

Me: “Oh yeah, I think I’ve heard of that, did you have fun?” (Notice my curiosity is on her, I am asking if SHE had fun. Not if the bar was fun)

Her: “Yeah we had a blast! We ended up getting free drinks on the house cause it was my friend’s birthday.” (At this point I can tell she is fun, however if you want, this is when it would be appropriate to ask a qualifying question because now it is coming from a place of genuine curiosity)

Me: “Sounds pretty crazy, so did you end up being the girl taking care of everyone, or was it the other way around?”

Her: “It was definitely the other way around, someone had to keep up with the birthday girl so she did not feel alone!” (Although this may seem like a simple response, it is absolutely perfect, by being genuinely curious in the girl I’ve learned that she can party, likes to have a good time, and could even go on to assume she is the party starter if she kept up with the birthday woman in regards to having drinks that night).

So once you get into to the habit of putting your awareness into a place of expressive curiosity, there is one other habit you must instill to achieve perfect dominance. This habit fulfills where your mind is at during the response part of your interaction. In other words, this dating advice means you need to be concentrating on when she is talking, and when you are responding to what she says.

Forming The Right Responses

So where should your concentration be when listening and responding to a woman?

  • If she is talking and your concentration is on her looks (or having sex with her), you failed
  • If she is talking and your concentration is on what to say next, you failed
  • If she is talking or you are responding and your concentration is on what she is thinking of you, you failed.

However, if your awareness is on appreciating her for sharing something about herself, and being genuinely excited to be flirting with her, then you are truly thinking like someone that is naturally good with women.

When a woman responds to the questions you asked from a place of genuine curiosity, your response to her answers needs to come from a place of “Appreciation.” In other words, she has done or shown something about herself that you find attractive, you need to show your appreciation to show that this girl is actually getting your attention in a good way.

Do not feel like you have to force anything or be over the top with praise and compliments, you are simply showing your excitement over the fact that there is actually something interesting you find about this girl. This focus allows for you to start creating a real deep connection with the woman while also letting her learn about yourself.

To continue off the previous dating advice example, the last thing she said was:

Her: “It was defiantly the other way around, someone had to keep up with the birthday girl so she did not feel alone!”

Me: “That’s what’s up! I could tell you know how to party.” *High Five* (Now this high five comes from me being genuinely excited that she is a fun woman. I am not doing it as an excuse to touch her, it is simply my actions lining up with my mode of thinking) “I’m the same way, you can’t let your buddy be the only hammered person at a party, sometimes you just got to show that support and keep up with them. It’s common courtesy.” (Now I have used that same appreciation focus to let her know that I like that quality because I am similar)

Her: I couldn’t agree more! (She has now complied to the fact that we are similar. Just because of my approach, our seemingly meaningless conversation has created a strong connection)

To summarize, this dating advice is crucial to your success! When you are talking to a woman, you need to come from a place of genuine, expressive curiosity, and when listening to her, you need to appreciate what she is saying. This will skyrocket your results when dating women.

Dating Tips: How To Keep A Group Date From Becoming A Total Disaster

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While dating is typically only about you and your significant other, there are times when you’ll end up heading out with other couples. Group dates can be highly enjoyable, especially when you’re with a group of mutual friends and have fun plans. They can also go horribly awry—the more people involved, the higher the chance that someone’s not having a good time. Before you and your S.O. accept an invitation to a group date, make sure to think over a few important points.

Who To Invite

First and foremost, you need to consider who all is going to be heading out together on the date. How well do you know everyone? Is there a person whom you or your partner find particularly difficult to spend time with? If you learn that someone you really don’t enjoy being around will be there, you may want to skip this particular group date. If you don’t know one or two of the people who are coming along, you should try to find out more about them from your other friends.

It’s best to go into a group date situation knowing at least a little about everyone involved. It will make conversations easier and rule out the element of the unknown. It’s important to avoid group dates with another couple that’s volatile—you don’t want someone else’s fighting to cause drama in your own relationship. Plus, even if their fighting doesn’t spread to you, they’ll make your whole date a downer. It’s also important to consider how many couples should go out together on the date.

The more people you add to the mix, the higher the odds of someone having a bad time and bringing the rest of the group down. You may have a lot more fun having dinner with one other couple that you both like than two or three other couples you don’t know very well.

What To Do

Once you know that you’ve got a fun group lined up to hang out, you’ll need to consider what kind of activity works well for a group date. Sporty activities like bowling, a game of softball, or a round of mini golf can be fun with a group. However, if one or two of your friends is hyper-competitive, or you know a few people really don’t like sports, it’s worth planning something else.

It’s key to make sure that you find something everyone will enjoy, otherwise you might find one or two people in the group are moping around. If not everyone in the group already knows each other, you might want to do something that will provide you with a talking point. Go to a movie or show and then have drinks afterward, that way you’ll all have something to discuss. That also lets everyone relax for the first part of the night, since you can’t really talk during a film or performance.

Group dates can also be a good way for you to introduce your significant other to your friends, or vice versa. If everyone’s having a great time, your friends will probably appreciate your new boyfriend or girlfriend even more. That’s part of why it’s important to pick out an activity that will be fun for everyone involved.

Why Group Dates Can Be Fun

While you should still spend most of your dating time one-on-one with your significant other, having a group date every now and again is a great idea. It helps you connect with your friends and your boyfriend or girlfriend at the same time, and it adds some variety to your dating plans. It can be a really good way to get out of a rut. Even if a group date goes horribly wrong, you might still get something good out of it. Sometimes just seeing another couple have a meltdown can make you realize just how good you’ve got it in your own relationship!

How To Be Naturally Good With Women

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The best dating advice for being good with ladies is actually quite simple, contrary to popular belief. There are simple changes in your thinking that you can make to become one of those guys that is just good with girls.

Ever notice how some people are just always getting with attractive girls? Sometimes they are not even attractive men, but seem to leave the club with the hottest girl there. This has nothing to do with tricks or techniques when meeting women, but comes from the proper mindsets that they have developed.

Having The Proper Mindset

Someone that is naturally good with women does not have a set of pick up lines that they use and generally have no scripted game plan of any sorts when it comes to meeting women, yet it is their beliefs and mindsets that guide their actions in a naturally attractive way. The alignment of ones actions and mindset are what makes up dominance and is the first step to bringing out your inherited natural.

Before you can be in tune with others, you must be in tune with yourself. Now, I do not mean that is some preachy confidence developing way, I mean it as in order to bring women into your life; you need to know what you want from them.

This kind of guy knows what kind of girl he is attracted to. There can be many things that can draw your attraction to a girl, whether it is natural good looks, style, demeanor, personality, or a combination of them all, a guy that is good with women has his preference and you should too.

Avoid “Rating” Women

Another great piece of dating advice is to avoid “rating” women. A man that is awesome with girls does not rate them on a scale of 1 to 10 – this kind of scale is made up by people that do not have the ability to be good with ladies and it becomes a tool to create excuses about why they did not talk to a particular girl.

A man that IS great with girls only has two numbers, a “One” and a “Zero.” One meaning, you would “do” her, and zero meaning you wouldn’t. Now you need to understand, wanting to “do” a girl is not an objectification and should not be viewed as one. It comes from our inherited desire to want to reproduce, and denying that urge is the most “unnatural” thing you can do. The difference lies in how a smooth guy views having sex with a girl and is what makes them successful over the average sleaze ball in a club.

Being A Dominant, Confident Man

Wanting to have sex with a girl comes from a place of DOMINANCE when your desire for sex comes from something about her that triggers that urge. For example, I am very into music production and if I met a girl that displayed a unique or solid understanding of music, my sexual attraction to her would be ignited because of something about her that I find particularly sexy.

My sexual attraction does not come from a place of simply just wanting to have sex with her to have another notch in the belt. That difference in thinking is what makes a natural stand out and allows for sexual attraction to be reciprocated by the girl.

You may see many guys that have no shame in talking to every girl that walks by, however their dating success rate is low because they have not set standards for themselves. They are simply willing to settle on whatever is willing to settle with them. This behavior is very unattractive to any girl and only attracts girls with low self-esteem and other problematic issues.

More often than not, it just leads to a two-minute conversation followed by a harsh blow out. A girl shutting down a guy like this is no surprise though. How can a girl be expected to respect a guy that no standards or idea what he wants? It is essentially like he has no respect for himself. Very unattractive.

Understanding Your Desire For A Woman

The key to understanding this is by going out and taking note of what is it about certain women that draw your attention. To you, what makes some girls stand out over the others, start to find what it is that these women share in common to help you better understand your own desire.

That way, next time you see a girl that gets your attention, your desire for her is understood and gives you all the reason in the world to talk to her. Once you begin to understand the only reason you need to talk to a girl is because of your attraction to her, your approach and actions will come from a place of genuine dominance.

Flirting: Your Guide For Learning How To Flirt

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Flirting isn’t always obvious – in fact, it can often be completely inconspicuous. There you are, in line at the grocery store when a very attractive person brushes up against you accidentally – or so you think.

How can you be sure? You can’t right away, so you look again and try and make eye contact this time. First, to see if what you thought you saw was an attractive person, and then next (if you still think so), to see if the brush might have been deliberate.

But how can you tell with a look? Maybe they were off-balance, or the person behind them bumped into them, or maybe they are nearsighted and left their glasses in the car. Before you make another move, I know you realize a lot is at stake here; what you do (or don’t do) in the next 30 seconds could change your life…forever.

The Flirting Basics (Quiz)

Take this quiz and see what you know about flirting – answer true or false! Then add up your answers below:

  1. When someone goes out of their way to talk to me, they are flirting.
  2. When someone makes prolonged eye contact (more than three seconds), they want my attention.
  3. When a woman is flirting, it’s obvious.
  4. When a man is overtly flirting, he generally has only sex on his mind.
  5. There’s a difference between being flirtatious and flirting.
  6. There are right ways and wrong ways to flirt.
  7. Saying inappropriate things in the name of flirting is acceptable.
  8. Flirting when you’re in a committed relationship is fine as long as you don’t act on it.

Tips On How To Engage In Healthy, Fun Flirting

So first things first, and at the top of the list when it comes to having healthy, fun flirting you need to ask yourself: What are your intentions? That’s right, what do you want?

If you want a real relationship for example, and you do find yourself in close proximity of someone you find attractive, naturally one of the first things you’ll do is scan that person for signs that they are available – a wedding ring or in this scenario, baby formula in the basket, wife or children in tow, etc. – before you make a move.

Flirting Safely

The next step, once you’re clear that you are in fact looking for that special someone is to think about being safe. You really can’t be too careful these days. So when you find you are attracted to someone, make sure you pay close attention to your body cues and all the signs that make you feel secure and safe, especially if you are the one being approached.

Whether you are at a grocery store/bar/gym/party, take time to check in to those cues that register beneath the surface of whatever seems so compelling; his or her awesome butt or radiant aura. Everybody gives off a vibe; make sure you check theirs out good!

Getting Down To Business

And the third step, the fun part, the actual flirting – there is nothing to worry about here at all. Sure you say, easy for you to say. Nawww, it’s in your blood. It’s in everyone’s. It’s built right into your nature, meaning it’s practically foolproof, ‘cause half the time you’re sending signals without even realizing.

It’s about paying attention and practicing; a little brushing up never hurt anyone (since most of us freeze up when this unconscious behavior suddenly becomes conscious). That reflexive look, that urge to see who was brushing up against you and why, IS flirting at its very base!

In the grocery store, it could be as simple as another attempt at making eye contact, holding your gaze for three or more seconds and smiling. Really, that’s it. The rest is as easy as finding something sincere and authentic in the moment to say, and you’re halfway there.

Don’t be afraid to get out there and practice connecting, just keep these three basics in your tool belt: what’s your intention (what do you want), be safe, and know that flirting is natural and part of your instinctive makeup!

Flirting With Text Messages – 3 Texts A 3rd Grader Could Have Written

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You’ve been flirting with her through text messages, but with no response. Ever wonder why a woman didn’t text you back?

It’s not because your text message wasn’t “good enough.” Because texting shouldn’t be tough to do. In fact, your average third grader could write expert text messages. (As long as you arm him with some top notch psychology)

With that in mind, let’s take a look at three of my favorite text messages. They’re my favorites because they work. And they work on every woman. In this article, you’ll discover which texts they are, exactly when to send them, and how they use modern psychology to make getting sex easier.

“I just saw ur twin…”

That’s an easy enough text, right? It’s like you walk down the street and see a stranger who reminds you of your girl. So, you send her this text message. It may surprise you to discover this is one of the most powerful texts in the world (if you want her to text you back)

Let’s check it out in more detail:

Why it works:

Ever hear someone say, “No one cares about you as much as you do?” Whether you have or you haven’t, you understand the sentiment: Most people consider themselves important. They’re worried about making mistakes, being embarrassed and what other people think about them.

That gorgeous woman you know thinks exactly the same way. In fact, psychologists call this phenomenon the “ego.” A well known psychologist called the ego, “The most powerful motivating force in human nature.” Which means triggering it in a text message is a very good thing, for you.

“I just saw your twin” works on a few levels. It also brings up feelings of insecurity (“Was she pretty?”) and the promise of a good story (it makes her think, “What happened?”).

When you’d use it:

You can use this text message almost whenever. Even out of the blue. The rule of thumb is: You want to use this text when you’re starting a “new” conversation. For example, you haven’t texted each other for a few days… or maybe things “cooled off” for awhile.

It’s a great text message if she’s been ignoring your texts for awhile, too. I’ll explain why in just a second, after we check out this next text.

“Something just reminded me of u…”

This text also uses “ego” psychology. However, this text is special. Because it focuses on drama and the hint of a good story. And it also teases her with a compliment.

Why it works:

She’s HOPING you were reminded of how pretty she is or you were reminded of something funny she said. However, she’s afraid you’ll remember an embarrassing part of her. For example, maybe she forgot to leave a tip on your date, and you noticed someone being super cheap.

(Everyone has their insecurities.)

When you’d use it:

Any time you’d use “I just saw ur twin.” Which reminds me: These texts are great even when she ignores one or two of your texts in a row. It’s all because these texts are stories in themselves. Complete texts that INVITE her to text you back but don’t require her to.

So you keep your power in the relationship, even when you text her twice in a row. It’s a neat trick – and I suggest you use it more often.

“OMG u didn’t…”

This one plays on her ego and it also brings in a level of guilt: Have you ever done something wrong, but not gotten “caught?” The feeling of guilt stays with you for days – maybe even weeks. And you feel like everyone knows what you did. The good news is: You’re not alone.

Why it works:

Everyone has that feeling one time or another. In fact, most people carry around “guilt” feelings every single day. Especially women! (Ever wonder why your mother constantly gave you guilt trips?)

When you’d use it:

This text works especially well after a first date. Because, here’s a shocker, EVERYONE makes mistakes on a first date! She leaves your first date wondering if she did “OK,” just like you leave your first date, wondering the same thing.

(She wouldn’t be on a date with you if she didn’t like you a lot…)

So toss this text in after a first date, or even after the first time you meet. She’ll text you back, I promise 🙂

So there you have it…

As you can clearly see, a “great” text message is so easy, a third grader could write one. All you need is the right psychology. And now you’ve got the psychology down pat. So what now? How can you guarantee you’ll get a first date… a booty call… maybe even sex? How about a relationship, after the fact?

Well, just like these texts, dating can be VERY easy once you know the right psychology.