Have you ever gone to a club, bought a bunch of overpriced drinks, then stood around only talking to your friends while thinking “Why did I come here?”
I remember a few years ago, before I learned any dating tips, I would leave bars or clubs with this frustrated feeling inside me.
I thought, “I just don’t get it, clubs are supposed to be a place to have fun and meet women. Where did I go wrong?”
I believe there are five major mistakes that guys make consistently at clubs for this to happen, I know I’ve made them. I also believe that if guys just stopped doing these five things, their success would improve automatically.
1. Only talking to people you know.
This first one is fairly obvious, yet many guys do it all the time. I remember standing there, looking around the club for beautiful women. When I’d find one, I‘d think to myself “Aha! There’s a beautiful woman” and then I would just keep talking to my friends.
If you keep talking to the same people, you’re going to get the same results. You don’t necessarily need to go talk to every beautiful woman you see, you can just start with the person standing next to you.
Just turn your body a little bit so you lean in from the side and start chatting. It doesn’t matter if it’s a couple, a group of guys, or some cute women. What does matter is that you are improving your conversational skills within the club.
If you’re not sure what to say, look around at your environment for some ideas. Is there a band or any dancers? Is anyone doing anything unusual? Just make a witty comment about the how the opposite of something is true.
For example, if a guy next to me starts taking a whole bunch of tequila shots, I could turn to him and his friends and say “I guess we all know who the designated driver is.” It’s good to say it in a slightly serious tone and without smiling, so you build a little tension.
It doesn’t matter how funny it is, it’s just a way to engage others. Do this to everyone who seems open and you will start having some fun times meeting new people.
2. Caring what others think.
So when you start talking to all different types of people in the club, you’re probably going to meet some friendly people and some not so friendly people (in my experience there are many more friendly people).
What happens if they don’t respond well to you, ignore you, or act rude?
Just move on. It’s not your job to fix other people; you don’t have control over them. The only thing you have control of is your own reaction. You can choose to care about their opinion or to not care about it.
The better you get at talking to more people, the more you will learn that it’s not about you. Some people go to the club to let go of all their frustrations from the week and combine that with alcohol and you can get all kinds of crazy emotions in the mix.
So if something isn’t working out, just realize it’s their issue and move on.
3. Ignoring the club employees.
Have you ever gone to a party where you knew everyone and as soon as you entered, they were all really excited to see you and gave you high fives and hugs?
How good did that feel? Well, you can get the same reaction when you enter a club.
It’s not hard, just choose a club that you go to often and make friends with all the employees. Introduce yourself and remember their names and talk to them like a friend.
Ask the bouncer how his night is going, give the bartenders a big first tip, make friends with the bathroom attendant or tease the cocktail waitress.
Remember, these people are working while you are having fun. See if you can share some of that fun with them. Before you know it, when you come to the club, you’ll feel right at home. You’ll be in a better mood, have more fun, and meet more people.
This tip alone is one of the easiest ways to increase your confidence and status in a club.
4. Waiting to get drunk before talking to women.
This is probably the biggest mistake that guys make every night, at every club, everywhere. The best time to talk to women is actually right when the night begins. Why? When it’s still early, women are just arriving usually in a good mood, no one’s approached them yet; it’s like a blank slate.
It’s your best chance to make what I call a little connection. This is where you just make one fun or witty comment to someone and then get back to your friends.
If it turns into a conversation then go with it, but it’s mainly a way to create a little connection of familiarity between you and someone you don’t know.
What most guys do, is they stare at the women they want to talk to all night until they’ve had enough drinks, then go over and try to force a full on conversation. It’s usually not pretty.
Instead, it’s a lot easier to make a bunch of little connections with women, then sit back and watch. The women that are interested in you will come stand near you or they will look at you and smile when they walk by.
Even if they don’t, it will be a lot easier to wave them over and start a conversation with them if you’ve already talked before.
5. Putting too much pressure on yourself to meet women.
The last one is the most important. Remember why you are there in the first place:
To have a good time.
Have patience with yourself and give yourself permission to relax. Some guys get too attached to the outcome with women and even relate what happens to their own self-worth.
You know yourself better than anyone else.
Clubs are a place where almost everyone has a very strong social mask up and it can be hard to reach the real person underneath. So if things don’t go as planned, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just leave the unwanted feelings at the club and enjoy what you do have.
When you see every interaction within the club as amusing or an opportunity to “play with others”, you’ll create a magnetic vibe and others will naturally be pulled in towards you.