Just about every guy likes watching porn – and most women don’t like it. But what if you watched porn with your partner? Could watching porn with your man make your sex life better? Absolutely – and you might learn a thing or two. Next time you’re at the video store, rent a naughty flick or purchase one online. Set aside a night one week that you and your partner can watch the movie together – just leave plenty of time for afterwards too!

What Not To Do When Watching Porn With Your Partner

• Don’t ask your partner to pick out what he likes. You might not like the answer. Instead, choose a flick that you and he agree on and has elements that turn you both on.
• Don’t ask him to compare the woman in the movie to you in either looks or technique. This is a common mistake that many women make when watching porn with their partner, but it can be disastrous. Your partner doesn’t know the right answer to this – because no answer is a good answer.
• Don’t compare any men in the video to your man – at all – especially if you’re commenting on penis size.
• Don’t try to use porn to solve emotional or sexual problems in your relationship. If you and your partner aren’t both confident and open with each other, it will likely make any underlying issues you have worse.
• Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you’re uncomfortable with something. If a certain movie or technique makes you uncomfortable – especially if he wants you to try it – let your partner know that it’s just not something that you’re comfortable with. Don’t be critical or judge him because it’s something that turns him on – simply suggest something else that you would both like.

What You Should Do When You Watch Porn With Your Partner

• Keep an open mind!
• Try watching amateur porn if you’re uncomfortable with pornography actors.
• Try making your own porn with your camcorder and watching it instead of traditional pornography. This can be a great learning experience too, because it allows both you and your partner to see your sexual techniques from a different point of view and can give you new ideas on how to improve your sexual skills.
• Watch the movie naked with your partner – it will be easier to allow the video to transition smoothly into sex with your partner.
• Have a “porn night.” Once a week or once a month, have a night that is completely dedicated to watching porn with your partner and incorporating new moves into your sexual routine.
• Try watching different styles of porn to keep things from getting boring.
• Have a few toys and some lube handy while watching the sexy flick. You’ll never know what you’ll be inspired to do!
• Remember that the best way to do something, such as giving your partner a blowjob or receiving oral sex from him, is not necessarily the way the porn stars do it. Do the things that your partner enjoys and listen to their body language to let you know if you’re getting it right – don’t just assume you’re doing what your partner likes just because the porn stars did it.

You’re with someone you love, but your relationship seems to be going in a downward spiral.

You’re not alone! There’s fighting, arguing and even ultimatums involved.

How do you know if you’re being manipulated? Abuse isn’t limited to just physical abuse. Both men and women are verbally and even sexually abused and manipulated often in relationships.

How do you know when to draw the line?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Your article on Husbands addicted to porn, my husband falls in that slot, but he wants me to sleep with other men while he video tapes it. We’ve been married for 11 yrs. I did it three times for him, and now I told him I can’t, its wrong, and told him he needs help, he says he doesn’t. If he doesn’t get his way he tells me he will leave me, and makes my life a living hell, with the fighting.

He says if I love him I will do this one more time. He also wants me to do a website, and he wants to sell these videos.

My friend thinks I should leave. I have three kids, and I don’t want to fail them. Any ideas on how I should deal with this?

– Gloria, Illinois

Verbal Manipulation

One of the telltale signs of manipulation is when the manipulator uses words, phrases or ultimatums to get his or her way. Threats, even if they’re empty, are also a sign that someone is manipulating you. How can you tell if you’re being manipulated?

• Your partner starts a huge fight if he or she doesn’t get his way
• Your partner threatens you if you don’t do what they want
• Your partner tries to persuade you to do something they want – this type of persuasion often starts out nice but ends with belittlement and anger when the persuasion doesn’t work right away
• Your partner is overall controlling

Verbal manipulation is sometimes the hardest to distinguish because the manipulator is often so good at talking their way into getting what they want that you barely recognize it.

Sometimes, however, it’s painfully obvious that your partner is often controlling and starts fights and arguments when they don’t get their way. They may even belittle you or give you ultimatums to get what they want.

Drawing The Line

Being in a manipulative relationship is classified as abuse, regardless of whether you come out bruised and beaten or not. Often, coming out of a manipulative relationship leaves your psyche pretty banged up, so it’s all the same. Many people stay in these types of relationships because they’re afraid they might not be able to care for their children alone, or because they think it might get better.

Even worse is when the manipulator promises they’ll change and does a very good job making you believe that’s true. Staying in a relationship like that is not healthy, but it’s ultimately up to you whether you decide to stay or leave. Where do you draw the line though?

Anything that your partner forces you to do or manipulates you into doing that makes you uncomfortable is definite grounds for terminating the relationship. You should never, ever have to do anything that you feel is wrong or makes you uncomfortable in any way, shape or form. First, let your partner know they’re making you uncomfortable or that you feel what they’re asking you to do is wrong. Judge their response.

If they’re a manipulator, they’re likely not going to respect what you have to say. They’ll instead use any means they can to get you to do what they want. You deserve to be respected! You should never have to do anything that you don’t want to do, or that makes you feel uneasy. If your partner doesn’t respect this, it’s probably time to move on.

Moving on from abusive or manipulating relationships can be difficult and sometimes it can seem downright impossible. You’re not stuck in an unhappy relationship though, as long as you don’t want to be! See a counselor or therapist to talk about your relationship. They can help bring light to your situation and can give you resources that will help you to move on from an abusive, manipulating relationship.