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You are here: Home / Archives for love

Is He Ready For A Serious Relationship?

By dicksinthecity

Dating is fun, but sometimes you want to move on to something more committed. How can you tell if your partner is ready to move past the dating phase?

I’m dating this amazing guy. But I’m the first girl he’s dated seriously since his last serious relationship ended. I want a future with him, and I’m ready to open myself up and give my heart to him, but I want to be sure. How do I know I’m not his rebound girl?

What She Said:

Beware of “Ghost Sex!” He may like you; or he could mentally be placing his ex-girlfriend’s face on your body and going to town. Sorry to sound so crass – but the old adage, “The best way to get over someone is get under someone” is often true. I’m sure he enjoys your company; but the fact is, depending on how recent the breakup, your presence might just be keeping him warm until his heart has healed.

Are You A Rebound?

How to spot a rebound? Be honest with yourself. Does he talk about her a lot? Are there still pictures everywhere? Does he seem angry or flinch if her name is brought up? If so, chances are his mind is still on the relationship and not in the present with you. If it was a long-term relationship, his penis will most likely be ready to move on before his heart. If you’re looking for sex and nothing more, this can be a fun time for both of you. If you’re hooked on this guy, stay away until he’s had time to sort things out.

Honestly, if I’m into a guy, my rule of thumb is to not be the first girl he’s with after a serious relationship. I find that you’re usually dealing with the fallout of the past and not the good stuff. Even guys need time to work through their feelings – whether they show it or not. It’d be great to move on as if nothing ever happened – but the hurt is there somewhere, and it will find a way to come out.

Getting His Mind On YOU

You’re worth 100% of his attention. Again, if you’re looking for a fling, this is a fine time to get some no strings attached lovin’. But, given that you’re bummed out, I’d cool it with this guy. Chances are if you set your boundaries and treat yourself with respect, it’ll be you and not his ex he’s thinking about in no time.

What He Said:

I feel really old, because I thought “Ghost Sex” involved Whoopi Goldberg, Demi Moore, and Patrick Swayze. Nevertheless, I am undaunted and proudly declare “Ghost Sex” to be my new favorite word and hereby dedicate the remainder of my existence to the gratuitous use of the term until it gets old for me (hint: it won’t. I’m like a five year old.)

Here’s a thought: if you haven’t met his friends, or if he doesn’t spend money on you or if you only meet in the backseat of his car, then well, you’re just for fun. You really need to figure out how long it’s been since the end of his last serious relationship and how serious was it (marriage, living together, etc) and how messy or amicable was the break up.

Trust Your Gut Feelings

Recovery time is a tricky thing. Everyone heals from injury at different speeds, so he may be ready for another relationship right away. Or maybe not. And he may not know where he’s at in that process. So go with your gut if it feels right, then it is. If it doesn’t, well…it’s time to cut the cord.

Filed Under: Dating Tips Tagged With: commitment, Dating Tips, love, Relationship Advice

Romance Tips: How To Set Up A Charming Picnic

By loveandsex

Romance can take many forms, but one of the most adored romantic gestures is a picnic between lovers. Here’s how to set one up for yours.

There is something to be said about leaving the city behind, getting away for a day, enjoying whatever beautiful views nature offers you, stuffing yourself silly and then lay back with a glass of wine or whatever liquid takes your fancy. When the sun is shining there’s only one thing to do – and that is, go on a picnic. Now these are not only good for the happily involved but they are essential when trying to win her back! Obviously the weather plays an important part but remember, you can do it both indoors and outdoors. All it takes is a little creative imagination.

What Food To Bring

Most importantly you must find a place that’s sheltered from the wind yet has a lovely view. Set the scene with candles or lanterns, and your loved one (yes her) will be eating out of the palm of your hand! For dinner include:

  • Fresh, organic vegetables such as baby carrots, cucumber fingers, baby sweet corn, broccoli, cherry tomatoes and serve with dips such as guacamole, hummus or chopped tomato in cottage cheese, suggests planning and preparation and you can grill the vegetables beforehand for something a little different.
  • Cold meats with cheeses such as Camembert and Brie also work well as snacks. The cheese can also be eaten with fruit or crackers.
  • It’s always a good idea to stick to finger foods for romantic picnics; this way you can feed each other.
  • For something more substantial, make a variety of wraps with cottage cheese and pineapple filling; and pita bread with stuffed with tuna salad, feta and avocado, or feta and carrot.
  • A bottle of wine or bubbly makes it a special occasion, but remember to first check whether alcohol is allowed at your spot of choice — and pack two of your prettiest glasses for the occasion.
  • Round off your rendezvous with some decadent dark chocolate-tipped strawberries.

Although it seems as though this is a daunting task, and it really doesn’t have to be. A little planning beforehand can make you look like a pro and what better way to impress her than if you can honestly tell her you prepared it yourself. Certain foods are easy and quick to prepare such as cheese and crackers, muffins, grapes, strawberries (these always score big points for the romantic), chips and dips etc., always work well.

Throw in a bottle of wine or some champagne or if going for something non-alcoholic – a chilled fresh fruit juice. When organizing your basket the utensils you bring with are very important.

Setting The Mood

Try to pick a day where the weather is just right for being outside. A sunny, breezy morning is great for brunch, while evening is full of romance and much better for drinking champagne – although you can always do mimosas in the morning! You want to make sure you have the right tools on hand for comfort:

  • A blanket, of course, is a must. If you really want to be nostalgic about it, find one in a classic red gingham print. A wooden basket is also a nice touch. Any soft blanket will do though.
  • Think about bringing supportive pillows. Inexpensive throw pillows that you keep just for the occasion can help your partner feel more comfortable during your excursion. They’re not large or heavy and are easy to take with you. This can also help create a feeling of romance if you are able to lean back some or lie down next to your partner – and they’re better for sex if you and your lover are in a secluded spot!
  • If there’s not a lot of wind, think about bringing candles. Jar candles are your best bet here, because they are shielded some from wind and external elements. While candles aren’t very practical if you’re having a morning or afternoon get together, they can be super romantic if you are having an evening get together.
  • Bug repellent is also a must. It’s not super sexy to spray you and your partner down with bug spray before eating (make sure you wash your hands first!) but it will keep the mosquitoes away. It’s hard to create romance when you’re doing nothing but scratching at bug bites! Instead of bug spray, consider using citronella candles or torches that cover a wider area, so your area will be romantically lit and bug free!

No matter what you choose to do for your get together, make sure that your partner feels appreciated and cherished. This is part of the romance – spending time away from the daily grind to eat, drink and reconnect. It’s a wonderful experience no matter how you decide to do it!

Filed Under: Love & Romance Tagged With: date ideas, love, romance, romantic ideas

How Long Should You Stay Engaged?

By loveandsex

Marriage is an exciting process – the proposal has happened and now you’re engaged. One of the very first things you and your new fiance have to do is to set the date for your wedding. How can you decide how long you should be engaged before you celebrate your big day? It will depend on a number of factors, including how much time you’ll need to plan, whether or not you have guests coming in from out of town, and more.

This is something you should start discussing with your S.O. no later than the day after you get engaged. The sooner you can settle on a date, the sooner you can go to work on the rest of the planning process.

Decide On The Wedding Size

Before you can set a date, you have to decide exactly what kind of  wedding you’ll have. If you and your partner want a big ceremony with lots of guests, a full bridal party, and a huge reception, you may very well need at least six months to a year to get everything set up.

If you want a small ceremony with only a few friends and family, you may only need a month or so. Should you and your partner be anxious to get married and not into a traditional wedding, you might even consider eloping as soon as possible. You can always have a party to celebrate your marriage with all of your friends and family after the fact.

Picking A Special Date

Another factor to consider when picking a date is whether or not there’s a special date that means something to both of you. Maybe you want to get married during a certain time of year so you can have an outdoor ceremony, like late spring or early fall. Or maybe there’s a meaningful date, like the day you first met or the anniversary of your first date that you want to be your date.

If either of these scenarios is the case, you may have a big wait, particularly if you need time to plan and that date or season is coming up quickly. Should that be the case, you might have to wait until that date comes up next year instead of this year, or your planning might be too rushed. If neither of you wants to wait that long, you need to be willing to sacrifice your idea of a perfect date or season to get married in.

Venue Availability

Your date will also be determined by the availability of the venue you want to get married in. Some venues, like religious ones, may already be booked for someone else’s  ceremony on the date that you want. It’s a good idea to have a window of dates or a few backup dates in mind in case your ideal date is booked. Otherwise, you need to be willing to be flexible on the venue.

The same thing goes for who will perform the ceremony. If you belong to a specific congregation and want your preacher, priest, Rabbi, etc., to perform the ceremony, you will most likely need to be flexible on your date. If the two of you are just going to use a justice of the peace, however, you can probably pick the exact date you want. Odds are that someone will be available for that day.

In the end, finding the right date mostly comes down to what your priorities are. If you have a detailed dream wedding plan, you’re probably going to need more time and have to be more flexible with your date to make everything work. If you and your fiance’s number one priority is to make the marriage sooner rather than later, you’ll have to be willing to be looser with your wedding plans. Just make sure that you’re both on the same page about your priorities, and you’ll settle on the right date in no time.

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: engagement, love, marriage, Relationship Advice

4 Ways To Get Your Girlfriend Back

By loveandsex

A relationship ends, and both parties move on to bigger and better things, right? Not always. Everyone, sometime in their life has been disappointed in love. Breaking up is hard to go through, especially if you are not ready for it. If, after a breakup, you realize you still want your ex back, you need to be proactive about it. In order to do so, you need to reflect back on your relationship and try and understand where it went wrong.

The Pattern Of A Relationship

Generally speaking, most relationships follow a predictable pattern. There is the honeymoon period where you first meet someone and everything is wonderful and new. They can do no wrong and you can do no wrong in their eyes. The sex is fantastic, the chemistry electric but after while, this starts to feel more comfortable rather than exciting. You start to adjust to one another, make compromises, and at this point, the relationship changes again. I call this the “establishment” period. At this point, cohabitation often occurs, a little “nesting” starts to rear its head and “she” and “he” become “we.”

A little further down the line comes the “disenchantment” stage where suddenly the little quirks that amused you and you were willing to overlook now start to bother you and in fact, often become the “bone of contention” as a means to “pick a fight.” This is the true test of a relationship and it is this particular phase of the relationship that you need to reflect upon. If you believe you can save your relationship after this deep reflection then you need to do the following:

Apologize!

So many “fools of love” out there say, “treat em mean, keeps em keen” and they are so far off the beaten track that they will never find their way on the path to true love. It takes strength of character and great sacrifice to apologize particularly if you do not believe you were in the wrong. However, sometimes it really is worth “losing a battle to win a war.” Once you have taken this first step, the rest is not that difficult to follow. Remember, it takes two people to have a successful relationship and knowing exactly what to apologize for is crucial.

Talk Things Through Face To Face

Invite your ex to meet you at a time and place convenient for you both where you can sit down and talk. The idea is to be quietly assertive, not forceful, but intent enough to get her to agree to meet you face to face. You both need to chat about the issues objectively, without blame and maturely. If necessary, suggest couple counseling with a therapist so she can see that you are serious in your quest.

Give Her Time And Space

This is probably one of the hardest things to do but by allowing your ex space not only gives her a chance to calm down and reflect, but also to miss you and it is true that as time passes, one only remembers the good times. By allowing a little time to pass, takes the heat of the anger out of the equation and emotions to settle into places of calm. This can only work in your favor.

Treat Her Like A Lady

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to take her on a triple Treat of Champagne Breakfast, Balloon and Boat Ride but it does mean you need to do things differently! She is the most important person on earth to you; show her this in your actions, not only in your words! Treat her like a lady and show your romantic side. A little bit of romance goes a long way!

Filed Under: Get Your Ex Back Tagged With: breaking up, Get Your Ex Back, love, Relationship Advice

Should You Adopt A Pet With Your Partner?

By loveandsex

A relationship through many phases. What happens when you want to build a family with this person but aren’t ready for a kid? Should you get a pet together?

Whether you’re both experienced pet owners, or this is the first time either of you have ever had an animal, getting one together is a big decision. Co-owning an animal with your S.O. should never be treated as a whim. This is a long term commitment that will require both of you to put in time and effort every single day.

Make Sure Your Relationship Is Stable First

It will also require a monetary commitment from both of you. That’s why it’s important to be certain that you’re both in your relationship for the long run before you get an animal together. Sure a dog or a cat isn’t a baby, but it is a living creature that will be dependent upon both of you. That means you both need to be on the same page before you head off to your local animal shelter or breeder.

If you are married or have been living together for several years, you can feel more comfortable about taking this step. Not only are you in a serious relationship that will likely last for many more years to come, but you’ve also been together long enough to know whether or not your S.O. is responsible. This means you won’t have to worry about how much more difficult it will be to end your relationship with a shared animal in the mix.

It also means that you’ll know they will be more likely to hold up their end of the animal-related duties or not. If you’ve only been together for a little while and aren’t really sure if this person is the one for you, hold off on getting one together. Having to fight over who gets the animal when you’ve broken up will just make things that much worse, and shared custody will be a pain for all involved—especially for the dog or cat.

Have A Talk On What You Want

Once you’ve decided that your’re in a serious, long-term relationship, sit down and talk to your S.O. about what you’re looking for in a pet. If neither of you has ever owned an animal before, you might want to do some research online or check out books about animal ownership. This will help you get an idea of the level of commitment each kind of animal requires.

For instance, dogs require a little more work than cats do. You have to walk them regularly, and potty training a puppy is more difficult than showing a kitten where its litter box is. If you both work long hours and neither of you can get home to walk a dog at lunch time, a cat might be a better fit for you. If you work far away from your home or apartment, but your S.O. works ten minutes away and always gets a lunch break, you probably could have a dog. Just make sure that your mate is okay with always being the one who has to handle midday walks.

Divide The Responsibilities

Speaking of midday walks and other responsibilities, you and your mate need to figure out a way to divvy up the work and cost associated with having an animal. The time to do so is prior to picking up your new four-legged family member. If you can’t decide who will be responsible for feeding times, vet trips, etc. without an argument, at least one of you isn’t ready yet.
You may also find that your S.O. is trying to pawn more of the work off onto you, which could indicate that he or she doesn’t really have their heart in it. It’s also really important to discuss the costs involved.

Things To Plan

Buying from a breeder will be more expensive than adopting from a shelter, but either way there will be costs involved. Then you’ll have to pay for things like food, toys, collars and leashes, cat litter or dog baggies, and veterinarian appointments. If you don’t have a joint bank account, you need to plan in advance how you’ll divide up the payments.

The last thing you want is to take your sick dog to the vet and discover that you owe hundreds of dollars because your S.O. can’t—or won’t—pay for their half. You may want to open a joint bank account dedicated specifically to those costs, even if all of your other accounts are separate.

Once you’ve talked everything through, make sure that you go together to pick out your animal. Springing a surprise puppy or kitten on your mate might seem romantic, but it’s really not a good idea. It’s important to make sure that you both meet any possible future pets before you decide on one. You’re caring for it together, so you should make sure you both feel good about the animal you end up with.

That may also mean making compromises. You might want a big dog to go running with while your S.O. might want a small lap dog. Try to find something in between that will be athletic enough to play, but small enough to hang out in your house. Once everyone’s had their say and compromises have been reached, you’ll be much more likely to get one that you’re both absolutely wild about.

Filed Under: Relationship Advice Tagged With: commitment, dating advice, love, Relationship Advice

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