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The 3 Deadly Mistakes Guys Make When They Approach Women

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When you don’t know how to approach women the right way, you’re constantly missing out on opportunities. Very few guys understand how to approach women and begin conversations in a playful, interesting way that creates a compelling REASON for women to want to know them and take things further.

When you spot a hot girl, you can assume that the last 47 guys who attempted to approach her — whether it was at the bar, the supermarket, or on the street — sent all the wrong signals. They immediately made her feel uncomfortable and caused her “force field” to go on high alert. At that point, she’s going to look for a reason to end the interaction as soon as possible.

She may indulge you with a few minutes of polite conversation and then blow you off gently (“It’s been nice talking to you, but I need to go find my friend…”), or she might shoot you down immediately (“Uh, I’ve got a boyfriend”). Either way, when you approach women the wrong way, it’s very unlikely that the conversation is going to go anywhere.

Don’t Make These Mistakes When You Approach Women

Here are the three deadliest mistakes that guys make when they approach women, and some tips on how to AVOID these traps and get the results you want.

Deadly Approach Mistake #1: Asking permission to talk to her

This means you must eliminate from your vocabulary phrases such as:

“Excuse me, may I know your name?”

“Hi, do you mind if I ask you something?”

“Can I buy you a drink?”

Opening a conversation this way instantly puts you at her mercy. In her eyes, you are a random stranger and you WANT something from her. This is an uncomfortable situation for anyone to be in.

Note: Offering to buy her a drink may sound like you want to GIVE her something, but she knows what you’ll expect in return: you’ll want to monopolize her time for the next ten or twenty minutes. When you offer to buy a drink for a woman you don’t even know, you’re basically attempting to bribe her into granting you some of her time.

Would a truly confident guy approach women this way? Absolutely not. There’s a correct point in the interaction to buy a girl a drink, and a clever way of doing it and it’s certainly not in the first 30 seconds.

One of the rules of effective conversation is for you to stay in control at all times. You maintain the “power position” and dictate the flow of the conversation and the topics that are discussed (and avoided). The key is to do this subtly. You can learn how to “invisibly” guide the conversation so that you make her laugh, experience positive emotions, and share personal details (such as her passions, ambitions and talents) that she’d normally never share with a guy she only met a few minutes ago.

This is when women begin to feel attraction, and you’re on your way to success.

The first key to maintaining this sense of power and control is NOT starting the conversation in a weak, uncertain manner. Asking permission is a surefire way to blow the conversation before it even begins. Don’t do it.

Deadly Approach Mistake #2: You must assume rapport.

When two people have “rapport” it means they’re comfortable with each other and have things in common. They vibe with each other in the manner of old friends — joking around, having fun, talking about topics of common interest instead of the conversation sounding like a job interview.

When a guy with weak approach game starts conversing with a woman, the “conversation” seems stiff and formal and usually consists of questions: “So what’s your name?” “Are you from around here?” “So what do you do for work?” He could be having this same conversation with his dentist!

On the other hand, the guy who is extremely good with women always assumes rapport. He doesn’t bother with the boring “getting to know you” questions. Right from the start, he’s joking around with her, playfully teasing her, asking her questions and telling quick stories that make her smile and stimulate her imagination.

He makes her feel invested in the conversation, and she’ll want to show that she can keep up with him. Even in the first few minutes he’s showing her that he’s a fun, dynamic, interesting guy who leads an attractive lifestyle.

Deadly Approach Mistake #3: Not having a conversational game plan and a closing strategy.

Most guys put way too much emphasis on what to say first (or how to “open” her). Actually, what you follow up with is far more important — how you transition into the conversation and get it flowing.

From there, you’ll want to use techniques of mine such as Hypotheticals, Advanced Cold Reads, and Hooks & Ladders (my method for making sure the conversation NEVER runs out of steam).

After You Approach Women, What Comes Next?

In short, you’ve got to know how to keep guiding the conversation forward so that it follows a sequence of steps that push her different “emotional buttons.” For example, building comfort is a crucial early step. No woman is going to want to give you her phone number (much less sleep with you that night) if you haven’t made her feel comfortable with you. This is why learning the right comfort-building techniques is so important.

Next, once comfort has been established, you’ll want to start challenging her & teasing her (but always in a light, playful way). This is the stage where you frame yourself as a high-value man who is “hard to get.” You’re going to make her work for your attention and positive feedback, and make her want to measure up to YOUR standards. (This is the complete opposite of how most guys interact with women, as they awkwardly try to demonstrate that they’re up to HER standards.)

Then comes the Escalation stage, and finally there is The Close. Depending on the circumstances, this could mean getting her phone number (and having her WANT to see you again soon, rather than ignoring your calls), or taking her home that night. So few guys understand how to “close” successfully.

Learning how to approach women and follow these steps means the difference between chatting with girls every time you go out but never sleeping with them – or seeing them again – and having the “rock star sex life” that most men can only fantasize about, leading a lifestyle filled with fun, beautiful women.

It means that literally anytime you leave your home – whether it’s to run errands, or to hit a bar or nightclub with your friends – you’ll look for opportunities to approach women and have fun interactions, instead of this being something you shy away from, or stress out about.

3 Rude Things To Say To A Woman You Just Met

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When flirting, do you have to compliment a woman you just met to successfully get a date? Not always. Do you think jerks, bad boys or the other guys she falls for tell her how beautiful and perfect she is?

They catch her attention by saying something “out of left field.” Sometimes it’s even downright RUDE! And in this article, you’ll discover three of these “Rude” things you can say to a woman to grab her full attention.

You’ll find out how to follow them up with a compliment or just small talk to win her heart. And you’ll be able to walk right up to a beautiful woman, grab her full attention in two sentences and be just one step away from getting her phone number. (Especially if you know her already)

Here’s exactly what you gotta say:

“Whoa. You Can’t Just Do That…”

Guaranteed to stop a woman in her tracks. You’d say this to a woman you see on the street, or sit next to on the subway, or even a woman you see shopping for clothes at the mall. You can use this flirting technique on women who are working, or women you work with. Even with college students or women you see everyday. The “trick” here is to follow it up with a compliment about something she’s doing. For example:

  • “Whoa. You can’t just do that.” “What?” “When you walk in here smiling like that, I lose my whole train of thought”
  • “Whoa. You can’t just do that.” “What?” “Your smile is too pretty to walk right by me without saying hi.”
  • “Whoa. You can’t just do that.” “What?” “Something about your energy is messing with me. I can’t take my eyes off of you.”

You get the idea, right? Of course – you’re catching her attention with a kind of rude sentence, then flipping it around to a positive compliment. You’ll have her full attention and the SURPRISE sexual attraction she gets when she meets someone truly charming.

“I Can’t Believe You Just Did That!”

You want to use this one after she DOES something. Your goal here is to make her think, “Wait. Did I just do something embarrassing or wrong?” And it’s OK to make her think this because you’re about to make her feel good with a compliment.

Here are some examples:

  • “I can’t believe you just did that.” “Did what?” “The way you looked at me made my heart skip a few beats. What’s your name?”
  • “I can’t believe you just did that.” “Did what?” “Walked right by me without apologizing.” “For what?” “For having such a great smile, I forgot everything I was thinking about.”
  • “I can’t believe you just did that.” “Did what?” “The way you move has almost a hypnotizing effect. And for a split second, every single person in this room was looking at you. What’s your name?”

And this time, we added a second step to the pick up line. Sometimes, this step was to ask her for her name. (This lets you transition into small talk easier) And once, you made the tension even greater, by adding another “rude” statement in the middle.

Now you’re starting to see how powerful this type of flirting really is.

“Are You Seriously Going To Do That?”

You know the drill by now – make her freeze up, then give her a compliment. So let’s see how you’d use this “rude” statement:

  • “Are you seriously going to do that?” “Do what?” “Walk right by me without saying hi.” (This one should be done with a smile and a playful, flirting attitude.
  • “Are you seriously going to do that?” “Do what?” “Walk right by me without saying hi.” She laughs “What’s your name?”

In this example, you “evolve” one of these rude statements into a conversation.

First, it’s just the “rude” statement and a teasing compliment. (This is like flirting, or bantering with her.)

Second, you ask “What’s your name?” to add some small talk. Third, you tell her your name, and then ask her what she’s up to. This way, you get her name (she’ll tell you because you told her) and you’re on a better small talk conversation.

Top 5 Reasons Pick Up Lines Don’t Work

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Pick up lines aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Here’s why they almost always will cause you to fail at getting a girl!

Pick up lines are some of the worst methods getting a girl’s attention. When you use a line you show that you’re not only desperate, but also highly unoriginal. They are played out and make you come off as a tool. If you have ever thought about using a line, get it out of your head immediately. Here are the top 5 reasons they just don’t work.

1. They’re Generic

“Come here often?” The line doesn’t work primarily because it’s too generic. The fact that you’re using it on a girl that you don’t know shows that you don’t really care about her or have anything original to say. This shows her that you’re not a guy that separates himself from the pack. When you use an original “Hello” or “How are you” you don’t come off as a guy who bombards women at every bar with the same line. “How are you” and “Hello” are pretty common for every day conversation so this gives you a non-threatening way of approaching women.

2. They’re Needy

There is nothing more pathetic than a guy who is desperate. When you use pick up lines, you come off as a guy who only wants to have sex. This can be problematic for a guy who really does want to get to know a girl. When you use a line like “great dress, but it would look better on my bedroom floor,” you sound like a guy who is desperate for sex. Women want a guy that has options. When you use a line you look like you would just say the line to any girl that walks by. Avoid using pick up lines so you don’t look needy.

3. They’re Unoriginal

You know when you walk into a bar or a club and you see every guy or girl dressed the same? How many times do you think a girl has been given a pick up line and actually followed through on it? Women are hit on by guys every day and most guys stick with pick up lines because they are familiar. So when a girl hears you say something that she has heard a couple of hours before, she’s going to be even more put off by you. Pick up lines have been around forever. Chances are, she’s heard it and it’s not going to make her laugh or feel attracted to you.

4. They’re Creepy

How would you feel if some guy walked up to you and said that one about the angel falling from heaven? I would definitely be creeped out. This is exactly how women feel when some stranger walks up to her and delivers a line. Creeping a girl out is not the way to get a phone number. You want to build comfort and rapport with the girl in order to take a relationship to the next level. When you use a  line, you’re going to creep her out and you will probably see it on her face.

5. They’re Not Funny

The fact of the matter is that pick up lines aren’t that funny. They can even be offensive to a lot of women. Do you think that you’re going to get her phone number after offending her? Probably not. It’s best to use a simple opener when approaching women. A pick up line can leave a bad taste in her mouth and leave you feeling like an idiot. If you think that it’s funny, stop yourself anyway.

Pick up lines are usually seen on TV or in movies, but think about the guy that is saying them. Is he the hero of the film or show? More than likely he’s the creep that nobody wants around. Pick lines are generic and will never come off as appealing to women. They have the ability to ruin a situation that could have become favorable with just a simple opener. Some pick up lines even have the ability to offend the girl and send her on her way after the first sentence is spoken.

Even if you do have a hilarious pick up line, she might not get the joke. This could leave you explaining why it’s funny and explaining a joke effectively creates an awkward situation. It’s best to leave you pick up lines at the door when you’re out approaching women. Use an environmental opener or mention something about her clothing to get a conversation started properly.

How To Learn To Flirt Easily

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Learning to flirt can be easy when you look at the examples that other guys who are good at it have set. Here are some great ways to learn to flirt easily!

While it can be great to start off by using pick up lines, you want to eventually develop your own style. Here are some other ways to learn how to talk to women that work.

Irresistible Film Legends

Films can portray false realities that would never happen in real life, but there are some movies where men are doing exactly the right things to attract women. Here’s just a sample of the films you can check out to see men who know how to flirt with women.

The James Bond Series – Pierce Bronson, Sean Connery

Don Juan DeMarco – Johnny Depp

Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom – Harrison Ford

Big Personalities

Often times, telling men to just be normal isn’t enough. To the average shy man the term “normal” can mean staying home and playing video games. To “be normal” or to “be yourself” isn’t the right advice. We want men to develop big personalities.

Women are attracted to spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, funny and interesting men. While it’s virtually impossible to list certain qualities and expect men to act accordingly, it is possible to provide some places to help develop these qualities naturally.

Drama Groups

Drama students and actors alike are an interesting bunch. They possess most of the qualities above, including confidence. Joining a drama group that gets together regularly does wonders for a man’s confidence, if he can build up the courage to start.

It may seem silly and strange because it’s not within your comfort zone, but then again neither is talking to women. If you want more self-confidence, sign up for a theatre group today and let the actors’ optimism and quick-wit brush off onto you. Really consider looking up drama classes, it’s the best investment you’ll ever make.

Popular Hosts

Television and radio hosts are paid for their big personalities. Next time you listen to live radio or live TV shows, pay attention to the attitudes, expressions and tone of voice of the host, rather than what they actually say. The reason for listening and watching live broadcasts is because these people need to think on the spot; they naturally have these high social skills.

Watch Real Guys Flirt!

Although the above methods can help, there is nothing better than watching guys in the real world talking to women. While reading information gives you a better understanding, nothing can take the place of real experience. Here are some of the best ways to start observing other experts.

Friends

If any of your friends are great at dating and attracting women, watch them carefully from now on. Watch what they say and how the women react. Go out with them to clubs and bars, parties and social events. If they have girlfriends, watch how they interact together. You’ll notice a lot of their behavior is similar to what you’ve just learned.

Guys In Bars And Clubs

If none of your friends are successful with women, then watch guys in bars and clubs. While it might be difficult to listen in on their conversations, watch the body language these men present while they walk through the clubs. Watch how they interact with women and how the women react. How do you find the most successful men in the club?

Look for men that are already talking to women. Most men never even build up the nerve to approach a single woman the entire night. Men who start conversations effortlessly are the men you want to watch. Also look for self-confident men who have strong posture, direct eye contact and calm movements.

How To Make Pick Up Lines Work For You

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Pick up lines may seem cheesy to most guys. You often hear the horror stories about pick up lines gone wrong, but very few stories about ones that were successful and ended up getting a guy a phone number. Believe it or not, there are ways to make pick up lines win almost any girl over. Here’s how to make them work for YOU.

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Why Pick Up Lines Rarely Work

Pick up lines rarely work because most of the time when a guy uses one, he’s hoping that the phrase he’s using is going to do all the work for him. He expects to speak these “magical words” that when put together into a sentence, automatically make a woman swoon. If you go into dating thinking that this is what pick up lines will get you, you’re going to be very disappointed!

Instead, think of pick up lines as a simple mechanism to get a girl’s attention. You want to get her attention and get her to notice you’re there, hopefully so you can strike up a conversation with her. The key to successful lines is to have a great attitude with it. The words you say may get her attention, but she’s going to be attracted to your positive, upbeat and outgoing attitude even more.

Learn From Guys Who Are Good With Girls

If you have a friend that seems amazingly great with girls and you’re not sure how he does it, ask him! Ask him what he does to get girls to be attracted to him and want to date him. Go out with him for a night and watch how he interacts with the ladies, what he says and what he does. Learn from him! Try to mimic what he does, but in your own way. Learning by example is a great way to practice your skills in talking to women and asking girls out.

Make Her Laugh

Don’t be so focused on learning “pick up lines” – instead, learn some funny one liners that are guaranteed to make her laugh. Make her laugh and get her attention, and you’ve opened the door for a great conversation in which you can flirt and build sexual tension – which is exactly what you want!

To find funny one-liners, try watching some stand up comedy or some good sitcoms. When you find something that really makes you laugh and you think would make other people – especially girls – laugh, write it down. Commit it to memory. Practice saying it so that when you’re in a social situation where this particular line would be the perfect thing to say, it comes out smoothly. Women love to laugh, so if you can make her laugh, you’re well on your way to getting a date.

Relax And Have Fun With It

So many guys take dating too seriously, when it’s really all about having fun. Sure, learning lines can help you be more comfortable when talking to women (it’s a little harder to get choked up when you know ahead of time what you’re going to say, but it still happens), but they’re not going to win you a girl just because of what you say. The success of pick up lines lies not with what phrase you’re actually using, but the attitude behind it.

Start using pick up lines to become more comfortable with girls in general. Get comfortable approaching women and talking to them. If you have friends who are girls, try some of your stuff out on them. See what they think, and listen to any pointers they want to give you. If you don’t have friends who are girls, it’s time to make some! Having friends who are girls will help you get more comfortable talking to women in general, and it will also allow you to practice some of your pick up lines so when you actually meet that girl you’re interested in and want to date, you’re comfortable with what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it.

If You Can Make Her Laugh, You Can Date Her

Girls want to laugh! They want to be around a guy who knows how to have fun and how to tell a joke. Work on being funnier in general. Go to parties or get-togethers and work on being the one that everyone stands around because he’s so funny! When you meet a girl, she’s not going to remember what you say so much as how you made her feel. If you can make her feel like she’s having a great time and that she’s special, you’re a shoe in. The trick is to make her laugh, even if it’s a funny joke about you, and still be strong and confident underneath.

Women are able to see the many facets of a person – she will be able to tell that you’re not only funny, but that you’re sweet, sensitive and kind as well. If you’re strong and confident, she’s also going to see that. If you’re faking it, she’s going to see that too. Nothing much escapes women, because they’re incredibly intuitive. Be the guy who is strong and confident enough to get people laughing. When you get that special girl laughing, that’s when she’s going to start feeling that chemistry and connection between you.