porn – Page 10

The Best Places to Find Erotica

By alicianightorchid

Sex researchers have known for sometime that while men prefer to seek sexual stimulation from images, women favor reading about love, romance, and sex.

Men are willing to settle for scenes of disembodied sex organs colliding together under bright lights, while women are more likely to enjoy and be stimulated by descriptions of sex between characters they care about in the context of stories in which they’re engaged.

The term “erotica” is often used to refer to these softer images of, and especially writings about sex.

Many women enjoy erotica on their own, which is good news in and of itself. Even better news is that couples can enjoy erotica together as a prelude to sex or as a way to explore sexual activities, fetishes, and lifestyles they’re not ready for in real life.

Where Do I Find It?

Sex stories and novels are easy to find. More challenging is finding quality erotica. By this, I mean erotica that is well-written, with interesting characters, fascinating plots, exotic settings, and really hot sex.

Here’s a guide to finding the really good stuff.

Print Anthologies

Every year, several wonderful print anthologies featuring erotica are published. The most popular of these are “The Best of the Best American Erotica” edited by Susi Bright and “Dirty Girls: Erotica by Women” edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. If you’re worried about buying these books in a public bookstore, all it takes is a credit card to purchase them confidentially and without embarrassment online.

I recommend these anthologies as a good place for couples to begin. They tend to include a sampling of various types of stories including literary, humorous, romantic, and really dirty erotica. You can read various styles and authors to see what really turns you on.

E-Books

Another highly popular source of erotica is e-books. E-books are electronic books, which range from story to novel length. They can be purchased online, typically for a fraction of the cost of print books, downloaded and read on your computer or e-book reader. While taking a laptop to bed with you might have much appeal, some e-book readers are no bigger than a cell phone. You can even acquire “read-aloud” software, so that the words are spoken in a voice you select, allowing for hands and mouth-free enjoyment, should that be of interest to you.

There are several sources of e-books. Ellora’s Cave is one of the more successful e-publishers and sells its books, organized by author and genre, directly from its website. Fictionwise is a virtual warehouse of e-books. You can find erotica titles simply by searching under the key word “erotica.” Lulu is another virtual warehouse offering self-published print and electronic media. Because the work is self published, authors aren’t required to meet anyone’s standards but their own, so quality of packaging and content is a concern. Again, a search under “erotica,” or a particular author’s name, will provide you with a wide variety of choices.

Free Erotica

If you want to experiment with free erotica, before laying out the cash for a purchase, there are plenty of options on the Internet. The most popular site is probably Literotica. This site offers both readers and writers of erotic stories and audios the opportunity to share their work and enjoy that of others amateur authors. The upside is the huge number of stories to choose from and a rating system that allows you to choose from the most popular stories in each sub-genre. The downside is the inconsistency of quality—it ranges from poorly-written anecdotes of the writer’s personal sexual experiences, to really excellent and well-written stories that should have made the print anthologies.

Clean Sheets and the Erotica Readers and Writers’ Association are other free websites. Unlike Literotica, where anyone can post stories, the stories appearing on these websites are selected by editors on their merits. New stories appear monthly, plus both sites maintain archives of previously published work. Another personally favorite site for free stories is Desdmona’s Erotic Stories Contests. Desdmona, the publisher of a highly-regarded “pay-for-erotica” site, Ruthie’s Club, sponsors contests once a year. The contests attract some of the best erotica authors working today.

Once you’ve looked around a bit, chances are you’ll find one or more authors you really like. Many erotica authors including myself maintain websites and publish erotic stories, blogs, and/or essays about sex on their personal sites. You’ll discover that your favorite authors also have their own favorites and provide links to these other authors.

There is plenty of really good sex writing out there. Why settle for anything less than the best?

Porn vs. Erotica: What Women Really Want

By alicianightorchid

This story is intended for mature audiences only.

Ever wonder why most women hate porn? Then you’ll want to keep reading.

Michael and Chloe go to dinner. The food is sex on a plate—rubbed and grilled, sauced and drizzled, earthy and sea-scented. The wine is warming, causing her face to glow, his ears to buzz.

Afterwards they hit that new club uptown and listen to some great live music. They dance the salsa, swirling and humping, pelvises pressed together in a slow grind. In the car they snuggle close. Fingers entwine, tongues swirl. Hands play on thighs and breasts. Fabrics strain.

By the time they reach home, he’s tenting his trousers. She’s damp and giddy. He struggles to get the key in the door. She presses her hard nipples into his back and fumbles with his belt buckle. She’s ready to be swept off to the bedroom, entered and ravished. He reads the signals differently, thinking this might be the night to try something new.

While she’s in the toilet, he flips on the TV, slips in a CD (“Horny Teenage Tailgunners”), and cues it up. She hears it before she sees it. “Yeah, yeah, give it to me, give it to me.” He pats the sofa next to him. On screen, under bright lights, a heavy-chested tanned man with a penis the size of a baseball bat plunges into a woman from behind. She’s as blonde as California, sports size DD breasts, rock hard abs, and an ass and legs to die for.

Michael’s flushed and horny. Chloe’s threatened, wondering why he’d want this woman instead of her, wondering why he couldn’t just ask for anal sex, if that’s what he really wanted.

Hands on her hips, she admits she was pretty turned on by the first two paragraphs of this article, but finds the porn video more repulsive than sexy. She spins on her heel and heads to the bedroom, locking the door behind her and vowing to herself to dye her hair, get a boob job, and lose ten pounds. He’s left alone with a raging erection, wondering why she’s so uncool.

Images versus Writing

This vignette highlights a basic difference in men and women that both sexes can benefit from understanding.

Sex researchers have known for sometime that while men prefer to seek sexual stimulation from images, women favor reading about love, romance, and sex.

While men are likely to be turned on by the sight of strange couples and threesomes cavorting on staged sets, many women feel threatened by the carved bodies, pretty faces, and the practiced capabilities of the porno queens.

While men are willing to settle for scenes of disembodied sex organs colliding together under bright lights, women are more likely to enjoy and be aroused by depictions of sex between characters they care about in the context of stories in which they’re engaged.

Marketers have long taken advantage of these differences. They realize that men buy and consume most of the porn on the Internet and on video and target their offerings to males. Publishers of sexually explicit stories and novels, on the other hand, target female readers. The most successful and widely read stories and novels are those involving strong female protagonists engaged in romantic relationships. The sex takes place in the context of those relationships.

Porn versus Erotica

Some explain the differences in men and women’s tastes by saying that men prefer “porn,” while women prefer “erotica.”

In this sense, “porn” means hard core images of professional and attractive models performing stylized sex for pay—think “facial,” “double-penetration,” “deep throating,” “fisting,” and “money shot.” It’s these conventions and stylized images that many women find threatening and demeaning rather than stimulating.

By contrast, “erotica” refers to softer images of, and especially writings about, sex. The characters may be model-attractive, but are just as likely to look like ordinary people. Erotica may be explicit in its depiction or description of sex, but is just as likely to involve the more mundane sex almost of us are lucky to enjoy once or twice a week.

Erotica, in its written form, ranges from raunchy Penthouse Forum anecdotes of frat house sex to literary erotica complete with beautifully crafted sentences, fascinating characters, and zingy plots.

What it Means for Couples

First, women who aren’t turned on by a porn video shouldn’t feel inadequate. They should have the confidence to share their feelings with their partners. Men should respect what their female partners tell them and understand that it’s probably not personal.

Second, men looking to stimulate their female partners or encourage them to try something different should recognize that they’ll probably have better luck with an erotic story than a porn video. And while it’s no secret that men get turned on by sexually explicit images, they’ll also find themselves just as excited by stories and novels about sex. It just takes a little longer.

Finally, women curious about sexual activities, positions, fetishes, or life styles they might not be ready to explore in real life may find it easier to read about such things than watch a pornographic video clip. Women seeking sexual stimulation on their own will likely respond more favorably to a hot story or novel than a gaudy and bawdy porno film.

Bottom line: Couples should discuss what works best for them, keeping in mind a basic difference between men and women. Words work best for women, while images are preferred by men.

How Much Porn Is Too Much And How Do I Know if I’m Addicted?

Contrary to popular belief, pornography is actually watched by many people – both men, women and couples.

Watching pornography isn’t something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about because it’s more than likely that the person sitting right next to you watches it to.

That said, is it possible that someone can watch too much pornography or become addicted to it?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve just watched the video about a woman being addicted to pornography and it made me think.

I think it’s fair to say I’m addicted to pornography … But the twist is that it can’t be because I’m lazy and I don’t even have a sex life. I don’t have a relationship, and I’m not interested in getting one anytime soon. Is watching porn every other night or so bad?

– Kevin, California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W13IgytPqrg[/youtube]

How much porn is too much?

Generally, even watching pornography as often as every other night and in some cases every night isn’t considered “too much.” That depends, though. How much is too much? There are no set “rules” for how often someone has to watch pornography for it to become “unhealthy” or “too much.” It varies from person to person. For example, someone who watches pornography every couple of nights but who has always done this and still maintains healthy, loving and sexual relationships in their life has not taken the habit to an unhealthy level.

On the other hand, if someone who rarely watches pornography begins watching every night or every other night and is lacking meaningful, intimate relationships may have an issue that needs to be dealt with. There is no one way to tell if someone is watching too much pornography – it’s something you have to judge for yourself.

Can pornography be addicting? Sure – everything can be addicting, especially for someone who has an addictive personality. That, however, doesn’t mean that if you watch porn often that you are automatically addicted to it. You have to truly think about whether it’s an actual addiction or not.

Do you think about pornography all the time, even when you’re not watching it? Do you find that you’re irritable or act differently if you don’t watch it? Do you reschedule appointments, skip family time or stay at home while your friends are out just so you can watch porn? If you’re answering “yes” to any of these questions, you might be addicted to it. If not, then you most likely have nothing to worry about.

If you find that you’d rather watch pornography than have an actual, meaningful and sexual relationship, that’s something you need to really take a look at. It wouldn’t be the first time someone has used pornography in an attempt to avoid being hurt in a relationship or being taken advantage of. Let’s face it – watching pornography is a lot faster, takes less effort and ends when you want it to.

Theoretically, it’s the greatest relationship ever. In reality, if you’re substituting porn for an actual relationship, you end up missing out. Do you have deep seated issues that keep you from dating or beginning relationships? If there are psychological reasons that keep you from having relationships, such as childhood abuse or self confidence issues, the best way to work those out is with a therapist.

All in all, the majority of people who watch pornography – even if it’s nightly or every other night – aren’t addicted to it nor do they watch it “too often.” Does someone who never watches pornography watch it “too little?” That’s unlikely – so it differs from person to person. If you’re comfortable watching porn, your relationships aren’t suffering and you’re not showing classic signs of a serious addiction or deeper issues . . . well, sit back, relax and enjoy!

Is There A Place For Pornography In ANY Relationship?

By christproerotic

It is one of the most thankless jobs in the world. Men and women sprawling on makeshift movie sets–indoors or outdoors, rain or shine–to bring the public what they want to see: Sex and nakedness on their local tube or computer screen.

Porn is a booming business

From posing naked bodies to oral sex to intercourse to orgasm the adult movie business, and industry is available to people around the world 24/7.

Be it in the privacy of a motel room, bedroom of a family, on a computer laptop, bought at an adult bookstore or shop, etc. the billion dollar business is enjoying its best business ever.

Do you admit to your partner that you watch porn?

Take the controversial poll at the end of this article to see where you fit in!

Objections to porn

Whatever you do, though, do not tell the feminists, government, or the church set. In a rare show of agreement, these three groups find many things offensive because of one reason or another.

Feminists feel women are objects and are devalued in power and purpose; in the past few years, the U.S. government is ever trying to make more regulation on the books making it harder for consenting adults; the church and moralist find tons wrong over issues ranging from the glorification of premarital sex to the promotion of gay / lesbian / bisexual / transgender “lifestyles”.

Each group has validated their points regarding the ills of pornography (according to their belief systems). I believe instead of taking the battle against the things most consenting adults enjoys we can focus the battle against issues 90% of adults can agree on (i.e. child pornography, child abuse, etc). Plus, I wish these groups would press the issue regarding the performers and their health (i.e. mandatory testing by studios of all performers).

Is porn getting a bad rap?

Now the first question we need to ask is if pornography is getting a bad rap or not? My answer for this one is yes! Many definitions can be made for pornography, but one I would like to use and stick with is this one:

Pornography: The art that captures the fantasies, desires, and dreams of the populace’s sexual lives. Its function is to stimulate, educate, and entice the viewer to visual ideas towards sexuality.

Can it be improved?

Instead of bashing the genre I think the genre needs improvement in how it presents the canvas. But how can this be done?

I will not lie to you that, trying to get a grasp this subject or a substantial majority of people saying they agree porn is not a problem is a stretch especially in religious circles. Even the members of Christ Pro Erotic are not totally sold on porn and if believers in Jesus can even view it. But a few things I’ve found regarding adult material and how we view it can be helpful and beneficial on both sides.

If viewing or purchasing pornography takes more of a priority than your family, finances, spouse/partner then you need to seek help or talk it over with you’re your mate. This kind of indulgence is harmful to a relationship and to a life when you are more preoccupied with it and replace a good live relationship with porn.
You will not find any “thou shalt not watch porn” in the Bible. Like all freedoms know what the pros and cons about viewing porn. Pray about it! Discuss with your partner what is acceptable with enjoyment of pornography. Respect their views and boundaries and do not veer off regardless of their final decision. (See Romans 14: 13,14 for guidance).
Don’t expect to be Ron Jeremy or Jenna Jameson (the number one and two performers of all time according to Adult Video News Magazine) in the bedroom. Look, no one person can sustain as long as one scene in a movie. It’s a movie-remember one scene is shot in several takes. If you can please contact this website to tell us how it is done. Fantasy is one thing; reality is not as bad if you try to make each moment in the bedroom pleasurable and purposeful for both partners.
Those who object strongly to porn need to bring a better alternative to the table. If feminist feel strongly about women being treated as objects or then help find ways to turn the table. Write to the production studios, talk to directors, state your case with friends who enjoy porn, and even consider making porn with a respect towards women. Candida Royalle was in the business during the golden age of porn and decided to make erotic films from a female perspective. She has a great line of movies and other products empowering women in the bedroom and beyond.
This may be a hard one with the men, but if your mate is not into porn then respect her wishes. Value your relationship more than a your porn collection good man. She may have a good reason why she is not into porn as you are (self image, performance, looks, etc.) but value her input.
And please, PLEASE stop making your enjoyment of porn a “male only” issue. Involve your wife/spouse/partner into your enjoyment. You may be surprised what she enjoys and what turns her on.

Above all it is you, the consumer, who can send the message to the adult industry you want a more realistic vision of sexuality. It is also important to realize you do not have to be performing CirqueDuSolei in the bedroom, but just enjoy being intimate with your partner in the bedroom. All the images in the world (and the world wide web) could never bring to life that kind of enjoyment.

Other alternatives

There are other alternatives to bringing in hard core pornography into the relationship including soft core erotica, sexually instructive videos (check out Nina Hartley’s “How To” series), or written erotica can stimulate sexual images and fantasies without the silicone and moving body parts.

Watching Porn – How Do I Make My Lying Husband Come Clean?

Your husband watches porn.

He lies about it.

You fight.

Welcome to the club. We don’t know a single woman that hasn’t at least gotten miffed about her man’s porn watching. Is it the man’s fault? Should he stop watching it? Well, we’re going to be honest here and you may not like what we have to say.

It’s not the man’s fault and no, he shouldn’t have to stop watching porn.

We’re also going to share a little secret with you that may make your life easier.

It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I have been together for eight years. We have a pretty good sex life, but for the past year we have been fighting about porn. He sneaks off and watches it. I have tried to get him to watch it with me, hoping he will stop sneaking and lying about it.

I have low self esteem and it hurts. I wish he would share it with me, it is starting to cause a problem with our marriage.

— Stephanie, PA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMAw3iBxZr4[/youtube]

So he watches porn…

Let’s break it down. He watches porn – why? Well, because he likes it. Women may not understand that but there are many things that women do that men don’t “get.” For example, women have their nails done. They do it because they like it and it feels good. Do women get their nails done because there’s something about their husbands that they don’t like? Absolutely not! For men, watching porn is pleasurable, plain and simple.

Of course he lies about it

You ask him about his habits and he lies about it. Of course you know better, but why is he lying? The answer to that question is a tough one – he is lying about it because he doesn’t feel safe being honest with you. Why would he feel that way? He is afraid of you getting angry at him for doing something as natural to him as washing your hair. How would you like it if you got interrogated and yelled at every time you washed your hair?

Why you have a problem with it

Now that you understand more about where your man is coming from on this issue, you can delve a little deeper into how you feel about the situation. When he watches porn, it hurts you. Sure it does, but it shouldn’t and the reason it hurts you has nothing to do with him.

Many women are in this same position because they have low self-esteem and jealousy or control issues. These are coming from you – not him. Take some time to really think about why you feel the way you do about porn and do what you can to change those things. This is the time to really focus on yourself– trust us, when you take care of the inner issues, the outer ones don’t seem like such a big deal.

Take action

With that said, we know you’re not going to sit back and let him watch porn all day while you take a hot bath and work on self-acceptance. Here’s what you can do to take action:

Get your own porn, your own toys and get on with it! Too shy? Don’t worry – after you’ve taken care of those inner issues, confidence will begin to take their place. Let your husband watch how you do it and chances are he’ll really get into it.

Don’t make rules about when he can or can’t watch porn – he’s free to do it by himself or with you. If you leave the issue alone and let him be himself, he’ll probably take a little from column A and a little from column B – and that’s okay.