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How Having A Baby Can Affect Your Relationship

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Maybe you’ve just found out that you’re pregnant, or maybe you and your partner have been trying to decide when to have kids. Either way, it’s important to consider all of the ways that having a child will affect your relationship. Taking care of a baby is a lot of work. The stress it can cause and the time it will eat up can take a tremendous toll on you and your partner’s relationship.

That’s why it’s really important to start preparing yourself for the big changes you’ll be encountering long before your baby is actually born.

Preventing Unwanted Pregnancy

It may seem like an obvious tip, but if you really want to start out on the right foot, take the steps to make sure you or your partner doesn’t get pregnant on accident. Even though many surprise pregnancies turn out to be happy accidents, the shock of the surprise can add extra stress. Always practice safe sex if you’re not ready for a baby yet.

That’s particularly true if one of you is less prepared for parenthood than the other, or if your relationship isn’t very serious yet. Just watch one episode of Sixteen and Pregnant, and you’ll understand why it’s better to have a child that you’ve planned for with someone you truly love. Whether your pregnancy is planned or not, once you find out about it, you need to have a talk with your partner.

Allow yourselves to experience all the emotions of the moment—excitement, happiness, nervousness, etc. Openly discuss your hopes and fears and promise to be there for each other when either of you needs to talk about your impending parenthood.

Splitting Up The Parenting Duties

Before the baby arrives, be sure to discuss how you’re going to split up the childcare duties. There are so many things to deal with, from diaper changes and feedings to playtime and going for walks. If you try to balance your roles, neither of you will have the chance to feel resentful toward the other one for not pulling their weight. Of course, once the baby actually arrives, it may be hard to stick to your exact plans, but just having a rough idea of what to do will help you both.

It’s also really important that you savor the last few months before your baby is born. Take advantage of any time you have to be together in a one-on-one setting. Any romantic or passionate moments that you can enjoy now should be taken advantage of, because once the baby shows up, you’ll both be way too busy. Sex will be nonexistent for awhile, not only because a woman has to wait for a bit after giving birth, but also because you’ll both likely be too overwhelmed and exhausted to consider it.

Once you’re both feeling better and have found your baby-care rhythm, however, you should try to work some sex back in. Don’t pressure each other, but do realize that you’ll both be happier for it. You need to keep your physical connection going.

Don’t Forget To Appreciate Your Partner

You may both feel consumed by childcare, so you have to make an effort to appreciate each other. If your partner is particularly helpful with something, thank him or her. Take the time to acknowledge what a good job they’re doing with the baby. If one of you goes back to work before the other one, be empathetic to any jealousy that may bubble up.

Try to take turns watching the little one so you both get some time away from the house. Recognize the fact that you’ll both be getting way less sleep than normal, so if one of you gets snappish, the other one should try not to take it too personally. Above all, remember that your baby will be older and less dependent before you know it.

The toughest parts of caring for an infant won’t last forever, and you will eventually be able to sleep through the night, have sex, and even go on the occasional date night again. Keep a sense of humor, be kind to each other, and look forward to how much fun you’ll have when your little one gets older. Hang in there and support each other, and you may find you’re more in love than ever before.

Mama’s Boy – His Mom Is Ruining Our Relationship!

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My boyfriend is a mama’s boy and his mom is the third wheel in our relationship. She’s always making these crazy demands of him and he feels obligated because she is his mother. I don’t know if she just doesn’t like me or is afraid of losing him, etc. What can I do? It’s stressing both of us out!

What She Said:

In a nutshell, be supportive of your boyfriend without saying a disparaging word about his mother. It’s similar to that slippery slope of slagging on a friend’s bad boyfriend. If they break up, she might try to place the blame on you for being vocal about his behavior. If they stay together, you’re the jerk that talked s*@t about her man. It’s not fair, but this one has never been a win/win situation.

Stand Up For Your Man

The trick here is to let your boyfriend know that you’re on his side. Let him vent, if he so chooses. You want him to know that he can trust you and that you’re there to help as much as you can. On the flip side, the unhealthy dynamic is between the two of them so, whatever you do, don’t get in the middle.

A trained therapist or mediator might be able to fix things; you will not. Plus, you could risk putting your relationship in jeopardy – especially if this is someone you’d consider getting married. You don’t want to walk down the aisle hauling a bunch of baggage with your potential mother-in-law before you’ve even cut the cake.

Where To Draw The Line

Do what you can to help point out healthy boundaries to your beau. He can still talk to his mom without accepting the guilt trips. He should also learn the importance of separating his mood from his interactions with mom. He can’t control his mother, but he can control how he reacts to her.

It sounds like your boyfriend would benefit from individual counseling in order to gain some additional coping skills. These two have been emotionally intertwined for a while and he might need someone detached from the situation to help him sort it out.

The bond between the two of you should be a source of strength for him. Let him know that you love him and gently point out that you’re his partner – you’re one of the bright spots in his life, not the dumping ground for ancillary stress.

What He Said:

That poor, poor bastard. He’s caught in between the two most important women in his life, and his world is being yanked in different directions. He’s probably stressed because he feels screwed no matter what he does. Not the kind of three way most men look forward to.

Is His Mom To Blame?

She may not like you, but probably it’s not about you, it’s about her and cutting the cord. It’s long over due, but she can’t pull the trigger. He’s not a baby anymore and he doesn’t really need her like he did when he was five. The baby bird has flown the nest and that’s really hard for her. She’s aware, but she’s been hellbent on preventing this moment for years, probably.

Then you show up. IF you and your man are committed, you will be in his life for a long time, and more importantly, you’ve bumped her down the totem pole. You are the most important woman in his life now and that’s not so hot with her. And she’s pissed.

Your Man Is Going To Have To Man Up

Basically your man is going to have to man up and lay down the law with her. He probably already knows this and he knows she’s not going to take it well. It will be nasty and painful, but hopefully she’ll get over it and return to normal soon.

What To Do If You Find Yourself In A Controlling Relationship

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Relationships are often all smiles and happiness in the beginning, but after spending some time together and becoming more comfortable with each other, your partner may start to get a little controlling. What do you do if your significant other is trying to change you or control the way you act or dress? Why are they doing it and what can you do about it?

Question: What do you in a controlling relationship? My girlfriend told me I had to change to fit her after over a month in a relationship. It’s like she wants me to get my pretty boy swagg on or its over!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXkgd7KrVDA[/youtube]

You May Have Acted Or Dressed Differently When You Started Dating

When people begin dating someone, they tend to want to make a good first impression. You may have worn nicer clothes, styled your hair, put on cologne or even acted a little differently when you first started dating your girlfriend, but now that the relationship has progressed, you have relaxed a little bit in how you put yourself together.

This is a natural development in relationships as two people get more comfortable with each other, but the caveat here is that your partner may have been more attracted to the person she met when you two began dating. This may become an issue in your relationship, because your girlfriend may feel like you’re not who you said you were. You can either step up and be that person, or you can move on and connect with someone else by showing her the real you.

She May Have Been More Forgiving Of You In The Beginning

Another thing that people do when they first start dating each other is they tend to be a little more forgiving of their partners’ faults and the things they do that are annoying or frustrating. You may be dressing and acting the same as you were in the beginning of the relationship, but your girlfriend may have held her tongue about what she didn’t like about you, or she may not have noticed at all.

As she became more comfortable with you, she felt more comfortable telling you about the things you do that annoy her or bother her, such as the way you dress or put yourself together. Unfortunately though, unless you’re okay with hearing all about your faults all the time, you might be headed for a break up.

She May Have Thought Of You As A “Fixer Upper”

Women love to “fix” their men. It’s a fact of life. Your girlfriend may have started dating you with the idea that she would “fix” what she didn’t like about you to make you fit her idea of a “good boyfriend.” While this is something that many women do, it can definitely lead to relationship problems. It’s definitely not fair to you for your partner to go into the relationship thinking she can “fix you up” into someone she feels is appropriate for her lifestyle. Not cool!

You Deserve To Be Loved For Who You Are

No matter who you are, what you look like or how you act or dress, you deserved to be loved for who you are – quirks, faults and all. Don’t think that because a woman wants to control or change you that you have to go along with it. If you are comfortable and happy being who you are, find someone who will love that person as much as you love yourself.

That said, if your significant other is pointing out faults and flaws that need to be changed for you to be a better person – such as dealing with intense anger issues or drug or alcohol abuse – you may want to listen to what she has to say. Ultimately though, it’s your decision to change and better yourself and that can only happen when and if you’re ready.

Be Honest With Her

Whether you want to try to work the relationship out or simply want to move on, be honest with your partner about how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Be careful not to be critical of her, but let her know how much it hurts you to feel like she’s trying to turn you into someone you’re not.

Let your significant other know that you’re not going to change who you are for them and they need to accept you “as is” with all of your faults and quirks – because they have faults too! No one is perfect! If they’re not on board, it’s time to move on to someone who will love and accept you with no questions asked.

Make Long Distance Relationships Successful

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Long distance relationships are tough. Think about it – maintaining a happy partnership is hard enough to accomplish on its own. When you put miles of actual distance between the people in one, it’s even more difficult to make things work. Some people are better at long distance relationships than others, so how can you tell if you’re one of them? Furthermore, once you’re in a one, how best can you make it work?

Starting Long Distance Relationships

If you’re thinking about starting this kind of partnership with someone, there are a lot of factors to consider. First of all, think back to your previous romances. Are you the kind of person who needs to spend a lot of face time with your significant other? If you know that you prefer hang time to phone time, you’re going to have a really tough go with a partnership like that.

You also need to think about whether or not you’re the jealous type. People who get jealous easily in partnerships often have a difficult time with far away love. When you aren’t there to meet your boyfriend or girlfriend’s friends and colleagues in person, it can be easy to imagine them flirting with others and possibly cheating on you.

That state of not-knowing can make a jealous individual start obsessing over all sorts of bad things in long distance relationships. It’s particularly important to have a strong sense of trust so when the trust unravels, things rapidly fall apart. Ultimately, you need to be someone who is fairly independent and can handle an element of the unknown in your partnership.

How You Can Make It Work

Should you find that you can do without a lot of face-to-face time, you can start thinking about how you’ll make it work. You will need to plan times to talk to each other on the phone and online. This includes both regular talking and intimate talking such as phone sex. It’s important to consider time zone differences and come up with a time of day that you’ll both typically be available during to talk. If you both get webcams, you can use internet video chatting services, that way you at least get to see each other every day, if not in person.

Of course, video chatting won’t make up for a lack of legitimate physical contact. You’re going to want to devote a portion of both of your incomes to a travel budget. As often as you can, go visit each other. Depending on the distance you live apart, you may be able to see each other every single weekend, or it might only be once every couple of months. Either way, make sure to set up a schedule where you trade off doing the traveling. Definitely make sure that you find a way to spend important holidays and milestones together, as well.

Do You Want An Open Relationship?

Some people elect to make their long distance relationships open relationships. That means that each party in the partnership is allowed to date other people, as long as they give their partner a heads up. Depending on how serious your relationship is, this could be an okay idea. However, this can often end up messily.

Sometimes one person is doing all the dating and the other one starts to feel upset about it. Just make sure that you’re both on the same page about the seriousness of your romance before you consider making it an open one. Never feel like you have to agree to open long distance relationships if you’re uncomfortable with your S.O. dating other people.

Regardless of it being open or closed, just know that you have to be able to trust your partner when you’re far apart. Make an effort to bridge the distance gap with regular communication and visits, and things will work out okay. Who knows? If all goes well, one of you may even end up moving to be with the other.

Q&A: Cyber Sex And Sexting – Is It OK?

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Cyber sex and sexting is something that can easily come between you and your partner if you let it. With the advances in technology and how much time people spend on the Internet, it’s nothing for guys or girls to get online and start chatting with friends that are both new and old. However, when does it cross the line? When does it go from being okay to going too far? Here’s how to decide where to draw the line in your relationship.

I was just wondering your take on cyber sex and ‘texting’? I have received lots of different advice on the subject and what people think of it and so far everyone has a different take. The reason I ask is that I have recently discovered that my boyfriend of over 2 years has had a regular habit of jumping online and exploring.

Normally I would be open minded about these types of things, I know it’s considered by some just a form of masturbation, but I have discovered that some of these women are not anonymous and are actual acquaintances of his and mine. I know nothing physical has occurred. I have confronted him, we went through a very rough patch but have essentially worked out our relationship and he has (to my knowledge) halted his habits and seems more devoted to me than ever.

However, the images and messages I came across are still haunting me. What should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Kd7IUFxXbQ[/youtube]

Establish Boundaries In Your Relationship

The first step to making sure cyber sex doesn’t throw a curveball to your relationship is to establish boundaries within that relationship. First, decide for yourself what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. Be really clear in your own mind about what makes you uncomfortable so that going forward, you can express to your partner what you feel is fine and what isn’t going to work. Figure out what your own personal jealousy triggers are.

When communicating with your partner about cyber sex, don’t approach them and say, “You can’t do this.” It will only serve to set them off and make them feel like you’re smothering or controlling them. But it is acceptable to say, “This makes me uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you would stop. This is what I need to continue being in this relationship.” Don’t be afraid to be specific and say, “I’m comfortable with harmless flirting, but after that is where I draw the line.” If your partner truly cares about you and your feelings, they’re going to honor your request to avoid cyber sex.

When It Becomes Cheating

Before you established boundaries in your relationship when it comes to cyber sex and what is okay and what isn’t, it’s likely that your partner didn’t know what upset you or made you uncomfortable and didn’t even know he was doing anything wrong. He may have thought that talking about sex was okay, as long as he didn’t mention having sex with her or describing specific actions like giving her oral sex, etc. If certain things are off limits, it’s important to be specific about what exactly is and isn’t acceptable to you.

If he fails to operate within the boundaries that you’ve established for the relationship, that’s when it crosses the line and becomes cheating. If he’s aware of what you are comfortable with and what you aren’t, but continues to have cyber sex in a way that you’ve already communicated to him is not okay, he’s cheating.

Is It A Deal Breaker?

If he’s crossed the line when it comes to cyber sex, it’s up to you to decide whether what he’s done is a deal breaker or not. If you’re not okay with him having cyber sex and he continues to do it (even after you’ve expressed how uncomfortable it makes you and how much it hurts you), it’s time to decide whether the relationship is something that you want to continue to be in. If he continues to have cyber sex after you’ve discussed it with him, it’s unlikely he will ever change no matter how much time you give him.

If it’s not a deal breaker, that’s okay too. Don’t let anyone tell you that it is or isn’t a big deal, because only you can make that decision yourself. He may try to tell you that it isn’t a big deal, but if it is to you, that’s what is important. If it’s not a big deal, your friends may try to convince you that it is. However you feel about the cyber sex situation is what is important and no one else can decide how you feel and what you want to do about it except for you.