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Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A Long Term Relationship

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Men can do a lot of things to screw up a long term relationship, in addition to what women do to screw up a relationship. Some issues are small and can be worked out with their partners, but other things that men do when they’re in a relationship can really mess things up for both partners. Here’s the top things that men do that can end a relationship, and how you can avoid them.

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A Long Term Relationship – What She Said

Cheating – it’s my number one, and I’d be willing to bet it’s at the top of the list for a lot of other ladies as well. Of course with cheating comes the loss of trust and respect. Combined, those are things that can (and often do) irreparably screw up a long-term relationship. While behaviors that can throw a wrench into a couple’s union vary greatly, here’s a quick list of the most common ways men muck up their love nest. Consider it a primer of what not to do, guys. You can thank me later.

  • Lying, whether about big or small issues, is never a good thing. It’s a slippery slope – don’t open that door.
  • Forgetting to appreciate your gal. No one wants to be taken for granted.
  • Letting resentment grow. Keep communicating – it’s a lot easier to air differences when they’re in the beginning stages.
  • Letting the sex go out of your relationship. Or, worse, looking for it elsewhere. See above!
  • Any kind of abuse, verbal or physical, is unacceptable.

The list could go on and on, but it really comes down to handful of things. Don’t worry; they’re all mutual! You’re not there to do all the work; you’re there to share in the experience with someone you care about. It all comes down to this: love, respect and communication. If you’ve got all of those things running smoothly, you’re golden. If anything seems out of whack, be willing to take a step back and explore why.

Feeling frustrated with your mate? Behavior and decide you need to vent about it with a female coworker at a bar after work? Thumbs down. Sitting with your partner and actually telling her what’s wrong? Applause meter! We all have that inner voice helping to guide us between right and wrong. It’s called intuition and, even though it’s usually associated with women, men have it too. Call it your gut, if you will, even if you have a six-pack. If something doesn’t feel right, your gut will let you know. However, listening to your gut is a two-parter. You’ve got to hear it AND follow through on what it’s telling you. It’s the “following through” part that trips us all up; and this is often where things go wrong. Be present, be honest and be kind. Following these little tips will make your girlfriend happy. And guess who gets to benefit from that?

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A Long Term Relationship – What He Said

Complacency And Inconsistency

For women, life is a journey. For men, it’s a destination. This kills more relationships than anything else. You have to consistency say and do the things that got her in the first place. You can never stop. Don’t think that just because you “got the girl” that you won the game. Wake up, sparky. The game is just beginning. If you screw up with some girl at a bar, or some random one night stand, who cares? But if you’re in a long term relationship, this is when the real work starts. You can’t get lazy. You can’t let yourself go. You never stop dating. EVER. You may stop dating other women, but you never stop dating her.

Lack Of Preventative Maintenance

You love your car, you baby it. You get the fanciest car wash possible, get the oil changed regularly; you lavish all kinds of attention on it. And it looks amazing. Why shouldn’t it? You put in a shit ton of work! Do you put that kind of effort into your relationship with your girl? Hell, no. That would make sense! In life, you get what you put in, and if you don’t put in the effort into the relationship, she’ll find someone else to put it in her.

Lack Of Appreciation

She was everything you’d ever wanted in a woman when you first met, but somehow you forgot all about this when you settled down together. She needs to be appreciated. She needs to be needed. You need to make her feel like the greatest thing to ever happen to you. Because she is.

A Gap In Communication

Chris Rock was right. “Women are like the police. They can have all the evidence in the world, but they still want that confession.” Yes, she knows you love her, and yes, she knows you want to do her. Constantly. But what she’s not getting is how much you love her. She needs to hear it. Constantly. She needs to know specifically what you love about her, how your life is better off with her in it, the whole nine yards. The sappier the better. I know you don’t want to say this, but that’s what you’re there for.

Top Things Women Do To Screw Up A Long Term Relationship

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All right gals – let’s get one thing clear. Although you’re in a relationship, it’s still your job to make yourself happy. Having a partner is a bonus to living a full life; not your entire reason for living. It’s still your responsibility to make sure you’re a well-rounded person. Outside interests won’t detract, they’ll attract. Though I hope your love lasts a lifetime, men do come and go. The person you’re always going to have is you, so make sure you’re treating yourself well. That said, what are some surefire behaviors that will screw up your relationship? Let’s take a quick peek.

What She Said

  • Of course you’re allowed to be comfortable in your relationship, but not too comfortable. It may sound shallow, but save sweatpants for the gym.
  • Do not cling! You were living and breathing before this guy came along – remind yourself that you can do the same now.
  • Along with no clinging comes no whining. Harping on every little thing is the least effective way to get what you want. Instead, it’ll have your guy looking for the exit.
  • Be appreciative. Though you’re in a long-term relationship, saying “please” and “thank you” go along way. Give your guy kudos; he’ll dig it.
  • Be affectionate. You’re in love, not business, together. Of course sex is uber-important, but so are the hugs and kisses in between bedtime romps. While that sounds like a rather sexist list of no-no’s; the fact of the matter is those are common stereotypes for a reason. I’m not trying to be Camille Paglia; I’m just trying to save you some time and trouble.

What I’m about to say is going to sound crude, but it’s a common complaint amongst guys, so I’m going to share it with you. Here it is: don’t let yourself go. He fell in love with a pert and pretty thing, and that’s where he wants to stay. Love goes way deeper than the surface. No one is arguing that, by any means. Being gorgeous from the inside out is as much for you as it is for him. You’ll be glowing and feeling great about yourself and, by proxy, the spark that attracted your mate will remain. This isn’t to say that you have to play games or keep a tube of lipstick by your bedside table. Rather it’s about being independent and being your best self, whether it’s year one or year ten of your union.

What He Said

“Mommy Mode”

Something happens to certain women when they have kids. I call it “Mommy Mode.” Mommy Mode is when a woman has a kid and forgets that she’s a wife and mother. She focuses solely on the kid, and ignores her husband, unless of course she needs help with the kid, or the kid does something wrong (then, suddenly it’s ‘his’ child, not hers). You need to remind yourself that you are a wife AND mother. Both are your job. Not just one. Just like he is a father AND husband.

“Kate Gosselin”

There’s an old saying. It goes like this “There’s the girl you date, and the girl you marry.” In many cases, it’s true. People change, but it’s like this: if I go to the restaurant, and I order steak, I expect you to bring me steak. Don’t bring me fish and then go “well, you know, the kitchen’s been going through a lot of changes lately…” Who the hell cares about the fish? I didn’t order that. Bring me the damn steak! We know you change, but we don’t like it. And you should still be the same person, just more evolved. It’s like a car. If I paint my car, it’s the same car. It just looks different in the parking lot, but I can still find it. It’s not like I bought a BMW and it magically turned into a Mini Van one day, because it watched an episode of Oprah, you know? Make sure if you do change, it’s for the better, like a sudden burst of bisexuality, or nymphomania.

Cutting Back On The Booty

What turns your man on when you met him will turn him on until the day he dies. And he expects you to do it, on a regular basis, until the day he dies. Period. If you were into three ways and anal sex when you met, guess what? He’s going to be expecting them on a regular basis. You can’t be a total whore (and I mean that as a compliment) in the beginning of the relationship and turn into a nun down the road. He’s not going to be happy. He’ll be pissed. With good reason. You’re not living up to your end of the bargain.

Removing His Crown

Your job, as a woman, is to make your man feel like a king. That doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat, but he needs to feel appreciated just as much as you do. And he takes a great deal of pride in doing the job right, so tell him. Tell him why you chose him, why there’s no other for you, etc. This will give him the feedback necessary to feel like he’s doing a good job. Then you’ll get him to do more of what you already like. Score!

Trying To Change Him

My mother always said “Men don’t really change; they just become more of who they already are.” This is true. What’s also true is that the thing that turns you on about a person instantly begins to piss you off when have a long term relationship together. If you loved that he was spontaneous, sooner or later you’ll be pissed off that he never plans anything. But he didn’t change. You did. Or more accurately, how you view him. You ladies love your checklists, and maybe you married/or settled down with this guy without a list, but you probably had one. And oh, how you’ve waited to start making the improvements. But you can’t. You broke it, you bought it. No refunds or exchanges.

Not Looking Hot

Basically, you want your man to want to do you. You need to look your best at all times for this. Yes, bodies change, but you should still do your best to look hot for each other all the time. No BS excuses, he can’t complain about stress at work, and you can’t use the kids as a reason you can’t fit into your clothes anymore. If you do, don’t be shocked when he’s not sexually attracted to you anymore.

The Weighty Issues of A Relationship: When Your Partner Becomes Less Attractive To You

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While your partner’s appearance is likely not the top (or even tenth) reason you love him or her, it is still of some importance. Physical attraction can ensure your sex life stays exciting and it can keep you feeling appreciative of one another. In an ideal world, we would look as fresh-faced and fit as we did at the beginning of a relationship, regardless of the passing years. Yet as time goes by, weight will be gained, hair will be lost, wrinkles will appear, breasts will sag. (Especially with the possible introduction of those little gremlins we call children.) While you don’t consider yourself to be superficial, these things may still bother you.

What Can Be Reasonably Changed?

To be fair, are these changes in your partner something that can reasonably be fixed? If plastic surgery or expensive treatments are the only way to correct a problem, you are very likely being unreasonable. However, if the problem is that your partner’s weight has begun to rise drastically or she is actively doing something which affects her appearance (such as excessively tanning, not showering, or dressing differently), you might possibly have some sway in making a positive change. Simple suggestions like, “Remember how you used to wear your hair curly? I really liked that,” or “I think you would look just as good with pale skin as you do with orange, streaky skin” can be subtle, yet complimentary hints.

Weight issues can be trickier, especially with women. Many women will go from fine to hysterically and inconsolably crying at the mere suggestion of diet and exercise. Rather, take up hiking, bicycling or another physical hobby and ask if she would join you. Don’t pressure her, though, or she will see through your ploy. That being said, do not take up this hobby for the sole purpose of tricking her into slimming down. Do it for yourself, for your own health, and as a way to share something fun together.

How To Talk About It

As a last resort (and oh, how I emphasize that), gently point out that you have noticed a change in grooming or eating habits. Point out that you will love your partner no matter what, but you are starting to worry about what may be affecting these changes.

Nevertheless, the change that needs to take place may be your attitude. He may have decided that he wants to grow his hair long. She may feel the extra pounds accentuate her curves. People will change as they age. Love the person because of these changes, not in spite of them. Finally, cut your partner some slack; you are no Dorian Gray yourself.

Long Distance Relationships: Should You Consider Getting An Online College Degree?

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One of the biggest reasons couples have long distance relationships is because one or both partners are going to college away from each other. Whether you’re choosing a college far away from your partner because they offer the best program for your major or your partner is getting more financial aid at another college, it’s easy for two people to become separated by long distances when they’re getting their degrees. Online colleges, however, are a great way to get your degree – whether it be a certificate program, an associate degree, a bachelor degree or even a masters degree – without being away from your significant other. Here’s how to find the best online colleges, so you don’t have to move away from your partner and go through the hardship of a long distance relationship for school.

Why Online Colleges Are Great For Relationships

Online colleges offer the convenience of taking your classes at home, and are easy to schedule around your life. You can choose when to do the work, so if you have a date with your partner or just want to spend time with them watching a movie or hanging out, you can complete your schoool work at a later time without consequence. You will, of course, have certain deadlines and times that things are due, but for the most part, online colleges offer the most flexible degree programs available today. Choosing to get your degree online is also a great option if you’re working or have a child with your significant other. Many people today, whether they’re in relationships or not, have responsibilities outside of school that they either can’t or don’t want to give up. You can also travel while you’re going to school online, so you can even go with your partner if they have to travel to go to a traditional college. Or, both you and your partner can go to school online! Either way, getting your degree online is a great way to prevent having to have a long distance relationship with someone you love.

Top Online Colleges

Since there are thousands of online degree programs and colleges available for you to choose from, sorting through the top online colleges to find the best one for you can be nothing short of intimidating. There are, however, many resources that can help you find the best online college based on how much you want to pay and what degree you’re seeking. Make sure whatever resource you’re using to find the top online colleges doesn’t promote one college or another – instead, look for resources that offer unbiased information on a variety of online colleges or resources that connect you directly with the colleges’ websites.

How To Choose The Best Online Colleges For You

The first thing to consider when choosing the best online colleges for you is which colleges offer the degree program you’re looking for. That will narrow down your search quite a bit! Next of course, is cost. While many online colleges cost a lot less than traditional colleges, money is still an issue. Think about what you and your partner can really afford, and if you’ll have to work to pay for school or if you and your partner can get grants, scholarships or financial aid. That will narrow down your list of the best online colleges even further, and all you have to do now is apply! Once accepted to the online degree program of your choice, you can go to school and focus on your relationship without having to months or even years away from your partner.

Going The Extra Mile With Your Long-Distance Relationship

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In relationships, the only thing harder than finding the right person is keeping the right person, especially when you are separated by hundreds or thousands of miles. While it is possible to overcome the distance and its accompanying problems, you will both have to work hard to keep the relationship afloat. Here are some ways to help shorten the long-distance gap.

Establishing Ground Rules

First things first, establish rules. How often will visits occur? Who will do the traveling (just one person or split half-and-half)? Most importantly, will you date other people while apart? Don’t wait until something detrimental has already happened to create some rules. Do it now.

If you agree to stay faithful to one another, don’t cheat. You’re probably asking, “Did you really have to include this one?” Yes, I did. Cheating is a very common (if not the most likely) reason long-distance relationships fail. One person gets lonely or meets somebody else, and without the boyfriend/girlfriend around to counteract these feelings, it can be easier to stray than you might imagine.

Trusting Your Partner

That being said, though, you must be trusting. Just because your significant other doesn’t answer the phone over the lunch hour (or in the middle of the night), you should not assume the worst (cheating, that is, though come to think of it, death is probably worse). Have trust in your partner; otherwise, the distance will constantly eat at you.

Give and take equally. Depending on your previously agreed-upon arrangement, you should each put forth equal efforts to making this relationship last. (What? You have no arrangements? Go back to #1 right now.) Even if only one person is able to do the monthly journeying, for example, the other should offer to pay travel expenses. Or, if you switch off travel duties, make sure it basically evens out in terms of mileage, money, and time taken off of work. If one person puts forth more effort over and over, he or she may start to resent the other.

What To Do To Keep Your Long Distance Relationship Alive

Webcam. Be creative. You’ll soon figure out the benefits here.

Have a plan. How long will you be apart? How will this relationship change over time? What will be different when you are able to live closer to one another? By deciding on a plan of action, you will not only be on the same page with your respective goals and timelines, but you will also have an incentive to keep working at the relationship.

Keep communication open. This may not come naturally at first, but clear communication is important in every relationship. Yet with long-distance relationships, it is mandatory. Because you are not around one another on a daily basis, your partner cannot easily determine whether you are upset and ignoring his calls or just plain busy at work. Moreover, if you are starting to feel the effort of maintaining this relationship is becoming exhaustive or you are starting to feel bored with the routine, let your partner know in order figure out a solution together.

Know when to quit. If your unhappiness or distrust is overshadowing your happiness while together, it may be time to call it quits, if only until you live in the same area code again.