All right gals – let’s get one thing clear. Although you’re in a relationship, it’s still your job to make yourself happy. Having a partner is a bonus to living a full life; not your entire reason for living. It’s still your responsibility to make sure you’re a well-rounded person. Outside interests won’t detract, they’ll attract. Though I hope your love lasts a lifetime, men do come and go. The person you’re always going to have is you, so make sure you’re treating yourself well. That said, what are some surefire behaviors that will screw up your relationship? Let’s take a quick peek.
What She Said
- Of course you’re allowed to be comfortable in your relationship, but not too comfortable. It may sound shallow, but save sweatpants for the gym.
- Do not cling! You were living and breathing before this guy came along – remind yourself that you can do the same now.
- Along with no clinging comes no whining. Harping on every little thing is the least effective way to get what you want. Instead, it’ll have your guy looking for the exit.
- Be appreciative. Though you’re in a long-term relationship, saying “please” and “thank you” go along way. Give your guy kudos; he’ll dig it.
- Be affectionate. You’re in love, not business, together. Of course sex is uber-important, but so are the hugs and kisses in between bedtime romps. While that sounds like a rather sexist list of no-no’s; the fact of the matter is those are common stereotypes for a reason. I’m not trying to be Camille Paglia; I’m just trying to save you some time and trouble.
What I’m about to say is going to sound crude, but it’s a common complaint amongst guys, so I’m going to share it with you. Here it is: don’t let yourself go. He fell in love with a pert and pretty thing, and that’s where he wants to stay. Love goes way deeper than the surface. No one is arguing that, by any means. Being gorgeous from the inside out is as much for you as it is for him. You’ll be glowing and feeling great about yourself and, by proxy, the spark that attracted your mate will remain. This isn’t to say that you have to play games or keep a tube of lipstick by your bedside table. Rather it’s about being independent and being your best self, whether it’s year one or year ten of your union.
What He Said
Something happens to certain women when they have kids. I call it “Mommy Mode.” Mommy Mode is when a woman has a kid and forgets that she’s a wife and mother. She focuses solely on the kid, and ignores her husband, unless of course she needs help with the kid, or the kid does something wrong (then, suddenly it’s ‘his’ child, not hers). You need to remind yourself that you are a wife AND mother. Both are your job. Not just one. Just like he is a father AND husband.
There’s an old saying. It goes like this “There’s the girl you date, and the girl you marry.” In many cases, it’s true. People change, but it’s like this: if I go to the restaurant, and I order steak, I expect you to bring me steak. Don’t bring me fish and then go “well, you know, the kitchen’s been going through a lot of changes lately…” Who the hell cares about the fish? I didn’t order that. Bring me the damn steak! We know you change, but we don’t like it. And you should still be the same person, just more evolved. It’s like a car. If I paint my car, it’s the same car. It just looks different in the parking lot, but I can still find it. It’s not like I bought a BMW and it magically turned into a Mini Van one day, because it watched an episode of Oprah, you know? Make sure if you do change, it’s for the better, like a sudden burst of bisexuality, or nymphomania.Cutting Back On The Booty
What turns your man on when you met him will turn him on until the day he dies. And he expects you to do it, on a regular basis, until the day he dies. Period. If you were into three ways and anal sex when you met, guess what? He’s going to be expecting them on a regular basis. You can’t be a total whore (and I mean that as a compliment) in the beginning of the relationship and turn into a nun down the road. He’s not going to be happy. He’ll be pissed. With good reason. You’re not living up to your end of the bargain.
Removing His Crown
Your job, as a woman, is to make your man feel like a king. That doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat, but he needs to feel appreciated just as much as you do. And he takes a great deal of pride in doing the job right, so tell him. Tell him why you chose him, why there’s no other for you, etc. This will give him the feedback necessary to feel like he’s doing a good job. Then you’ll get him to do more of what you already like. Score!
Trying To Change Him
My mother always said “Men don’t really change; they just become more of who they already are.” This is true. What’s also true is that the thing that turns you on about a person instantly begins to piss you off when have a long term relationship together. If you loved that he was spontaneous, sooner or later you’ll be pissed off that he never plans anything. But he didn’t change. You did. Or more accurately, how you view him. You ladies love your checklists, and maybe you married/or settled down with this guy without a list, but you probably had one. And oh, how you’ve waited to start making the improvements. But you can’t. You broke it, you bought it. No refunds or exchanges.
Not Looking Hot
Basically, you want your man to want to do you. You need to look your best at all times for this. Yes, bodies change, but you should still do your best to look hot for each other all the time. No BS excuses, he can’t complain about stress at work, and you can’t use the kids as a reason you can’t fit into your clothes anymore. If you do, don’t be shocked when he’s not sexually attracted to you anymore.