romance – Page 15

I Could Have Told You So!

By the time this is published, I’ll be out of the woods. You see, my husband and I are in the middle of a situation created by the differences between the sexes, and my goal is to refrain from making this particular difference an issue. I so want to point out an oversight he’s made! But that is exactly what would make this particular difference an issue. So, I figured I’d write about it instead.

So here’s what’s going on. To set this up, I need to tell you that my husband and I work together from home. We have separate offices and actually spend a lot of time apart but are mostly just a few steps away from each other. With our lifestyle we get a lot of quality time together. It also means that we like to go out for lunch regularly in order to connect as a couple, rather than as business partners.

Beginning the day after tomorrow, we have commitments that will require a four-day separation. It means that tomorrow is our last day to have lunch together before we go four days hardly seeing each other. I was looking forward to having him to myself tomorrow at lunch. I was also looking forward to lunch with him my first day back.

With two phone calls this afternoon, he arranged for us to have lunch with his son tomorrow and he arranged to have lunch with a friend on my first day back. You’re probably saying, “What is the big deal?” Well, it isn’t a big deal. But it became an opportunity for me to NOT give him a hard time about not seeing the big picture.

The Difference Between Men And Women

That’s the difference between the sexes that we are caught in at the moment. As a woman, I see the big picture and I’ve been making plans around the big picture for weeks! As a man, he is very focused and efficient. The difference means he is missing the opportunity for two separate romantic encounters – the “good-bye” lunch and the “I’m home” lunch.

So, I made the decision that without bitterness, pettiness, or hurt feelings I would leave this alone. I would not point out to him the “mistake” he made. Nor, on the other end of it, when he’s hurting as much as I am that he added more separateness to a time of separation, will I point out to him that he made a “mistake.” To be perfectly clear, I twice put the word mistake in quotes because no mistake has been made. There is absolutely no value distinction between seeing the big picture verses being focused and efficient. Rather, it’s a difference in perspective that can sometimes be beneficial and other times drive a couple crazy – that’s all.

With the exception of the relief that writing this article gives me, I choose to let it go. I can promise you that the marital bliss will be great and far superior to the short lived thrill of being able to say, “I could have told you so.”

Embrace The Difference Between The Sexes

Let me share with you those rewards. If I keep my cool and refuse to let this situation hurt my feelings, I will experience his missing me, which is flattering. I will experience his longing for me, which is also flattering but, more importantly, his longing for me will deepen my yearning for him. When we finally have the time to be alone, conversation will be deep and meaningful as we share our experiences born of the recent separation and our lovemaking will be fun and especially satisfying!

Do you see? There is so much more satisfaction awaiting me by allowing, even embracing, this particular expression of the differences between the sexes. Your relationship is a daily laboratory for growing more love when you take potential problems and turn them into opportunities instead.

Next time you find yourself caught in the battle of the sexes, try slowing down to find the opportunity in it. The pay off could be delightful!

Questions To Ask Yourself When Thinking About Getting Married

By loveandsex

Marriage is about taking a relationship to the next—and final—step. From here on, you will need to take another person into consideration with every major decision (and many minor ones, too). If you want to move, leave your job, go back to school, buy a couch, take a vacation…on all of these things, you will need to consult and compromise. It is not just about committing yourself to another person and declaring your ever-lasting love. Rather, it is also about creating a life together—one which absorb your current way of living and thinking. So, are you ready for it?

Are You Okay With Supporting Her If Something Happened?

Right now, you only need to worry about yourself. However, after getting married, what if she lost her job? Are you willing to financially support her, take care of her until she is back on her feet? You cannot be greedy with your money when another person is depending on you. More important than money, though, what if she were in an accident and could no longer feed herself or use the bathroom alone? Are you up for the possibility of really having to tend for another person in the event of a life-changing event?

Do You Agree About Major Topics?

Some things simply cannot be negotiated. You may want kids, but she does not. How do you compromise on such a huge issue? Simply put, you don’t. While minor stuff, like who does what chore, can be discussed and argued. But make sure you are on the same track about such issues as children, finances, religion, or sex.

Do You Communicate And Solve Problems Well?

Again and again, good communication is slated as the way to make a marriage last. Do you feel like you can talk about anything together, like you can handle anything when you work together? You must be willing to confide in this person, to share what is bothering you. Otherwise, the drift between you will grow with each year that passes and more words go unspoken.

Does She Know All Of Your Secrets?

It can be hard to take that step in revealing all the embarrassing things they may do when alone or dastardly events in your past about which few people may know. Even simple admissions like how much debt you owe. Are you comfortable sharing this information with her? Is there anything she isn’t comfortable telling you, in return?

Do You Think It Will Last?

This may seem like a no-brainer, but surprisingly, I have heard many people say something along these lines: “everyone needs a starter marriage,” usually followed by a shrug. If you don’t plan to have this relationship last forever, why bother at all? Put that time and energy towards finding the one with whom you do see yourself growing old.

Have A Snowed In Affair With Your Own Partner

By drbonnieeakerweil

Many of us – myself included! – have been snowed in the past couple days, thanks to extreme weather hitting many parts of the US. While not being able to get to your scheduled appointments – like work, school, meetings, etc – can be stressful, why not put the time to good use and use the mandatory down-time to rekindle a spark with your significant other?! Just because it’s cold outside doesn’t mean you can’t heat it up indoors! Here are a few of the things I recommend to have a snowed-in affair, take advantage of the blizzard and get back to basics!

Hot Ideas For When It’s Cold Outside

Mix up a hot drink and then cozy up with each other. Whether it’s hot chocolate or hot toddy, getting warm together doesn’t HAVE to involve sex! Start out with something simple like a drink to warm you up and snuggle up together by reading a book, playing a game, or beginning a project you’ve been putting off.
Let it lead to sex. Studies show that during big storms people usually make love, make babies or fight. Starting by reconnecting with something simple (a book, a game, etc.), as I mentioned above, can lead to a more intimate conclusion. Take advantage of the fact that you don’t have anywhere to be! If you’re like most of us, this will likely be one of the few times when Mother Nature forces you to slow down and simplify! Make the most of your time indoors, since there’s nowhere else you could be, even if you wanted to. Instead of letting your obligations stress you out, let go of your responsibilities by having an affair with your own partner. I mention this technique in my book, Make up Don’t Break up, where I give couples tools for rekindling romance.
Get outside. That’s right – it’s cold and snowy and you don’t have to go anywhere so why not relive the excitement that snowdays gave you as a kid?! These types of opportunities often bring out our inner child, so go with it, get playful and see where it leads. You may learn something new about your partner, discover something new you can do together (who doesn’t love making snowmen?), and if nothing else, have a good time goofing around together.
Recreate the chemicals you experienced when you first fell in love. Take this opportunity to give a 30 second kiss and/or 20 second hug so you can fall back in love with your partner for Valentines Day during this snow-in.

I talk more about ways to fall in love and stay in love – no matter what the weather – in my book, Make Up Don’t Break Up!

How Aromatherapy Can Improve Your Sex Life

By loveandsex

We’ve all lit the vanilla candles before sex to help create a romantic mood – but can other scents help turn you or your partner on even more? Science shows that aromatherapy really does work and that bringing different smells into the bedroom can instantly turn “blah” sex into “wow” sex. Here’s how you can use scents and aromatherapy to improve your sex life.

Sexual Benefits Of Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy has proven over decades to be a powerful way to stimulate parts of the brain that are related to sex and sensuality through our sense of smell. Aromatherapy is a great way to spice up your sex life if it is lacking, or simply enrich an already fantastic sex life. Many aromatherapy studies have shown that using scents can actually improve arousal and blood flow to both men’s and women’s genitals. While most scents increase blood flow to a man’s penis, only certain scents incrase blood flow to a woman’s vaginal area. Other scents were actually proven to turn a woman off, including the scents of barbeque and men’s cologne. In addition to the purely physical benefits of scents in the bedroom, scents that elevate the mood and make you feel good will also help stimulate your mind for sex. Many scents are proven to increase certain hormones in the body that are related to love and sex, making a man or woman feel more inclined to be more sensual and sexy in the bedroom.

Scents That Will Turn Your Partner On

The most powerful scents to use for a man are suprisingly lavender and pumpkin pie. These smells were shown to actually increase the blood flow to a man’s genitals up to 40% and put him in the mood for sex. If you want to really set the mood for your man, burn a few pumpkin pie or lavender candles for a few hours before making your move. Pumpkin pie is a great scent for warm, cozy winter sex and cuddling while lavender is a great spring and summer scent. A woman, however, will respond best to the smell of licorice. Licorice is a great scent to use in the bedroom because while it is the most potent scent for a woman’s arousal, it will also affect a man’s arousal in a positive way as well.

Essential Oils

For hundreds of years, aromatherapy has incorporated powerful essential oils during sex. Many varieties of essential oils are used in sensual massage oils and can help relax your partner and put them in a more sexual frame of mind when used in conjunction with a fantastic massage. The scents of rose, patchouli, ylang ylang and jasmine are all scents that are easy to find and extremely effective in setting a romantic and sensual mood for sex. While most essential oils are diluted when used in massage oils, undiluted essential oils can be used sparingly on a cotton ball or in a warming dish and set next to your bed to help diffuse the scent throughout the entire room. Aromatherapy is more powerful when used for a few minutes or hours prior to having sex to allow the body to respond to the scents that are being used.

When Preoccupation With The Stuff Of Life Interferes With Your Love Life

By sarahelizabethmalinak

There are times when the stuff of life gets in the way of good loving. Whether it’s the demands of work, raising children, or friends and family who need extra attention, life is messy and therefore demanding. My husband and I have experienced this lately and stumbled upon a cure for turning our attention back on us as a couple.

The secret to breaking free of preoccupation with the stuff of life is simple and direct. It lies in the nature of who you are as a man and a woman.

Talking Sexy

If your husband is the one who is preoccupied, find moments to talk sexy. Find double entendres in his speech and get the pair of you giggling. Without needing anything from him in return, admire something about him that you find sexy. It could be the sound of his voice, the way he rests his weight on one leg while resting his hands on his hips when he’s standing around waiting for someone, the hair around his temples graying, or the way he handled a difficult situation. Whatever you can admire about your man, do it without a need for attention. In a relaxed atmosphere, your sexy talk and admiration will soften the cloud of preoccupation hovering around him. He’ll rest his handsome eyes on you, take you in, and allow the chemistry between you to percolate.

Talking Her Up

If your wife is the one who is preoccupied, find genuine ways to compliment her. If her hair is especially pretty or her outfit is particularly becoming, tell her so. If she has just cooked a delicious meal, really pour on the praise and do one more thing. Insist on either cleaning up after supper or insist on helping. Even if she is an “I’ve gotta do it my way so don’t get in my way” kind of woman and can actually be irritated by an extra pair of helping hands, then just clear the table for her. Or find her favorite music or something on television she’s keen on to keep her company while she works.

One of the nicest ways to compliment any woman is to notice the things she does to keep the household running smoothly, tell her you appreciate it, and offer to do some of those things so that she can have time to herself to relax. Particularly when she is preoccupied with fresh demands on her, perhaps a good friend is having surgery, for example; you can anticipate some of the stuff she usually takes care of and tell her you will handle it.

Talking Magic

You probably noticed that I suggest you do two completely different things depending on the sex of the person who is preoccupied. That is purposeful, so let me explain. When your spouse is preoccupied while you pine for his or her attention, the best way to get that attention is to get inside his or her head.

Most men are crazy about sex. A woman who can tease and cajole about sexy topics gets her man in touch with the thing that connects him to his heart, sex. That kind of gentle love talk can persuade him to relax and take notice of her like a magic spell. Most women feel as though they give too much. When her man appreciates everything she does, continues to find her attractive, and is proactive about lending a helping hand, he hands her an aphrodisiac that works, again, like magic.

So break through the preoccupation with the stuff of life by putting attention on the things that will speak care, concern, and interest to your spouse the most. While the “stuff” may continue to need his or her attention, you can get a little loving attention for yourself to tide you over till life is normal again.