Dictionary.com defines romantic as “displaying or expressing love or strong affection”. The media pushes flowers, dinners, vacations  and expensive jewelry as ways to be romantic with a woman.

I have a different view of what’s romantic and I suspect any woman in a relationship for any length of time would agree. Of course, flowers, dinners, vacations and jewelry are lovely but they don’t necessarily speak to women’s three most primary needs in a relationship as described in John Gray’s Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

Having worked with John for many years and having become intimately knowledgeable with the Mars Venus concepts by virtue of my job, I had several aha! moments when I learned what they the three primary love needs were for a woman.

I am in total agreement with John Gray that women need most to be cared about, understood and respected. He suggests that “when a man responds to a woman in a way that acknowledges and prioritizes her rights, wishes and needs, she feels respected”.

A man can not care, not try to understand and not respect a woman at all, and still buy flowers and think that’s romantic. It won’t cut it, guys. So, following are 10 romantic tips in no particular order of importance that will make any woman happy and show her that you care, that you try to understand her and that you acknowledge and make important her rights, wishes and needs.

Remember to do the things you promised to do – without being reminded.

When my husband remembers that he promised to fix the blinds on the weekend and goes to Home Depot to buy what he needs, comes home and fixes the blinds just as he said, I feel this as an expression of love and caring. He knows that I like the house to look nice and things to work; I feel he understands and respects my desire to have it so.

Surprise her with something you know she wants – big or small.

This is such a big deal to me that I still remember when my ex-husband came home from work one day when I was pregnant with my first child 42 years ago with a balsa wood model airplane because I had said sometime in the past that I never had one.

I remember it as perhaps the sweetest, most romantic thing he ever did for me in the 19 years we were together. He occasionally brought me flowers but it didn’t make up for all his bad, uncaring, disrespectful behavior during the relationship.

Care about how she dresses.

My husband cares about what I wear, not from a critical or fault-finding perspective, but rather from an honest, loving interest in how I want to look and how I can look my best. It’s not about a compliment although heartfelt compliments are nice.

It’s that he knows that how I look is important to me and he cares to honor that. The way he makes me feel special and complimented is by telling me that how I look will make other men envy him.

Notice when she gets a haircut or changes her hairstyle.

I love that my husband always notices when I change my hair. It means he is really seeing me and paying attention not just used to me and making me become part of his exterior flow of things seen but not noticed like how the neighborhood looks.

Choose to spend time with her when she needs to do mundane things and you could be doing something more important or more fun.

When I do errands on the weekend, my husband often comes with me just because he says spending time with me is an adventure. I love that! I enjoy his company and even feel cared about. He could easily stay home and correct his student’s papers but instead he chooses time with me.

Pay attention to anything she creates – from cookies to a book she may write.

I feel so seen and important when my husbands listens to or reads everything I write. And I write a lot. I feel like I am the best, most creative person he ever met – and it feels good. And, he even was excited about the quiche I made a few weeks ago.

Look her in the eyes and tell her what inner qualities you love about her.

Oh, she likes to hear you think she’s hot, but watch her light up when you tell her you love how she always seems to attract the nicest friends or she is the best mother or you can’t get over how organized she is in all the family paperwork and even in her thinking.

Join her – even a bit – on her quests for self-improvement whether it’s a diet or exercise program or a self-help journey.

When I want to lose some weight and I give up half and half in my coffee and my husband joins me in doing that even though he doesn’t need to lose any, I feel his support for what I’m doing and I know he wouldn’t want to have something I particularly love, when I am choosing to forgo it.

Make her feel that you would rather spend time with her than anyone else.

Need I say more?

Show care and concern for those she loves, too.

I happen to have four adult children, their three partners and two grandchildren in my family. When my husband keeps saying how much he wishes my daughter didn’t move out of our neighborhood, it’s hard to explain how I feel. It’s a complex feeling made up of love, appreciation and shades of many other things.

Which leads me to tell you that when you do these 10 romantic things for her, the benefits to you will be beyond your wildest dreams.