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Q&A: My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Oral Sex

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Oral sex is one of the greatest sexual gifts that someone can give another person because you’re focusing only on their pleasure and theirs alone. Many people enjoy the feeling oral sex more than penetration and intercourse, but what do you do if your partner doesn’t want to give or receive oral sex?

Question: My girlfriend & I are extremely happy with each other, but she is extremely against oral sex, she refuses to give me blow jobs and “doesn’t need” me to give her oral pleasure. Is there a way to make this work, because I’ve never had oral sex given to me or vise-versa. She said she would maybe possibly consider it while she is drunk, but that is honestly worthless to me because I want it to mean something.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPW19Ghj-6w[/youtube]

Oral Sex And Hygiene

Many people who have issues with oral sex don’t necessarily have issues with performing oral sex itself, but rather, they have issues with hygiene. They may have had a bad experience before where they performed oral sex on someone and didn’t like the way it tasted or smelled. Fortunately, hygiene issues are fixable. Make sure that you are always clean and showered, use deodorant and cologne if she likes it. Keep your genital area clean and trimmed, and if you’re uncircumcised, make sure you clean underneath the foreskin. Encourage her to lick or kiss around your thighs and tummy. When she gets close enough, she’ll know that you’re clean and fresh and may feel more comfortable with oral sex.

Getting Comfortable With Oral Sex

For a woman, being on the receiving end of cunnilingus can be emotionally uncomfortable. Essentially, she has to open herself up physically and emotionally to you, allowing you to be face to face with her most intimate and sensitive parts. This is enough to make any woman uncomfortable and it may be the reason she wants to get drunk first. If you want to perform oral sex on your partner, the first thing you need to do is get her relaxed. Draw her a hot bath, give her a massage and kiss and lick in that general area to see how she responds. Go slow and don’t rush her.

Communicate With Your Partner

An aversion to oral sex isn’t always what it seems on the surface. She may have some deep rooted issues about oral sex that makes her feel the way she does about it, such as abuse. These emotional roots may go deeper than either you or her expect, and she may not even remember why she started not liking oral sex to begin with. Communicate with her and talk about why she doesn’t feel comfortable with getting or giving oral sex. Just listen to her, and find out where her boundaries are. Don’t criticise her, and allow her to open up and feel that you are there for her. This in and of itself may be what it takes to get her to feel like you are trustworthy enough to experience oral sex with! Just remember never to push her or make her do something she doesn’t want to do.

Q&A: Tips For Talking Dirty – With Examples

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Talking dirty is a great way to spice up your sex life with your partner. However, many people are uncomfortable with talking dirty, are embarassed about it or aren’t sure what to say. How can you do dirty talk without sounding ridiculous? Here’s how to talk dirty in the bedroom with your partner, with some sexy examples!

Question: Hi Dan and Jenn, do you have any tips for dirty talk? My boyfriend is really into it, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to say without sounding like a washed-up porn star. Please help!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPfGwt6z_lY[/youtube]

Talking Dirty Got A Bad Rap

Talking dirty isn’t “dirty.” Actually, it can be quite sexy and a lot of people enjoy talking during sex. Talking dirty in the bedroom got a bad rap because back in the day, it wasn’t considered “polite” or “proper” to talk that way during relations. Fortunately, society has come a long way sexually since those days but the fact that sexy talk is considered “taboo” in the bedroom is half the fun! If your partner wants to hear you talk dirty to him during sex, it’s time to learn how.

Ways To Talk Dirty

There are lots of ways to talk sexy to your partner, and not all of it has to be during the actual act of sex. You can talk sexy to your partner over the phone, or via text, called sexting. Send him a racy email to find at a random time, or leave a hot note by the coffee that he can find before he goes to work (which will get him hot for you all day!) These are also great ways to “break the ice” when it comes to dirty talk, because it’s a lot easier to send a dirty text at first than to jump right in to talking dirty during sex.

Get Comfortable With Talking Dirty

Remember that when talking dirty, your partner is going to appreciate the effort. Even if you don’t sound super sexy at first because you’re still getting comfortable with it, he’ll be glad you tried. Try practicing talking dirty to yourself in the mirror at first, because if you can’t talk sexy to yourself in the mirror, how are you going to do it to him? If you’re unsure of what to say in the bedroom, start by talking about what feels good, why it feels good or describing how it feels. Get some ideas from an erotic book. Yes, some of them are cheesy but there are a lot of good, realistic erotic novels that can give you an idea of exactly what to say. When you feel more comfortable with the idea of talking dirty in the bedroom, take a little time to find out exactly what gets your partner off. What are his fantasies when it comes to dirty talk? Does he like it a certain way? Don’t be afraid to ask him questions or use a “fantasy box.” Your efforts will be much more effective if you’re talking dirty right up his alley.

Q&A: Relationship Trouble – Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

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Relationship problems can come in a variety of forms, and they differ greatly from relationship to relationship. Some relationship troubles can be worked out, but other, more serious issues can pave the way to a breakup. How do you know if your relationship problems can be fixed or if you just need to walk away?

Question: Hi Dan and Jenn. I need help with my relationship. I have a big problem with my boyfriend. We’ve been together over a year now and the problem we have is getting worse. I’ve told him how I feel and how much what he does hurts me and makes me feel insignificant, and when he says he’ll stop it, he does it again and again. The three main problems are:
1. He doesn’t talk or text for long periods of time because he’s too busy playing computer games.
2. He regularly shouts over top of me or interrupts me when I’m speaking, whether it’s a serious situation or not. I can be crying my eyes out talking to him and he will still do it.
3. Finally, he sometimes shouts at me, and not just raising his voice, he really shouts loudly, my parents worry about it and ask if I’m okay, and it honestly does frighten me sometimes.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mLcFPKR8Ec[/youtube]

He Won’t Change

If you’ve talked to your partner about the behavior that bothers you, especially if you’ve mentioned it more than once and communicated to him clearly how you feel, and he refuses to change, it’s time to consider the fact that he probably won’t ever change. You can’t force someone to change their behavior, you can only talk to them about how it affects you and hope that they see how much better the relationship can be if they change their ways. If he won’t change, the only thing you can do is change yourself. You can change how you react to his behavior, but stop and think before you do. Do you want to be ignoring his behavior forever?

Respect Yourself

An abusive relationship isn’t always one where one partner physically hits another. A lot of abuse is verbal and emotional. If you stay in an abusive relationship – no matter what kind of abuse you’re living with – you’re doing yourself a disservice and disrespecting yourself. Many times, if your partner can’t or won’t change his ways, you’ve got to take a stand for yourself. If he won’t respect you, you have to respect you – or who will? Don’t rely on other people to treat you with respect. Treat yourself with respect and don’t stand for any kind of abuse, be it physical, sexual or verbal and emotional.

You Deserve A Happy Relationship

No matter what you think or what your partner may tell you, you absolutely deserve a relationship that makes you happy. If you aren’t happy with who you’re with now, it’s time to find someone you are happy with. Life is too short and your time is too precious to spend it being unhappy with someone who refuses to respect you and be respectful to you. While no man can “make” you happy, you don’t have to be miserable with someone who treats you poorly. If your current relationship isn’t giving you what you want, it’s time to walk away. Take some time and think about what you do want in a relationship and start looking for that.

Q&A: Does Masturbation Reduce Penis Sensitivity?

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As you get older, your body changes and mature in a variety of ways which sometimes can be a surprise. As you age, your sexual organs and libido change as well, and you might find yourself wanting more or less sex or finding that masturbation feels different than when you were younger. Other factors change genital sensitivity as well, such as medication or frequency of masturbation.

Question: Dear Dan and Jenn, I’ve been masturbating since I was 9 and since I turned 18, the the sensitivity of my penis started to change and now its takes me longer to reach orgasm. I wanted to know does masturbation reduce the sensitivity of the penis or is that the intensity of orgasm changes overtime as you get older?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBBp-GsE0Ic[/youtube]

Hormonal Changes

When you hit puberty, your hormones go into overdrive and you may find that your penis is extremely sensitive and can be aroused by even the smallest trigger. As you age, your body stops producing so many hormones and you’ll find that your penis isn’t as sensitive as it was when you were going through puberty. Although this sounds like it’s a bad thing (after all, who doesn’t want a sensitive penis) it’s actually a good thing. Did you really want to be getting erections at the wrong time throughout your life, or even suffering from premature ejaculation? The reduction of penis sensitivity as you get older is preparing you for a healthy and happy sex life in the future.

Frequency Of Masturbation

How often you masturbate plays a big part in how sensitive your penis is. If you masturbate only once a week or even less, you’ll find that your penis is more sensitive to other triggers. However, if you masturbate daily or even a few times a day, your penis isn’t going to respond to every little thing that touches it. This can actually be used to your advantage. If you want a more sensitive penis, masturbate less. Frequent masturbation helps prevent getting erections at the wrong time, and can be used before a first date or other event.

Other Factors That Change Penis Sensitivity

Other things that can change your penis sensitivity and sexual desire are prescription medications, illegal drugs and alcohol. These things can change your penis sensitivity very drastically, even to the point of making it difficult to get an erection or causing you to lose your erection when masturbating. It is not at all uncommon for prescription medications to change genital sensitivity and libido a great deal and if you suspect that your medications are to blame for a less sensitive penis or a reduced sex drive, talk to your doctor about it and find out if you can make a medication switch. Penis sensitivity can also change between intercourse and masturbation, or how long it’s been since you’ve had sex or masturbated. If you find that your penis is becoming drastically less sensitive and it is causing you to have problems in your sex life or with your partner, visit your doctor to rule out any medical causes.

Q&A: Online Dating – Can You Fall In Love Without Meeting?

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There are a lot of questions when it comes to online dating, but very few answers as online dating is still new, uncharted territory for many people. Can you fall in love online, or do you need to meet them first? How can you stay safe if you do end up meeting them in person? Here’s what you need to know about love and online dating.

Question: Hi Dan & Jenn, I have an online dating question. I signed up for a dating website last week and a man, two years older than me from California e-mailed me a day later. We’ve been e-mailing each other constantly and texting/talking ever since, and he’s just told me that he wishes to be with me until he grows old- he even mentioned flying me to California whenever I wish to visit. The problem is, is it possible for a man who’s never officially met me to develop such strong feelings for me so quickly? I’m honestly really baffled by this.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU1_gfYF8Lo[/youtube]

Possible But Not Probable

While theoretically it is possible to fall in love online without having met them first, but it’s definitely not probable. There are too many unknowns when it comes to a relationship with someone online to really say for sure if you love them or if they love you. You may really like them and even have strong feelings for them (or vice versa) but is it really love? If someone tells you they love you before you even meet them, take it with a grain of salt. Often, people are unable to accurately express strong feelings for someone and may just be using the word “love” because they don’t have any other way of explaining how they feel.

In Love With The Idea Of You

When using online dating sites, there are lots of things you and your partner don’t know about each other and it’s difficult to say you love someone without knowing these things. For example, your partner may know what your favorite color is and what you like to eat for dinner, but he doesn’t know how you smell or how your hand fits in his. He’s unaware of your mannerisms, how you move and how a hug or kiss from you feels. These are all essential components of a relationship that can’t be obtained over the Internet. Generally, when someone says they love you when they haven’t met you in person it means that they are in love with the “idea” of you. Their imagination has filled in all the blank spots, and naturally they are in love with that person. But that’s not the real you! The way you kiss or hold his hand may be completely different than the way he’s imagined it.

What To Do If You Do Meet

If you do decide to meet in person, it’s important to consider online dating safety first until you’ve met a few times and have gotten to know each other. Meet him in a public place during the day for a short amount of time. A half hour coffee is probably enough to get your feet wet and allow both of you to decide if you want to meet again. At first, pay your own way so you aren’t indebted to him in any way, and make sure a trusted friend knows where you are and when you plan to be back. Take it slow and get to know them before being alone with them.