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Quantity vs. Quality – What Constitutes A “Good” Sex Life?

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Many men and women seem to think that a “good” sex life consists of one thing – lots of sex. In fact, guys that don’t have sex very often tend to get burned by their male friends who supposedly have sex more often. You see it all the time on television and in movies – having lots of sex means you have a great sex life, right? So does how much sex you have really play that big a part in how good your sex life is? Quality sex has to count for something, right?

Lots Of Sex, All The Time

Of course, women are often socially branded with the idea that to please their partners, they need to have sex all the time. In fact, women go into relationships thinking that men want sex daily or at least several times a week. According to social influence, partners that only have sex once a week or even less are considered to have a poor sex life. Think about it though – how often is daily sex great sex? How often is sex a few times a week absoultely ravishing, leaving you begging for more? Rarely. In fact, having sex more often can result in shorter sex times, less orgasms and an overall decrease in the quality of your sex.

What Is Good Sex?

Good sex – or great sex even – comes from having the time and energy to devote to being fully present during sex, giving your partner pleasure, as well as keeping yourself open to receiving pleasure as well. How many women and men throw themselves into a “quickie” every night or every couple of nights just to say they had sex? Just to have a quick orgasm? Who really wants to devote an hour or more to having fabulous sex every night, after getting home from work and putting dinner on the table? Especially if you have kids! Many couples have actually stopped having sex as often because of the daily stresses in life, but they still have the attitude that lots of sex equals a good sex life. Therefore, with the mindset that they have a poor sex life because they don’t have sex often enough, the times they do have sex are dampened by the wrong attitude!

How To Break The Vicious Cycle

Sex is about quality, not quantity. So you only have time to have sex once a week. Or once every two weeks even! But if you and your partner are completely present during sex and completely devoted to each other’s pleasure – as well as receiving pleasure of your own – it will likely result in awesome sex. Say you have sex even once a month – but every month, that sex brings you closer to your partner and more in touch with yourself after a night of passion and pleasure. Does that mean you have a bad sex life? Not at all – quite the opposite in fact!

If you want to break the bad-sex-often cycle, it’s time to change your attitude about sex. Stop worrying about how often you have sex and make sure that when you do have sex, you and your partner have enough time and emotional energy to give to each other completely. Regardless of how many times you have sex, if every time you have sex you have great sex, you have a great sex life!

Britney Spears “3” – Are Threesomes “In?”

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It’s every guy’s wet dream right – and no, we’re not talking about the Princess-Leia-in-the-gold-bikini fantasy. We’re talking about threesomes. Threesomes have long been touted as the “holy grail” of sex for guys, and any real life threesome gives a guy automatic bragging rights to his friends. Women who are down with threesomes are considered wild and fun, and as society becomes less censored and more open about human sexuality, threesomes are actually a commonly accepted practice. So are threesomes the new black?

Britney Spears “3” is one of the most popular songs out there right now, but how many of you have stopped to actually listen to the words? Britney claims that threesomes are the new “in.” Well, that’s what we’re talking about today on the show. Are threesomes the new “in” or a disaster for your relationship?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-h1oJJ-5I5U[/youtube]

Why Are Threesomes So Popular

Guys are visual. We all know that. One naked girl = one erection. So what about two naked girls? More erections? Double the pleasure? What about if the two girls start getting sexual with each other while the man watches? Or better yet, what if the two girls start getting sexual with each other and with the above mentioned man? Guys tend to like “bigger” and “better” things, and there’s really nothing “bigger” or “better” when it comes to sex than threesomes or foursomes. Not only do you have twice – or three times – the visual stimulation, you also have several different physical sensations going on at once. When you take all emotion whatsoever out of it and think about it like a guy does – that is, looking at it from a purely physical standpoint – it’s not hard to see why threesomes are so popular. Many women enjoy threesomes as well, if they are secure and confident in themselves, their relationships and their sexuality. Sometimes, three’s not really a crowd.

Will A Threesome Destroy Your Relationship?

Some women – and men too – absolutely refuse to have an open relationship or even consider having a threesome. Some girls are afraid that if they are open to having a threesome, it will ruin their relationship. Not only can jealousy ruin a threesome, it can hurt too. It can also be hard to imagine going back to a normal sex life after introducing a threesome or a foursome. How can you ever top that? How can you ever keep your man from wanting to add another girl every time? There are definitely a lot of concerns for women when it comes to thinking about having a threesome or foursome. How can you handle those concerns?

A threesome won’t ruin a relationship or even damage it, in and of itself. It’s what can happen when there’s no clear communication between all the parties involved in the threesome, and when someone’s expectations are too high. There are, however, ways you can avoid trouble when it comes to inviting another person – or persons – into your bed.

How To Make A Threesome Successful

First, talk to your partner about having a threesome. Is it something you both want? Do you want to have a threesome just to please your partner, or is it something you would enjoy too? Making sure you’re on the same starting page is the first step. When you’ve come to the decision that having a threesome is something you and your partner would both enjoy doing together, talk to each other and establish some ground rules. What are you both expecting out of a threesome? Is your partner expecting you to have threesomes often if you’re comfortable with it, or is this a once-in-a-lifetime deal? Talk about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with, and how you want to deal with things that make you uncomfortable. Once you’ve reached common ground when it comes to the threesome, above all, make sure anyone else that is involved in your threesome is in the know too.

Would You Have A Threesome?

32% of users who answered our online threesome poll suggested they would “absolutely” have a threesome, no questions asked. 40% suggested they would have a threesome if they were with “the right group of friends.” Only a small percentage – 29% to be exact – suggested they wouldn’t even consider having a threesome. So are threesomes “in?” Would you have a threesome? Take our poll here, only on Ask Dan and Jennifer.

What Gives A Woman Sex Appeal?

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Recently I ran across a fellow relationship coach’s online sales copy for a membership site she offers to women.  It promised all kinds of yummy things.  Better sex, greater intimacy, your man looking at you the way he did when you first fell in love or, if you were single, men looking at you in ways they never did before.  She delivered the invitation in a video that was smart, sexy, and charming.

Stopping Sexual Manipulation

Who wouldn’t want that?  I wanted to know more, so I signed up for more information.  Immediately, I got directed to another page with long sales copy and another video.  As the video began, I scrolled down the page, speed reading the copy.  Suddenly, I heard her say something from the video I couldn’t believe I’d heard!  But I did…I heard it!  She said, “We need to stop making men wrong for all the ways they piss us off!  I totally validate you, but…”  Then a moment later, I heard this, “We’ve got to stop withholding sex from them when they’ve been little s**ts!  Again, I totally validate you!  Yet this is high level manipulation and it’s got to end because it’s pushing away the very connection you yearn for.”

Hold on!  I think the attitude behind those statements pushes away the very connection a woman yearns for!  At that point, she didn’t sound smart, sexy, or charming.  While her intention in the first video seemed to be to connect women with their delicious, pleasure filled, goddess selves in order to draw forth the sex appeal that would attract more men than the women know what to do with; the attitude expressed in the second video, in my opinion, had nothing to do with connection, pleasure, or sex appeal that would turn a man’s head.

What Makes A Sexy Woman?

The sexiest women I know don’t call men names and they don’t commiserate with other women about how their men disappoint them.  The sexiest women I know genuinely like men.  They think men are pretty great.  Rather than being threatened by a man’s testosterone, they admire how it makes men different in all the ways that compliment women.

Women with lots of sex appeal enjoy the company of men.  They like to listen to men share their stories of victory and defeat.  These women make lots of direct eye contact, neither getting lost in the man nor being preoccupied with themselves. Women with lots of sex appeal like and love themselves.  They enjoy their own company.  They’re not waiting for the right man to come along to fill them and make them complete.  They are already whole and complete, fully understanding what they bring to the relationship.

Relationships With Sexy Women

I’ve observed these kinds of women and while I personally find them very appealing, it’s how their men interact with them that seals the deal on my willingness to say these are the sexiest women I know.  Their men genuinely enjoy their company.  Their men are chivalrous without being condescending.  Their men laugh at their jokes, appreciating their minds as well as their bodies and the light in their eyes.  Their men are smitten and rightly so!

If you asked my husband, Joseph, he’d probably tell you I’m just such a woman.  I don’t know about that!  I have my own struggles with letting the men in my life be men.  Yesterday, I had a personal victory where feminine sex appeal is concerned.  The nature of the victory might surprise you but it is an example of how this gets played out in the day-to-day minutia of life.

As I cleaned up the kitchen after a meal Joseph had cooked, he came in from digging up potatoes with two mysteriously shaped boxes that had just been delivered.  The type of boxes posters are mailed in, I laughed as I realized they were the Rain-X windshield wipers I’d ordered for our car.

We opened the boxes and he got busy taking out the wipers, reading the directions, and started doing what he thought needed to be done to prepare them to replace our old wipers with them.  This activity made me nervous.  At one point I gently offered that I’d be happy to be the one to go to some car place and ask them to put them on for me.  That got no response.  Several minutes later he asked, “Are you sure you got the right wipers for our car?”  “Yes!” I replied.

A little bit later he said, “Could you hand me a kitchen knife.”  Inside my head I took note of which wiper he had in his hands and how much it cost and refused to say, “Don’t break it!” as I handed him the knife for him to use as a tool.  I don’t know how many times I refused to say out loud, “Don’t break it!” Suddenly, there was a snap and it was done.  The wiper was ready to go on the car and it was perfect!  Wah-hooo!  He felt great about getting them on himself and I felt wonderful for having kept my mouth shut, my attitude in a good place, and the day moving forward without a hitch!

Be Confident In Your Man

That, my friends, makes me a sexually appealing woman!  Had I failed and said, “Don’t break it,” my lack of confidence in my man and my need to feel superior would have been like throwing cold water on both of us.  Even if we had lightly teased each other about it, I would have felt chagrin and he would have felt some measure of shame. Honestly, sometimes the differences between men and women are experienced as incredibly frustrating.  

However, the more we can appreciate the mystery of the differences between the sexes and choose to genuinely like each other, the greater our sex appeal and the more love we get to experience.  At the end of the day, it’s all about the more love we get to experience!

Blowjob Tip #2 – She’s In Charge, Here’s Why…

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If you’re learning how to give a great blowjob, one of the best tips you can employ is being in charge and being confident of your abilities to give great head. Even if you’re new at it, being in charge can be pleasurable for both you and your partner. Here’s why!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw7XFuf2XKk[/youtube]

Why It’s Good For Him

Since most men take control during sex and even during a blowjob, logically, it doesn’t make sense that they would want to give up control, does it? But get this – most men take control during sex because they have no choice. Many women don’t know how to enjoy themselves during sex and end up lying there, making the man do all the work if he wants anything to happen. Guys are actually aching to give up control! What better way to get pleasure than to have a woman worship your penis and be completely devoted to giving you pleasure? It’s awesome! He loves it when you take control, let him lie back and enjoy the ride.

Why It’s Good For You

Taking charge when giving head is good for you because you get to do what you want to do. Don’t like a certain position? Try another one. Getting a jaw cramp? Switch to using your hand for a little while. Deep throating make you gag? Lick it like a lollipop instead. Of course you want to take his verbal and non-verbal feedback into account when using different techniques and do what he likes best, but you want to be comfortable and enjoy giving him head as much as he enjoys getting it.

Why You Need To Be Confident

It’s important to be confident – or at least appear that way – when you’re going down on your guy. Nothing ruins a great blowjob than a passive girl asking, “Am I doing this right?” or “Did I do something wrong?” Sure, you want to ask your man questions. But you want to use positive, confident phrases that assert your control, such as “Do you like this?” or “Does this feel good?” or even, “Tell me what feels good.” Your demeanor can actually make all the difference during fellatio. You want your man to relax and let go, feeling good about leaving you in the driver’s seat. Who wants to enjoy the ride with a driver who’s constantly worried they’ll wreck and asking you if they’re hitting the brakes right or accelerating properly?

A blowjob works much the same way – a guy just wants to know that you know what you’re doing (or at least perceive that you know what you’re doing) and get lost in the feeling of getting great head. So be confident and take charge! You’ll both like blowjobs a lot better if you do.

Think You Know How To Give A Great Blowjob? Take the Blowjob Quiz and find out!

Blowjob Tip #1 – Why It’s a Gift, Not an Obligation

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Men love to get blowjobs – in fact, many men prefer getting oral sex to vaginal intercourse and sometimes, it’s their favorite type of stimulation of all time. Naturally, women who want to please their partners want to find out the best blowjob tips and advice so they can be an oral sex master – here’s what you want to know on how to give the best blowjob!

Oral sex is one of the most intimate gifts we can give one another. When a woman gives a man oral or manual stimulation, you are giving him a very special gift. That means you’re in charge! Here are some tips to make the experience more pleasurable for both of you.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bWdtAzkpJM[/youtube]

The Greatest Sexual Gift

When a man gives a woman oral sex, he does what he thinks will make her feel good. When a woman gives a man oral sex, she let’s him take the reins and shows her how he likes it, even to the point of physically manipulating her to maximize his own pleasure. Not only can this be uncomfortable for a woman, it doesn’t allow her to give head as a “gift” to her partner. One of the great things about oral sex is that it’s one of the best sexual gifts you can give. Since oral sex provides the giving partner no physical stimulation whatsoever, the focus is totally on the receiving partner and their pleasure. So to give oral sex to someone means you’re focusing on their pleasure and their pleasure alone. When a man takes the reins when she’s giving him a blowjob, that takes away from the fact that she’s “giving” him a sexual gift, making her feel more used than treasured.

Women In The Driver’s Seat

If you’re going to go down on him, it’s time to sit in the driver’s seat. Let your partner know that you’re in control and that you’re giving him the gift of oral sex – so he just needs to sit back and enjoy it! Blindfold him and tie his hands behind his back if you have to (which can, of course, add to the fun) but it’s important that he doesn’t try to take control while you’re giving him oral sex. If he’s not the submissive type, it may be an adjustment, but in the long run, allowing you to enjoy giving him the gift of oral sex – instead of making it an obligation or making you feel used – will give him more pleasure. He’ll like watching you enjoy it and he’ll get blowjobs more often!

Listen To His Feedback

It’s essential that you listen to his verbal and non-verbal feedback when you’re giving your partner fellatio. While you get to pleasure him how you’d like, listening to what makes him feel good is important. For example, if he lets you know verbally what he likes, make sure you incorporate that into your blowjob routine. You can also listen to your partner’s non-verbal feedback. For example, if your partner is quiet or doesn’t seem to be getting into it, change what you’re doing. If your partner starts making noise and showing that he’s really enjoying what you’re doing, keep doing what you’re doing! Otherwise, your partner should lie back, relax and enjoy your oral sex gift!

Think You Know How To Give A Great Blowjob? Take the Blowjob Quiz and find out!