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How Do We Keep the “New” Feeling and Not Get Too Comfortable?

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In new relationships, there is the “new” feeling that everyone loves.

There’s a scientific explanation for it.  It’s a chemical released by the brain that gives us those warm, fuzzy feelings when we first meet someone new and the relationship gets off to a great start.

Unfortunately, those “new” feelings tend to wear off, especially when the relationship isn’t new anymore. How can you keep the “new” feeling alive, even after your relationship has passed the “mature” mark?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for 3 years now.  We were both virgins when we started dating. Well, about a year ago. I caught her seeing another guy.  We broke up but still talked and remained friends. She went through 3 other guys after that and had sex with every one of them. I told her to take it slow with every guy she dated.  After a while I asked her why she was rushing into bed with each guy she dated.  She told me she was excited to have this “new feeling”.  This worries me considering we have been back together for a month after working things out.

So my question is how do I keep this new feeling with her so she doesn’t find some one else again?

– Seth, Michigan

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gV0CImZI7U[/youtube]

Keep it exciting

One of the biggest reasons that the “new” feeling is lost is that one or both partners start to get comfortable. This can be expressed in a variety of different ways, including wearing flannel pajamas instead of lingerie or burping in front of her after a cold beer. Some people stop working out or stop caring about their image as much, causing their partner to become less physically attracted to them.

Regardless of how it is expressed, however, getting comfortable can kill a “new relationship” buzz in no time. You can keep your relationship exciting by trying your best to avoid getting comfortable. Do everything you would do if you had just met your partner.

If you wouldn’t dream of picking your wedgie in front of a girlfriend you’ve had for two weeks, don’t do it in front of your girlfriend of six months or even a year. Would you buy flowers for your new girlfriend? Buy them for your girlfriend of three months too. If you’re a lady, would you dare let your brand new boyfriend see you without a stitch of makeup or after you haven’t shaved your legs for three weeks? Don’t let your boyfriend of eight months see you like that either!

Take the time and effort to do everything as you would for a new boyfriend or girlfriend and you can keep the relationship exciting.

Searching for the high…

Some people, known as serial daters, are in constant search of that chemical high they get when they’re with someone new. Unfortunately, serial daters don’t know this is why they date someone and break up with them, date someone and break up with them, etc. To a serial dater, each boyfriend or girlfriend had a legitimate reason or fault for the break up.

This usually is a destructive pattern and leads to the serial dater feeling like no relationship will ever work out for them. If you suspect you might be a serial dater, you can seek counseling to help you deal with the bigger issues at hand. If you’re the victim of a serial dater, especially if he or she keeps coming back to you after a string of other partners, you might want to move on.

Trying to get them to realize what is happening is a lost cause, because they won’t see it no matter how many times you point it out to them. If a serial dater breaks up with you, especially if it’s the third, fourth or fifth time, move on and find someone who can commit.

While it takes work, you can keep the “new” feeling alive for as long as you put the effort in. Try your best to stay on your toes and avoid getting comfortable. Treat your partner like you just met them last week and enjoy your relationship day by day.

Is It True That Orgasms Kill Brain Cells?

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While that may seem like a silly question, it’s actually not.

What it is, however, is urban legend.  Many people hear these types of urban legends from their friends or from their relatives, and they were probably started to discourage people from having sex.

Remember the one about how masturbation gives you hairy palms?  Or about how masturbation can cause blindness?  Truth be told, masturbation causes none of these things and the same can be said of orgasms.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Do orgasms kill brain cells?

– Kristen, Pennsylvania

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnFSJyq0TVE[/youtube]

But wasn’t there a study?

That said, there is probably a study out there, somewhere, that suggests otherwise.  Of course there is!  There are studies all over the place that suggest things are harmful, but other studies that suggest that they’re not.

For example, studies for the longest time showed that red wine and chocolate were harmful to the body and recent studies are showing that red wine and dark chocolate are full of antioxidants and are actually good for you.

So you need to take what you hear with a big grain of salt and, of course, consider the source of the information.

Did you hear that orgasms kill brain cells from someone who might have an ulterior motive, such as someone who would want to keep you from having sex?  Or did you hear it from a friend who might want to be jerking your chain? What about finding the information on the Internet?  Who published it and what website did you find it on?

Do some digging and you might just find out what you heard or read is complete bull, and that’s true for a lot of things.  If you hear of something you suspect to be true or untrue, make sure the source that you heard or read it from is credible.

What’s most important?

The most important thing is for you to live your life.  If you really think about it, there’s something to be afraid of around every corner you turn.  Statistics point this way and that way and every time you turn around, there’s a new epidemic to be frightened of or studies that show something you’ve done for years is suddenly bad for you.

If you don’t learn to just live your life and dismiss complete bunk right along with your kitchen garbage, you’ll spend the majority of your life preparing for the worst and most likely watching nothing happen.

That said, it’s important to be smart and safe as well.  Does Bloody Mary appear in the bathroom mirror when you turn out all the lights and say her name three times?  No.  Do orgasms kill brain cells?  No.  Does masturbation cause hairy palms and blindness?  No.

Does unprotected sex have the possibility to cause pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases?  Sure does. So make sure when you do have sex that you’re being safe about it and you’re not engaging in something that really is dangerous to you.

Don’t miss the forest for the trees and ignore safe sex because you’re worried about orgasms killing your brain cells.  You’ll be just fine as long as you play it safe and play it smart.

Can We Salvage Our Sex Life If We Don’t Fit Together Physically?

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It’s a fact of life. Physically, we’re all different.

We’re different shapes and sizes when it comes to our chests, butts and legs, so why wouldn’t it be true with our genitals?

Well, it is true.  Everyone’s penis and vagina is shaped differently from someone else’s, so it’s entirely possible to get a mismatch in shape and size.

What can you do if you feel like you’re physically and sexually incompatible with your partner?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m married and had an affair. Okay, I’m not perfect. It’s been over for a while now.  But this isn’t about that.

I’ve found over the last couple of years that the shape of my wife’s vagina isn’t — I don’t know — right for me.  I have a very hard time climaxing with her.  I am reasonably certain that it isn’t something about me, because I haven’t had the same problem with other women.

Is there something we can do, or am I doomed to a lackluster sex life?

– Brian, Oregon

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaFHIYk4IX4[/youtube]

Explore other avenues

Make sure you’re not judging your mismatch in shape and size solely on one or two sexual positions.

Grab a copy of the Kama Sutra and give a few other angles a try. You might be having trouble “clicking” with your partner in one position, but from a different angle or in a different position, you two might fit together like Legos.

Even if all the possible positions and angles have been exhausted and you’re still not getting anywhere, try a few other sexual techniques before you give up all together.  You can certainly try oral sex or anal sex, or try using toys, lubricants and other sexual enhancers.

The idea is to try more than one way to have sex with your partner so if it still isn’t working, you can truly say that you did try and that you know it’s not.

What if it really isn’t working?

That’s when it comes time to really look at your relationship.  Is your relationship strong enough to withstand a lukewarm sex life?  Do you love your partner enough to want to be with them and share your life with them even in spite of problems in the bedroom and incompatibly shaped genitals?  If so, then relax.

Enjoy being with your partner and living life with them. There are other ways to be intimate with your partner and feel close to them outside of the bedroom.  Depending on the strength of your partnership and your trust in each other, you could consider having an open relationship.  If you do so, just remember to be safe and smart about it.

Although it may seem harsh, if you really take a look at your relationship and find that without a great sex life there isn’t really anything else there, it might be time to move on.  This won’t be easy, especially if you care a lot about your partner.  But you have to be honest with yourself. If it’s not working, admit it.  You’ll feel better about this decision if you know you really did try to make it work.

No matter how this situation ends, one thing is for sure. You need to be honest with your partner about what is going on.  It’s not fair to keep them in the dark about something that is rocking the boat or could potentially end the relationship.  Share with your partner how you’re feeling sexually, and how you feel like there is a mismatch in the mechanics.  Do they feel the same way?

Let your partner in when you’re trying new and exciting things in the bedroom and if it’s really, truly not working, it’s important that you are honest with your partner about that as well.  Discuss the possibility of an open relationship or the possibility of ending the relationship.  Perhaps you can both come to an agreement or compromise that works well for you and your partner.

Oral Sex and Orgasm Dilemma – I Want To Finish In Her Mouth…

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Men love blow jobs. That’s a fact.

Many men also love finishing in a woman’s mouth during a blow job.

It can make them feel powerful or good about themselves and for some men, it just feels better physically to orgasm in a woman’s mouth than finishing another way.

Unfortunately, not all women relish the idea of having a man orgasm in her mouth.

There can be many different reasons why, but if you’re a man who enjoys finishing in a woman’s mouth, it can be disheartening when she doesn’t want to.  What can you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

When my wife gives me a blow job, she can’t quite let me finish in her mouth. Is there any advice you can give her?

– Pete, Alberta

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b-wYK7D3qg[/youtube]

It’s a texture thing

Some women don’t like the texture or consistency of ejaculate.  There’s no need to get into details here, but ejaculate in a woman’s mouth may make her gag simply because of the consistency and texture.  If this is her primary reason for not wanting you to finish in her mouth, there’s not too much you can do about it.  Can you finish elsewhere?

It’s a taste thing

Many women dislike the taste of ejaculate.  That’s not bad news because the taste of your ejaculate can differ depending on what you eat.  Garlic and onions may make your ejaculate taste bitter while strawberries and sweet fruits will make your ejaculate taste sweeter.

If this is your partner’s issue, you can change your diet to make your ejaculate easier to swallow.  Just remember to get feedback from your partner about what foods work well and what doesn’t.

It’s a gag reflex thing

Many women have big gag reflexes. It can’t be helped!  While she may be able to tolerate deep throating and blow jobs in general, ejaculate in her mouth might send her over the edge.  This is also something that you can’t really do anything about, so if this is the case, you should discuss with your partner some other ways to finish you while still making it feel good.

It’s a mental thing

Having a man ejaculate in her mouth is a very personal and even submissive thing for a woman.  If your partner was abused in any way, sexually or physically, she may have some serious issues with letting go and letting you finish in her mouth.

If your partner has emotional reasons for not wanting to let you orgasm in her mouth, have her talk to a therapist and work out some of her inner issues.  If she does let you finish in her mouth, it’s important to be supportive and positive, and show her that you truly do care and you’re not just using her.

There are many great ways for a man to have an orgasm with a woman after a blow job, without having to finish in her mouth.  Get creative and find different ways that she can please you without having to swallow ejaculate.

If the idea of ejaculating in her mouth really turns you on but she simply can’t come to terms with it, try flavored condoms or regular condoms that are made for this specific purpose.  The feeling might decrease a little bit, but you’ll get to finish in her mouth and she won’t have to swallow it so everyone wins!

Most of all, it’s important to talk with your partner about these issues and find common ground so you can both get pleasure from oral sex.

3-Before-Me: A Proven Guideline For Great Sex

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Have you ever heard of the “3-Before-Me” rule?

Simply put, it means that you do whatever it takes to make your woman experience an orgasm 3 times before you even allow her to start pleasuring you.

Now, just the thought of this may tire you out but we’re not really talking about orgasms during intercourse here. We mean the following (and in this sequence):

  1. Clitoral orgasm
  2. G-spot orgasm
  3. Blended orgasm

It’s best to bring your woman to a clitoral orgasm first for the simple reason that the clitoris is easiest to stimulate and will be most responsive to your ‘attentions’ at the start of making love. Furthermore, a clitoral orgasm prepares her physically for that all-elusive G-spot orgasm.

A G-spot orgasm will give your partner a different kind of sensation compared to a clitoral orgasm.  Many women claim that it’s ‘deeper’ and more ‘body-rocking’ than clitoral orgasms.

After a G-spot orgasm, it’s time for blended orgasms, which is that magic combination of a clitoral orgasm and a G-spot orgasm.

Why the “3-Before-Me” Rule Rocks!

Now you may be wondering, “Why give her 3 orgasms first before I even have 1?”

Well, there are plenty of reasons supporting this and trust me, it will benefit you as well.

Did you know that about 70-75% of women do NOT reach an orgasm during sexual intercourse?

Imagine the frustration this brings! So with the “3-Before-Me” rule, you’re actually physically setting her up for a vaginal orgasm. And even if she doesn’t reach an orgasm at this stage, IT’S OK.

After all, she already reached her climax 3 times before right? So no sexual frustration on her part anymore even if she doesn’t have an orgasm during intercourse.

Be the Sex God You’ve Always Wanted To Be

As mentioned above, a great percentage of women do not reach an orgasm during sexual intercourse, yet few men go out of their way to ensure that they’re sexually satisfied in bed. If you practice the “3-Before-Me” rule, she’ll be talking her head off to all her friends that she’s found THE man that can really fulfill her in bed!

It Doesn’t Matter If You Can’t Last Long In Bed

With the 3-Before-Me rule, it doesn’t matter if you can’t last long during sex.  Some men get so excited in bed that they tend to come just a little bit sooner than what their partners would like. However, if you pleasure her first, do you think she’ll notice how soon you come during intercourse? I bet she won’t!

The 3-Before-Me Makes Sex Better

Since you’ve gone out of your way to pleasure her and bring her to orgasm three times, can you imagine what she will do to YOU to show her gratitude? Many men claim that sex is definitely better after they pleasure their women first.

Keep in mind that “3-Before-Me” is really more a guide than a rule. It’s not written in stone so don’t feel that you’re doing something wrong if you don’t make her experience a female orgasm 3 times all the time.

What you must remember is this: please her first and you’re in for a rocking time in bed!