Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for sex tips

Help! I Can’t Feel It When We Have Sex Anymore. Is My Sex Life Over?

By

Whether it happens suddenly or it’s something that happens over time, losing vaginal sensitivity can be extremely upsetting for a woman, especially one that’s quite sexually active.

This can come as even more of a shock if a woman has previously enjoyed G-spot or vaginal orgasms and great sex, because the loss of sensitivity may create some feelings of inadequacy. What can a woman that has lost vaginal sensitivity do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I was married for 11 1/2 years and the sex was good. Then I divorced and remarried. While my husband (now) and I were dating our sex was AMAZING!!! I never knew a woman could have an orgasm like that. I would drench him and the sheets by just having regular sex with no stimulation of the clitoris.

We’ve been married for 2 years now and for the last year I am not able to be stimulated inside anymore. I feel his penis in me but it doesn’t get stimulated. I asked my doctor and he just says to stimulate my clitoris, well I don’t want to have to do that all the time. I want to feel the stimulate my vagina again.

Why has this happened? What went wrong? Please help.

– Michael, Florida

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqj2224mdE0[/youtube]

Realize that it may be age or frequent sex that has caused the loss of muscle tone.

Both age and frequent sex cause the loss of muscle tone. It’s something that happens naturally, so if you find yourself in a situation where sex isn’t as great as it once was, age and sex may be the culprits. The loss of vaginal muscle tone also happens after a woman gives birth vaginally. That said, however, you certainly aren’t out of luck when it comes to this situation.

You can increase vaginal muscle tone by doing Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises work to improve the strength of the pelvic floor muscles, which are responsible for holding in urine among other things. You can do Kegel repetitions by simply squeezing your vaginal muscles as though you were going to stop a stream of urine before you had completely finished. No one’s going to know you’re doing it, so feel free to sneak in a few Kegels at your desk or in line for lunch! Regular Kegel exercises will improve vaginal muscle tone, making it easier for you to climax vaginally without any external clitoral stimulation.

Seek a sex therapist.

You may have visited your doctor, thinking something was wrong with the machinery down there. This is most likely not the case, although mentioning the situation at your yearly visit to your doctor won’t hurt anything and it’s always nice to get a professional medical opinion about an issue that you’re having. Sex therapists, however, have more to offer in that department so you might want to seek one out to help you with your vaginal sensitivity loss. They’ll have plenty of tips, tricks and things you and your partner can try to get your sex lives up and running again!

Work with different positions.

Nothing stays the same all the time, especially sex. Even if it’s with the same person, sex can change. You can get into a routine where you’re comfortable with sex and nothing out of the ordinary happens. Comfort sex is great, but it can be frustrating when you’re looking to get those mind blowing orgasms back.

Don’t be afraid to try new things and try new positions and realize that the same position that gave you that great orgasm a few months ago might not work now. That’s okay and that’s one of the great things about sex – it always keeps you on your toes, looking for new things to do and new ways to achieve good orgasms and please your partner!

The loss of vaginal sensitivity that many women experience is a mixture of many different factors. It never hurts to get a medical opinion, but if you’ve tried several different sexual positions and nothing is working for you, see a sex therapist. If after a few months of trying to get back into your groove it still isn’t happening, relax. Find a new and different way to enjoy yourself and just go with the flow!

4 Reasons Why Female Orgasms Are So Hard To Achieve

By

There seems to be a conspiracy. Men want women to climax, women want to climax. So why is that, according to studies, about 70% of women never reach an orgasm during intercourse?

We can of course focus on other methods women can orgasm (e.g., oral sex, fingering, etc.) but even those may not be enough to giver her an orgasm if she has negative sexual issues with herself.

Female Orgasm Difficulty #1: Shyness

One of the main things that prohibit women to let go between the sheets is good ol’ fashioned shyness. If this is what’s stopping your woman from reaching an orgasm, then there plenty enough ways to help her out.

For one, dim the lights or turn them off if that’s what she prefers. Many women have body and weight issues so the harsh reality of being naked in front of you will not only make her uncomfortable but make her mind focus on the wrong things (i.e., how she looks versus the pleasures her body’s getting).

Another way you can help her out is by actually encouraging her to keep her top on. Tell her how you like seeing her nipples hard and straining against her shirt or lingerie. This will make her think she’s doing you a favor by not removing her top, and help her be less self-conscious at the same time.

Female Orgasm Difficulty #2: Performance Issues

She knows she’s not your first and sometimes, this thought gives rise to nagging performance issues between the sheets. How does she compare to all your other love interests? Well, put her fears to rest and make her focus on reaching her own orgasm by compliment her or whispering her name often while making love.

Female Orgasm Difficulty #3: Physical Pain

Not everything you read or see in X-rated films is what they’re made out to be. A seemingly hot sexual position may actually be causing her a physical discomfort and may not be sexually stimulating at all.

So pay attention to how she REALLY reacts when you try out new moves in bed. If sexual position is not the cause of any physical discomfort she feels, a visit to a doctor may be necessary.

Female Orgasm Difficulty #4: Past Negative Experiences

A bad experience with a former flame may also be inhibiting your woman to let go and enjoy the pleasures of sex with you. For instance, one woman had a former boyfriend confess to her that she smelled funny down there.

This bothered the woman so much that long after the boyfriend had gone, she has never allowed anyone to perform oral sex on her again. Worse, she was so focused on this ‘bad thing’ that sex altogether became unpleasant and she was starting to wonder if she was frigid.

If you notice anything like this with your woman, discuss it while re-assuring her all the while that you do like making love to her and that all you want to do is make her experience the same physical pleasures you’re experiencing. It’s worth the shot!

Frustrated Girl: It Takes 45 Minutes to Orgasm with Oral Sex!

By

If you’re a female frustrated by not being able to orgasm through oral sex – especially if you used to be able to – you’re not alone.

That probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but take heart in the fact that there are some things you can do to help solve the problem and once again climax through oral sex.

Here’s a question from a girl who is feeling incredibly frustrated by her inability to have an orgasm, even if her boyfriend tries for 45 minutes!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Any advise for WOMEN on receiving oral sex?  It seems to take longer and longer to reach an orgasm lately and quite often I get so frustrated that I lose the mood. I feel tense during oral sex and I’m sure that has something to do with it but I just don’t know how to make myself relax.

It used to be wonderful, but now I feel like it’s a waste of time. I feel bad for my fiancé who spent as much as 45 minutes there only for me to give up from frustration.

PLEASE…. I need help here!  I WANT THAT FEELING BACK! Any advice?

— Amber,   North Carolina

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8ihQi16hc8[/youtube]

Ask yourself – can you still climax well by yourself?

If you notice that you’ve been frustrated while masturbating as well, you might want to mention the fact to an OBGYN or sex therapist.  If you’re still able to orgasm well while you’re masturbating, everything is probably fine with the mechanics.

Are you focusing too much on orgasm?

Many women who are unable to climax through oral sex (or who are no longer able to after having been able to for awhile) are often too focused on the end result and they’re just not enjoying the ride.  Relax and let the feeling of oral sex take you over.

Don’t think in your head, “Am I close yet?” If you do, you’ll never get close – it’s a lot like watching a pot that never boils.  Try simultaneous oral sex with your partner. You’ll be both giving and receiving pleasure and it might take your mind off of the end result long enough for you to actually have an orgasm.

Give your partner direction.

Don’t be negative. Telling your partner how you don’t like what he’s doing will only serve to hurt his fragile ego. Be positive and tell him what you do like.  Don’t be afraid to speak up. Guys love that.  They also love that they’re not shooting in the dark trying to pleasure you.  They enjoy having feedback so they know what to continue doing.

Let your partner know that you like it a certain way, or if he’s in a good spot.  If he’s not in a good spot, try telling him to move a little one way or the other way. Give it time to get synced together when it comes to giving directions – it may not happen right away for you. Before long, however, your partner will learn what feels good to you and repeat only those maneuvers – sending you into climax heaven.

If it’s still not working, you should take a break from trying for a little while.  You know how you look for something you’ve lost, and you look and look but once you give up, you usually find it within a few minutes?  This might fall along those same lines.  Relax and try something new for awhile, such as experimenting with sex toys or new intercourse positions.

After awhile, when you and your partner both feel like you’re ready to try oral sex again, give it a shot!  You might just find out that a solid break is exactly what you needed to revive yourself and get back into the oral sex groove!  Often times, repeating oral very often will lead to less sensitivity, so taking a break might be the ticket out of the funk you’re in.

Above all, don’t put too much stock in one single act of sex.  There are plenty more things to do with your partner where you can experience both intimacy and orgasm!

How to Strip and Lap Dance for Your Man – and WHY You Should…

By

Strip clubs often get a bad rap.

So many women know the feeling of aggravation and doubt when their man calls and says he’s “working late”, taking his “client” to discuss some important business at his favorite strip club. Yeah, right, it’s just “for the client” or “for his boss”. As if your man was dragged in that strip club against his will, kicking and screaming, while those bad, bad women were assaulting him with an exotic striptease. Yeah right.

Of course anyone who complaints about a strip club for men has never been to one of the really wild strip clubs – the ones for women. Damn. And you thought the men got wild. Let’s just say some of these ladies in the audience would surprise you. But that’s another story.

While your man is “talking business” at his favorite strip club, all you can do is sit at home and brood, getting more and more mad by the minute. Wondering what he is or isn’t doing with those topless women hanging all over him.

Here’s an idea…  Instead of sitting around complaining about the situation, getting yourself more and more frustrated, why not take the situation into your own hands. Take your man to a strip club, and enjoy the experience as a couple. No, you don’t have to go to a trashy one that only guys would enter. Pick a nice, upscale one. Yes, contrary to the societal perception, there are many upscale strip clubs that are perfectly safe and welcoming to women and couples. In fact, you’d be surprised to learn how many strip clubs are actually owned by women.

Fact is, most men find it incredibly sexy and arousing when a beautiful woman knows how to strip for them.

And here’s the big surprise. Most men don’t want some strange woman doing these exotic and intimate dances for them. They would love to see their woman, the girl they fell in love with – do it for them.

So why not take advantage of what you just learned, and do something that will bring you closer together? Give him what he wants, so he doesn’t have to go get it somewhere else. He’ll be so happy you took the initiative, and prepared something for him that you knew he’d love.

But where can a “good girl” learn how to strip tease and do a lap dance?

Well, you could start going to strip clubs and watching those girls, day after day… or you could take a class.

But we like to work smarter, not harder. In these days of the Internet and instant access to information, you don’t have to wait for your strip tease class to start in 3 months. You can download a live video, step by step course, that’ll teach your what you need to know BY THIS AFTERNOON. Sure you won’t get it all in 10 minutes, but you can know it TODAY…

There are several courses out there, but one we’ve found that we’re impressed with is Lapdance Unleashed, produced by Jay Archer and Tiffany Claire.

Jay and Tiffanly put together lap dance and striptease instructional videos and step-by-step written instructions for the girl-next-door.
A little something for the woman who’s looking for something new, hot and exciting turn up the heat in her relationship.

One thing we really liked about this video course is that it teaches the “woman next door” how to give a lap dance with total confidence. It’s not intended for “strippers in training” (though it could be), but rather for the real woman who’s looking for something new, hot and exciting turn up the heat in her relationship.

You’ll learn to strip and lap dance for your man with simple instructional video lessons that take all the mystery out of learning how to strip & lap dance. And instead of getting embarrassing DVD packages in the mail, you’ll be able to just watch these from any computer, anywhere, anytime. Right away.

So if you love your man, why not at least consider it?

Jay and Tiffany have broken down stripping and lap dancing to a science, and they teach you how to do it in 8 simple video lessons…

Part 1: How To Prepare For Giving Your Man The Sexiest Lapdance Of His Life!

You’ll learn about everything from the right music to put on, to what to wear, to techniques for creating massive confidence and sex appeal…

Part 2: How To Start The Lapdance Confidently

If you’ve ever wondered how exactly to start giving your man a lapdance without looking awkward or silly, then this section is for you.

Part 3: How To Perform The Seven Basic Lapdance Moves

Follow along as Tiffany Claire demonstrates how to perform the seven basic moves of a good lapdance, with step-by-step online videos, pictures, and simple written instructions.

Part 4: How To Master The Six Advanced Lapdance Moves

Use these moves when you’re ready to take the lapdance to the next level and really turn your man on.

Part 5: How To Remove Your Clothes Seductively, Without Looking (Or Feeling) Silly…

How to remove your clothes in the most seductive and sexy way possible, without fumbling or looking silly.

Part 6: How To End The Lapdance With Total Confidence

Find out how to avoid the sometimes awkward situation right at the end of the lapdance, after you’ve worked your man into a speechless frenzy of anticipation… so you can confidently take control of the situation and lead it into wherever you want it to go next.

Part 7: How To Put It All Into Action, Step-By-Step

Part 8: Answers From Jay Archer And Tiffany Claire

Answers to all your biggest and most pressing questions about lap dancing.

They also throw in a bunch of pretty cool bonuses, including “Look Good Naked – Five Beauty Secrets From Professional Exotic Dancers” and “Blowjob Tutorial – What Every Man Wishes You Knew About Giving Head”

Check out How to Srip – Lapdance Unleashed and let us know what you think. Better yet, let us know what your guy had to say after your “little surprise”.

Honestly, Does Penis Size Really Matter?

By

It’s an age old question. Does penis size really matter?

Certainly, it depends on who you ask. Some people prefer large penises and others prefer quite small ones.  The majority of people, however, agree that penis size is relative to the vagina.

If a penis fits the vagina, it really doesn’t matter how big it measures because, well . . . it fits!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Does penis size really matter?

– Small Penis Guy, CA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQUsjfaPrrA[/youtube]

The Penis Size Controversy

The controversy over penis size has been talked about for ages and no one really seems to have come up with a conclusion.  Many men feel as though they are too small and, honestly, it’s a common misconception. It’s all about whether the penis fits the vagina or not.  Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes and that includes both male and female genitalia.  Where sexual pleasure is concerned, the greatest pleasure is often derived from intercourse with someone whose genitalia physically matches your own.

If The Penis Fits…

For example, women with extremely long vaginal canals might prefer larger penises while women with small vaginas might feel that a large penis is too big or painful and prefers a smaller, more compact penis.  Men whose penises are quite wide will often like a woman to be wider as well, as that type of vagina is more accommodating.  It really all boils down to who you’re with. Is your penis too small for her vagina and you’re unable to make her climax?  Is it so big that it causes her pain?  If you find yourself in this situation, you might want to take matters into your own hands – no pun intended. If you fear that your penis may be too small, too large or simply not the right shape or size for your partner’s vagina, it’s time to get creative.

Creative Ways to Work a Size Mismatch

Don’t rely completely on intercourse for you and your partner’s sexual pleasure. It will lead to very boring, monotonous sex especially if you two have a size mismatch.  Try incorporating oral sex on both the receiving and giving ends, or use hands and toys to give your partner pleasure.  If you stick to just intercourse, you’re likely to be frustrated and disappointed.

Work with your partner to find new and creative ways you can please each other sexually in addition to intercourse.  Perhaps using a little extra lubrication or a toy during intercourse will stimulate her so that your penis size isn’t completely what she’s focused on.  There are hundreds of ways you can “ad lib” during sexual exploration and the only limit to what you and your partner can do is your imagination.

When Penis Size Does Matter

If you and your partner can’t work it out so that you can both derive sexual pleasure from each other, it’s time to evaluate your relationship.  There are ways to be intimate without sex and many happy couples do not have sex with each other at all or don’t have sex often.  Evaluate whether you would be comfortable finding other ways to be intimate besides sex.  If not, it might be time to move on.

If you and your partner are having pleasurable sex, then you can probably put the penis size issue to bed.  If you’re a good match physically, it doesn’t matter. If you and your partner aren’t a good match, the best thing to do is simply to give new, creative ideas a shot in the bedroom and see where they take you.  You can decide where to go from there.