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Q&A: Cyber Sex And Sexting – Is It OK?

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Cyber sex and sexting is something that can easily come between you and your partner if you let it. With the advances in technology and how much time people spend on the Internet, it’s nothing for guys or girls to get online and start chatting with friends that are both new and old. However, when does it cross the line? When does it go from being okay to going too far? Here’s how to decide where to draw the line in your relationship.

I was just wondering your take on cyber sex and ‘texting’? I have received lots of different advice on the subject and what people think of it and so far everyone has a different take. The reason I ask is that I have recently discovered that my boyfriend of over 2 years has had a regular habit of jumping online and exploring.

Normally I would be open minded about these types of things, I know it’s considered by some just a form of masturbation, but I have discovered that some of these women are not anonymous and are actual acquaintances of his and mine. I know nothing physical has occurred. I have confronted him, we went through a very rough patch but have essentially worked out our relationship and he has (to my knowledge) halted his habits and seems more devoted to me than ever.

However, the images and messages I came across are still haunting me. What should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Kd7IUFxXbQ[/youtube]

Establish Boundaries In Your Relationship

The first step to making sure cyber sex doesn’t throw a curveball to your relationship is to establish boundaries within that relationship. First, decide for yourself what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. Be really clear in your own mind about what makes you uncomfortable so that going forward, you can express to your partner what you feel is fine and what isn’t going to work. Figure out what your own personal jealousy triggers are.

When communicating with your partner about cyber sex, don’t approach them and say, “You can’t do this.” It will only serve to set them off and make them feel like you’re smothering or controlling them. But it is acceptable to say, “This makes me uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you would stop. This is what I need to continue being in this relationship.” Don’t be afraid to be specific and say, “I’m comfortable with harmless flirting, but after that is where I draw the line.” If your partner truly cares about you and your feelings, they’re going to honor your request to avoid cyber sex.

When It Becomes Cheating

Before you established boundaries in your relationship when it comes to cyber sex and what is okay and what isn’t, it’s likely that your partner didn’t know what upset you or made you uncomfortable and didn’t even know he was doing anything wrong. He may have thought that talking about sex was okay, as long as he didn’t mention having sex with her or describing specific actions like giving her oral sex, etc. If certain things are off limits, it’s important to be specific about what exactly is and isn’t acceptable to you.

If he fails to operate within the boundaries that you’ve established for the relationship, that’s when it crosses the line and becomes cheating. If he’s aware of what you are comfortable with and what you aren’t, but continues to have cyber sex in a way that you’ve already communicated to him is not okay, he’s cheating.

Is It A Deal Breaker?

If he’s crossed the line when it comes to cyber sex, it’s up to you to decide whether what he’s done is a deal breaker or not. If you’re not okay with him having cyber sex and he continues to do it (even after you’ve expressed how uncomfortable it makes you and how much it hurts you), it’s time to decide whether the relationship is something that you want to continue to be in. If he continues to have cyber sex after you’ve discussed it with him, it’s unlikely he will ever change no matter how much time you give him.

If it’s not a deal breaker, that’s okay too. Don’t let anyone tell you that it is or isn’t a big deal, because only you can make that decision yourself. He may try to tell you that it isn’t a big deal, but if it is to you, that’s what is important. If it’s not a big deal, your friends may try to convince you that it is. However you feel about the cyber sex situation is what is important and no one else can decide how you feel and what you want to do about it except for you.

Sexting: How Women Think About Sex And How To Give Them What They Crave

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Sexting is an extremely powerful flirting and seduction tool when you use it the right way and with the right attitude. With any girl, your attitude is either a huge turn on or turn off, and when you apply that concept to sexting, you can literally have your partner wishing she could tear your clothes off before you even walk in the door from work. Here’s how your attitude – and how sexting – can give your partner what she secretly desires!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXj7US3q8uI[/youtube]

A Woman’s Biggest Erogenous Zone Is Her Mind

Have you ever seen a really hot girl with a pretty average or below average guy and wondered how he got her on his arm? You figure it’s because he’s great in bed, but that’s rarely the case. It’s more likely because he found a way to stimulate her mind and emotions! Sure, a woman values looks in a man, but definitely not more than his smarts or his sense of humor. A woman greatly values being intellectually stimulated, even more so than having a guy that looks fabulous. If a guy can make a woman feel great mentally and emotionally, he’s a shoe in even if his physical attributes aren’t the greatest.

Women Are Attracted To Non-Creepy Dominance

Women are almost always attracted to non-creepy dominance, with “non-creepy” being the operative word. Contrary to what some men may think, it is possible for men to assert confidence and dominance without being superior, condescending or hateful. Girls are attracted to men who appear confident and in control without acting cocky or degrading towards the ladies.

For example, a great way to exert confidence and dominance on a date without being creepy is to have a “date plan” in mind, such as picking the restaurant. Tell your girl, “I’d love to take you here, they have the best ‘pasta e olio’ I’ve ever had.” However, picking the restaurant doesn’t mean being a jerk about it and insisting that you go there. If she’s not into Italian, have a back up. But more likely than not, your girl will appreciate you taking the lead and showing that you’re a strong, confident man.

You definitely want to AVOID saying, “I don’t care, whatever you want to do” when planning a date, because it shows weakness and lack of leadership qualities – and this is something most women aren’t attracted to. Get used to showing your girl what your preferences are and never apologize for what you desire!

How Does All This Apply To Sexting?

Take the strong, confident attitude that you use when you’re going on a date with your lover and apply it to sexting her. Sexting is powerful because it takes sex and puts it into a woman’s language – the language of words. Most women keep their cell phones with them at all times, so sexting will allow you to communicate with her sexually in a way that is important to her. It’s like blowing past all her defenses and stimulating her right at her very core!

In your sexy text messages, you’re going to tell her what you’re going to do to her behind closed doors (and how badly you want to do it) in a dominant, leading manner. Make sure you use descriptive, sensual language that hooks into her imagination and stimulates her mind. Use your creativity to come up with sexy situations such as oral sex or a new sex position and describe it to her over text.

You can even tell her how she’ll respond to your actions to create a titillating fantasy. Talking about foreplay with your partner throughout the day will get both you and her so turned on that it will be all you can do to keep your head straight while you finish the work day! Here are some great examples of sexting that you can use to turn her on:

  • “When I get home, I’m going to nibble may way down your neck and….”
  • “I want to lick your clitoris while I fondle your nipples….”
  • “I can’t wait to get home and kiss you all over your body….”
  • “You’ll love it when I slip my fingers inside….”

Coming up with something to say over text to get your partner turned on isn’t difficult if you use your imagination and learn to let go a little. If you’re apprehensive about what to say and when to say it, just remember that whatever you’re thinking of doing to her in your head is something you can say in a text!

Cell Phone Etiquette

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Long gone are the days of sitting beside your home phone waiting anxiously for your recent date to call you. The advent of the cell phone has done much to alter the way we communicate with those around us, including our romantic partners. Where do cell phone calls and texting fit into the dating landscape? How can you take maximum advantage of them in your relationship while still following proper dating etiquette?

Can You Answer Your Cell Phone On A Date?

First and foremost, let’s touch on a topic of frequent interest and dispute—when, if ever, is it appropriate to answer your cell phone on a date? With few exceptions (you’re a doctor or have some other on-call job, you’re expecting important news about a family member’s precarious health situation, etc.), you should put your phone on silent and forget about it. Nothing says “I’m bored with you,” faster than answering your cell or responding to a text in the middle of a dinner date. That’s a surefire way to convince your date that you feel they’re not worth your time. You’re not just hurting your date’s feelings, either—you are also distracting yourself from your own enjoyment of your time together. If you must check your phone, you can always wait until your date goes to use the restroom.

Can You Text Instead Of Call?

Another popular topic of contention is texting. In what situations is texting as appropriate as calling your significant other? A good rule of thumb is to consider texting someone to be a more casual form of communication than calling someone. If you just want to send your sweetie a sentence to let them know you’re thinking of them, or if you’re simply asking them to pick up some pizza for dinner, or sexting them something you want to do later, a text is totally acceptable. Not so if you’re asking them out on a date (especially if it’s the first or second date!), arguing, or apologizing for some sort of wrong-doing. Taking the time to call your boyfriend or girlfriend in these situations shows that you truly care. Additionally, remember that there is no good way to indicate sarcasm or sincerity in a text, so calling someone can save you from some serious (and possibly anger-inducing) confusion.

How Not To Use Your Cell Phone When Dating

There are still more hazards of cell phone use when it comes to relationships. Drunk-dialing is a terrible idea and a really good way to say something you’ll regret. Breaking up with someone over the phone is cowardly, but doing it via text message is even worse. Call things off in person and rest assured that your reputation won’t take a hit after the fact. No one wants to date the girl or guy who becomes notorious for dumping their exes in text form. Yet cell phones also have their benefits. If you’re in a serious relationship and go out of town on business, a quick check-in call or text each night can be a great way to show you care. Plus, you can use these rules to stand out in a sea of ill-mannered singles that don’t know how to behave better. Good cell phone etiquette, not unlike good manners in general, can give you an extra leg up in the dating scene. Just remember, when you use what you’ve learned here to find the person worth saying it to, that first “I love you” should be spoken in person. That means not on the phone, and certainly not in a text!

Q&A: Long Distance Relationship – Alternatives To Phone Sex

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One of the hardest things to do in a long distance relationship is achieve any real level of physical intimacy. Even arranging meeting face to face as often as possible isn’t going to cut it if you’re going long distance for any significant period of time. Phone sex can definitely get boring, so here’s how you can keep the fire alive in other fun ways.

Question: HELP! I’m in a long distance relationship, any tips on keeping the loving feeling going? My boyfriend isn’t really into phone sex. PLEASE HELP with any other suggestions!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2v3flDbxBM[/youtube]

Sexting

Send your partner racy texts or picture sexts throughout the day to remind him how hot he is for you. Encourage your partner to send you a few titillating texts of his own! Tell your partner what you want to do to him next time you see him, or what you’d like him to do to you. You and your partner will love getting unexpected, sexy texts at random times and you’ll always be on each other’s mind. If you and your partner see each other often, such as every weekend or every couple of weeks, sexting can definitely be a primary way of building up the tension leading up to the next face to face meeting.

Emails & Pictures

Emails are a great way to quickly send your partner a sexy little saying, and it’s also a good way to send him pictures of you (and vice versa) without having to get them developed. Read: as racy as you want. A word of caution when it comes to sending naked pictures of yourself over the internet: don’t send anything out that you wouldn’t mind being out there. The Internet is definitely not safe and a number of people may end up with their hands on your naked picture, even if all you did was email it to your boyfriend. However, this may not be a big issue for you.

Webcam Sex

Webcams really upped the game for couples in long distance relationships. Live webcam conversations are as close as you’re going to get to a real face to face conversation with your partner, and the same goes for sex too. Many couples have webcam “sex dates” and meet each other regularly for webcam sex. This is an excellent way for you and your partner both get relief from your sexual frustrations, as well as allowing you to feel sexually close to your partner and not allowing those loving feelings to subside too much.

Teledildonics

Teledildonics is the next big thing in long distance sex. Take remote control dildos and computerize them. Now you have a dildo that hooks up to your computer that your partner can control from their own computer. This is an excellent way to help your partner participate in your pleasure from far away. The downside to teledildonics is that they can be very expensive. Combine teledildonics with webcam sex for a long distance sex experience that is almost like the real thing! A cheaper way for your partner to become involved in your pleasure is to have a dildo made from a mold of your partner’s actual penis!

Q&A: How Do I Ask My Girlfriend For Naked Pictures?

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If you’d rather look at a naked picture of your girlfriend rather than look at porn, you’re not alone. But how can you get her to take a naked picture and most of all, how can you get her to give it to you? Can you just ask her for a naked picture of herself, or is there more to it than that? Here’s what you need to know before asking your lady love for a photo of her lady parts.

Question: Can you tell me how can I ask my girlfriend for a naked picture? We have been together almost a year but I’ve never seen her naked! So how can I ask her for naked picture? Is there any special way I should ask her?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb-lKl9nb7M[/youtube]

Have You Been Intimate Together Yet?

If you and your girlfriend haven’t had sex together yet, it’s understandable why you would want to see a naked picture of her. You’ve probably fantasized about what she would look like naked, and depending on how long you have been dating, you might be tired of waiting! However, there are many reasons why you shouldn’t ask your girlfriend for a naked picture of herself, especially if you haven’t been intimate with her yet!

When Asking For A Naked Picture Can Get Creepy

If you and your girlfriend haven’t had sex with each other yet, asking for a naked picture of her can be downright creepy and somewhat stalker-ish! For people to be comfortable enough with each other to pass naked pictures of each other back and forth, they usually have to had sex first. That doesn’t mean hurry up and have sex with your girlfriend just so you can get a naked picture of her though! Enjoy your relationship now, and intimacy will happen in its own time. There are many ways that having her take a picture of herself in the nude with her bare breasts can backfire, especially if you and her are under the age of eighteen. If you and her (or just her) are under the age of eighteen, having her take a nude photo is actually illegal and could get you in a lot of trouble. Plus, naked pictures always seem to get into the hands of people who shouldn’t have them, no matter how hard you try to keep them to yourself. Her parents may find them on her phone, or someone could put them up on the Internet without her or your knowledge! It’s better to steer clear of the potential mess that naked pictures can make entirely.

When To Ask

If you and your girlfriend are over the age of eighteen and have been intimate together for quite some time or are even possibly living together, she may be comfortable enough to provide you with a naked picture of yourself for your viewing pleasure. If this is the case, suggest a sexy photo shoot with your partner. Try clothes on at first and see what happens. Don’t push your girlfriend into doing anything she’s uncomfortable with, no matter how silly you may think it is that she doesn’t want to take a picture of herself nude. If she’s uncomfortable with it, drop it.