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You are here: Home / Archives for singles

Honesty About Previous Sex Partners… How Much Do You Really Need To Share?

By loveandsex

The Question: I have been with a man for 5 months. He told me a few months ago that he has strong values and wants to wait for marriage to have sex. I was a little disappointed, but I respect his beliefs. We are very open with each other and I have never lied to him about anything until he asked me how many people I have slept with. I said 3, but the real number is around 40. I’ve never been so sure about someone in my life until I met him and wish to put my promiscuity in the past, but I fear he may look at me differently due to his strong values. That is why I wonder if it is necessary for me to tell him the real number of people I have had sex with. Or is this a lie that can remain a secret?

The Answer: My first response is that it’s no one else’s business how many people you’ve had sex with in the past or will have sex with the future…

Don’t allow yourself or your actions to be judged by another person. We make decisions every day and we learn from the results of those decisions and move on to the next decision. There is absolutely no reason to regret any decision you’ve ever made as long as you learned something from the experiences that followed. We grow with each experience, each choice, and each relationship. Some philosophers say that’s what life is really about – experiencing life so that we can discover who we truly want to be.

"We sometimes have to experience who we don’t want to be so that we can discover the person we want to become."

Each of us has our own set of core values that are important to us, but that doesn’t give us the right to push those values onto another person, nor to judge that person because they do not share our values now or in the past. Your partner should not judge you for your past actions because it is those actions and decisions that have made you the person that he or she loves today.

One man’s convictions, values, and moral beliefs are another man’s heresy. For thousands of years different societies have persecuted other cultures and societies for arbitrary "values" and "morality".

Ponder this for a moment… In the greater scheme of the Universe, what gives one man or society the right to determine what is right and wrong for everyone else? Or to force others to feel shame if they feel or believe differently?

If you are suppressing who you really are to match up with another person’s "strong values", realize that there’s nothing wrong with who you are, and there’s nothing in the world that makes their values and beliefs, or life experience, any better than yours. Period. Beware of convincing yourself to live up to someone else’s values. You could end up resenting the other person for it, which could end your relationship.

While I cannot make your decision for you as to whether or not to tell your boyfriend the actual number of people that you’ve slept with, I will say this: Open and honest communication in a relationship is vital to its growth and survival. If this is something that will haunt you and cause you distress on the inside, then you should tell him because suppressing it will affect your relationship. But if you can truly forgive yourself and let go of any guilt that you carry around regarding your past sexual activity, then I say let sleeping dogs lie and move on with your life.

Filed Under: Relationship Advice Tagged With: dating, dating advice, love, morality, premarital sex, singles

Calling All Animal Lovers… Dan and Jennifer Team Up With DateMyPet.com

By loveandsex

We’re really excited to tell you this…

We’ve just teamed up with DateMyPet.com to get the latest dating and relationship tips and advice to their members. Spreading the good word! 🙂

If you haven’t heard of DateMyPet.com yet, you’re missing out.

They’ve been featured by The Today Show, Good Morning America, MSNBC, the LA Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, and many other major traditional media outlets – and that’s just in 2006.

They’re a great example of a niche online dating site, for animal lovers like us.

In fact, DateMyPet.com was a major point of discussion in our revealing interview with Heather Vale for the soon to be released Online Dating Confessions ePackage where we reveal everything we’ve learned from our online dating business over the last three years.  Stay tuned.  You won’t want to miss this.

Have an awesome day!
Dan & Jennifer

P.S. If you love animals like we do, don’t forget to check out DateMyPet now.

______________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders
loveandsexanswers.com

Filed Under: Online Dating Sites & Reviews Tagged With: dating, dating advice, dating sites, flirting, love, online dating, singles

Match.com Learns a Few Tricks from MySpace and Facebook…

By loveandsex

The big online dating sites haven’t changed much over the last few years. But that’s beginning to change…

Match.com is finally taking a page from the social networking playbook and adding "communities" or interest groups, much like MySpace and Facebook have done.

Instead of just plain searching, you can now browse all kinds of communities or "interest groups", from state and major cities, to religion, politics, smoking, etc.

MySpace has done some amazing things for getting people together based on their interests – it’s great to see the online dating sites going that same direction.

If you still haven’t tried Match.com, this could be a great time to take them up on their 3-day free trial. Give it a try.

Have a great day!
Dan & Jennifer

______________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders
loveandsexanswers.com

Filed Under: Online Dating Sites & Reviews Tagged With: date ideas, dating sites, first date, love, marriage counseling, online dating, Relationship Advice, singles

Seems MySpace and Friendster Aren’t Just For Your Kids Anymore…

By loveandsex

Ok, so we all got used to thinking about MySpace and Friendster as online hangouts for the college and younger crowd.

But something’s changed…

These amazingly popular social networking sites seem to have absorbed a large segment of the grown-up population.

According to Comscore, the nice folks who bring us website stats, the age of the average MySpace user is – get this – between 35 and 54.

“MySpace.com has the broadest appeal across age ranges, Facebook.com has created a niche among the college crowd, Friendster.com attracts a higher percentage of adults, and Xanga.com is most popular among younger teens.  There is a misconception that social networking is the exclusive domain of teenagers, but this analysis confirms that the appeal of social networking sites is far broader.”

You can get down and dirty details from the ComScore press release here:
     http://www.comscore.com/press/release.asp?press=1019

So, we’re not talking mostly college kids, but rather a majority of people who are over 35. Go figure.

Of course, there’s been a lot of back and forth between the "in the know" and the "wanna be in the know" people (a.k.a. "experts") on this for the last week or so.

The truth is probably somewhere in between, but the bottom line remains – MySpace isn’t just for your kids anymore.

Don’t be shy – leave a comment on this post and tell us what you think.

Have a great day!
Dan & Jennifer

______________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders
loveandsexanswers.com

Filed Under: Online Dating Sites & Reviews Tagged With: dating, dating advice, dating sites, love, marriage counseling, online dating, premarital sex, Relationship Advice, singles

Users: It’s NOT OK to Lie in Your Profile

By loveandsex

OPW — Sep 26 — It seems many users and a few industry notables are OK with white lies in profiles.  Here’s my thoughts.  Your comments please.

Lies are always good for the short term and bad for the long term. Singles need to hold themselves to a higher standard of integrity. I advise anyone who goes on a date and finds themselves in front of a liar to immediately excuse themselves from that date. "Sorry, I’m not comfortable continuing with this date because you lied to me. It was a pleasure meeting you however. Thanks, bye." 

This should include lies about age, weight, pictures which are significantly inaccurate/photoshopped.  Lies are the BANE of this industry. A huge detriment. I highly, highly recommend site owners to advise their users to represent themslevs in their best possible light within the realms of complete honesty. 

One of the reasons services like Great Expectations and The Right One are doing well, and charging thousands of dollars, is because their clients expect to see truthful profiles and know, truly, who they are meeting before their first date. Less surprises, means more value to clients.  Higher integrity leads to higher profits…in the long run.  – Mark Brooks

Filed Under: Online Dating Tips & Advice Tagged With: dating, dating advice, first date, flirting, love, lying, marriage counseling, online dating, Relationship Advice, singles

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