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Four Signs You Should NOT Sleep With Someone

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Sex tips will tell you how to have better sex, but what about whether you should have sex at all? Here are four indications you shouldn’t get busy.

1. You Don’t Have Protection

We’re not talking about handguns here.

Of all the reasons not to do it, this is the biggest one, and it should be a no brainer, but sadly it’s not. If you don’t have condoms, you should not sleep with someone. Period.

I know, I know. You’re already there, both parties are willing and they swear they’re clean. They’ve totally been tested recently and they passed with flying colors. Nothing could possibly go wrong here, right? Seriously? You have to ask?

You don’t need to look at government statistics. Way too many STD’s or unplanned pregnancies stem from this scenario. If you don’t have protection, don’t sleep with someone. And don’t just assume we’re talking about condoms here. This includes dental dams for rimming or oral sex, and latex gloves if you plan on fingering or fisting someone.

They may think they’re clean, maybe their last test was. But you could still catch a disease, like say herpes for which there is no relable test. If you aren’t prepared, don’t do it. So the moral of the story is if you want to sleep with someone, always have protection on you

2. You Don’t Really Want To

There are many reasons you might find yourself in a position to hook up with someone you aren’t super excited to. Maybe you’re in a slump and you just want to end it by any means necessary. Maybe you’re on an online date and this person is all about you and you don’t feel the same way. Maybe you know you want to watch Sportscenter instead. If you’re not feeling it for one reason or another, you shouldn’t sleep with someone. It’s not going to be that good for you, and it won’t be for them either, and if you’re a guy you might not perform as well as you would normally.

This temporary performance issue can lead to serious consequences long term for you and could make the other person feel unwanted or unattractive, which can cause confidence issues for them too. Now that’s one big shit sandwich. If you really aren’t super excited to sleep with someone you probably shouldn’t. I’m not saying you need to be in love with the person, but if getting them naked doesn’t make you feel like a kid of Christmas, you should probably consider passing.

3. Your Spidey Sense Is Tingling

None of us are perfect. We all have baggage in our past and skeletons in our closet. So don’t go running if the person you go home with doesn’t exactly have what it takes to be a foot model. But if they takes off their shoes and the smell is so bad the EPA tries to regulate the emissions, you might not want to sleep with this person.

If this person seems super negative, or high maintenance, or exhibits any of your “deal breakers,” just move on. And above all, if they seem super crazy or clingy or needy, just bail. If your intuition is telling you something is wrong now, just move on. It’s not like it’s going to go away. You’ll never hear anyone say: “Yeah, I thought he/she was kind of crazy after they said they like to kill small animals while listening to Justin Bieber, but it turns out they’re the love of my life.” That just does not happen. Period.

If you have doubts, any doubts at all, do not have sex with someone. This, like all rules should be taken with a grain of salt. If you find that everyone who wants to sleep with you makes you have doubts, then well, that’s your bad. You should be mindful to make sure you aren’t the problem. If you don’t want to sleep with them because they own a PC and you’re a Mac user, well, that’s not the most valid reason not to engage in intercourse, but to each their own.

4. They’re Way Tanked (Or You Are)

We’ve all hooked up at a bar, or when we were tipsy. But when someone is super tanked, you probably shouldn’t sleep with them. Some states consider that sexual assault as the person is not sober enough to give consent. You might wake up next to someone you’d claw your arm off not to wake up next to. The only thing worse than waking up with post drunken one night stand regret is to be super happy with the person you hooked up with, because it means they’re looking at you with regret. Better to wait till your somewhat sober.

Is YOUR Vagina Healthy?

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The vagina is a mysterious organ. Sometimes it can be hard to realize whether or not your vagina is healthy. There are times when a discharge of mucus is actually healthy. For the most part, the vagina has some of the best “self-cleaning” properties on the female body.

The vagina can maintain a great balance of bacteria and can even make mucous that will wash away foreign substances. When you are wondering if your down there area is healthy, keep in mind that a healthy vagina does not have a bad odor. There are a few different reasons why your vagina could start to smell. Some of these reasons include STI’s, bad hygiene and infections.

Bad Hygiene

Bad hygiene is not something that anybody will admit to. However, when you have great hygiene you are already a one step closer to stopping vaginal odors. You can use a regular bar soap or body wash on your vagina and the outside of the genital area. Make sure that you are drying the vagina properly so it stays clean.

If you use overly scented soaps or body washes, you run the risk of creating irritation in the vaginal area. This irritation could eventually lead to infection so be careful. One of the most common infections occurs due to feces entering the vagina after a bowel movement. Remember to wipe front to back to avoid this.

Combating Infection

One of the best ways to combat infection and odors is to get a little air down there. Start to wear loose fitting, cotton underwear. This will bring more airflow to your vagina and decrease the amount of sweat to the organ. When the sweat builds up in the vaginal odors can occur. If you ever smell “fishy” down there, you probably have a bacterial infection.

There are a variety of medications that will treat bacterial infections. You can either buy something over the counter you can see a doctor to get a prescribed medication. Although rare, some women could mistaken their vaginal odors for infection when they actually have pelvic inflammatory disease. This is also known as cervical cancer. If you think that you might be at risk of PID, talk to your gynecologist about getting tested.

Avoid Douching

While douching seems like a great idea, it can actually hurt you. Despite popular belief, douching does not help treat odors. Douching is usually employed before sex to make sure that everything is clean. The problem is that when you squirt water into the vagina, you wash away the natural fluids that are used to combat infection.

Douching can increase the development of bacterial infections because it increases the acidity level. Douching can also cause the vagina to become irritable. Only douche if your doctor has instructed you to do so. Instead of douching, wet the genitals with warmer water. Do not put any of the water inside. Simply wash the outside of the vulva and then pat down your body with a towel.

Yeast Infections

One of the most common infections to the vagina is a yeast infection. A very usual symptom of a yeast infection is itching. Another sign is soreness in and around the vagina. If your vulva is red or swollen, you probably have a yeast infection. It is never recommended to have sex while you have a yeast infection. This can make your problem even worse. Yeast infections can also lead to abnormal discharges. Sometimes the discharge can be white or clear.

Other times the discharge can be gray or green. If you have a very strong fish smell, you might want to see a doctor. You could have bacterial vaginosis or trichomoniasis. Your doctor will be able to tell you what you have and what will clear it up.

STI’s

STI’s are another cause of vaginal discharge and odor. STI’s  (also known as STD’s) are generally given through unprotected sex or when a condom breaks. Gonorrhea is a very common STI that usually appears within 2-5 days after the infection has occurred. Gonorrhea can cause vaginal discharge and increased urination.

This can also cause pain or burning when urinating. Chlamydia is another STI that typically causes vaginal odor. Chlamydia can cause burning during urination and vaginal discharge. This can also cause very painful sexual intercourse. Get tested regularly to you know whether or not have come into contact with these particular STI’s. Both of these can be cleared up in matter of weeks through antibiotics.

Oral Sex Safety Tips You Can’t Miss

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Oral sex is safer than traditional intercourse when it comes to STD’s, but it’s not 100% safe – here’s how to make oral sex fun and less risky!

How To Get Started

Safe fingering includes the use of medical-grade gloves, which are easily found in most pharmacies or purchased online in a myriad of colors and textures. Some even come pre-lubricated or powdered for a more realistic feel.

Next, grab a brand new dental dam. If you plan on some anal as well as vaginal play, make sure to use to separate dams that don’t come into contact with each other, as you don’t want to give her a nasty infection. Also, try to purchase one specifically made for oral sex; there are some that even come pre-flavored, lubed and/or with a stickable strip at the top for ease of use.

Write on one side of the latex, “Lick here!” so you know which side is closest to you, and which will be up against her skin.

Grab your choice of water-based lubricant and apply some to her side of the dental dam. Put it over her entire vulva, covering her vagina, labia and clitoris.

Using One

Be aware that she’ll need a firmer tongue when using a dental dam than without. Although everything in this series works equally as well with one than not, she won’t be able to feel the friction of your tongue, just the vibrational aspect.

Don’t be afraid to use your teeth lightly. You don’t want to rip the latex, but you do want to apply more pressure than you normally would. So, scraping and light biting isn’t taboo here.

Will A Dam Make It Less Pleasurable?

I’ll be honest: using a one dampens your ability to be an expert cunnilinguist. There’s a lot of sensation lost when latex separates you and your lover, just as it’s different when you use a condom and when you don’t. Having said that, you can still create an unforgettable, amazing oral sex experience for the both of you, but you do need to be aware of the limitations as well. Or, use it to employ different sensations and techniques that you couldn’t without it:

  • Use the edge of the latex and rake it along her clitoris.
  • Roll it up and use it as a makeshift finger, either to tease her vulva and clitoris, or inside of her against her G-Spot.
  • Wrap it around the top of the clitoris, then push and pull the edges to rub and ‘shine’ it.

Why Should I Use One?

Question: Why can’t I just use my fingers to play with her, and then have sex? Can’t I just skip the whole dental dam/oral sex thing entirely?

Even with the protection a dental dam provides against STD’s, and your partner will still receive a lot of pleasure from your oral sex efforts. Why deny her that joy? It’s definitely a challenge for some to get over the mental barrier that dental dams provide, but it’s really just mental, not physical. She’ll still feel good, and you’ll feel even better knowing you can make her happy and sexually satisfied.

How Do I Keep It In Place?

Question: I use dental dams every time I go down on a girl. I don’t mind them, other than I can’t seem to keep them in place and still do all of the things that you’re asking me to do with my hands and so forth. How can I make it work?

If there’s one thing that people complain about loudly when it comes to dental dams, it’s this: trying to hold one in place while using your mouth and fingers to please a woman is a chore indeed, and sometimes, extremely challenging. The other major complaint is the lack of sensation that some women (and men) feel when using a dental dam.

There are some ingenious ways to keep a dental dam secure:

  • Panties with the crotch cut out, and worn over top of it.
  • Using garters to attach from one side to another, and wrapping them around the woman’s leg.
  • Finding the really sticky Saran Wrap, employing it as a dental dam, and molding it to stay in place.
  • Applying spirit gum to temporarily glue it in place.

Are any of these suggestions reasonable, and field tested to work well? Not really. They might work for you, but for the most part the easiest way is still the way that prevents you from using one hand to please her, and that’s you holding it in place. So instead of trying to figure out ways to keep it in place so that your hands don’t have to, let’s instead explore a method and mindset that requires you to think about how you can stimulate her while still holding it in place.

  • Get a vibrator or dildo that looks like a penis, and one that will fit without a lot of wiggle room inside of her vagina.
  • If you chose a vibrator, put it in with just an inch sticking out of her, but if is a dildo, use only the first few inches, where the dildo should be the widest.
  • Lick her using the routine that suits your needs best, keeping an eye on the dildo or vibrator to make sure that she’s clenching it with her muscles as she gets closer to orgasm.
  • If you are using a vibrator, you may be able to rest your chin on its edge to steady yourself, as well as to add the extra sensation of a slightly vibrating tongue.

Another option is to purchase a humorous-looking sex toy called The Accomodator, which is basically a dildo that you strap around your ears and attach to your chin. This way, you can lick her clitoris while penetrating her with the face-dildo. Unusual, yes, but if you can get over the laugh-factor, it’s actually a really handy little device.

The 10 Condom Commandments

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Condoms are essential for safe sex, but do you know the ten condom commandments?

1. Always Have One With You

Always have condoms handy, wherever you go. Guys, don’t carry them in your pocket or wallet though. It’s easier for a girl, because condoms can easily go in the purse without worry, but the heat from a pocket or wallet can degrade the latex material. Don’t keep them in the car either, or you’ll expose them to even more extreme temperatures of heat or cold, depending on what season it is.

Guys, stash them in your nightstand, your bathroom, your locker at the gym, your desk at work and anywhere else you can think of where you can grab one and go if you need to.

2. Learn How To Put It On The Right Way

You may think you know how to put on a condom correctly, but you may not. There’s a certain way to grip it at the base, and you of course have to leave enough space at the top for semen. Take the time to read the instructions (they’re in every box) and follow them to a T. Incorrect condom use is mainly what is responsible for condom failure. Studies show that when put on, worn and used correctly, that the success rate is much, much higher.

3. Always Check For Holes, Expiration Dates, Etc.

So your buddy gave you a condom “just in case.” You’d better check it out. Inspect the wrapper for tears, holes or other issues and always make sure the condom isn’t expired. Do this for your own stash too – that box of condoms you have tucked away in your bathroom medicine cabinet may be older than you think. If one is questionable, toss it and get a new one. You can afford it. You can’t afford the alternative or you wouldn’t care enough to use one at all.

4. Get Your Correct Size

A LOT of guys assume that they need the large or “magnum” size condoms, when in reality, a regular condom will do just fine. The different sizes out there are based on length AND width, so check out what size condom you need and use the correct one. Using a condom that is too tight can cause it to break, or using one that is too loose can cause it to slide off.

5. Use Plenty Of Lube

Lube makes sex feel better anyways, but it also makes condoms work better. Put a dab of lube on the inside of the condom before you put it on for heightened sensations, and make sure to coat the outside and get it good and wet before intercourse. Plenty of lube will help keep it from stretching too much, tearing or breaking.

6. Experiment With Different Kinds

Don’t just pick up the most random box of condoms you can find and use those. Take some time to find out which ones fit best and feel best. Get a variety pack and pay attention to the different sensations and which ones are better for you and your partner. Go online and purchase some of the higher quality condoms used by professionals in the porn industry. If condoms are going to be your new favorite accessory (and they SHOULD be if you’re not in a monogamous relationship), then spend the time and money to find a brand and style that you really enjoy.

7. Don’t Forget Them For Oral Sex

Oral sex is “technically” safer than vaginal or anal sex when it comes to the transmission of STD’s, but that doesn’t mean that you should forgo the rubber if you’re having oral sex. Use flavored condoms for oral sex, because they taste (and smell) much better than regular condoms. ABOVE ALL, do not use condoms treated with spermicide for oral sex! If going down on a girl, cut the condom lengthwise and put over the vulva like a dental dam, with a squirt of lube in between her and the rubber.

8. Discuss Condoms BEFORE Having Sex!

Do not discuss them five seconds before penetration, or even afterwards. The last thing you want to do is afterwards have to ask, “Hey, did you wear one?” If you’re hooking up, discuss it before the clothes even come off. If you’re too drunk to put one on correctly or too drunk to care, then you’re too drunk to get it on. Have the conversation about safety as soon as you decide that yes, you’re going to be taking your pants off for this person.

9. Keep Tools On Hand In Case Of Breakage

Condoms can break. Even when you put them on correctly, even when you do everything you’re supposed to. It can happen. So make sure you have a backup plan. If you’re not super sensitive to spermicide, consider using it in addition to the condom just in case. Spermicides are handy – they come in a variety of different forms that sometimes, you or your partner can’t even feel! The “thin film” kind can be folded and inserted into the vagina, where it melts and can’t be felt AT ALL. Suppositories are similar, while gels and foams are a little more messy. If you haven’t used spermicide before sex and the rubber breaks, have a bottle of gel or foam spermicide on hand that you can insert immediately – however, the suppositories and films won’t work well after the fact.

Also consider birth control – if you’re on birth control regularly and also use condoms, your layers of safety are well put in place. If you choose not to use birth control regularly, consider having the morning after pill (called Plan B and available at pharmacies and Planned Parenthood across the country) available. If you choose to use Plan B, have it on hand. Do NOT wait until you have a breakage to go get it. There’s a small window in which the medicine can really be effective, and this window is AS SOON as you can, but before 72 hours has passed. The more hours that pass between the breakage and the Plan B, the less effective the medication will be.

10. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!

If you’re with someone who you are not monogamous with, who hasn’t been STD tested, or you aren’t sure of their sexual history (or all of the above), use a condom. Do not compromise, do not allow yourself to be talked out of it. Do not let someone say they’ll pull out, or that you don’t need one because they “love you.” If you don’t want an STD or an unplanned pregnancy, protect yourself. Insist on if there’s no glove, there will be no love. PERIOD. Do not compromise. Do not budge. If they want it bad enough, they’ll put it on. If not, they weren’t worth your time anyways.

Can You Really Catch STD’s Through Oral Sex?

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Oral sex is not without risk. While it is “technically” safer than intercourse when it comes to STD’s, having oral sex doesn’t mean you’re totally in the clear.

Is The Risk Actually That High?

Okay, so here’s the naked truth. When parts of your body are coming into contact with parts of other people’s bodies, you run the risk of catching infections and diseases. Now while a handshake is almost perfectly safe, cunnilingus is not. You may have heard that it is more difficult for a woman to transmit a virus or infection to a man and to an extent, this is true. Both unprotected fellatio and unprotected vaginal sex carry more risks of sexually transmitted diseases than cunnilingus does.

How STD’s Are Spread During Oral Sex

Keep in mind, however, that your mouth will be coming into contact with bodily fluids that may potentially carry a virus and your partner’s vulva will be coming into contact with a mouth that may have a potential infection – therefore, it is better to be safe than sorry. Let’s first examine what types of sexually transmitted diseases you may be at risk for if you perform unprotected cunnilingus in an unsafe environment (i.e. with a promiscuous partner). Blood borne diseases are quite possibly the most serious of sexually transmitted diseases and include both HIV and Hepatitis C. These are diseases that are spread only if one partner or the other comes into direct contact with infected blood. This generally only happens if both partners have an open sore or cut on both the vulva and the mouth. You will want to be very careful or avoid cunnilingus entirely if you or your partner have an open sore or cut on the mouth or vulva.

These diseases can also be transmitted through hand to vulva contact if there is an open sore or cut on the hand as well. This is where communication is essential – if you are concerned about the risks of transmitting a blood borne STD, discuss the risks with your partner and whether you both would be more comfortable avoiding cunnilingus and hand foreplay at that time whether you would prefer to practice safer sex.

Types Of STD’s Transmitted Through Oral Sex

Bacterial infections and other infections such as Hepatitis A and B as well as Chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis can also be transmitted through unprotected cunnilingus. While there are Hepatitis B vaccinations and Hepatitis A as well as the other infections can usually be treated successfully with antibiotics, there is no reason that these sexually transmitted diseases should be considered any less serious than blood borne STD’s. The practice of safer sex during cunnilingus and any other foreplay involving the vulva can reduce the chances of transmitting these types of infections.

Perhaps the most commonly contracted sexually transmitted disease during cunnilingus is genital herpes, the reason for which is because genital herpes can be transmitted through simple skin-to-skin contact of the affected area. Although they are two different types of herpes viruses, it is possible to transmit the virus to the vulva through a cold sore on the mouth or to the mouth with a herpes sore on the vulva. Although the herpes virus is dormant underneath the skin when an outbreak is not present, it is still possible to spread the herpes virus even if there aren’t any open sores on the affected area. In the case of either a cold sore on the mouth or an outbreak of genital herpes on the vulva, it is probably best to avoid cunnilingus and other sexual contact during this time due to the fact that genital herpes is so easy to spread. Like other sexually transmitted diseases, however, genital herpes can also be practiced in a safer manner by taking proper precautions.