swinger sex – Page 4

How To Ease Into Swinging So That You’re Both Comfortable

So you and your partner are thinking about swinging. Whether you’ve tried it once before or this is your first time, it can be nerve wracking when trying to ease yourself into the swinging lifestyle.

How can you start swinging slowly, and in a way that makes both partners completely comfortable?

While the only rules for swinging for you are set by you and your partner, there are some general guidelines that can help make things easier for the both of you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My fiancée and I are talking about trying the swinging lifestyle and we are a little unsure of how to start and move into it gradually so that everyone is comfortable. What do you suggest?

– Randa, Alabama

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2Hip6b80bk[/youtube]

Ease Into It

Getting involved in the swinging lifestyle slowly is probably the best way to go about it. It’s great if you and your partner have made this decision together before starting to swing, instead of getting caught in the moment before having discussed the topic. The most important thing you can do when considering swinging is talk about it. Talk about every aspect of swinging, even if it seems like a small issue.

Ask some important questions. Why do you want to swing? What turns you on about swinging? Discuss with your partner how you feel about swinging and listen to them as well. It’s extremely vital that you both are on the same page before you take the plunge! You should also evaluate your relationship as it stands before you venture into the swinging lifestyle. If your relationship is in any way in trouble, swinging is not going to help! You need a strong relationship foundation before you start swinging with your partner.

Make The Rules Clear!

When discussing swinging with your partner, it’s important that you hash out the details. Decide what is appropriate during swinging and what isn’t. You don’t want to be in the heat of the moment and not know if something is okay, or to have to stop and ask permission.

Or worse, you could do something that offends your partner or makes them uncomfortable without knowing beforehand whether that particular action was okay or not. Sit down with your partner and really go over what you feel is okay during a swinging session and what is off limits. You’ll both be happier in the end that you agreed on the details before you started swinging.

Find A Couple That Matches Your Style

It is just as important to find a couple into swinging that shares your same interests as it is to talk about swinging first. If you’re new to swinging, you might try to find a couple that is also new to swinging, or at least find a couple that is sensitive to those trying it for the first time.

Find a couple that you can talk to about what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable, and how to handle things as they arise. You’ll need to be able to communicate both between each other as well as with the members of the other couple, so make sure you find a couple that you’re comfortable talking to!

Above all, you need to talk to your partner. Talk and talk some more! You can make swinging much easier and much more comfortable for you both to get into if you’re both on the same page when it comes to what is okay and what isn’t. Talk to each other as you experience swinging as well – as long as you keep the lines of communication open between everyone involved, you can set yourself up for fun and exciting swinging.

Hey, Are You Guys Swingers?

By kasidie

We have heard so many stories about couples that were confronted or “outed” by friends, family or co-workers about their “lifestyle” and they simply didn’t know what to say. Caught off guard, they stumbled, mumbled and bumbled through their explanation, leaving little or no doubt that they were indeed “Swingers”.

“If my (mother, boss, kids, etc…) knew what we do… they’d disown us! It would be a disaster!”

We have heard it 1,000 times. Interestingly, in most instances the opposite is the case. A countless number of couples have told us that when their family and friends did find out, things actually got better, not worse.

Coming Clean

In our case, Tess thought her conservative family would freak out if they discovered our personal lives (and our lifestyle related business!). Then, one New Year’s Day, we awoke to a phone call from her mom. Still groggy, Tess stepped over several of our naked friends, still sleeping from the house party the night before, and answered the phone.

After a quick “Happy New Year!”, her mom got right to the point – “Do you throw sex parties?” Stunned, Tess sunk into a chair and started to explain our “lifestyle” convention business and the rest of our “lifestyle” in more depth. Her mom didn’t say much and only asked a few questions, allowing Tess to fully explain, that morning, the secret part of our lives we had been living over the past 13 years.

…her mom got right to the point –
“Do you throw sex parties?”

When she thought she was finished, she braced for the onslaught she always knew would come her way, if or when her family found out. After a brief (but excruciating) moment of silence, her mom finally said, “Now everything makes sense.”

Apparently her mom had held a grudge for years, because she’d hear we were going to Jamaica, Mexico, Las Vegas, Miami, Chicago, Toronto, etc… She couldn’t figure out why we didn’t have more time to visit her while having plenty of time to vacation all around the world. Once she found out that these trips were actually business trips, she was more understanding. As a result, Tess and her mom grew closer.

I attribute a lot of that to simple communication. Once that weight was lifted from Tess’ shoulders, she and her mom talked a lot more often, and openly. We ended up visiting her more frequently. Her mom still doesn’t really understand why we would be interested in a “lifestyle” like ours, but I can tell you that she respects us both more now than before our secret came out.

More People Should Be Open

I wish more people could be open about their lifestyle choices and be accepted for who they are. I think many people are more accepting than we give them credit for. I think that many of our friends would accept us if they knew more about our lifestyle and I think some might even join us at a party or look into it themselves.

I’m not naive enough to think that every swinger would experience the same reaction from their family, friends or co-workers. I know some couples who have had their families petition courts for child custody, who have lost their jobs or, in extreme cases, have had criminal charges filed against them. It isn’t always rosy out there in the real world.

So what do you do when you think that someone would create a problem for you if they found out? You have to be prepared with your answers before you are confronted. What if you go to a swing club one weekend with your partner and then on Monday someone asks you both, “So what did you two do this weekend?” One of you blurts our “We went skiing” while the other one simultaneously says “We stayed home all weekend”… Busted!

The Swinger’s Alibi

You have to get your stories together before getting into that compromising situation. If you spent a week at Hedonism III Resort in Jamaica, you could jump out of the bus at Breezes for a few minutes to snap some pictures that you can show to your friends and family when you get home. You could buy a couple of postcards or T-shirts in the gift shop. Make sure you get a brochure so you can at least familiarize yourself with the photos of the property.

Better yet, tell them you bought the Superclubs “Superselect” package. It allows you to book at a super low rate and then Superclubs will randomly send you to one of their resorts once you land in Jamaica. You can then explain how shocked you were when they told you you had been chosen to go to Hedonism III instead of Grand Lido or Breezes.

This is a good way to admit to being at Hedo without it being your choice. It is also a good way to explain that Hedonism really wasn’t that crazy and that you were able to enjoy yourself on the “prude” side all week. You could even say how surprised you were by how nice and normal all the other guests at Hedo were… If they only knew!!!

Keeping Your Private Life Private

The main point is to have a clear and detailed story to fall back on. You are just trying to keep your private life private. But if a friend or family member thinks you’re not telling the truth, they are going to wonder what you are hiding. A boss might put up red flags that could hurt your performance reviews or advancement opportunities. The more organized you are as a team, the less questions you’ll have to field.

The “Shaggy” Defense

What happens if you are caught red handed? Just take a lesson from Shaggy (the hip-hop artist, not Scooby-Doo’s pal).

We knew a couple that had checked in a few days early for one of our lifestyle conventions. They were eager to see New Orleans and wanted to spend a few days sightseeing before the party got started. Unfortunately for them, a co-worker saw them driving up to the hotel check in.

They ran into the co-worker the following week. Here is how the conversation went:

Co-worker: “Hey, we saw you driving up to the Holiday Inn in New Orleans last week. Did you know they were having a swingers convention there?”

Couple: “It wasn’t me.”

Co-worker: “Yes, I saw you guys, you were in your new white SUV.”

Couple: “It wasn’t me”

Co-worker: “But I saw your dog, Angel, sitting on your lap. It had to be you.”

Couple: “It wasn’t me.”

You get the picture. Eventually, the co-worker actually believed he must have been seeing things. He was positive it was them, but it couldn’t have been if they were so adamant that they weren’t there. Sometimes those eyes do play tricks on us.

Those are three basic ways to handle unexpected questions. You can just admit to being a swinger and deal with the repercussions, you can come up with an alibi and keep your life private or you can simply deny, deny, deny.

Always be prepared for the unexpected moment when you have to decide on which avenue you are going to take. Stumbling, mumbling and bumbling through your answer will only make it obvious to everyone that you are indeed swingers.

Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” Strategy in Action
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g5Hz17C4is[/youtube]

Brought to you by Kasidie Swinger Lifestyle Magazine. To find swinger sex partners in your area, check out our favorite adult personals website.

Virgin Male Swinger – Are My First Time Fears Normal?

By loveandsex

What guy hasn’t fantasized about a threesome?

Even married guys have the occasional “swinging” wet dream now and then.

However, facing the realities of actually sharing the love of your life with another man or woman for the first time gives rise to questions and insecurities that were never there before. How do you deal with them in a way that satisfies both partners?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve fallen deeply in love with the woman of my dreams who happens to be bisexual but also an experienced swinger. I myself have fantasized about such things but have little experience. I am confused by my emotions of seeing my lady with another man. Although I am not bi I’m willing to experiment with another male for her, and its a funny thing that this causes less stress then seeing her with another man. I have no fear of sharing another woman with her, so why should sharing another man with her cause such worry? But it’s in the past why should it matter now? Is this a common fear for virgin male swingers like myself?

–Ric, London

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsdjBGmkbe4[/youtube]

Common First Time Swinger Concerns

If you find yourself in this situation for the first time, take a deep breath and relax. Really examine your feelings about swinging in general as well as your feelings about swinging with your current partner. Are you experiencing feelings of jealousy or insecurity?

These feelings are extremely normal when it comes to swinging for the first time, but it’s important to carefully consider each emotion and where it is coming from. If you’re insecure about your body, what can be done to make you feel better about yourself?

Do you have deeper seated jealousy issues that reflect feelings of ownership and control over your partner? You might not like the answers to these questions, but now is the time to be brutally honest with yourself.

Talk About It With Your Partner

It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s important to chat a bit about what each of you are feeling before you take the swinging plunge. Are you concerned that your partner has done it before in the past? Are you unsure of how you’ll feel after the fact?

Take time to listen to what each of you has to say. Now is not the time to hold back feelings, emotions, ideas or opinions. If you don’t voice what you are thinking now, it most certainly will come back to haunt you after the fact. Perhaps you can come to an agreement about the how, when and where the swinging will take place – and most important of all, with whom.

Many experienced swingers caution against swinging with close friends, as feelings of jealousy, rage and insecurity can rip apart a friendship faster than a kid opening presents at Christmas.

Try It

The only way to be sure of how swinging will affect your relationship is to actually do it. That doesn’t mean you have to, but keep in mind that you will never know until you know.

After talking about the situation with your partner, you may have come to an agreement with them about swinging.If you feel that your relationship is strong enough to survive the possible outcomes of swinging, absolutely go for it. It might be more fun than you thought.

Just make sure that if you and your partner have set guidelines for each other, make sure to follow them to a T, even when you’re in the heat of the moment.

More importantly, discuss how you felt during the swinging with your partner afterwards. Were you uncomfortable? Were you unable to concentrate on pleasure because you were so overwhelmed with emotions?

If that’s the case, consider putting swinging on the shelf. If you were both comfortable with the situation and swinging was pleasurable for each partner, it may be something that you do on occasion. Just remember – what works for other couples might not work for you and vice versa. Stick with what is successful for your relationship because ultimately, it’s yours.

When Swinger Sex Goes Horribly Wrong…

By melody

Threesomes and swinging are on most male fantasy lists, but what happens when it goes horribly wrong?

Over the course of my three marriages I have been encouraged by husbands to engage in a variety of interesting (and some downright bizarre) possible sexual behaviors. Of course, I tended to marry sex addicts, so the range of possibilities stretched a lot further than my sensibilities.

Along the way, I’ve been “encouraged” to participate in all kinds of things that became problems later on. Some of these were physically not a good idea, and I won’t go into that!

My first husband liked fantasies. I am quite creative so I was able to come up with all kinds of fun and innocent stories to keep him excited. I became good at playing the part and keeping things spicy – nothing dangerous or problematic there. But then eventually with some of the stories, he liked the idea of making them happen. These included other people.

While I can appreciate the desire to add spice and variety to the bedroom, I’ve discovered through my own (and others) experiences, there are some kinds of behaviors that are a set up for disaster. When you open the door and invite another person into the intimate connection with your partner you are inviting in trouble.

Now, in theory, I will conjecture that there are couples secure enough with each other where they can have flings with other people and not do any perceivable damage to their relationship. I’ve just never seen it happen that way personally…

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

While this is one experience, Dan and I have seen many successful open/swinging relationships… Even though we don’t agree with with everything in this article, we wanted to publish it to show what can happen when you get into swinging for the wrong reasons.

It is critical to be honest with yourself and you partner. Never allow another person to ‘push’ you into something that you’re not comfortable with. For a swinging relationship to be successful, it has to be something that both partners want, not just grudgingly agree to.

What tends to happen is that one member of the couple is more motivated than the other to pursue the “Swinger” lifestyle. For whatever reason, having one sexual partner for the rest of their life is not appealing, but they like having a life partner.

Therefore that partner encourages the other to participate in this “exciting” adventure of “Swinging”. Then both partners agree to it using certain ground rules.

Unfortunately, most of us are driven by feelings and impulses that have little to do with rational thought. So then here we are, for whatever reason, in a three or four-some with our significant other being sexual, or maybe we are just swapping. Either way, we have added unpredictable dimensions into the intimate setting of our sexual and personal relationship with our partner.

What’s predictable about it is that someone will end up hurt. The “ground rules” will be broken and someone ends up feeling betrayed and hurt. But, because the boundaries of the relationships fidelity were broken by the entire process of “Swinging” already, the “acting out” partner feels like they have done nothing “wrong”.

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

This is where we completely disagree. It is NOT guaranteed that someone will get hurt.

In a swinging relationship, the only time someone gets hurt is when one person breaks the rules or is dishonest, or is not open about their feelings. It’s critical to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings before, during, and after any sexual experience with another individual or couple.

We can’t say this enough! Swinging or Open Relationships are only for couples who are VERY secure in their relationship and have enough self confidence to prevent jealousy issues. Swinging is NOT a relationship fix…

After all, the injured partner already said it’s “okay” to have sex with other people.

Often this ends the relationship and on painful terms, at least for the partner whose ground rules were broken.

Linda and Mark had been dating for about four years, and they had a very active, passionate sex life. Mark had encouraged Linda to try all kind of things that had been outside the range of her previous history, but because they pleased Mark, Linda enjoyed them. Over time, Mark pushed the boundaries even further. He wanted to experience having sex with two women at one time.

Linda admitted to being curious about what that would be like, so they found a willing partner. For a while, they enjoyed this three-some with jubilance and it added a lot to their excitement for each other. When they were not having sex with her, they were fantasizing about having sex with her. Before long, though, Linda found herself wanting time with the girl alone, without Mark. She didn’t see the harm in it, after all, having sex with another woman was not breaking their marital vows was it?

Unfortunately, Mark did not feel that way when he found them together one night when he arrived home early from work. Mark felt betrayed and could never look at Linda the same way again. Their relationship did not survive.

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

Duh! Are we the only ones who see the problem here? Cheating is a breaking of trust. Having sex with another person without your partners agreement is cheating! Had she talked to Mark about her feelings, this situation could have been avoided all together.

So to us, this example represents an underlying communication issue. Linda did not feel comfortable sharing her feelings with Mark. That’s what broke them up – not the other girl…

Jane and Richard had been married for about three years when Richard started pushing Jane to go to “Swingers clubs” and see if there was a couple that they both agreed they’d like to engage in sex with. Jane was uncertain, but she went and eventually did find a couple they agreed upon. Richard loved this and told Jane how crazy he was about her and that he was really happy.

Richard bought Jane gifts and seemed to be happier than Jane had ever seen him. She felt good about her choices. One night they went to a bar together, to meet yet another potential “Swinger” couple. But this time only the woman was there. Richard became flirtatious and “handsy” with the other woman. He would pat Jane reassuringly occasionally.

Jane’s heart was broken. From this point, she tried to pull back and change the “ground rules” for their relationship. Richard wouldn’t hear of it, and decided they should separate and re-evaluate their relationship.

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

So why was Jane’s heart broken? What was she expecting – a night of poker? They were going to meet swingers…

Did she tell him how his made her feel at the time, or did she just get jealous and brood over it the whole evening?

If you’re ever in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable – deal with right then. Letting an issue fester over night, or for days, can ruin your relationship because the jealousy monster takes over pretty quickly and likes to stay in control. Also, rather than backing away completely, perhaps Jane could have expressed her feelings in a non-threatening way and asked Richard to not do that again.

I feel that there’s more to this story than what we’re being told here. It’s rarely one incident that turns the tide…

Again – talk, talk, talk!!! Most of these issues could easily be avoided with a little honestly and open communication.

In both cases, the “Swinging” started out as something “fun and exciting” and ended up breaking hearts. Why?

For one thing, the relationships we have are fragile gifts not to be toyed with in the way we sometimes have a tendency to do. Our connections are more fragile than we think they are and our ability to let someone into our innermost layers is dependent on a lot of factors.

To learn more about the swinger lifestyle check out our Swinger Sex Channel for tons of great articles and videos.

To find swinger sex partners in your area, check out our favorite adult personals website.

Curious Virgin Swingers – Honey the Neighbors are HOT!

By loveandsex

Imagine meeting another couple, neighbors, co-workers, other parents… You become good friends or your kids become good friends, and you find yourself spending lots of time together.

And then one evening, maybe after a few drinks by the pool, you start to notice that they’re really hot, you start feeling some sexual tension all around, and you start having these ‘thoughts’…

You might actually like to have sex with them!

Those thoughts are typically followed by thoughts like “Am I a bad person?“, “Do they feel the same way?”, “What will my partner think?”.

Soon your head is spinning… What do you do? Do you act on these feelings or just keep them as your secret fantasies?

Here’s a question from Randy who seems to have some really hot neighbors!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

A few years ago, we had a younger couple move next door to us. The sexual tone between us and the other couple is ever increasing.

I’m interested in having sex with them but I am not sure about my wife. I haven’t shared my feelings with her yet. I’m very open regarding my sexual life. Should I be looking for clues regarding to the possibility of swinging with them?

This would be a first for us but I think it would be a lot of fun as long as guideline and rules are followed such as the one posted in your site.

— Randy, Washington

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiERpb98eK4[/youtube]

First Time Swingers

If you’re thinking about swinging with your partner for the first time, we have one rule above all others…

TALK To Your Partner. It’s not going to happen without them.

If you’re a man, there’s one more thing you need to understand. In the swinging community, the women control the show. If she’s not interested, again – it’s not going to happen.

There are a lot of different ways that you can approach her to find out if she’s at least curious about swinging. Talk to her, hint around a bit, make her feel safe talking seductively about other women and men, etc.

You’ll need to know if she’s at least curious about other women and or men. And, you’ll need to ask yourself this question – “How do you feel about her being with another man or couple?”.

All of these questions need to be addressed upfront to reduce the likelihood of hurt feelings later.

How Do We Know If They Want To Play With Us?

As to whether or not the other couple is interested, ask yourself if you’re feeling sexual tension between the four of you.

Listen to your gut, your intuition. If you do, you’ll always know when somebody is lying to you, you’ll always know when someone likes you, and you’ll always know if someone, or everyone, in the room wants to get it on or not.

If you just listen to yourself and trust your instincts – you’ll know.

If you’re feeling it, everyone else is too. There’s a big difference in you being attracted to someone and lots of mutual sexual tension in the air. That kind of energy is too hot to miss. You’ll know the difference if you just listen and pay attention.

Your First Time

If you’re going to have sex with someone other than your spouse, whether you call it swinging, wife swapping, or a threesome… Your first time should probably NOT be with your neighbors, your co-workers, or with your casual couple friends – unless you’re all very clear about it and are very comfortable about it.

If it goes weird, and the first time is much more likely to go weird, you run the risk of losing a friendship. So be very cautious about swinging with someone that you know and that your going to hang out with everyday.

Similar to an office romance… It’s not normally a good idea.

There are plenty of people who enjoy swinging on a regular basis. We recommend that your first time be with a more experienced couple that you can learn from and get an understanding of the lifestyle and how it typically works.

There are lots of great dating websites and swinger clubs where you can just go to look, flirt, and get comfortable before diving in head first.

And again… Talk to each other openly and honestly about your feelings as they come up – before, during, and after!