Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for swinger sex

Hosting A Killer Swingers’ Party

By

Swinging can be fun if you meet the right people. Being the host of a swinging get together can help! Here’s how to do it and be successful!

A Secret Desire

Many people secretly crave the idea of going to (or hosting) a swingers party. They’re definitely out of the norm of what most people on the weekend, but can be a ton of fun. However, if you’re not already a part of a swingers community, then you could be waiting around for a very long time to get invited to one.

So rather than sitting around waiting for the phone to ring; why not throw one of these parties for yourself? They are not nearly as hard to pull off as you’d think. So this month, we are going to go over a few tips to get you started quickly.

Selecting The Right Venue

Most people think that their home is a suitable enough place to host a swingers party, but if you don’t have extra bedrooms, guests rooms or enough couches in your living room than you are going to run out of available space a lot sooner than you realize.

In this situation, you could always arrange for everyone to meet in a hotel suite. Since these can get a little expensive, it’s not uncommon to ask everyone to chip in a few dollars.

Stick To Your Guest List

This happens WAY more than you’d expect. You invite 10 people to your party and all of a sudden you have 200 strangers knocking on your door.

It’s best to enforce a very strict guest list, so that not only will you make sure you have a good ratio of men to women, but also ensure that everyone will be accommodated, and have a great time.

Get To Know Everyone Early

I think it’s safe to say that there are some real weirdo’s out there. And you probably don’t want some creep you’ve never met before coming to your party and scaring everyone away, do you?

So before you even think to invite someone, make sure to meet them first and get a real good idea of how they will act around a house full of naked people.

Don’t Forget The Snacks

Nothing works up an appetite like a few hours of intense exercise. So don’t forget to stock up n food and drinks for everyone.

There are also inevitably going to be a few nervous people walking around, so making sure you have enough drinks on hand is a total “must have.”

Don’t Forget The Condoms & Lube

This should go without saying, but when you have a house full of naked people grinding all over each other, playing safe should go without mention. But what kind of sex educator would I be if I didn’t tell you to watch out for everyone’s safety.

My favorite strategy is to have a big bowl full of condoms and lube in every single room of the house (or at least the ones you think people will be having sex in). This way, people are never more than a few feet away from a condom when they need one.

Hosting a swinger’s party takes a bit of prior planning and being organized, but it can be one of the most satisfying experiences of your life. So now that we’ve covered a few of the bases, it’s time to go out there and throw the best damn party ever!

Q&A: MMF Threesome – How Can I Get Him To Try It?

By

A threesome can be fun for everyone involved, but how do you get your man interested in swinging with another guy? Many men are down with swinging, but only if it’s a FFM threesome – not a MMF. However, if he gets to indulge in his fantasy of two women, shouldn’t you be able to indulge in your own fantasy with two men? How do you get your lover to be open minded about a MMF threesome?

Question: My husband and I are toying with the idea of having a FFM threesome, however I am more interested in meeting with another couple than with just another woman. But my husband can’t stand the idea of another man with me. I feel as though it isn’t a fair trade! How do I open my husband up to the idea of a foursome over a threesome? Or should we call the whole thing off?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS0_UWS1uVs[/youtube]

Communicate With Your Partner About Where The Boundaries Are

If you and your lover have some differing opinions about what is okay and what isn’t okay during a threesome, it’s essential that you talk to them about it before you actually engage in any type of play. You want to hash out where the boundaries are beforehand, so neither of you are left uncomfortable or hurt by anything that goes on. So where do you draw those boundaries?

Start with flirting and work your way up. It may seem awkward to try to imagine and talk about all the possible scenarios that you could end up in during a swinging situation, but it’s important to talk about each one of them separately. For example, you may be comfortable with kissing, but your partner may not be because it’s too intimate. They may want to reserve kissing just for the two of you. Talk about flirting, kissing, touching, oral sex and anything else that crosses your mind. You want to know going in what is okay and what isn’t. Draw the line at what you’re both okay with – if one of you isn’t comfortable with something, don’t push the issue.

Talk To Your Partner About The Way You Feel

Most people wouldn’t see it as fair for your lover to get to indulge in his fantasies but for you to be unable to indulge in yours. However, just because it’s obviously not fair doesn’t mean that you should discredit your partner’s feelings about the situation. Talk to your lover about how they feel and why they are uncomfortable with a MMF threesome. Ask them why and listen to their questions and concerns openly. Don’t be critical of your lover and remember that it doesn’t need to turn into a fight.

On the same token, your partner needs to listen to your concerns as well. Explain to them why you feel it’s unfair and suggest some possible solutions to the issue. Once you understand his point of view and he understands yours, you can start to find a compromise that works well for both of you. Is there another fantasy of yours that you’re dying to try that could be substituted for the MMF threesome? Or does he have another fantasy that he wants to act out that doesn’t involve being hypocritical?

If They’re Not Into It, Let It Go

Remember that your partner’s concerns are just as valid as your own, even if they seem unfair. If the thought of you with another man really makes him uncomfortable, even if he’s in the room and it’s consensual, then it’s not something you want to continue to harp on. If you try to talk him into it, he may do it – but begrudgingly and you’re in for more than you bargained for there.

If you and your lover have trouble finding a common ground, think about the possibility that swinging just isn’t right for your relationship. And that doesn’t mean that it’s not right for your relationship ever, but simply that it’s not right for your relationship right now. If you can’t come to a consensus where both you and your partner are happy with the results, put the issue to bed and come back to it at a later time.

There are tons of different things you can do besides a threesome to add spice and variety to your sex life. Try experimenting with a little bondage or roleplay, or read about new ways to give your partner an orgasm. Don’t get stuck thinking a threesome is the only thing that is going to make your sex life as hot as it used to be!

How To Host A Swingers Party

By

Many people like the thought of going to a swingers party. It’s certainly a little bit different to your average social gathering! They can be great fun and the place where many fantasies are acted out. But rather than wait around and hope you get invited to one, why not host your own? It’s not actually as difficult as you might think. Here are a few tips to help you create a memorable event.

What Kind Of Party Do You Want To Host?

Decide how many people you want to be there. Do you want it to be a large party or an intimate gathering? Do you want it to be just for couples or do you want to invite single people (men and/or women) as well? Most swingers prefer to go to parties that are mainly (if not totally) for couples and single women only. You will find a lot of single men will be interested but it does create a different atmosphere.

Decide On A Venue

Most people would think of their home, but it needn’t be the only place to host a party. If your place isn’t suitable or large enough, you could ask one of the other guests if they would be willing to host it. A hotel room is a good choice if the numbers aren’t going to be too great, but another alternative is a local swingers club. You could arrange for your group to all meet there.

Work Out The Guest List

Unless you already know a lot of swingers, by far the easiest way to find your guests is online. Set up a profile on a swingers website and list your event there. Then you can begin to contact other couples in your area who you think might be suitable.

Meet Everyone First

Insist on meeting everyone first. If your party is couples only you will be amazed how many single men will try to get an invitation by masquerading as a couple online. When they arrive at the party they will make an excuse for being alone such as “the wife is sick.” Insist you meet the couple first, or at least talk to them on the phone – both of them – to ensure they’re for real and who they say they are.

Charge An Entry Fee

A small charge, paid to you in advance, is a great way to ensure people actually show up, as well as helping towards your hosting costs. People know there is a cost involved in hosting a party so they won’t mind contributing.

Forget Party Snacks – Have Lube And Condoms Available

It is normal for the host to provide condoms and lube, although you can also ask people also to bring their own. You might want to ask people (discreetly) if they have an allergy to latex and ensure some latex-free condoms are available.

Remember To Have Fun!

Obviously this is the point of the party in the first place. However, to achieve this the most important thing to communicate to your guests is that no one is under any pressure to participate or do anything they are not totally comfortable with. Even if you have met the guests beforehand, there is no guarantee people will click in a way that makes them want to take things to a sexual level.

Hosting a swingers party does take a bit of effort and time to organize but the results can be well worth it. Even if it doesn’t turn into an all-out orgy you may still make some new friends. There are many more people wanting to attend a party than are willing to organize one so your efforts will be well appreciated.

Three Essential Steps To Get Your Partner Into Swinging

By

Unfortunately swinging, or involving other people in your sexual intimacy as a couple, fills many people with fears and concerns. However, the truth is that swinging – when done the right way – can not only be enormous fun; it can also bring a couple much closer together in the intimacy of their relationship. This may seem counterintuitive but it is a clue on how to get your lover interested in polyamory if they’re against the idea.

3 Simple Steps To Introduce Your Lover To The Idea Of Swinging

The three steps described here have proven to be very powerful in getting reluctant spouses to be more open to the idea. You’ll see that it is nothing to do with tricking or coercing your spouse into trying it (that doesn’t work and using that approach will usually harm rather than help your relationship). It is really about creating a foundation and a ‘sexual environment’ in your relationship which can make polyamory a very natural outcome. The benefits of this approach are not only that you get to have some great fun swinging, but it strengthens the intimacy in your relationship as well.

Step 1: It’s About You Relationship

The first step is to realize that successful swinging is all about the two of YOU and your relationship. It is not to fill in any gaps in your sex life. In fact, it makes a great sex life even better; it does not make a bad sex life good. So if you are going to try to introduce your lover to polyamory, you should concentrate on improving the sex life between the two of you first.

Step 2: Focus On Your Significant Other

This leads us to the second step, which is to really focus on your significant other. Your goal here is to make them feel loved and adored, that they are the sexiest person in the world to you. You would never do anything to hurt them intentionally and they are certainly the best lover you could possibly ever imagine having. Some people find this difficult, especially if they have been in their relationship for some time. You may feel your attraction has waned for your lover.

You might think your sex life has become boring, which is why you want to add some variety with polyamory anyway. You need to turn this around. Try new things. Even do some of the things you used to do when you first got together. Anything becomes stale if no effort is put into it, and your sex life is just the same.

Step 3: Reinforce Your Attraction To Your Lover

The third step is simply to keep reinforcing you attraction for your lover and building the trust between you. The more trust you can create by making your significant other feel safe to be themselves and express themselves fully, the more they will know that your desire for more sexual adventure is not about ‘replacing’ them with someone else.

Many couples feel that getting involved with threesomes will cause problems in their relationship such as jealousy. However, if you follow the above steps you will find that these problems just don’t arise. However, it is very important to keep the relationship between you as the most important thing; you just happen to involve other people from time to time to experience things you can’t do with just the two of you.

If you would like to become a swinger and your lover isn’t interested start with the approach above. You might be pleasantly surprised at the results!

Finding The ‘Right Couple’ To Try Swinging With

By

Would you like to experiment with the swinging lifestyle? Once you have made the decision to do it, the biggest hurdle to overcome is to find another suitable couple to play with. Fortunately you can benefit from the experience of others by knowing the best way to find other people. Here are some ideas to help you.

It Doesn’t Always Happen Right Away

Firstly, be aware it can be a lengthy process. You may end up chatting with a large number of couples before you find one you really click with. This is hardly surprising; it is difficult enough to find two people who are attracted to each other, but to find four who all share some chemistry can seem nigh-on impossible.

You will meet couples who may be interested in you but who for whatever reason you don’t feel particularly attracted to. Don’t be concerned about this – it really does go with the territory.

Also, do not despair or be in a rush to start having sex once you decide you and your partner would like to be swingers. Many people decide to play with the first people who come along and find that the experience is not really very pleasurable. In fact it can be a disaster.

Don’t Be Too Picky

At the other extreme don’t be picky to the point that you never let it happen. If you spend a bit of time with a couple (say having a drink or a meal) with no pressure or expectations on either side you may feel the attraction grow. If your initial impression isn’t totally negative than allow some time to get to know them a little better.

All this said, what is the best way to meet another couple for swinging? There are in fact three ways.

People You Know

The first way is to consider people you already know. You may think your friends would not be interested in swinging, but swinging is surprisingly widespread. Do not discount your friends! Think about who you already know who you find attractive.

Invite them for dinner and drop a few subtle hints. Lead the conversation in a sexual direction and see their reaction. Of course if you get a negative reaction you know to back off as you don’t want to destroy your friendship.

Online Dating Websites

The second way and probably the most widespread is to meet couples through an online swingers website. There are a number of good ones which have large numbers of couples (and singles) who are swingers and are looking to meet other likeminded people.

You can get a very good idea about them from the information they post online, including their interests and physical characteristics. Usually they will (or should) put up some photographs so you can get a better idea of their body shape and sizes.

To do this you should also put up your own details by creating a profile. This will allow other couples to contact you if they are interested. The first step will be to have some brief message exchange to see if there is some connection.

If it all looks promising, you should meet as soon as possible. This should only be for the purposes of checking each other out. Unless you are not fussy at all you will find this an essential step as despite all the online conversation in the world you will not know if you all click until you meet each other.

A Swingers’ Party

The third way you can meet other swingers is to go to a swingers party. Getting invited to these can be quite tricky. However, swingers websites often list parties. Choose one in your area and put your name down as being interested. If you go to a swingers party remember the golden rule amongst all swingers is “no means no.”

You will not be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to, and no one will mind if you decline an invitation to play. Swingers parties are a very good way to meet a number of couples all at once to see if you feel a special connection with any of them.

Meeting another couple to swing with can be a bit tricky. However it is worth the effort because when you find the right couple you will definitely have a lot of fun.