Sex tips usually try to tell men how to last longer in bed. However, according to a recent study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the “most desirable” length of time to spend having sex turned out to be only 7 to 13 minutes. Women started rating anything from 10 to 30+ minutes as “too long”. In fact, only 3 to 7 minutes of intercourse were needed for the act to be considered “adequate” and only when sex averaged one to two minutes or less did couples think that coitus wasn’t lasting long enough.
Be open, ask your wife which of the many techniques that she has experienced turn her on the fastest. Don’t worry about her finding the question awkward; she’s been waiting to hear it from you for years, but you haven’t afforded her a safe place to be explicitly asked about this delicate issue.
Knowing that she has an easier time coming all by herself, it can be easy to feel rejected and replaced. You’ve heard that old joke, right? “Why did God create man?” “Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.” That may be true – I’ve seen some pretty ridiculous contraptions in my search for sexual fulfillment, but none that could cut the grass!
But for women, sex isn’t a separate part of our existence. Lust isn’t distinct from our love and respect for you. These emotions intertwine and are incredibly complex. Here are 3 sex tips for better relationships.
1. A Vibrator Can’t Cuddle
Yes, sometimes when we are hot and bothered, when we need to relax and focus or fall fast asleep, masturbating is preferable. Sometimes we all just want to be alone – you too, right? But there is a clear distinction between the easiest way to orgasm, and the most enjoyable sexual experience. Sexpert Tracey Cox points out that “there is a reason why we jump through extraordinarily complicated hoops to not only make someone like us, but lust after us – it might be harder to have an orgasm with another person but it’s usually far superior quality.”
2. Throw Out the Calendar
What kind of hoops have you been jumping through? Sex schedules, couch cuddling sessions, couple’s therapy, a bevy of skills workshops – your brain is probably so full of new techniques that it’s ready to explode! Throw out that calendar. Women want the type of orgasms that are hot, exciting, intense, and don’t interfere with their afternoon workout and getting dinner on the table! The only way to ensure you are prepared for hot sex is to master one mind-blowing skill at a time.
3. Be a Musician, Not a Technician
You’ve warmed your wife up and she is primed and ready with you between her legs. As one hand heads for her soft bits, you run down the list of techniques to try in your head. You are so preoccupied with what’s next in your arsenal that you can’t really tell if she’s enjoying herself or not. You don’t bother to ask, because you’re too concerned with transitioning into the next move, and acting out the lie that you’re best for her as a “strong, silent type”.
A technician keeps a list of jobs he needs to get done and checks each one off in a row, making sure he hits every point until the machine in front of him is “fixed”. While an indispensable part of being a good man in day-to-day life, darling, this is not a sexy skill. Kim Cattrall writes that “the musician who never gets past technique never really plays music”. You need to be fit and finessed enough to know a few techniques really well when having sex. When you are a master at making love, you can have dozens of skills in your arsenal, but only when you can do them all well.