It’s about truly understanding the sexual as well as the emotional desires of your partner, and fulfilling those needs. This means paying attention to what they want, and doing your best to satisfy their needs.
The topic of anal sex is a real sore point for so many couples (truly, no pun intended)
Yet few are willing to talk about this issue, and fewer still are willing to answer their questions.
With all the bizarre taboos and social stigmas in our culture today, it’s no wonder that so many people have utterly dysfunctional and empty sex lives. In the true spirit of this advice column, we’ll cover this topic in an open and honest manner.
So at the end of the day, can you really entice your wife or girlfriend into trying anal sex, and what’s the best way to go about it?
Here’s a question from a man in New Mexico wondering how to conquer this sexual challenge with his girlfriend…
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
How do I talk my girlfriend into having anal sex?
— Jay, New Mexico
Why is it that so many men want their wife or girlfriend to have anal sex at some time or another?
Some guys can’t stand the idea, but for many it’s a serious turn-on. Maybe it’s just the forbidden aspect that draws them, the thought of doing something they’re not supposed to be doing, and getting away with it in secret. Or maybe not.
Regardless, for women, this is a whole different story. While some have tried it and actually even like it, most are unwilling to even talk about it… and they certainly don’t generally want to try it. Well, therein lies the problem.
So why don’t most women want to have anal sex?
1. Anal sex definitely falls into the hot list of choice sexual practices that’s viewed by many as taboo in our culture.
Basically there’s a lot of social stigma around most anything other than missionary position. So you just have to decide if you’re going to live your life and enjoy your sex life in a way that’s dictated by other people’s phobias and preconceived judgments – or are you going to follow your own path? What you and your partner share and experience in the bedroom is nobody’s business but your own, and nobody other than the two of you has a right to influence what you do and do not choose to do.
2. Many women are afraid it’ll hurt, and have heard it could even be dangerous.
Worse yet, they may have tried it before, and they KNOW it’ll hurt. Not exactly a good start to a sexually charged evening.
How do you approach the topic with your wife or girlfriend?
The first step is to actually TALK to her about it, openly and honestly. For some reason most men have great difficulty actually talking about sex with their partner. They’ll talk with their friends, but not with their lover. This goes back to completely open and honest communication – a MUST for a happy relationship and a fulfilling sex life.
Guess what – it doesn’t matter what your friends think about it, and what they would do in your place. Unless she’s up for it, you’re out of luck. Your best bet is to talk with HER.
But be ready to hear that she may not want ANYTHING to do with it. Period.
Can you seduce her into trying it?
Once you’ve talked with her, you should have a feeling for how receptive she is. If she’s apprehensive (or dead set against it), then your chances of success can be pretty slim.
Although trying to get someone to do something against their will is most always a bad idea, that doesn’t mean you have to give up on all your fantasies just because you didn’t initially get a yes.
Here are some ideas…
- Bring it up when she’s already aroused. The more aroused the better.
- Keep trying now and then, but without being too insistent or making her feel guilty. And whatever you do, don’t get into an argument about it. That’s a quick way to guarantee it won’t happen.
- Put her fears at ease… let her know that you’ll be very gentle, and you’ll take good care of her. If she’s afraid it’ll hurt, then being reassured that you will take it easy should be a big help. Major tip here – be sure to stick to your promise and actually be nurturing, or your first time will be your last. Also, use lots of lubricant – that area of your body is not self lubricating, so this is a must.
- A little “slippage” while in the heat of passion (read: while a certain lady is climaxing) may just do the trick. Again, this is delicate territory, so tread lightly. But sexual playfulness is tends to be a great stimulant in most situations.
- Encourage her to be adventurous and experimental in your love making, so that your sex life is always getting more fun and exciting. But be prepared for what SHE may want YOU to try too. 🙂