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Why It’s Okay For Him To Look At Other Women

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First it’s important for the woman to understand that it is a law of nature that men look.

It’s just a fact we have to live with, however, when you understand that it’s usually the result of biological instinct and not an emotional pull then you can relax because it isn’t really a threat to you.  Men are visually stimulated and they become aroused by what they see.

He can’t help it. It’s the way nature created them in order to ensure survival of the species.

Why Women Don’t Get It

This is hard for women to understand, because we don’t operate that way. We too, are attracted to physical features, but we’re more stimulated by what’s going on inside our heads and hearts.

For us, the physical and the emotional are intricately connected and we’re usually emotionally stimulated before physically stimulated.  Yes, we may enjoy savoring the beauty of someone like Johnny Depp or Ryan Gosling from time to time, but we’re typically not sexually excited by every attractive man that crosses our path.

No Need to Worry. It’s Just His Inner Caveman

We think if our man is looking at someone then it means he wants her, he may fall in love with her or he is feeling something for her, but it doesn’t really mean anything other than his biological urges have been activated. He’s not feeling anything emotional, it’s purely physical.

When they see an attractive woman, their inner caveman is beckoned without conscious choice. It’s harmless and nothing for you to be worried about because his heart, mind and soul are still with you.

Getting His Attention Back On You

If you feel left out when you notice your man’s eyes have been distracted, then join in the fun with him. Hold his hand and whisper in his ear, “Wow, she’s really hot isn’t she?” or “What’s the matter, baby, she got your motor running?”

When you see his soldier is standing at attention, rub your body against his, press your breasts against him, push your hips against his buttocks, nibble on his neck or ears, or if it’s possible reach between his legs and give him a good squeeze or stroke him. You’ll bring his attention straight back to you.

If the circumstance is right, you can even take advantage of the situation and use it as an opportunity to whisk him away and take him for a ride on the wild side that reminds him what you’ve got.

This kind of playfulness will actually strengthen your relationship.  Your man will feel accepted and know that he doesn’t have to hide things from you, which will encourage trust and deepen intimacy. He’ll see that you’re confident, self-assured and secure, which will make you more attractive to him.

The Difference Between Looking and Ogling

On the other hand, it’s also important to keep in mind that there is a difference between “looking” and “ogling.” Although a certain degree of looking is natural and to be expected, there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed or it then becomes disrespectful to you.

There’s also a difference between “looking” and “wandering” and that’s what we want to focus on here.  His looking only becomes dangerous when he acts on his urges or is thinking of acting on them.

When Looking Is More Than a Stare

If his looking is more like a stare that is blatantly obvious to you and the other woman and causes embarrassment or he’s making explicit remarks out loud to you about the other woman, comparing you to her in any way, actually flirting with her in front of you or indicating in any way that he would like to act on his urges, then this is unacceptable and should not be tolerated.

Under these circumstances you may be dealing with a player, someone with excessively low self-esteem who needs constant ego boosting or sex addiction and that’s a whole other ball game that is cause for concern.

These issues are outside the realm of this conversation. For the purpose of this discussion we’re talking about the average semi-emotionally healthy man.

So, in summary, the main points to take away from this discussion are this. If you’re man is engaging in a little window shopping and admiring the merchandise, there is no harm done and no action is really required.

On the other hand, in a healthy relationship, even though he may be aroused by another woman, your man should be mature enough and value his relationship with you enough that he won’t do anything to jeopardize it.

Not Having Enough Sex? Here’s The Secret To Increasing Her Sex Drive

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One of the most common points of conflict for couples in a long-term relationship is the loss of sexual desire for the woman.

The loss of sex drive for women may occur for a variety of reasons, some of which may be physiological, but putting all those aside for another conversation, it may surprise you to learn that what I hear from many of the women I work with in my practice is that one of the primary causes for loss of desire is unmet needs.

As they tell me their story, they are not usually aware it’s their unmet needs that is the culprit of their dilemma, but it is what we uncover as we explore their situation further.

Why Women Lose Their Sex Drive

A great deal of women lose their sex drive for one very simple reason she is not enjoying the sex.  When sex is not pleasurable for the woman, she responds by withdrawing and shutting down sexually.  Think about it, would you want to have sex if it weren’t satisfying?

Sex is not enjoyable for many women, because not only are her sexual needs not being met adequately, but neither are her emotional needs and for the woman, both are equally important.

Why aren’t these needs being met, you ask?  Because many men and women alike don’t truly understand what it is a woman needs. 

A lot of couples are not aware that the sexual needs and biological responses of men and women are quite different and it is essential that they understand these crucial differences to have a sexual relationship that is equally satisfying for both partners.

Increase Her Sex Drive by Increasing Her Pleasure

Solving her sex drive problem should be a joint effort. It should not rest on his or her shoulders alone.  However, if you’re a man reading this page I’d like to make you aware that there is a simple solution to keeping her sexual desires alive that is totally within your control.  Take matters into your own hands and make sex irresistible for her.

Dazzle her by focusing on her needs. Blow her mind by getting to know her body better than she does. Help her expand her horizons to places she’s never gone before and you’ll be viewed as an amazing lover that she deeply appreciates. Once she sees how enjoyable sex can be, she’ll become more willing to explore and be adventurous. 

She doesn’t know what she’s missing, but once she discovers it with you, she’ll be grateful that you took her on the journey and this will strengthen her bond with you. Coach and encourage her to express her needs to you and show you what is pleasurable for her.

Deepening The Connection

Fill her emotional needs by deepening your connection with her.  Make her feel special, appreciated, valued and important outside the bedroom as well as inside. Shower her with affection and give her adequate foreplay,

When sex is more satisfying for her, it benefits the man as well.  She’s going to be more willing and even eager to give you pleasure in the way you desire, such as more oral sex. She’ll be willing to have sex more often and you may find that she’ll even be the one initiating it.

Phrases like "I have a headache," or "I’m too tired," will no longer be part of her vocabulary. Your sexual adventures will be more satisfying for both of you.  When you share a strong sexual bond that is mutually satisfying, it keeps your sex life fresh and exciting, prevents your love from eroding or diminishing and you develop a stronger and more fulfilling relationship all around.

Men, Do You Know the 3 Reasons She’s Unhappy With Your Sex Life?

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Many women are not having a sex life that is as satisfying as they would like it to be, because their sexual needs are not being met adequately in their relationship.

There are three main reasons that this occurs that both men and women should be aware of that will enable them to help her find more pleasurable sexual experiences.

1. She doesn’t know what those needs are

Sometimes women don’t really understand their own body and how it works. They don’t know what it is that will arouse them or bring them to orgasm.

They may have been brought up to believe it is shameful to explore their body and find out what is pleasurable for them or they don’t understand the necessity. Since she doesn’t know what her sexual needs are, she can’t communicate them to her lover or take the necessary steps to get them met herself.

She knows something is wrong in her sexual adventures, but can’t put her finger on it.

2. He has learned from the wrong sources.

Don’t believe what you hear in the locker room or the standard porn movies.  Most men learn about sex from porn movies or from their buddies who are sharing misinformation they learned in porn movies. Traditional skin flicks do not portray realistic situations between people who care about one another.

First of all these types of adult movies are designed for the pleasure of men, not women.  So most everything you’re seeing comes from the man’s point of view and what he fantasizes about, not the woman’s.

Contrary to what they teach, having a big penis and thrusting like an Olympic gold medalist is not going to make your woman squeal with multiple orgasms.  It’s not likely to bring her to even one orgasm. Additionally, although a woman may allow her man to indulge once in a while, most women do not get off by having semen squirted all over their face.

If you watch standard porn movies, such as Debbie Does Dallas, you need to be aware that what you are watching is for entertainment purposes only.  It is not the way things are in reality.

Not only do they portray inaccurate information for pleasuring a woman, but they also cause men to feel inadequate and wonder what’s wrong with them.  You need to keep in mind that men in these movies are selectively chosen and are at the extreme end of the male spectrum.

Most men do not have a penis this size and most men do not have this kind of stamina and that is not what a woman is looking for.

In order to learn what a woman really enjoys sexually and have movies that simulate a realistic couple, you need to pick adult videos that were designed for that purpose. Movies made by someone like Candida Royalle are made specifically to be woman and couple friendly.

Additionally you should pick up videos and books that were made by sex experts for the purpose of education. Unfortunately, in our society, no one ever teaches any of us about sex.  Most of us learn by trial and error.

With the help of a few high quality instructional videos and books, couples can dispel many sexual myths that may be preventing them from achieving the sexual satisfaction they desire and develop skills that enable them to meet their needs more effectively and become better lovers. Adult sexual education is a powerful tool for both men and women…

3. Lack of communication

Many couples find it very difficult to communicate with one another about their sexual needs or preferences and this is not only a leading contributor to her sexual needs going unmet, but the quality of the relationship overall.

A lot of women are uncomfortable or embarrassed to talk about their sexual needs. Sometimes they are afraid that their lover may perceive them as loose, easy or unlady like.  Our society gives women a double message when it comes to sex, on one hand she’s supposed to be a hot little tiger in the sack, yet on the other hand she’s supposed to be pure and virgin like.

This creates an ideal that is impossible to live up to and creates a lot of inner conflict.  Women need to know it’s okay to talk openly about what they need and men need to encourage them to do so with a non-judgmental, open and accepting attitude.

Sometimes the problem is that she doesn’t know how to express her needs to her lover. Both partners need to speak openly, directly and honestly.

Couples should be specific and detailed about things like where and how they need touched, how much pressure and speed is needed with each technique and what is the best timing. Share freely information about what techniques and positions are most pleasurable for you.

When something isn’t working or he is not meeting her needs, then she needs to speak up and let her lover know.  Don’t suffer in silence.

If saying the words out loud is too uncomfortable, then guide him with your hands.  Put his hands, mouth or hips where you need them to be and illustrate. Better yet, show him with your own hands. He’ll not only learn how to satisfy you better, but he’ll also be extremely turned on.

Men, you need to ask your woman what she needs.  Don’t assume that everything is okay even if she doesn’t say anything.

Ask her what feels good, check in with her when you’re performing a technique and make sure it’s pleasurable. Ask her specific questions like, does that feel good, do you like to be touched here, is that too soft or too hard, how does that feel.

There is not a one size fits all sexual technique for women. Each woman is unique and what is pleasurable for one woman may not be the case for another woman. Get to know your woman.

Sometimes I hear that women try and tell their lover that they are not as satisfied as they would like to be sexually, but he doesn’t really hear them or they are met with resistance or indifference.  He sometimes gets angry, doesn’t take her seriously or dismisses it as not important. He feels threatened or inadequate and becomes defensive.

When this happens, then she shuts down and stops trying, eventually she grows resentful and your whole relationships suffers. If your woman tries to communicate her sexual needs to you, it is not a criticism of you, your manhood or your sexual skill. Don’t take it personally.

She’s trying to teach you about her body and sharing herself with you on the deepest level possible. She’s opening herself up to you and allowing herself to be vulnerable in the most ultimate sense. It is an honor that should be cherished. Take it as an opportunity to grow closer to your woman, enhance your relationship, learn and become a better lover.

4 Tips To Keep His Eyes From Wandering

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Although most men enjoy looking at other women, assuming we’re dealing with at least a semi-emotionally healthy man, who doesn’t have ego, sex addiction or Don Juan issues, most men are not going to act on their biological urges as long as certain needs are met for them in their primary relationship.

The most empowering step a woman can take to preserve her relationship and reduce the risk he will wander is to be aware of  these needs and provide them for her partner to the best of her ability.

Yes, it is a two way street and her needs are just as important as his and he too should make the same effort to provide for her, however at this time we’re focusing on the needs of the man.

1. Make Him Feel Appreciated, Wanted, Desired and Important

We all want to feel appreciated and desired, but research tells us that one of the main reasons a man strays is because of the way the other woman makes him feel. She makes him feel special, important, desired and appreciated.  If he gets this at home, there will be no need for him to look for it elsewhere.

After a couple has been in a relationship for a while, the novelty wears off and both partners begin to take each other for granted. We forget about simple things like showing appreciation and expressing desire.

Again, men are just as guilty as women at falling into this rut, but for now we’re talking about helping the woman understand her man.

We’re not just talking about sex here.  Just like women, the man wants to feel appreciated outside the bedroom as well. Acknowledge to him that you appreciate how he provides for your family, or how much you enjoyed the family vacation or outing you went on last week.

When he does a great job in the yard, fixes the window that’s been falling down for a year or stops the faucet from dripping let him know you appreciate it by saying thank you.

He wants to feel important in the household. Thank him for being a great father and let him know how lucky you are to have him as a husband. If he does something special for you, acknowledge it and express gratitude.  Make a big deal out of the little things. Compliment him on his skills and knowledge.

2. Use Words and Actions to Show Your Love

Give him verbal appreciation, but also express it with your actions. Be thoughtful and caring by making him his favorite desert, buying him a small gift, giving him a massage or surprising him with some unexpected afternoon delights.

On the sex side of things, he wants to be appreciated and desired here too. Make him feel like he’s irresistible and you can’t keep your hands off him. Tell him how attractive he is to you, how much you desire him and what a great lover he is.

Take pleasure in giving him pleasure. Tell him how much you love his penis and how much you enjoy how it feels and tastes. Compliment his physique, his skill and his equipment. Shower him and his equipment with affection and adoration.

Now, I’m not saying you go overboard here or ignore problems that exist in the relationship, but there should be balance. If a couple only focuses on what’s wrong with the relationship and not on what’s good, then the good often gets lost in the shuffle.

Additionally, I’m not suggesting you lie or exaggerate.  If you do that, he’ll feel patronized and you’ll grow resentful. Be honest and sincere.

3. Have Sex Frequently

Another one of the most common reasons for wandering eyes is that he’s not getting sex at home. It’s as simple as that. Many women are never even aware that he strays, because he’s very good at keeping it a secret. Yes, some men will feel ashamed for this behavior, but they also feel justified. They believe they have a need that is not being fulfilled and they must do something about it.

When a woman repeatedly rejects the sexual advances of her man, he feels rejected, neglected, undesirable and unimportant, which leaves a very big void in his life. Men need to have sex to feel close emotionally to their partner. It doesn’t even have to be great, mind blowing or earth shattering sex; it’s more about the frequency.  As long as you’re making an attempt to have sex and not continuously turning him down, he’ll feel satisfied.

The other side of this coin is that he also has a great need for oral sex.  Many men go outside the primary relationship for oral sex. A man’s identity is intimately connected to his penis and when his woman refuses him in this way, he feels rejected and devalued as a person.

4. Give Him Variety and Sexual Adventure at Home

Sexual boredom is another leading culprit for wandering eyes. Remain open to exploring new territory and unafraid to fly outside your comfort zone.  Present your lover with novel sexual activities that are bold, daring and adventurous.

Keep a sense of mystery and surprise in your sexual relationship and your lover will be continuously intrigued with you.

Create an ever-changing menu of sexcapades that are unpredictable and keeps your partner guessing.

Discouraging wandering eyes is the responsibility of both partners. It is the quality of the relationship that will safeguard it from outside forces.

Building a relationship that makes both partners feel appreciated, desired, and valued is the foundation for a strong, long lasting bond that keeps all eyes where they belong.