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I Am Trapped In An Abusive Relationship! Help!

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I need relationship advice. My husband treats me like crap. He’s awful. He’s verbally abusive, belittles me constantly, the list goes on. I can’t figure out what to do. I want to leave, but I feel trapped. What do I do?

What She Said

First off, I’m sorry to hear of your current situation. No one deserves to be treated like that. Secondly, why do you feel trapped? As far as we know, this is the one life we get. Do you really want to spend it with someone who’s abusing you?

I’m not trying to be flip. This is a serious situation. Admittedly, this is not my exact area of expertise. There are facilities that help women in domestic abuse situations, but I’m not sure if that extends to emotional abuse. Check resources in your community. Help might be closer than you think.

I know you say that you feel stuck. If you have children, or you’re financially dependent on your husband, it will take some planning to extricate yourself from the home. If you don’t have kids and you have some expendable income, you might want to examine what is tying you to the situation. Seeing a qualified counselor or therapist may help you gain the clarity to remove yourself from an unhappy home.

The Truth About Love And Marriage

Love and marriage are complicated. No one knows what goes into a couple’s dynamic. If you feel your connection with your husband has turned sour and no amount of help will bring the light back, consider letting go of the past. Take heart in your family and friends, or whatever support system brings you peace. Know that there is still much joy to be found. I’m not saying it won’t be scary or difficult – but no more difficult than staying with someone who doesn’t respect you.

What He Said

You’re not trapped. You do not live in a house without doors, or in a prison cell. If you want to get out, get the hell out and don’t look back period. Go off the grid. Just having a penis is practically a criminal offense these days so getting a restraining order should be no problem. If there’s no kids, just file for divorce and disappear. Yeah, it might be messy, but do what needs to be done and don’t look back.

Leave If You Want To Leave

If you want to leave, and there’s a good reason and it sounds like there is, then leave. Sure, you could try counseling or fixing the relationship in some way, but it sounds like it’s messed up beyond repair. So if that’s the case, what are you waiting for? Ripping off a band aid is never pleasant. You either rip it off fast and get the pain over with or you rip it of slowly and you make it worse.

This is going to hurt. It’s a big deal. There’s really no way around that. The best relationship advice is the sooner you can come to terms with that and rip the band aid off the sooner you’ll be on your way to your new life. You’ll have an adjustment period to be sure, but that’s another issue. Just rip the band aid off and get it over with already.

My Boyfriend Wants Anal Sex – What Do I Do?

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My BF wants to try anal sex , but I’m not so sure I’m into it. It’s a bigger commitment on my “end,” so to speak! What do I do?

What She Said

Oh, honey! This is a question for the ages and I’m so glad you asked it. There are two schools of thought: (1) It’s great and everyone should try it. (2) No one wants to marry the “up the butt girl.” Yes, I’m pulling quotes from the Sex and the City series – those ladies had some good advice!

Is Anal Sex Actually Fun?

Let’s start with the “It’s great” theory first. Anal sex – with the right partner and the right lube – can be a lovely experience. If you choose to do this, have a frank talk with your boyfriend beforehand. He already knows you’re a bit nervous; if you agree to this, you get to call the shots. He needs to be gentle – he also needs to be willing to use lubricant and a condom. Your vagina and anus are separated for a reason – he can’t pull out and enter you vaginally in the middle of anal sex.

Be sure to let him know that health and safety come first, even before the two you. Now on to the fun stuff! If you’re feeling good about your talk, go for it. There’s no harm (with proper precautions) in trying something once. You might find that you love it – in which case you can consider adding it to your repertoire. If you didn’t enjoy it, you don’t have to do it again. At least you’ll be basing your “no go” from a position of experience.

And here’s the “flip side,” so to speak. No one wants to marry the “up the butt girl.” Of course this is an antiquated notion – anyone who would judge you for experiences you’ve chosen to have can shove off, in my book.

Would You Really Rather Not?

What I mean to point out via this example is: What’s the state of your relationship? Is he pushing you into trying something you don’t want to do? Is the decision to try anal based on a last ditch effort to save your coupling or is it based on a mutual agreement to spice things up? If you guys are on the rocks, he might be pushing for anal so he can try it before he dumps you.

Sound harsh? Imagine how you’ll feel if you give in to something you’re not comfortable with only to find yourself single weeks later. Why give it up for someone who doesn’t care? If the relationship is sound but this isn’t your preferred way of adding something new to your sex life, talk with your BF then buy a copy of the Kama Sutra. There are plenty of other sex positions out there that don’t involve the ass.

What He Said

Snoop Dogg once said “You can’t make a ho a housewife.” If you can’t, I’ll never get married. Seriously, the “no one marries the up the butt girl is” stupid and untrue. Your marital charms are not based on any particular sex act. If he likes you, he likes you, pure and simple.

IF you’re concerned about anal sex and don’t want to do it, just tell him he can screw you up the ass right after you get to screw him in the ass with a sex toy. (See the ‘Bending Over Boyfriend” series for details if he actually agrees to it)

There’s No Reason To Be Scared

If you’re into it and are scared for whatever reason, don’t be. You are not the first person on the planet to want their boyfriend to do them in the butt (assuming you’re into that). It doesn’t mean you’re a slut or a whore, or that you’re going to hell. Just that you like it up the ass. It’s that simple. Raise your concerns whatever they may be with your man and go from there. You’ll be glad you did.

That is, unless this is some last ditch effort to save your relationship. If it is, than it won’t work. You can’t take it up the ass to save your relationship any more than you can have a baby to save it. This can enhance it, but if it needs saving, that’s a whole other issue.

Top 5 Ways To Keep Your Man Happy

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A great relationship has finally come your way and you’re with a great guy. Congratulations! But just how exactly do you keep your guy blissed out for the next umpteen years while you grow old together? Here are five insightful tips on how to make sure your man stays satisfied and content – and keep him from looking for another relationship?

What She Said

How do you make sure your man stays blissed out in this relationship?

  • An active sex life – lots of it and make it hot!
  • Get him a membership to a Beer of the Month Club – it worked for me!
  • Be a good friend – be sure to have fun together in activities you both enjoy.
  • Give him some freedom – enjoy the trust and don’t cling.
  • Offer to skip Valentine’s Day – you’ll be a trendsetting heroine.

The best way to “make” someone else happy is by being confident and joyous in your own life. That shines through to everyone you meet and will also be very appealing to your mate. The bonus? Both your quality of life and your relationship will improve. A happy, confident woman doesn’t rely on someone else to take care of her – and that instantly relieves a lot of stress from a guy’s shoulders.

What Not To Do

Most men I know don’t like crying fits, pouting or being made to feel guilty. I’ve also heard a rumor that they’re not too hip on Valentine’s Day either. This doesn’t mean you can never be sad, be in a bad mood or will be forced to forgo flowers and chocolate. It means for every kind thing he does for you, from comforting you when you’re down to taking you out to dinner, is also deserving of a reciprocal action. It’s not a game of tit-for-tat – it’s a way to keep up a mutual appreciation and admiration within your duo.

Long-term relationships equal work and compromise – but that doesn’t mean it has to be a drag. Skip the drama, be honest and have fun. Treat him like your best friend – because hopefully that’s exactly what he is!

What He Said

  • Be his own personal slut
  • Regularly send him to the strip club (with a stack of $1 dollar bills!)
  • Make him feel like a king
  • Save the crazy for your girlfriends
  • Be as fun to be around with your clothes on as you are when your clothes are off

I’m going to get a lot of flack for #1, but let me explain. This is one of those differences between men and women. When a woman hears another woman called a slut or whore, it’s an insult. When a guy hears a girl called a slut or whore it’s a compliment. He doesn’t want you to go out and bang the Pittsburgh Steelers, though. Men aren’t looking for a girl that is “a” whore, they are looking for a girl that is “their” whore. Big difference. If you have moves that make porn stars blush, your man won’t be watching any and he certainly won’t be looking elsewhere.

Making Him Feel Awesome

Sending him to the strip club may seem like it’s a good thing only for him, but really you’re the one that benefits. You look like the coolest chick on the planet (to your man and all his friends) and you have some other girl get him all hot and bothered. All you have to do is wait for him to come home and enjoy.

Making him feel like a king is huge, especially these days. Many hen pecking, man hating feminists have taken great pleasure in cutting the collective balls off of men everywhere. Every man wants to feel like the king of his castle. Make him feel that way. You’ll be glad you did.

Try Not To Be Crazy – Around Him At Least

Save the crazy for your girlfriends (and gay men). Men don’t want to know how neurotic women are. We kind of know already, but don’t remind us. It will send your man running faster than you can say Trophy Wife. Vent to your girlfriends and to your gays (if you don’t have any gays in your life, I really have to question why) and not to your man. You’ll both be glad you did.

The Key To It All

Men love sex, this is true. We also love low maintenance (whoever said men love a ‘challenge,’ ‘the chase’ or ‘the thrill of the hunt’ is out of their damn mind), so be easy about it. Don’t put any pressure or drama (at least any that can be avoided). Just be a super awesome chick that he always wants to hang out with (even when you’re not boning each other) and you will be worth your weight in gold in his eyes (not that you’re fat. You’re totally skinny).

My Libido Is Too High! What Do I Do?

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My libido is extreme! I’m a girl and when I’m in a committed relationship, I really like sex. A lot. I have a more prominent libido than any girl I know. My past boyfriends couldn’t handle it. I’m kind of insecure about my sexual needs. My current man says he’s okay with it. How much sex drive is normal for a girl?

What She Said:

How much you want is what’s right for you – there isn’t anything as “too much,” though some may argue there can be too little! It honestly sounds like you’ve got the perfect situation – you enjoy having a lot of sex with someone you love, you’re in love and your partner is happy to help you fulfill the frequency. I wish I could expand on this, but I don’t see a problem.

The misconception that a woman’s sex drive is lower than a man’s is just that – a misconception. Many women have a higher libido than their man, especially as they get older. A man comes into his sexual peak in his early twenties, while a woman doesn’t come into her sexual peak until her thirties and even forties!

It sounds like you know what you like and how much you like it, all while satiating your needs in a healthy and safe way. You may have had boyfriends in the past that judged you (perhaps because they couldn’t keep up), but now you’re with someone who’s a better match for you sexually, and hopefully emotionally. I’ll say to you what you probably say to your lucky boyfriend, “Keep it up!”

If you and your current beau break up and you end up with a guy who can’t fulfill your sexual needs (and you really like him and aren’t interested in finding someone else who can meet your sexual needs), you can consider incorporating sex toys into your routine. If your man just isn’t in the mood, light some candles, take a hot, relaxing bath and have fun masturbating by yourself! There’s nothing wrong with a woman getting it on with herself, even when she’s in a relationship. Lots of men and women enjoy masturbation in addition to a healthy, happy sex life.

What He Said:

You’re not banging random guys on the street corner, are you? (If so, call me and tell me which corner) So there’s nothing wrong with screwing your man’s brains out. I’ve often said that a football stadium full of teenage boys on Viagra couldn’t keep up with an uninhibited woman’s libido.

Guys are notorious for getting caught choking the chicken when they’re in a relationship, because so many women expect that a man must solely be satisfied with sex with his partner alone. However, men usually enjoy a combination of getting busy with their woman (a blowjob is by far better than masturbation) as well as satisfying themselves when their girl isn’t available. There’s no reason it can’t be the same for a woman – if your guy just isn’t up to it and you’re rearing and ready to go, hop in bed for a little solo session. Your man just might walk in on you and want to join the fun!

Can your man keep up with you? No, but he will have fun trying. Relax and enjoy it and for God’s sake get him a truck load of those little blue pills!

My Girl Stopped Giving Me A Blowjob. What Do I Do?

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When it comes to oral sex, my girlfriend was the best. She used to give me a mind-blowing blowjob. Now, oral sex is nonexistent in our sex life. How do I get a blowjob back?

What She Said

A great way to receive is to make sure you’re giving. Have you also dropped the service of your girlfriend’s oral pleasure from the menu? If so, add it back immediately – for numerous reasons!

The Ebb And Flow Of Sex

The sexual heat in relationships often cools after a certain period of time. That’s not to say it’s dissipated, it’s just changed as you grow in intimate relationships. The blowjob is, needless to say, a great way to get to know one another! It’s often one of the early things couples try out together. You can’t blame a gal for wanting to get up close and personal with the goods!

Foreplay Is Key

How is your foreplay? Could it be that the warm-up has waned? A lot of people tend to go straight for the penetration when in long-term situations – whether it be due to time (maybe you have kids or are exhausted from a job that’s kicking your ass) or you know it’s a sure thing (it’s not like you have to worry about getting laid when you have a girlfriend), so why not cut to the chase.

Communicate With Her

Tell your girlfriend you want to revisit the excitement and romance of your early relationship and that you’d like to reintroduce some things into your sex life – for both of you. Be sure to add something for her that you’ve perhaps slacked on. In the end, a brief chat with some fun added incentives will most likely be all you’ll need to, umm, get the ball(s) rolling!

What He Said

Oral sex can disappear for many reasons. Maybe your girl doesn’t like giving a blowjob. Maybe she only does them in the beginning of the relationship. Maybe she’s stressed. Who cares why it happened? You just want to get your blowjob on.

Bring On The Foreplay

I recommend you engage in massive amounts of foreplay: kiss, lick, tease, massage and caress until she just can’t stand it anymore. Then go down on her and make her orgasm at least twice or until you get lockjaw, which ever comes first. Then say “that’s all you get for now” and walk away.

Okay, maybe not literally walkway, but I think you get the point. Make her orgasm until it fries her brain and then slam the breaks on and cuddle. She won’t know what hit her. It will fry her brain in a good way. This sexual interaction won’t follow the protocol her brain is used to.

Challenge Your Partner

Remember, the brain is a computer. If you hand it the same data as always, it will process it the same way it always has. So if you interrupt the pattern it’s used to, she’s bound to do something different. She’ll probably want to molest you. Don’t let her. Make her earn it. Make her feel challenged – women love a challenge (God only knows why. I personally hate challenges. I prefer to have things handed to me on a silver platter, but I digress). I don’t know why, but you can’t make sense of anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die (kidding. Sort of.)

If You Want It, Mean It!

I have a friend who’s a bartender and before he met his wife, he got, TONS of ass. Crazy, boyband ass. The kind of sheer volume of high quality booty that makes porn stars and Justin Timberlake jealous. How did he do it? He would find a girl at the bar he was working who was looking to be taken home. Then he’d get her naked, fool around, get her ready for sex, and then STOP. He’d say “You know what? I’ve been working all night and I’m really tired. I’m going to bed. Maybe we’ll pick this back up in the morning.” And then he would actually go to sleep.

The girls had no idea what to do. He really went to sleep. So eventually, once they figured out it wasn’t a joke, they did to. Guess what? The girls got up early and the second they saw my bartender’s morning wood, they were on it like Charlie Sheen on a coked out porn star.

Why do I bring this up? The key is simple: if you want this to work, you have to mean it. Give her oral sex and then REALLY TRULY STOP. You have to mean it. If you don’t, then it’s just a ploy to get her to give you head. If you do this and you really stop and she gets that you are serious, then you are on the way to getting so much head, you’ll need a Viagra prescription just to keep up with her.