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Am I Cheating? I Can’t Stop Fantasizing About Other Men!

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Am I cheating? I’ve been married for five years. I love my husband. He’s the only one for me. I’d never cheat, but lately I can’t stop fantasizing about sleeping with other men. How do I make it stop?

What She Said

I say relax and enjoy your dreams! Sounds like you’re in the throes of some healthy creative visualization. Let your head hit the pillow, close your eyes and enjoy the ride. (Pun intended.)

Fantasies Are Normal

There is no harm in fantasizing, even if you’re happy with your hubby. Getting turned on by something in your imagination doesn’t mean there’s anything awry with your attraction level towards your partner. I’m sure your husband is equally as happy with you; however that doesn’t mean he won’t sneak a peek at a hot woman with a great rack. Men are generally more in tune with visual cues for sex while woman tend to be in synch with their emotions. It sounds like your sex dreams might be a nice blend of both. You’re allowed to daydream about whoever you want, be it Brad Pitt or the cute checker at the supermarket.

Transferring Your Fantasies To Your Husband

I say you’re in safe territory, as long as you keep your dreams relegated to bedtime and don’t start any real life extramarital affairs. In fact, have fun with these cues your brain is sending you. Enjoy the fantasies and then act out what you experienced in dreamland the night before in real time with your husband. Odds are he won’t mind the experiment one bit!

What He Said

Wait, you’re banging the person you’re going to be banging for all eternity, and you’re fantasizing about banging other people? Wow. I’d better alert the media. In other news, water is wet!

Is Monogamy Natural?

Here’s the deal: a committed monogamous relationship can be the most rewarding experience you’ll ever have. It’s also 100% unnatural. We’re literally not designed to be monogamous. That doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Just that it’s not natural. You can get upset about that or you can simply deal with it and move on.

This means you’re not only going to get turned on by other people, but you both NEED to get turned on by other people in order for your relationship to survive.

It’s Normal To Get Sick Of Your Partner Sexually

I don’t care how much you love chocolate ice cream, if you eat it three times a day you’re getting sick of it at some point. So you might need to flirt with some vanilla, or show someone your rocky road. Everyone needs a little Neapolitan every once in a while, I don’t care who you are.

Sure, you could feel bad about it, but what good would that do? I personally prescribe regular doses of strip clubs (for him and for her – they have those. That’s what Vegas is for), erotica and whatever else it takes to get your engines going. Other people are probably going to be the fuel that runs your collective car, at least occasionally. Just enjoy it and don’t be so Republican about it.

Then again, some of the biggest freaks on the planet are Republican, so maybe you should be Republican about it. Just don’t be a repressed Republican.

I’m Flirting Constantly But My Man Isn’t Jealous – What Gives?

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I’m a girl and I flirt – a lot. Most of my ex bf’s can’t handle it. My current boyfriend says he doesn’t get the least bit jealous. Is that right? Should he be jealous?

What She Said

Do you want him to be jealous? It sounds like you’re playing the flirt as a form of control and not as something that’s genuinely a part of your personality. If you were truly the flirty type, you would most likely do it in a fun and light way – a way that convinces your boyfriend there’s nothing to worry about instead of searching for a reaction from him.

Does He Have To Be Jealous?

It sounds like you’ve got a great guy – one who’s interested in letting you be yourself, as well as someone who is invested in keeping your relationship drama-free. It is possible for you to both chat (and even lightly flirt) with members of the opposite sex without either one of you getting jealous. While jealousy is a normal emotion, it’s not necessarily the healthiest option. It usually stems from fear. So, if your current BF doesn’t fear losing you, he’s not going to get jealous. Why would he?

Is What You’re Doing Really Healthy?

Perhaps you need to look away from his (lack of) motivation and take a closer look at yourself. Did you get a kick out of making men in your life “go nuts” by being a flirt? It sure sounds like it! But why were you so into yanking their proverbial chains emotionally? Would you like it if someone went out of his way to get cozy with another gal, all to make sure you were paying attention? It’s not a nice feeling – and it’s not a nice thing to try to make someone else feel. It sounds like you’ve been operating out of insecurity in past relationships.

It’s Time To Grow Up

Making those men go wild was a way of getting affirmation from them – but it was forced from your wily ways and not a genuine declaration. It sounds like it’s time to drop your guard. Flirting may have been a defense mechanism in the past – it kept you in control and your partners on their toes.

However, this new relationship isn’t adhering to your old tricks – and that’s not a bad thing. It sounds like you’ve found someone who can help you grow. I’m not saying you have to dump flirting from your repertoire, just make sure it’s for the right reasons. In the meantime, take a moment to appreciate your current boyfriend and take a break from all the game playing.

What He Said

If your man doesn’t have a problem with the fact that you’re an attention whore, should you really be complaining?

Kidding. Sort of. Not really, now that I think of it. You clearly get off on this pattern for whatever reason. Maybe you have intimacy issues, and this is your way of pushing guys away who get too close to you. Maybe you really, really need the attention, and in that case….well, you need Jesus. Or Oprah. Or Dr. Drew if they’re all busy.

Are You Sabotaging Your Own Relationships?

Somehow you landed yourself a man who won’t let you sabotage things. I didn’t hear you complain about the quality of the relationship, so I’ll take a stab and say the relationship is great and that’s what freaks you out. You’re not used to it. Good problem to have I think. Learn to enjoy it or go back to the same craptastic dating pattern you were in before.

Your choice.

Mama’s Boy – His Mom Is Ruining Our Relationship!

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My boyfriend is a mama’s boy and his mom is the third wheel in our relationship. She’s always making these crazy demands of him and he feels obligated because she is his mother. I don’t know if she just doesn’t like me or is afraid of losing him, etc. What can I do? It’s stressing both of us out!

What She Said:

In a nutshell, be supportive of your boyfriend without saying a disparaging word about his mother. It’s similar to that slippery slope of slagging on a friend’s bad boyfriend. If they break up, she might try to place the blame on you for being vocal about his behavior. If they stay together, you’re the jerk that talked s*@t about her man. It’s not fair, but this one has never been a win/win situation.

Stand Up For Your Man

The trick here is to let your boyfriend know that you’re on his side. Let him vent, if he so chooses. You want him to know that he can trust you and that you’re there to help as much as you can. On the flip side, the unhealthy dynamic is between the two of them so, whatever you do, don’t get in the middle.

A trained therapist or mediator might be able to fix things; you will not. Plus, you could risk putting your relationship in jeopardy – especially if this is someone you’d consider getting married. You don’t want to walk down the aisle hauling a bunch of baggage with your potential mother-in-law before you’ve even cut the cake.

Where To Draw The Line

Do what you can to help point out healthy boundaries to your beau. He can still talk to his mom without accepting the guilt trips. He should also learn the importance of separating his mood from his interactions with mom. He can’t control his mother, but he can control how he reacts to her.

It sounds like your boyfriend would benefit from individual counseling in order to gain some additional coping skills. These two have been emotionally intertwined for a while and he might need someone detached from the situation to help him sort it out.

The bond between the two of you should be a source of strength for him. Let him know that you love him and gently point out that you’re his partner – you’re one of the bright spots in his life, not the dumping ground for ancillary stress.

What He Said:

That poor, poor bastard. He’s caught in between the two most important women in his life, and his world is being yanked in different directions. He’s probably stressed because he feels screwed no matter what he does. Not the kind of three way most men look forward to.

Is His Mom To Blame?

She may not like you, but probably it’s not about you, it’s about her and cutting the cord. It’s long over due, but she can’t pull the trigger. He’s not a baby anymore and he doesn’t really need her like he did when he was five. The baby bird has flown the nest and that’s really hard for her. She’s aware, but she’s been hellbent on preventing this moment for years, probably.

Then you show up. IF you and your man are committed, you will be in his life for a long time, and more importantly, you’ve bumped her down the totem pole. You are the most important woman in his life now and that’s not so hot with her. And she’s pissed.

Your Man Is Going To Have To Man Up

Basically your man is going to have to man up and lay down the law with her. He probably already knows this and he knows she’s not going to take it well. It will be nasty and painful, but hopefully she’ll get over it and return to normal soon.

My Man Has A Female Friend. Should I Be Worried?

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Cheating has never been on my radar before, but my boyfriend has become pals with another woman. I’m not the jealous type, but there’s clearly an attraction between the two of them. My boyfriend is careful not to cross the line, but I’m not so sure about his new friend. I don’t trust her, or her motives. Help!

What She Said

It’s great that your boyfriend is respecting the boundaries of your relationship – nothing could be more important in this situation. Him taking your feelings about the temptation for cheating into consideration is a key ingredient in navigating this scenario.

Taking Stock Of The Situation

I could get into the particulars: Have you met her? How do you know there’s a shared attraction? Why does he feel the need to be friends with her? That may take all day, so I’ll keep it brief. A lot of women in your situation often choose to befriend the new pal in your partner’s life. Familiarity with each other can diffuse the tension. She might be less likely to make the moves on your boyfriend if she becomes your friend as well. She’ll also see firsthand how much love exists between you and your honey, which should serve as enough notice that she should look elsewhere.

Should You Be Friends With His New Friend?

On the other hand, is it really necessary to invite this person into your life? If they’re coworkers, there’s no way around their connection. If they randomly met somewhere, it might be time to intercede. I’m not a fan of ultimatums, but an honest talk with your boyfriend about how you’re feeling is in order. You do have the right to ask him to let go of his friendship with this girl, though it’s his decision as to what he’ll ultimately choose.

It’s natural, and healthy, to have a variety of friendships outside the relationship. However, the intimacy of shared experiences and communication is a privilege that exits between you and your boyfriend. Trust him and enjoy your connection. Your confidence in yourself is attractive and will serve you well, no matter what may come.

What He Said

I think the main question for me in this situation is – has he done anything to make you suspicious of him cheating or having an affair? If yes, then sure, you are justified in your concern. If he hasn’t done anything to cause alarm, then you really need to ask yourself why you are feeling this way. It could just be mindless paranoia on your part.

Is this a pattern for you? Have you felt this way before? Were you screwed over or cheated on in the past? If so, that could simply be your defense mechanisms firing off so as to protect you from potentially going through that hell again.

Digging A Little Deeper

Here’s the thing about defense mechanisms like this one. They are perfectly valid and serve a valuable purpose – they keep you from getting hurt by someone cheating on you again. But the downside is by pushing away the bad you are also shutting yourself off from the good. Life is risk and if you want to find true love again, you have to accept the fact that you are opening yourself to getting hurt again.

Then again, this may not apply to you. You may in fact be in a relationship with a cheating bastard. Where there is smoke, often there is fire. If that’s the case, then well, it’s a whole other ball game, isn’t it? Only you can prevent forest fires and only you can tell if your man isn’t flying right.

If there’s infidelity, of course you should end it. But you can’t just end it without proof. So go get it, assuming it’s there. The thing about this is you are betting the farm on something and I’m not sure you can win in this scenario. Either you find evidence that he is cheating and you are heartbroken or you go snooping for the cheating evidence that isn’t there and you look like an idiot and your boyfriend might end up leaving you.

Should You Jump On The Brazilian Wax Bandwagon?

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Sex is often referred to as “bumping uglies.” A brazilian wax is a daring way to remove pubic hair, but is everyone bald these days? I prefer to keep some “hair down there” – carefully groomed, of course. However, I’ve been getting a shocked reaction from guys when they learn I haven’t “visited Brazil.” I don’t want to be shamed into waxing everything off – it’s not my sex style!

What She Said

I haven’t taken a poll, but it’s safe to say you’re not alone in preferring to hang onto your body’s natural inclination to grow hair for your pubic region. It’s funny but true – we are all susceptible to trends, even when it comes to pubic hair. There’s nothing wrong with going against the tide, especially if it’s truly your preference for sex and personal comfort!

Stick To Your (Pubic Hair) Guns

I’m not sure where you’re hanging out that the shaping of pubic hair is a topic of discussion. No judgment, I’m just curious! That said; don’t let anyone shame you into anything – regardless of what that thing may be. A guy who is ready for sex and into you will most likely appreciate what you’ve chosen to do with your vagina. If not, show him the door and wait for someone who appreciates you exactly as you are!

What He Said

No one likes hairballs, so if you like having your man perform oral sex on you, some sort of trimming is in order. I disagree with my counterpart. I don’t think anyone likes a girl with 70’s bush. It shouldn’t look like you’re rocking the Jew-Fro down there. It shouldn’t be an untamed wilderness. If your next door neighbor didn’t mow their lawn regularly, would you let it slide? Not so much. Landscaping is in order.

Alternatives To Going Completely Bald

I personally advocate a full Brazilian, but if you’re not okay with that, there’s nothing wrong with rocking a landing strip or some unique design (I’ve seen hearts, stars, and an arrow pointing to the ‘promised land’ or ‘mecca’ as I like to call it).

If you’re all about penetration (anal sex or vaginal), and not about receiving oral sex, then it’s a non issue, but if he’s going to go down there, he should have a certain degree of say because everyone does a better job if you enjoy the view.

Try Dating Guys Who Enjoy A Nice Bush

But there’s a larger issue here. Why are we even talking about this? Are you insecure about your baby maker? If you’ve been dating guys who are into the Brazilian landscape, it might be time to change your approach. Most guys I know don’t like the idea of a woman having hair ANYWHERE except on her head. A quick internet search, however, will let you know there are a plethora of men out there who are into dating women who have hair ‘down there’ and it might be worth your while to see if there’s a dating site out there who can put you in touch with these guys.

Then again, you might want to show your vajajay to some female or gay friends to get feedback. Maybe there’s a way to trim the hedge to make both you and your man happy with it during sex.