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Is Your Relationship The Real Deal?

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Relationship advice is crucial if you want to find out if your partnership is on the right track. Have you actually found the one this time? Here’s how to know!

So you’re a girl. Who met a boy. And you “know” he’s the one. This time you mean it! Seriously though, new relationships are highly intoxicating. Puppy love and love feel eerily similar. Sooner or later, we’re all bound to fall in love. But how do you tell which is which? Is he really Mr. Right, or is he just a practice relationship?

What She Said:

At one point or another all women have dreamed of their perfect wedding. We imagined the dress, the flowers and the perfect man. But how do you know if the guy you are dating is Mr. Right? Most importantly, do you want him to be? Just having to ask yourself if he is Mr. Right is a red flag. And is cause to be alarmed. If you felt like he was Mr. Right, no article that you read or advice column is going to tell you. You will know it. But, since love is different for everyone, it might be hard to really know so you need to ask your heart and your gut some questions.

Does he support you emotionally, physically and spiritually? Do you want nothing more than to make him happy? Does he make you feel supported and safe? Is there still a spark between the two of you? When he walks into a room, does your face light up? These things sound super cliché, but there is so much truth to them. Another gut question to ask yourself is, his annoyance factor. In other words, does your man now do some of the things that your ex used to do that annoyed you but these things do not annoy you with your new guy? You might just have yourself a Mr. Right.

The last super major gut question to ask yourself is what would your life be without him? If a life without him makes you feel lost that’s a sure sign he is your Mr. Right. Again, these are just some questions to ask yourself, you know what you feel. Listen to your gut.

What He Said:

As the wise Chris Rock once said, “Love is like bread. You gotta love the crust. You can’t just love the white part of the bread. Everyone loves that part. It’s the crust. If you don’t love that, you don’t love him.”

Being a woman in love with a man means sooner or later he is going to do some stupid shit to piss you off. Is your love strong enough to put up with that? Your love can’t be based on his abs or sex or any one thing. All those things are important, of course, but they will ebb and flow over time.

For a man, relationships are about finding a level of insanity you can put up with. Don’t think you’re crazy? You have a vagina, don’t you? I’m not saying it’s wrong your crazy, but make sure Mr. Right knows how crazy you are and loves you anyway. If he’s seen you at your worst, and he still returns your calls, that’s pretty significant.

You can live without everything and anything except protein and water. So saying “I can’t live without him” is a lie. You can. But do you want to? That’s a better question. If you can and don’t want to, then you’re on to something.

Goosebumps are something he should always give you as well as effort. He shouldn’t stop doing the things he did to get you after he has gotten you. Women like that stuff. It’s important to you and he should know this and be willing to do this stuff for you, even if he doesn’t want to. Love is doing things you know you hate because he/she likes to do them. If he’s willing to do that for you, and he’s coachable on other stuff, like the love-making, then you’re really on to something.

If you’re asking yourself too many questions about him and where this is going, that’s probably not good. It’s good to be sure, and don’t go into anything blindly, but if you’re devoting tons and tons of energy to analyzing the relationship and wondering if he can pass a background check then, well, maybe it’s a “not so much” type answer to the “Is he Mr. Right?” question.

How To Get Your Man To Try Anal Fingering

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Anal fingering can be a fun way for you to spice up your sex life. But if your guy is not into it, you could be left in the dark on a fantasy. Here are a few ways to get him to try anal.

What She Said:

If anal play is something you want to try on your man, I think you need to have a relaxed conversation about it.  The last thing you want to do is whip out a strap on or stick your fingers in holes that he is not prepared to have filled.  If he has played around with you anally you can tell him how much you enjoyed it and how you would like to try pleasing him that way.

Most guys think of anal as an “exit only” for them.   It might be because they fear they will like it so much that they are somehow gay (Not true) or they are going to hate it because it is going to hurt!  But his reluctance is mostly due to his lack of experience.  There is a good chance he hasn’t had a lady express interest in his butt and he doesn’t know if he will like it or not.

If you do get him on board, the best way to experiment is while you are giving him a blowjob.  You are already down there anyway.  While you are going down on him, lube up one of your fingers.  Please make sure your nails are cut short too!

After your finger is lubed, tease his butt hole.  You do not have to stick your finger in there, but you can caress the outside and see how he likes it.  If he is ok with that then you can try putting the tip of your finger in his whole and once it is there just pulsate it and gauge his level of comfort.  Do not forget to continue to give him head during this too!

The double sensations can be super pleasuring to a guy. Once you have accomplished that you can move on to using your tongue around his hole and then putting your finger in his hole. Giving a guy a prostate massage is kind of like rubbing our G-Spot.  If you rub it right you are literally going to make him explode.

What He Said:

Yes, he’s probably concerned it will make him gay or have him perceived as gay, but he’s really concerned that you’re going to tell your friends about that shit. Women tell each other everything, even if they barely know each other.

I’ve known my best friend for over a decade, and I still don’t know when his birthday is, and I probably never will. I haven’t asked, and he hasn’t offered. That’s the way relationships should be: shrouded in CIA level secrecy.

So in addition to telling him it’s not gay, make sure you tell him you won’t tell anyone. Ever. Even after you break up. And mean that shit. Anal sex is something that men can enjoy just as much as women, but it’s like fight club, you don’t talk about that. Ever.

Also, it’s important to consider whether you want to add domination or humiliation play to the mix, which may or may not go over so well. Maybe your man is totally willing to take it like a man and let you fuck his ass with a strap on.

Maybe he’s even been dying to do that but  didn’t want to bring it up because he was afraid of how you’d perceive him, but that same guy who’s all about it may balk at the addition of femme play or dom play or whatever the hell it’s called, so find out if he’s interested.

If you are going to start with the finger up his ass while you blow him (yes, many guys do love this), I recommend using a rubber glove on  your hand while you do it. The anal cavity is an STD waiting to happen, if you don’t use protection.

This means condoms on the strap on, dental dams for rim jobs, and rubber gloves on your hands while you finger him. And forgetting to lube up your finger will end any chance of you strapping one on later.

I think you can just spring the finger up the ass on a guy. Many like it, but don’t want to admit it. If he’s in the moment, and you’re doing it right, he’ll orgasm buckets, and won’t be able to dismiss your request for anal play because he’s literally just enjoyed it. It’ll be easier to get a yes out of him and your strap on into him. Zing!

How To NOT Give Him Blue Balls!

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Sex tips are the best way to understand how the opposite sex works. Girls are notorious for giving guys blue balls, but here’s how to avoid being a tease!

What She Said:

Congratulate Yourself!

First of all, if your man is complaining of blue balls, check his ID.  No adult man would own up to the idea you are giving him blue balls.  And I have yet to know of any man who died of it.  I’m not sure it even exists.

But if for some reason your man is complaining of it, then you should congratulate him. He is obviously with one smoking hot babe that he cannot wait to get his hands all over.

So if he is “in pain,” it’s not your fault by any means. You have obviously just made him all hot and bothered. To relieve that, fool around with him.

What He Said:

Just Do It!

How do you prevent your man from getting blue balls? You drain them. On a regular basis. I know, I know, you’re not always in the mood. Maybe you’re never in the mood. Maybe he’s let himself go or maybe he’s not flirting with you or romancing you like he did when you first started dating (or before you got married).

Long term relationships are about doing things you hate because you know your other half likes or loves them. Just please them. I know you make not like oral sex or you may not be turned on enough for intercourse, but so what? Did your partner really want to spend Christmas with your family? Hell no! They hate your family! But they did it because they want their balls to be drained.

Romance is for short term love affairs. Sooner or later it goes right out the window and if it’s never happened to you, you’ve never had a relationship last long enough. If that’s you, consider yourself lucky.

You’re probably thinking “hey wait! They’re not doing [insert random sexual or non sexual task/think you really like]! Why they hell would I please them if they aren’t doing what I want?

It’s simple, grasshopper. If you help them, they will do what you want. Having sex will scramble their brain and reduces any resistance to suggestion that they have. You won’t have to tell them to do what you want. You can imply it and they will snap to attention, even if you don’t scramble their brains by giving them all the oral sex, anal sex or plain old intercourse they can handle.

Why? Because if you’re screwing them eight ways to Sunday, and you ask them to go to Starbucks and get you that half double cap red eye latte that makes them cringe when you order it, are they really going to say no? No, they won’t. They will get you your stupid frilly over priced coffee drink. Why? Because you’re screwing them! A lot!

No one is dumb enough to walk away from an ATM that’s spitting out free money. So you will get your damn latte. Or your foot massage. Or someone to cuddle with while you watch Oprah or Jersey Shore or whatever it is that you love to do that your partner would rather take a cheese grater to the genitals than participate in.

It’s a win win, right? It’s a little counter-intuitive, I know. It really doesn’t make sense. You probably think I’m crazy. Or you will, until you try it. Then you will tell anyone who will listen what an incredible genius I am (it’s true. I am a genius. Literally and figuratively).

If you do this, you will have the partner of your dreams! You’re place will never be cleaner, you’ll never be happier and it might just save your relationship! Sound hokey, no, no it’s not. Sex is like the canary in the well of your relationship. If that’s great, so’s the rest of your relationship.

Now, of course, you should be getting yours. If you have to drain your partners balls whenever and wherever, they should be helping you too. You need to get yours. You will. Because they’re getting theirs.

Hookup Commandments To Live By

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Sex tips are not just for relationships. These can also cover hookups. Here are the commandments that real men and women are saying you MUST follow in order to avoid awkwardness and still have fun.

What She Said (For Girls)

1.    Thou Shalt Bring Protection

You can buy condoms anywhere and they are super easy to carry around with you. Do it, keep them close at all times. You might also want to bring a small tube of lubricant around with you.

2.    Thou Shalt Get Off

Just because it’s a hook up, and men have been known to wham bam and thank you ma’am, does not mean you can’t “rock, sock and thank you jock.” You have every right to tell him what you need, where you need it and not to stop.  Or climb on top and take matters into your own hands.

Basically just because you are a woman doesn’t mean you can’t get off too. Use sex toys if you have them or if he has them, but remember to put a condom on them.

3.    Thou Shalt Not Leave Anything At His Place

Especially if it is intentional!  If you think that by leaving your earrings or panties etc is a hot move it is not!  Guys see through that.  They think you are either desperate for another romp, or careless. Be discreet, aside from a few scratch marks, you should leave nothing at his place.

4.    Thou Shalt Suggest Breakfast In The Morning

Maybe you know of a great diner near you, or he knows of one near him.  Regardless if the night ended well, why not refuel.  Who knows it might lead to a little afternoon delight.

5.    Thou Shalt Not Be Forced To Cuddle

If you are staying over, or he is staying at your place cuddling is not a given.  You should not feel obligated to be the little spoon nor should you feel that he should spoon you. Sleep how you would if you were alone, but seeing how you two just shared fluids, you should make sure you share the covers.

6.    Thou Shalt Not Expect A Relationship

Sometimes hook ups end up being more, sometimes they are all they need to be. Either way, enjoy the moment and don’t expect anything out of it.

7.    Thou Shalt Make Sure He Is Single

Don’t be that girl!  Even if you don’t know his girlfriend, respect their relationship.  I don’t care how hot the guy may be, he is obviously a scumbag if he is ok with cheating.

8.    Thou Shalt Have A Morning After Outfit

Keep an extra pair of jeans, t-shirt and shoes in your car.  When you are in casual clothes, the walk of shame becomes just a walk.

What He Said (For Guys)

1. Thou Shalt Text The Morning After, No Matter What

It doesn’t matter if you regret it. Or if it was bad, or if it was good, but you never want to see that person again. You should always aspire to leave someone better than you found them in all circumstances. Hooking up is no different.

The morning after text, if you will, is part of that. Being used in a fun way is one thing, but just plain being used is not fun. This is especially important for guys to remember.

For women, sex is a choice, for guys it’s a chore. If you leave this girl on bad terms, you’re not messing it up for yourself, you’re messing it up for every guy that will come after you. So be classy and master the art of the dismount. Or none of us will get laid ever again.

2. Thou Shalt Be Realistic

This is basically just sex, and by basically, I mean totally. It’s not a romantic comedy. It’s not going to lead to a wonderful romance with the person of your dreams, at least it’s not likely too. You want some ass, they want some ass and then you can both meet in the middle.

Don’t get all Oprah on them. Don’t’ ask about their puppies or their childhood or what they like to do when they’re not having sex with you. They don’t care about your background and you shouldn’t about theirs.

3. Thou Shalt Not Worry About Them Getting Theirs

One of the nicest things about hooking up is that there’s no pretense about it. You don’t have to pretend to care about them, or their feelings, or whether they get off. Get yours and getting theirs is their problem.

4. Thou Shalt Think Of This As Batting Practice

You may not care about the person you’re banging randomly, but there will come a time when you meet someone you really do care about and maybe even love. You might want to spend the rest of your life with them.

Should You Accept Your Lover’s Strange Fetish?

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Kinky sex is a great way to keep your relationship fresh and new. But should you accept your partner’s strange fetish or should you draw the line?

What She Said:

I think this might be more fantasy then fetish.

Whether its BDSM, high heels or having your eyeballs licked, everyone has a sexual trigger, a turn on, a mild or full-blown fetish.  This day and age with so many easy access to porn online and “personal” massagers that you can pick up at the grocery store, it seems that everyone has an easy outlet for their turn on.

With so many odd fetishes it makes me wonder if regular vanilla sex is now the odd sex act. When you are in a sexual relationship, you want to do any thing and everything to please your partner. But, how do you handle them having this interest that you are not in to?  Maybe your guy is into a 3 some with Asians.  That idea is a turn off to you.

But before you worry about him jumping on a plane to Thailand, there are options. You could watch some Asian porn with him. Or why not dress up like a geisha. What if your man is into hardcore SM?  And your idea of a hot night does not include you dressed in leather wielding a horse whip.

As a compromise, you could wear big black boots and spank him a little. Basically every fetish has its oddities.  But in a relationship the best gift we can give our partner sexually is to offer them a safe place to share their fantasies with you.  A safe place to experiment and a place where there is no judgment.

No matter how kinky you find it to be, if you are open and honest with him about his desires, he in turn will be open to yours.  One night you smack him around a bit, and the next he might give it to you good ol missionary style.

What He Said

Be Proud Of Your Fetishes And Fantasies

I really think that thanks to the internet, vanilla sex is the new kinky sex. It’s like “Really? You just want to pound me missionary style? And a little oral sex? Well, you did buy me dinner and a movie. But that’s way too crazy for me! Can’t you just do something normal like punch me in the vagina repeatedly while humming the Star Spangled Banner and making tacos?” 
No?

That’s never happened to you, well, if it hasn’t you’re just not doing it right. It’s your duty to please that booty, so you should at least try to do what your partner is into. Don’t want to? Well, I’ve got news for you sparky.

You might not want to try oral sex or anal sex, but I guarantee your partner doesn’t want to do half the things they do just so they can get in your pants. That’s what love is: doing things you’d rather take a cheese grater to the genitals than do just to get laid. I mean for the one you love.

I think a lot of people are irrationally afraid of coming out to their partners about their fetishes, or fantasies whatever they may be. It doesn’t matter how weird or depraved or sick your sexual fantasy is. Someone wants to do it with you.

If that’s what your into, then be out and proud about it. If your partner isn’t into it, and you can’t come to some kind of understanding on the subject, then that’s a deal breaker. Get rid of them. It may suck, but finding your type of sex is an important key to happiness. I think Buddha said that. Or Oprah. Same thing.

They say life is too short to be unhappy. That’s not true. Life is too long when you’re unhappy. It goes by slow. Like slower than being suck on a Stairmaster next to someone having a conversation on their cell phone while reading a book on their iPad all while “exercising.”

Life is only short if you’re having fun. It’s the times that people enjoy that go fast. The things that suck (and not in a fun way) go by very, very slowly, and will eat you from the inside and literally kill you with boredom, worry, stress and all other manners of boring shit.

That doesn’t mean you have to get rid of your current lover. Just talk to them and be honest about who and what you are and what you are into sexually. You’ll both be glad you did.