Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for loveandsex

Q&A: Can I Get Rid Of My Fetish?

By

A fetish is a common thing for some people to have, and most men and women have a fetish of some kind or another. You’ve probably heard of many different kinds of fetishes, from a foot fetish to bondage and more. Most individuals indulge in their fantasy without thinking about it, but what do you do if you want to get RID of yours?

Question: I just finished watching your video about the teenager who is a macrophile, which motivated me to ask my question. I am a 16 y/o female and have been into omorashi my whole life. I don’t know when it started, but I can remember this fetish existing back to age 3. I hate it, I think it’s gross, I don’t know why it started, and I want to get rid of it. Can I do that? It is the only thing I get off on (for lack of a better term) and I don’t want it to be. I feel like a freak. Can you guys help me? Also, if I can’t get rid of it, how do I go about telling a future boyfriend/husband about this?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZ8MY7ueTSo[/youtube]

What Is Omarashi?

Omarashi is the Japanese term for a “panty wetting” fetish. It’s not necessarily the act of urinating in the underwear that is arousing to Omarashi enthusiasts, it’s the act of “waiting until you can’t hold it anymore” that is the turn on. This can also be called bladder desperation. While enthusiasts find the actual wetting arousing, they may also be sexually attracted to the feeling of having a full bladder or to someone else who is experiencing the feeling of a full bladder.

Most Fetishes Aren’t Harmful

Some people are freaked out by their own fantasy more so than they are the fetishes of others – which is saying something, considering that it’s common for them to think that their own fantasy is “normal” while what other individuals enjoy is “strange” or “weird.” However, most fetishes are actually completely harmless. Some individuals may think a foot fetish is odd (even the person with the fetish), but in all actuality, there’s nothing harmful at all about enjoying feet sexually or collecting sexy shoes and high heels.

Even “stranger” fetishes like wetting, macrophilia, infantophilia or diaper fetish, and cuckoldism among others are completely harmless, although they wouldn’t necessarily be considered “normal” by most. As long as no one is getting hurt and everything that happens is between consenting adults, there’s really nothing wrong with any fantasy that’s out there.

Don’t Let Others Judge You – And Don’t Judge Yourself

If you’re ashamed of your fantasy or prefer to keep it hidden, you probably don’t have to worry about others judging you. However, some fetish enthusiasts can be pretty hard on themselves for liking what they like – and if it’s not hurting anyone and you’re still able to lead a relatively normal and fulfilling life, there’s no reason to be so critical of what you enjoy. If you have a different sort of fantasy that might hurt someone or something like rape or bestiality, it’s important to seek help as soon as possible. However, if it’s not hurting anyone and it still bothers you, try to think about what exactly it is that freaks you out about it.

What Bothers You About It?

Find out what it is about your fantasy that bothers you – what exactly is it that you find distasteful in what you enjoy? Is it because you and others see it as “dirty” or “wrong” or is it due to hygiene issues or anything else? There are tons of possible reasons as to why something that you enjoy sexually might gross you out or bother you in some way – it’s your job to dig around and find out which one it is. Once you isolate the real issue, only then can you begin to resolve it.

Getting Rid Of A Fetish Because It’s Overtaking Your Life

If you have a fantasy that is overtaking your life and you’re unable to live a normal, healthy and happy life, getting rid of it is definitely in order. Here are some signs that it’s going too far:

  • It’s all you ever think about. For example, with a masturbation addiction, masturbation will nearly consume the thoughts of the addict. How often are you thinking about your fetish?
  • You can’t afford it and it hurts you financially.
  • It affects your relationships with your friends, family and significant others.

How To Overcome It

You most likely want to see an unbiased counselor that you’re comfortable with to talk through your issues with your fantasy. A lot of people with issues they’re ashamed of won’t go see a counselor, however, it’s pretty difficult to work through something like this on your own. This goes back to not letting anyone judge you – there’s nothing wrong with seeking help, ever. If you’re seeking help for any problem that you have and you’re committed to working through it, more power to you. Don’t let anyone bring you down! Also, remember that everything that goes on at a counselor’s office is confidential.

Redirect The Energy To Something Else

Whenever you feel the urge to engage in your fantasyg, think about consciously redirecting that energy to doing something else. For example, instead of looking at porn, try to meditate or do yoga. Pick up a hobby that you really enjoy such as painting or working on cars and do that whenever you feel the urge to engage in your fetish come on. Try getting out of the house – take a walk or adopt a pet that requires a fair amount of your time and attention.

Accepting Your Fantasies

Your sexual fantasies may not be something you are able to rid yourself of – let’s face it, people like what they like and sometimes you can’t change that. If your fetish isn’t hurting anyone and it only involves consenting adults, consider simply accepting it. Consider not letting anyone judge you for it, including yourself! There are individuals out there that enjoy the same things you do, or enjoy things that would be complementary to what you enjoy, like with BDSM where a submissive personality and a dominant personality get together and enjoy their fantasies. If you can’t make it go away of it, learn to accept it!

How To Kiss: French Kissing Tips

By

French kissing can make a woman melt! Even more so than sex, great kissing can lead to enhanced emotional and physical intimacy between you and your lover. Learn how to kiss and make a girl weak in the knees with just your mouth today!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx7HrY2uI8E[/youtube]

Get Comfortable With It

French kissing is much easier when you’re relaxed and comfortable. You don’t want to put too much pressure on yourself worrying about whether you’re doing it right or not, and you don’t want to be so stressed out that she can immediately tell you’re a ball of nerves as soon as the two of you touch lips. Instead, focus on relaxing and being comfortable with it. Take a few deep, calming breaths before you start and just pay attention to what you’re doing and what feels good.

Hold Her Softly Yet Firmly

You may be asking, “How the heck do I hold her softly AND firmly? That doesn’t make sense!” However, there is a way that you can be firm with her and exude your strength and confidence when you kiss her, while also showing her your softer, more sensitive side. You want to hold her in such a way that says, “I really like this and you’re not going anywhere” but that also says, “I’m going to make you feel amazing right now.” If that’s what you’re thinking and feeling, it’s going to come out in the way you touch and caress your lover.

Take Your Time

French kissing isn’t something you want to rush into. You want to savor it – and so does she! So spend some time looking into her eyes and making that deep, soulful eye contact with her. Caress her slowly and work your way up to the good stuff. You don’t want to just jump in feet first and shove your tongue down her throat, because she’s not going to like being taken by surprise like that one bit.

Instead, lick your lips when you make eye contact with her. Start by kissing her lips gently, without tongue. When she parts her lips, you can slowly start to kiss her more deeply, adding light tongue into the mix. You can also take her lead and let her show you where she wants to go with it. However, do keep in mind that part of seducing a woman is showing her that YOU can be in the lead and make her feel incredible.

Gently Wrestle Your Tongue With Hers

Once you’ve led up to the actual french kissing and you two are going at it pretty good, you want to gently wrestle your tongue with hers. You can also nibble her bottom lip a little, or gently suck on her tongue as it makes its way into your mouth. Trace the outline of her lips with your tongue – this will send shivers down her spine! Be creative and use different kissing techniques, but remember you’re still wanting to do this slowly and gently. It’s not a race – you really want to get into it and enjoy it, because she’ll be enjoying it too.

Is She Reciprocating?

Pay attention to your partner’s body language. While you are leading, you don’t want to ignore the subtle cues she’s going to give you that will help you understand more of what she likes and doesn’t like. Is she pulling away? If she is, you’re going at it too hard and giving her too much. She’s overwhelmed. So pull back a little bit yourself and then go in again, softly and slowly to see how she responds.

Is she getting more aggressive with you? Is she leaning towards you and seeming like she’s really into it? She is! Keep going! Even if your partner isn’t using words to describe whether she likes what you’re doing or not, her body language WILL tell you – that is, if you pay attention!

Finding The Right Balance

Just like with holding her firmly yet softly at the same time, you also want to make sure that your mouth movements follow that same “balance.” You definitely don’t want to be too aggressive when kissing her, but you also don’t want to be too loose about it either and have a limp tongue. If you pay attention to her body language and do what feels good, it’s likely you’ll strike the right balance between too soft and too hard.

Making Out Can Be Awesome!

While great french kissing can lead to sex, it doesn’t have to. In fact, great french kissing can be amazing all by itself! If you’re doing it right, it’s not one big, long kiss. It’s a series of smaller kisses that are connected with things like licking her lips or yours, sucking and nibbling her neck or ear or even heavy petting.

Don’t think that just because you’re french kissing a girl that you have to get in her pants, because you don’t. Make out with her and enjoy the journey. Don’t rush through it because you think you’re going to get some sex out of it, because if you do, you’ll ruin it entirely and you might not get any sex anyways!

6 Reasons Why Women DON’T Climax!

By

According to reports, roughly 70% of women don’t reach an orgasm during intercourse. Although that figure in itself is shocking, it also makes you wonder about how many women never orgasm at all (i.e., intercourse or not)!

A lot of flack fall on men on why women don’t experience an orgasm but truth be told, women have a lot to do about this as well whether they realize it or not.

There are many reasons why women don’t reach orgasm. Some of them maybe men’s faults but a lot can be because of her too!

Foreplay? What Foreplay?

Foreplay is extremely important. For women, making love begins in the mind and if you don’t ‘condition’ her mind for sex, then chances are she won’t be sexually reciprocating in bed too. Furthermore, women really do need more time than men to reach an orgasm; so foreplay is actually your way of extending your own sexual stamina.

She’s Thinking About Too Much!

Women are natural multi-taskers. Unfortunately, they’re so used to thinking and doing several things at the same time that they find it hard to simply be ‘in the moment’ during sex. If most men can be very ‘in the zone’ during sex, women seem to have various thoughts running through their heads all the time (e.g., home chores that need to be done, kids’ homework, dirty laundry, etc.)

She’s Full Of Insecurities

Women have many body image issues. While you may adore her, her mind is probably worried about at least three different things as you undress her: “Is the light revealing any cellulite? Are my ‘love handles’ protruding? Does he think my breasts are too small/big?”

If body image anxiety is not in her head, then she may be thinking about things such as “I didn’t shower yet, I hope I smell good, especially down there.” or “I didn’t pee. I hope I don’t embarrass myself.”

ALL these thoughts are making her focus on the wrong things! It’s taking attention away from sexual pleasure and into sexual insecurities. And when a woman is in this mode, it’s almost impossible to her focus on reaching her own climax!

She Doesn’t Know Her Own Body

There is a certain art form to making love to a woman’s body. It really does have a lot of mysterious curves, spots and turns. Sadly, many women don’t indulge in a lot of masturbation when it comes to sex. As such, it’s hard to guide you on what makes her feel good or which techniques really turn her on. And really, if she doesn’t know her own body, how can you be expected to instinctively know what brings her pleasure, right?

The best thing is that it’s never too late to learn! Why don’t you BOTH explore her body? Don’t rush anything and try everything. See what turns her on best and use that knowledge to make her reach her orgasm. Make it your sexual quest! However, here are some clues to save you a few steps:

You’re Not Paying Attention!

True, men are not mind-readers. Unfortunately, many women are not great communicators in bed as well so we have a little problem here. Compounding this problem is of course that favorite female bedroom habit of ‘faking orgasms.’ As a result, YOU think that what you’re doing is great when in reality you may not even be close!

To solve this particular problem, try to develop a certain ‘sexual code’ between you two. For instance, a slight squeeze on your arm means “You’re doing great! Pls. keep doing it!” while nails on your skin or arm mean “enough of that!”

You’re Changing Techniques Too Fast

Men like to try different sexual positions and that’s great but sometimes you may be changing just a bit too fast. Women need to get accustomed to a certain ‘rhythm’ before sexual pleasure begins to climb. If you keep shifting positions, she will either (a) never find the position that brings her an orgasm, (b) lose the sexual pleasure she was experiencing in the previous position or (c) be so frustrated that even if you go back to the same position, she may not be that sexually aroused again.

So keep this in mind – when it comes to female orgasm it’s not just location, location, location – it’s also about repetition, repetition, repetition.

Hopefully this list of potential reasons why your partner is not reaching an orgasm paves the way for discussion between the two of you. Don’t focus on why she’s not reaching an orgasm. Instead, focus on what you guys are going to do, so that she does reach her climax. That’s a more positive approach and lot more fun too!

Mutual Masturbation – How To Get Your Partner To Try It

By

Mutual masturbation can be something fun and exciting to add to your sex  life. Masturbation doesn’t have to be something you hide from your significant other, or that you do in the dark in secret. You can enjoy masturbating with your lover, while watching them do it too. Sound like fun? Here’s how to get your lover into it!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJU7S75H358[/youtube]

What Is Mutual Masturbation?

To put it simply, it’s when you masturbate yourself in front of your lover and they masturbate themselves in front of you. It can be at the same time, but it doesn’t have to be. You can also take turns putting on a great show for each other – but most people who do this usually end up getting so turned on that they start touching themselves anyway.

Most couples are too shy to try this – in fact, most people are too shy to talk about masturbation in general – but it can be a great way to bond sexually with your partner. You can bond emotionally by watching each other give themselves pleasure, and you can also pick up some great tips on where they like to be touched and how they like to be stroked.

Get Comfortable With The Topic

First of all, if you’re uncomfortable with the topic of self love in general, it’s time to pony up and get comfortable with it. Rest assured, everyone does it – men and women alike. Although our society places taboos on masturbation (heck, some people even say that it makes you go blind or makes hair grow on the palms of your hands), there’s really nothing wrong with it and it’s a perfectly normal and healthy thing for both men and women to do. Educate yourself about masturbation and get over your preconceived notions that it’s “bad” or “wrong.”

Encourage Your Partner To Do It

Before you jump right in to mutual masturbation, you have to get your partner comfortable with it too. Too often, couples masturbate in secret without ever talking about it with each other. It doesn’t have to be that way! It’s not something to be jealous of, so encourage your partner to masturbate in addition to a healthy sex life with you. Get them a sex toy to enjoy on their own – there are tons of great sex toys for both girls and guys! Don’t think that the sex toy world is limited to vibrators for women. There is so much more out there! Explore some online sex toy stores – if you get the right ones, your lover may find them intriguing enough to try!

Make sure you give them plenty of privacy and time alone to enjoy their masturbation. Honor their privacy and don’t ever bust in on them if you know or suspect they’re masturbating. If the door is closed, knock!

Talk About It With Your Significant Other

If you and your significant other have never had the “masturbation” talk, go ahead and have it! Share stories with each other about your first time doing it or if you ever got caught doing it. Talk about how it’s normal and natural, and let your lover know that you’re not going to judge them at all for their masturbation habits or what they enjoy. Share with your lover what you enjoy and what your fantasies are – take that leap and tell them what you like when you get it on with yourself and they may be more encouraged to share what they like with you!

Your First Time With Mutual Masturbation

You’ve gotten past the “masturbation conversation” and you and your lover are both comfortable talking about it and doing it. You feel ready to take the next step and try doing it in front of each other. For your first time, consider blindfolding your lover. This can be fun, but it also serves a purpose – your lover is going to feel more comfortable masturbating in front of you for the first time if they can’t see you’re there. You can watch them, but they can’t see you! Alternatively, you may feel more comfortable wearing a blindfold for the first time masturbating in front of your lover.

Another great idea is to turn the lights down very low, or use candles. The dim lighting makes it more comfortable for both of you, but still allows you both to see what is going on, which can be incredibly erotic.

Make Your Significant Other Feel Good About It

Don’t be shy when your lover is putting on the show – let them know how much you like it and how much it turns you on! This can be in the form of just vocalizing your pleasure or even dirty talk, which can make it even more erotic for them. Touch yourself while they’re masturbating, so they can see just how turned on you are at the sight of them masturbating. If you want to get your lover to do it more often, you’ve got to give them positive feedback. Don’t be the freak that just sits in the corner staring – get into it! Let your lover know that you’re into it! Enjoy it and have fun with it.

Getting Into A Groove

You’ve tried mutual masturbation for the first time and you really like it – so how do you take it a step further? Try different sex positions when you do – sitting in front of each other is nice, but you can also try lying down, or with one of you lying in the bed and the other sitting in a chair. Use your imagination and consider different possibilities and different ways to try it.

How To Be A Chick Magnet – Part 2!

By

Flirting goes a long way when attracting women, but it has more to do with YOU than what you say. If you’re a strong, confident guy who likes to talk, laugh and have fun, women are going to want to be around you. There’s no question that women are attracted to guys that make them feel great, so here’s how to be the kind of guy that has women flock to him.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZqfJSXvKLs&feature=channel_video_title[/youtube]

Focus On Becoming More Attractive Every Day

Attractiveness isn’t just about how you look – it’s about how you feel on the inside. How you feel about yourself shows up on the outside, and people read into that. If you’re down on yourself or don’t have self confidence, it’s going to be written all over your face. If you want to be attractive to women, you have to have confidence and strength on the inside.

Becoming more confident in yourself and feeling great about who you are as a person doesn’t come overnight, especially if you’ve never had good self esteem. It will take time, but focus on becoming confident and secure with who you are a little more each day. Turn yourself into someone who isn’t afraid to go after what they want, instead of sitting back on the sidelines and watching life go by. Have passions in your life and things you care about. Have goals and work towards them each day.

Believe That You Don’t Need A Girl To Be Happy

The less you “need” a woman in your life, the less you will give off that needy, clingy vibe. You will automatically begin to attract more women, simply because you have that confidence to go home alone if there’s no one that catches your eye. Know that you can be happy within yourself – it’s a choice you have to make and when you do, it will totally change your life. Really believe that you can be happy by yourself and that you don’t need someone else to be the source of your satisfaction in life.

When you have things in your life that you enjoy doing – that you don’t need a woman for – and that you’re truly passionate about, people are going to want to be a part of that. When you exude confidence and happiness all the time, people are going to want to be around you, especially women. They all want a piece of that! Make an effort to increase your self esteem and know that you are happy with who you are, without a girl. Then, instead of trying to be someone that a woman will like, you can find one that is the right match for YOU.

Don’t Get Stuck On One Woman

A lot of guys get stuck in a crush and think that this is the only girl that will ever make them happy. They obsess over this one girl, and don’t make any room for other women that might be a better match. When you learn to be happy without women, it will be easier to know that the right one will eventually come to you. You’ll have the confidence to know that if a particular woman you like doesn’t feel the same way about you, it’s not the end of the world – you’ll end up with someone who is an even better fit with you.

How Do You Get The Right One To Chase You?

Believe it or not, it’s not difficult to get a woman you like to chase you. It is, however, the opposite of what most men try to do when they meet a girl they like. When most guys meet awoman they like, they go after her hard, flirting up a storm and making it completely obvious what he wants. This approach, however, will turn most women off. To get a girl to chase you is simple – let her see you around other attractive women! Talk to other women, be flirting with them and having fun.

There’s really nothing that will get a woman more interested in you and want to chase you than a little friendly competition! Take advantage of that, but don’t go overboard with it. Once you and a woman establish that you’re really into each other, you want to be focused on her.

Once you’ve gotten things right on the inside and are the fun, exciting, happy, confident and kind guy that everyone wants to be around, she’s not going to be able to stop herself from liking you!