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Oral Sex – Should It Hurt?

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Oral sex is one of the most pleasurable sex acts that couples can engage in and many people enjoy giving and receiving oral sex. It’s a great way to strengthen the bond between two individuals and keep your sex life satisfying, but sometimes it can hurt! Should oral sex hurt or is there really something wrong?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

When wife gives me oral sex, it seems to hurt more than it feels good. Is there something wrong with me?

–Kevin, Michigan

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOqoRnsTGHA[/youtube]

When Does It Hurt?

It’s important to find out when your genitals hurt or become uncomfortable. If your genitals hurt all the time, such as during oral sex, during urination and at other times, you might want to consider making an appointment with your doctor.

While oral sex can sometimes hurt if the person giving oral sex doesn’t have good technique, your genitals should not hurt or be uncomfortable at other times. It never hurts to get checked out – it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

Technique

Most likely, your partner’s technique is what is causing you discomfort. Both types of oral sex – fellatio and cunnilingus – can become uncomfortable and even painful if your partner doesn’t have good technique. Teeth can get in the way and even a tongue that moves too quickly or is rough can become uncomfortable.

Abrasive facial hair is a big issue for women receiving oral sex as it can often make the genitals raw and painful after an oral sex session. Often, both men and women have poor technique when it comes to oral sex. Men are often too rough with women during cunnilingus and many women suck too hard or squeeze too tight during fellatio.

If receiving oral sex from your partner is uncomfortable and painful at all, try to pinpoint exactly what they’re doing that is causing you discomfort. Is your partner pressing too hard with their teeth, or are their teeth scraping you too hard? Is your partner performing oral sex on you too fast or using their hands in a way that feels rough?

Talk To Each Other

When it comes to oral sex – or any kind of sex, for that matter – communication between the two partners is key. If something becomes uncomfortable or painful, it’s important to let your partner know in a completely non-critical way.

Let your partner know that a certain activity is uncomfortable, but also suggest something that you like instead. Giving your partner positive feedback during an oral sex session is one of the best ways to communicate to your partner what not to do, simply by letting them know what you do like.

If you like a certain maneuver or technique during oral sex, your partner will automatically want to use that technique to give you the maximum amount of pleasure. Just let your partner know what you like! If your partner is going something wrong, suggest ways that they can do it differently that would be more pleasurable for you or keep oral sex from being uncomfortable.

Back and forth communication is the best way to keep oral sex pleasurable instead of becoming uncomfortable or painful. Your partner will most likely appreciate positive input and your sexual relationship will become better and more fulfilling and satisfying.

Previous Lovers – I’m Not Her First! How Can I Forgive Her?

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When you’re with someone you love or really care about, it can be difficult to think about the fact that they may have been with someone else before you.

It can be even more difficult to think about the fact that they might have been with several someone else’s before you – is this something you will let destroy your current relationship or is it something you can move past and have a healthy relationship in the here and now?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am not my girlfriend’s first boyfriend. She has had sex with previous men and images of her having sex with them keep popping into my head. How can I forgive her for her past?

George, Wyoming

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Si6-ugn96nc[/youtube]

The Past Is The Past

Everyone comes with a past – it’s what makes us who we are today. Everyone’s past is diverse and different and that’s what actually makes us beautiful as human beings. Sometimes someone’s past may include romantic relationships with people that it didn’t work out with, and most often, these romantic relationships are intimate.

Many times, two people will come into a new relationship with pasts that involved being intimate with other people and this is completely normal, especially if you’re older and have had several relationships. Fortunately, most people are able to let the past be the past – if you’re in a relationship now and you love and care about the person you’re with, it’s easy to leave the past alone and focus on the here and now.

Love and Acceptance

Although thinking about your partner being with someone else romantically and sexually may not give you warm and fuzzy feelings inside, it’s something that generally needs to be left alone to have a healthy and happy relationship in the present.

It’s not “bad” or even at all inappropriate for your partner to have a romantic and sexual past – in fact, you might have a romantic and sexual past. Even though you may have some feelings of jealousy or you may wish that your partner had only been intimate with you, it’s important to let it go, because in all reality, there’s nothing you can do about your partner’s past.

For a healthy and happy relationship in the here and now, it’s important to learn to accept your partner for who they are today, even with everything that happened in the past.

Ask yourself the critical question – who is your partner with now? Who does your partner want to be with now?

Chances are, the answer to the question is you. Don’t let something you can’t help destroy a relationship with someone you love and care about and someone that loves and cares about you right now.

Counseling

Sometimes it’s hard to let go of feelings of anger and jealousy, even if you know that they’re unhealthy feelings to have. Some people need counseling to help them work through these feelings and that’s perfectly okay – if you take the steps to move towards a healthy and happy relationship and working towards getting rid of negative feelings, you’re taking steps in the right direction.

Whether you can learn to let go of negative feelings you have about your partner’s past yourself or you need counseling to do it, it’s important to let go of them for the sake of your relationship. Being caught up in your partner’s romantic and sexual past can destroy your relationship in the here and now.

If you can’t come to terms with your partner’s sexual past, consider moving on and finding a partner that has less of a sexual and romantic past or none at all.

The Truth About Giving Oral Sex

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Oral sex can be tough work! Trying to please your partner orally requires lots of stamina and skill.

It can also be very pleasurable to give your partner oral sex.  There’s nothing quite like giving your partner oral sex, but is it harder to give oral sex to one gender than another?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I can’t come to an agreement – who works harder in bed? Is it easier for a woman to give oral sex to a man or for a man to give oral sex to a woman?

–Jeff, North Carolina

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJn2DTMY-Q4[/youtube]

If You Like It . . .

While it would be easier to say that it’s harder going down on one gender over another, the true answer to that question is a little more complicated than that and it has nothing to do with sex or gender.

If you really enjoy giving your partner oral sex, and a lot of people do, it’s actually going to be easier for you to give oral sex than it would be for someone who doesn’t enjoy it.

Whether you’re going down on a guy or a gal, if you really enjoy doing it, it doesn’t seem like work, does it?

To some people who don’t enjoy giving their partner oral sex, pleasing them orally might seem like a chore. For this type of person, giving their partner oral sex is actually more difficult than it is for someone who really likes to do it.

Warming Up The Oven

There is, however, a bit of truth to the argument that giving oral sex to a woman is harder than it is to give oral sex to a man. The theory is that many women require a great deal of foreplay and need to be “warmed up” before they become sexually aroused.

As a result, going down on a woman simply takes longer to bring her to climax than a man would need to reach climax through oral sex. This isn’t something that is set in stone though.

It truly varies from individual to individual. You might find that it doesn’t take long at all for some women to reach climax through oral sex, while it takes some men a reasonably long time to do the same.

Gender Doesn’t Matter

Whether you’re a girl going down on a guy, a guy going down on a girl or any combination of the above, it can be easy or difficult to perform oral sex on your partner depending on your personality and your own sexual preferences.

You might really like to perform oral sex on your partner or you may hate it.  How hard it is for you to do depends on your enthusiasm.

If you don’t like to give oral sex, you might find your preferences change after awhile, making it easier for you to pleasure your partner orally. Leave yourself open to the prospect of really growing to enjoy pleasing your partner through oral sex, even if it seems more like a chore now.

Then again, you may never learn to like it. Either way, talk to your partner about how you feel about oral sex. If you are really having a hard time finding it enjoyable to give your partner oral sex, talk to them and find out if there is another way you can give them pleasure that is more arousing for you.

The Single BIGGEST Mistake Men Make

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Lack of foreplay is one of the biggest turn-offs in the world of SEX.

Foreplay is often understood as the set of activities done before actual intercourse. The typical menu includes kissing, caressing, getting & giving head, touching, groping, hugging, fingering etc. Men feel like dogs if they don’t engage in it, and they’ve heard or read somewhere that plenty of it makes them a great lay so they sign up. Foreplay makes gentlemen out of horny boys.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a newbie or an expert, foreplay works like a charm ­and definitely gets Eve going.

Why? You wonder why? BECAUSE IT LARGELY EMBODIES WHAT WOMEN, THE XX GENDER, ARE ALL ABOUT.

They want it far, far more than any other part of the program, yes, even penetration. Not because they need extra ticks to heat up, but because it is in foreplay that their physical and emotional needs are met.

She wants to feel needed, wanted and appreciated. Kissing, caressing and gazing into her eyes accomplish exactly that. It makes her gasp, “Wow, he thinks more of me than just a vagina on heels!” It’s the most personal part of the act, and probably the only time  her presence is being fully recognized. (Because when the pumping begins, men
often fly off to their own worlds and forget about their partners.)

But ‘F’ geniusly bridges the emotional and the physical. To her, it captures the essence of the phrase: Being with a man. And something very interesting happens during foreplay. Eve not only senses the touch, the physical connection, but the emotional underpinnings as well.

For example, when you kiss her, she doesn’t just feel the lips touching, she relishes the emotional bond. (This connection is what women fuss about.)

In addition to this, foreplay is especially designed for the senses. The sensual bombardment is so remarkable, and the potential for pleasure so high, that it rivals the ecstasy of an orgasm.

Being multi-sensory, significantly fascinated by process and details, women relish every drop of the stuff going on. The smell of candles, the sound of lip-locks, the caress of your fingers, the slow and steady build-up of sexual heat ­ women are sucker for these.

Not that sensual bliss is solely found in foreplay, but tastefully done, Foreplay can be like one long orgasm.

Really! One… long… lasting . .  .climax!

The Grossly Underplayed Card

In a committed relationship, there are certain physical accesses and privileges that only YOU, her partner, can avail of.

Foreplay is one.

No one else is licensed to connect with her in the manner that you are encouraged to. Not even her long time girlfriend can do that to her body, as society limits them to hugs & kisses. Only you are tolerated to caress her breasts, lick her body or slip your fingers…without a lawsuit. Nobody else has that PRIVILEGE of ravishing and indulging her.

Only you.  Hands, tongue, any part of you, can mesh with hers… without apologies… without restraint.

Unfortunately, this is an underused card. Men take foreplay for granted, not understanding their total franchise of her body, mistaking kisses and caresses as means to an end.

The irony, is that out of the many uncontrollable emotional forces operating inside your woman’s body, one of the most potent is the yearning to be kissed & touched. She’s dying to be kissed and craving to be touched. She wants the warmth of another person. In a committed relationship, the source of all that (and more), is YOU.  The only one who can fill such an unimaginable need.

Think about that for a moment.

Why Is It Easier To Suck At Foreplay?

As I’ve said, foreplay works, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a newbie or expert, you can get a woman going. But when a well-intentioned guy fumbles, it’s not necessarily because he’s a jerk or that he fundamentally sucks. He’s probably still getting the hang of it.

Guys don’t have socially acceptable avenues to practice foreplay… except in the act itself. Both practice and the real thing happen at the same time and I if you don’t make-out or get laid, you don’t get practice.

Compare that to Eve’s world where they’ve been hugging and kissing since they were kids, where touching marks the affairs of women.

Moreover, foreplay involves a lot of being in the moment. Which, again, the goal-oriented fellows don’t do. We don’t ruminate, we’re always on the move, always making things happen, changing the world. The slow and steady build up that women like goes against every force of habit. We don’t even know what the heck ‘being in the moment’ really
means.

When guys operate as if sex involves paper work or deadlines, they may do their darn best, but they will still suck if they don’t stop acting as if they’re at the office.

So there you have it. A in-depth look at one of the biggest mistakes men make when making love with women.

The Real Secret To Sexual Mastery

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Tricks, without true sexual understanding, are empty, robotic… lifeless. Believe me, if sexual expertise simply requires rote tricks, then I would have simply thrown a bunch of cheap tricks to your face. We would have taken that route and my job would be much easier.

The real secrets of lovemaking are NOT suppressed, subverted, or reserved only for the sexual elite.

The opposite is true ­ they are sinfully plain to eyes and deceptively obvious, that’s why very few men (or women for that matter), see them for what they truly are… MAGIC.

Their simplicity is their tragedy. These “secrets” are not hidden nor obscure, they are so self-evident that nobody really takes the time to notice them. They are easily taken for granted and nobody gives them second pass.

The biggest sex secrets are not moves, tricks or techniques. ­They are specific mindsets, beliefs and mental programming.

1. Visual VS. Multisensory

SIGHT will instantly ignite a man’s pants. The sight of a foxy chick can get a man going…instantly! How about a woman? How can you make her brain think, “Sex…now!?”

Well, women are MULTISENSORY.

Through the 5 SENSES, you can talk her brain to lust. By employing smell, taste, touch and sound, you can really get her going. (And that’s certainly good news for guys with skinny bodies and ugly faces).

Because of this sensitivity to various channels of sensual stimulation, Eve gets turned-on by a variety of things…things guys would never understand why.

We agree that curves are sexy — very visual. But women consider things like (1) the deep voice of a hunchback poet, (2) the sweet smell of mornings, (3) the rich taste of Swiss chocolate, (4) the warm breath fondling her neck ­ as ‘SEXY’.

For guys, these are whacked. “What’s with the hunchback and poetry thing?!”

Moreover, men assume that women are highly visual like them, and guys still think their looks and external trappings are sufficient sexual come-ons. Starting today, when you think AROUSAL, go MULTISENSORY.

2. Physical vs. Psychological

Every time SEX is on the table, two elements come in focus ­ there’s a PHYSICAL and a PSYCHOLOGICAL-
EMOTIONAL side. Physical refers to those luscious lips you long to kiss, that pair of erect nipples on a horny woman’s
heaving bosom and that firm body you long to be on top of.

Psychological-Emotional can refer to many things. Since sex stands on an interaction and symbolic basis, the issues of self-esteem, self-control, self-concept, self- confidence, dominance and sexual hang-ups come in. Also included are the feelings for the person you’re with… or the lack thereof. It’s your perception of the relationship, is it a one-night stand or a long-term thing?

Men are naturally dialed to the physical. Huge breasts. Tight ass. And of course—a freak in bed, willing to try every silly trick in the book. Still, it doesn’t mean the psychological-emotional issues never come in.

Women dig the Psychological-Emotional, and for many, sex presupposes an emotional connection. Not necessarily the “I’m so gonna marry this guy” feeling, but at least a feeling of closeness and comfort.

3. Process VS. Goal

This is the 3rd crucial difference between men and women. Women ask, “What’s with men? They want sex so bad, but when you finally give IT to them, they sure want it  over as fast as possible!”

Guys are very goal-oriented. Look at everyday scenes and witness how we contrast with Eve. Take jogging at the park, for example. Observe how men and women go about this ritual and behold their idiosyncrasies.

Can you spot the differences?

Women are able to appreciate the view as they run, taking in the freshness of morning, sparing a second to marvel at flowers along the route. They are also more likely to smile at strangers along the way.

How ‘bout the men, how did we do? We were probably counting laps made, whilst cursing how many freakin’ more to go, constantly looking over those heart rate gadgets strapped on our wrists. Heck, we would gladly step over flowers just to get from point A to B! Men have a thing for goals. And this predisposition inevitably gets carried over to the bedroom ­ displayed by an obsessive drive to 3 specific targets:

Goal # 1 = Take her clothes off

Goal # 2 = Slide penis in

Goal # 3 = Cum

But with Eve… it’s not so much the destination; it’s really more about the journey. WOMEN ARE PROCESS CREATURES. For them, sex is a moment by moment experience. (Hint to would-be great lovers)

With HER, she’s thinking, “Ok what’s happening, NOW… what’s he doing down there, NOW… Ohhhh what he’s doing NOW really feels  good.”

Can you sense the critical difference?  They are on different worlds and different time zones! Women are into process, the Present ­ men obsess with goals ­in the Future.

So it’s quite difficult for the goal-oriented and process-oriented creatures to be on the same page. Is one more correct than the other? No, but men ought to look into process so they won’t miss the pleasures offered by along the way. If you’ve got eyes solely on the goal, you will miss on the beauty of the journey.

That’s not to say that women don’t bother if they cum or not, they just know that orgasms aren’t everything, and their quality depends so much on going through due process. Sextraordinary is found in the PROCESS.