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Casual Dating or Serious Relationship? How to Know For Sure…

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When it comes to dating, different couples have different ways of managing their relationships. What is healthy ranges from one extreme to the other because really, it’s not about what is “normal,” it’s about what is right for you and your partner.

Some couples take it day by day while others start planning for marriage and kids down the road. How can you make sure you and your partner are on the same page?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been dating a really sweet and generous guy for about a month now. We decided to take it day by day. Today he texted me and ask me “How do I feel about him”. What does this exactly mean? I am sort of confused.

–Tina, FL

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Fyj4o3JMnQ[/youtube]

Taking It Day By Day

When dating, taking it day by day can mean a couple different things. For most people, taking a relationship day by day means living each day to the fullest and making the most of each day, while still leaving your options for the future open.

Some couples, however, take taking a relationship day by day quite literally, and consider whether they want to continue dating each day. While a day by day approach can be great for a newly forming relationship, taking it too literally may mean one partner might not be on the same page as the other.

Your partner might be wondering how you feel about them if you’re consistently re-evaluating your relationship on a daily basis to decide if you want to continue dating.

Taking a relationship like this by the week or month might be a better option, because while you’re still leaving the future open, you’re giving a little bit more of yourself to your partner without making a heavy commitment.

Whether you’re taking a relationship by the day, week, month, year or century, you and your partner won’t be on the same page unless you talk to each other about the relationship and where you see it headed. Talk to your partner and be open and honest about how you feel about them.

Talking To Your Partner

You don’t have to skirt around issues. If you can’t be honest with your partner about the relationship, the relationship probably isn’t going to last much longer anyways.

When dating, it’s perfectly fine to say, “I like you and I enjoy spending time with you. I want to continue to spend time with you, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten. Making a commitment doesn’t feel right to me right now.” Your partner should respect what you have to say and how you feel about the relationship.

You should encourage them to open up about how they feel about the relationship as well. For example, if your partner comes back and says, “I love you and I’m ready to make a commitment,” you and your partner might have some more discussing to do. It’s definitely possible to make a compromise, especially if you both really like each other.

This can never happen, however, if you and your partner don’t talk about the relationship with each other. No one likes to be left in the dark and going without talking about it because it might seem “awkward” will leave one or both partners really wondering where things are headed.

Just sit down with your partner, keep it light and casual, and give each person a turn to talk about the relationship and how they feel about it. You might find that you really are on the same page, but if you’re not, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to get there.

How To Achieve Emotional And Sexual Intimacy In Your Relationship

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To know and experience each other fully is the most effective way to keep the bonds of understanding, love and empathy alive and strong. This is the glue that keeps a relationship intact. Without it, it will eventually fall apart.

So what do I mean by emotional and/or sexual intimacy and how can one nurture such experiences?

Intimacy is not necessarily sex

Well, intimacy is often colloquially thought of as simply “having sex” by some. This is not what I mean here.

By intimacy I am referring to one’s ability to be open to one’s own inner feelings and then be able to share such experiences with one’s partner freely and without fear of any kind.

You see intimacy is about letting yourself be fully known to yourself and to your partner.

Unfortunately this is easier said than done for many individuals because most have been conditioned to suppress, hide, denigrate, or make unconscious much of one’s inner emotional life.

That is largely because the societal norms which continue to be perpetuated see feelings and emotions as dangerous, untrustworthy, illogical, painful, impulsive, etc.

Well, this is a sad state of affairs because emotions and feelings are what make you and me human beings.

What happens when we shut down

So by shutting down this part of one’s life experience one is essentially making one’s self less than a whole human being. That means that while in a relationship you are not fully present as your complete self.

Of course at some level your partner will eventually recognize this and feel like he/she is not fulfilled because he/she is not having a relationship with a whole human being.

It’s at times like this that individuals start feeling dissatisfied with their relationship and hence start looking elsewhere for happiness. No wonder so many relationships end for this reason.

The ability to nurture a bond of intimacy starts only when each individual starts to take personal responsibility for allowing their inner emotional life to emerge. First to themselves and then to their partner.

As I said earlier this self revelation can be a scary one for many because allowing this emotional life to emerge often means allowing unresolved emotional pain to come to the surface of one’s experience. This can make an individual feel inadequate, guilty, sad, depressed, anxious, angry, hurt, tired, etc.

The tendency might be to attempt to numb the emotional pain through drugs, alcohol, sex, work, and other distractions. Again this leads to individuals simply acting out a stale relationship with little depth and or awareness of self or other.

Sooner or later this will declare itself as unsatisfying and each partner will be on the look out for something else.

Nurturing intimacy

In order to nurture intimacy each individual must begin to invite their deeper emotional life into the relationship so that they can be fully known.

I have worked with individuals for over 15 years with a modality called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) (MRP) that allows one to quickly, easily and painlessly allow such personal and interpersonal growth to occur.

With respect to the issue of sexual intimacy I will add that one must be fully present (i.e. sexually, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) in order to achieve it.

In other words it is contingent on each partner allowing their entire Self to emerge in love, self acceptance and without fear.

So if you’ve followed me so far I think you’ve recognized that intimacy is as much about knowing yourself as it is about knowing your partner.

How To Stop Playing Games And Just Be Yourself

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So here you are meeting a new and special person tonight. What thoughts are going through your head?

Well,  “ What can I do or say to make myself look attractive to this other person?” for one.

In words you are likely thinking more of creating an image of yourself that is other than your true authentic  self. Why is that?

Are You Comfortable With You?

If you reflect on this you may find that you’re not completely comfortable with who “you” are. It’ sad to say  but most individuals find themselves in this situation. Hence they find themselves  “putting on a mask” or another way of saying this is “playing games” that in truth are manipulative.

Why manipulative? Well, because by playing such games you are trying to get the other person to believe that you are someone other than who you are. In other words, you are lying to them as well as to yourself.

How Do You Feel?

Now stop for a moment and notice how that realization makes you feel about yourself? Not good I would imagine.

Would it therefore surprise you if I said that the negative feelings about one’s self  that cause them to pretend to be someone else in part originate in the “game playing” behavior they choose to adopt.

So it’s a bit of a vicious cycle i.e. the game playing makes one feel bad about one’s self and the feeling bad about one’s self leads to the need to pretend to be someone else and hence more game playing!

Is There A Way Out Of The Cycle

So is one forever destined to be caught in this loop or is there a way out?

Well indeed there is a way out and this will allow you to begin to feel at home in your own skin as what I call your True Authentic  Self. This is an experience of self that is associated with self confidence, self esteem, honesty, inner peace and calm, resilience, joy, contentment, clarity, feeling totally alive, spontaneity and much more.

At the root of breaking out of the negative loop I mentioned above and achieving this new state of being is a new process I developed over 10 years ago called the Mind Resonance Process®(MRP). Let me orient you to the MRP experience briefly here.

One of the reasons why game playing takes place is because of a poor self image which results from having been rejected, humiliated , embarrassed or shamed in early life. If you have had such an experience I ask you to recall it briefly right now.

The Memory

Let’s call this experience “My  Memory of Poor Self Image”.

What is the benefit to you of having this memory stored inside you? Initially you may say “nothing” however I ask you to reflect on this for a moment.  Although there may be many reasons you can come up with I will choose a common one for illustration purposes which I’m sure you’ll resonate with.

So a primary reason that might make the Memory beneficial is that it teaches you to avoid exposing yourself in ways that could potentially lead to a repeat scenario.

Hence one could conclude that the Memory has some protective purpose i.e. it protects you from getting hurt once again.

If this is so then one should be feeling safe, secure, calm, self assured, relaxed, content, peaceful and resilient in one’s interaction with others as a result of having the Memory “on board” so to speak.

Is that however the case? Well of course not because whenever you think about the Memory (and even when you don’t because it’s always inside you, isn’t it?) it makes you feel anxious, poorly about yourself, unattractive, defective or deficient, less than others, afraid of being exposed or found out,  and so on.

Hence the Memory is toxic to you, correct?

So that makes the conclusion above that “the Memory  causes you to feel safe, secure, calm, self assured, relaxed, content, peaceful and resilient in one’s interaction with others” is false.

Release The False Belief

So if you wish to release this false belief from within you (and I suggest you try this to experience the effect) then simply ask as if speaking from your heart that it be permanently released from your life now.

Next, if you wish, ask that the Memory itself be released from your life.

Finally, envision and feel how you would rather be in your interactions with others and if that feels good to you then assert to yourself that this is where you’d rather be.

Notice now how you feel. If you’ve followed me so far I know that you will be feeling better about yourself and within yourself than you have in a long time.

She Gave Me Her Number… Should I Ask Her Out On A Date?

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Making a move on someone you’ve known awhile can be frustrating. Where do you start? How do you know when the right time is? What do you say?

The question of whether to ask them out is a huge one. Should you or shouldn’t you?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I have liked this girl for about a year. Last Friday I told her how I felt and she didn’t say ‘no’; Here’s what she said “David I think of you as a brother, but I don’t see why we can’t get to know each other better, and I’m not trying to raise your hopes and I can’t promise you anything”, and then she gave me her phone number. Should I leave it as it is for a while, or should I make a move?

–David, CA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bC6hFKpafg[/youtube]

Is the Door Open or Closed?

Take a look at the situation from an outsider’s perspective. Look at your crush’s body language and their mannerisms toward you. Are they flirty? Do they seem to show interest in you? Have they given you their number? If you’re noticing these types of behaviors, your door is most likely open to make a move.

If their body language or mannerisms towards you are cold, or unresponsive to you, you’re probably facing a closed door. Before you ask your crush out, take some time to really feel out the situation and use your intuition and perception to judge as best you can how receptive your crush is to you. If the door seems open, go for it!

Getting The Date

If you’re lucky enough to snag a date with your crush, congratulations! Now it’s time to show your crush how much you’re into them. Don’t try to be buddies with them, because they might end up thinking of you as just a “buddy.” Don’t be standoff-ish either, because you might get the cold shoulder in return.

Let your crush know you’re happy to be on a date with them and be casually romantic. Let them know using your language and body language that you’re not trying to be buddies or anything else but romantically involved with your crush. If you try too hard to be friends with your crush, you might end up getting yourself stuck in the “friend zone.” This is never a fun place to be when you like someone!

If you snag a date with your crush, it’s important to let them know right off the start that you enjoy spending time with them romantically and that you’re even sexually interested in them.  Take it easy and don’t put pressure on them, and you’ll find that the relationship develops romantically over time.

Don’t Pass Up The Opportunity

It’s important if you see an open door when it comes to asking your crush out, that you take it. Many people are so shy or so caught up in the crush that they fail to realize that their crush is literally holding the door wide open to be asked out!

Some people are hard to read, but if you give it a little time and some effort, you can use their body language and their general attitude towards you to figure out if they’ll be receptive to you asking them out. Taking the plunge and asking your crush out on a date might seem really intimidating at first, but if you have an open door, go for it!

There’s a slight chance of rejection but that’s usually the case no matter who you’re asking out. If the door seems closed, you can wait and see if it opens later. If your crush acts cold to you though, or generally doesn’t give you any reason to believe they’d be interested in having you ask them out, you’re better off expending your energy on another fish in the sea.

With a bit of patience and some courage, you might find yourself dating your crush sooner than you expected!

Avoid These 5 Marriage Proposal Mistakes That Leave Women Feeling Disappointed

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Did you know that a man once hospitalized his girlfriend trying to propose to her?

It’s true! He slipped the engagement ring into her shot glass and as they toasted to his speech, she swallowed it! Now, she survived, but they did need a trip to the emergency room.

In fact, it’s ‘embarrassing yet funny’ proposals like these that remind me of the 5 ways that guys totally DESTROY this precious moment for women by making horrendous mistakes. Please don’t make these mistakes…

1. CREATING A PUBLIC SPECTACLE

Whether it’s a party, family get-together or Yankee game, realize that you should never propose to your beloved if she wouldn’t feel comfortable with a public proposal.

Not only may it embarrass her, but she may feel pressured to say “Yes,” only to tell you the truth later. Bottom line, think about what sort of person your lady is: Is she shy, cautious or a little reserved? Then maybe a private proposal is the better way to go.

2. “OVER-DOING” THE PROPOSAL

Some men’s idea of an amazing proposal is slapping together all the “usual” romantic things into one big event and calling it a “marriage proposal.” Sadly, this couldn’t be further from the truth. For example: A man serves the candlelit dinner, presents her flowers, chocolates, a teddy bear and then proposes to her.

Yuck. I’m sorry, but if you believe your lady deserves the most magnificent experience of her life, then understand that normal “everyday romance” is only good for… everyday romance! ­ not a proposal. She’ll never admit it, but she’ll most likely be disappointed.

3. BEING UNPREPARED

You usually only get one shot at your proposal so you MUST get it right! No pressure :D. Always rehearse through the things that could go wrong, create backup plans and please make sure your proposal idea is safe! If you’re creating a more elaborate proposal, you’ll need extra caution.

Physically rehearse through the situations, discover what could go wrong and work out solutions around them. Get your friends together and brainstorm the sticky situations that could come up on the day. Of course, life is unpredictable and things may change but be prepared the best you can.

4. SPENDING TOO MUCH MONEY

Hang on! You’re probably wondering, “How is spending TOO MUCH money on a proposal a problem?” Well it all depends. The problem with money is that it often becomes a substitute for creativity. As a result, you get a “nice” memorable proposal but nothing that’s “jaw-dropping!”

5. USING A “DONE TO DEATH” PROPOSAL IDEA

Now here’s the biggest mistake of them all. Yes, coming up with creative and original ideas to propose is tough, but it’s a must if you want your moment to be remembered and talked about for years to come!

Your proposal needs to be personalized to your girlfriend. What are her favorite hobbies, music and interests? These are the starting points to an incredible proposal that everyone will talk about for years.

While the Eiffel tower, hot air balloons and getting the waiter to bring out the ring on a platter are “okay” ideas, they’re not creative and original enough for the most important and memorable moment of both your lives.