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Safe Sex: Can That Clear Fluid Really Get Me Pregnant?

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If you’re in a steady, sexual relationship with your partner, you may be wondering just how risky you can be sexually without getting pregnant. You’re not alone!

Many people want to test the boundaries and do as much with each other without a condom as possible. Some people say that it feels better and others just like the physical closeness and intimacy.

One thing is for sure though, it is always better to be safe than sorry!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

The white/clear liquid that comes from a guy as lube, does that contain sperms?

Is it enough to get a female pregnant?

-Tori, CA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCTagiaSskI[/youtube]

There’s always a risk of pregnancy and STD’s when you have sex.

Yes, it’s true.  If you’re having sex at all, be it protected or unprotected sex , you risk conceiving a child or contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

It’s pretty black and white, but there are many misconceptions when it comes to this. Even with condoms, there is still a 0.01% chance you may become pregnant when having intercourse with your partner. It’s important to look at the situation in a realistic light. The only completely safe sex is no sex at all.

What fluids actually contain sperm?

The only fluid that contains sperm is the ejaculate – theoretically. However, there may be some sperm hanging out in the urethra from an earlier ejaculation that can get passed to the vagina in the clear fluid that comes out of the penis during heightened stimulation. Therefore, to be safe you should assume that any fluid that comes out of the penis can contain sperm!

If you want to avoid getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease, your best bet is to simply have your partner wear a condom for any sexual activity that would involve the penis getting near or in the vagina.

Be safe, not sorry.

If you’re not prepared for the consequences of having unprotected sex, such as contracting an STD or conceiving a child, it is extremely important that you practice having safer sex at all times! If you and your partner are able to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and the tests are negative, you can switch to spermicide or hormonal birth control pills instead of condoms to allow for more intimacy and pleasure for both you and your partner.

If you are having unprotected sexual intercourse with your partner, you need to acknowledge the fact that the risk of getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease is much higher than if you and your partner used a condom.  Although you are not completely eliminating the risk of pregnancy and STD’s with a condom, you are reducing your chances significantly. It is much better to be safe than sorry!

Just remember that the decisions you make in bed can certainly affect the rest of your life and act accordingly. Countless individuals have made a split second error in judgment in the heat of the moment, only to realize that it is too late and they have an STD or a new baby to take care of.  Just act responsibly!

Use protection any time you and your partner are ready to have intercourse and don’t let your partner’s penis near your vagina unless he has a condom on if you don’t want to get pregnant.  Remember that any fluid that comes from the penis has the potential to carry sperm and sexually transmitted diseases.

If you and your partner stay safe, you can enjoy each other sexually while reducing your risks tremendously.  You decide!

How Letting Go of the Past Can Help You Hold On To The Future

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The past can be a tricky thing. It always seems to haunt us, especially when we really need to learn to let it go.

When you enter into a serious relationship with someone, you tend to take on their pasts as well, and it can be difficult to accept what may or may not have happened in their lives before you came along.

This can put a serious damper on your relationship! How can you learn to let go of your partner’s past so you can move forward with them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for just over six months now. I feel quite serious about him, but I have issues with past relationships. I was married for 7 years and divorced. Things went well with him up until I found out about and saw pictures of his ex-girlfriends. This seemed to trigger some sort of obsession which I believe was the catalyst of our break up. I needed to find out more about them. Which led to my self esteem plummeting, I believe I wasn’t worthy of his affection. Now with my new boyfriend, I can see a similar pattern emerging. This result in me being distant and pushing my boyfriend away in fear of destroying another relationship, which is the last thing I want to do. Please help.

– Vicky, UK

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2F-8p2_IK4[/youtube]

The past is the past.

First of all, you need to understand that your partner has a past, just like you do. They probably dated around and had their fair share of exploits and relationships that didn’t work out, just like you did.

While your partner’s old partners can seem like they’re in the present, they’re not! They’ve moved on and your partner has moved on. If you find yourself obsessed with your partner’s past partners, you may be the only one who hasn’t moved on! You need to realize that your partner is with you and not with their former partners.

That’s what matters most! When you begin to understand that you’re the one your partner loves and wants to be with, you can begin to let go of their pasts and look towards the future.

Dealing with serious issues.

Sometimes, people who are unable to let go of their pasts or their partner’s pasts have some inner issues that are causing this obsessive behavior. It could be underlying self esteem issues that make you feel like you aren’t as good as your partner’s former flames were or it could be other issues that arise from childhood. If you suspect that you have some baggage that you need to check before moving forward in your relationship, it’s time you do so before you end up pushing your partner too far away.

Really take a look at yourself outside of the situation you’re in and see where you’re at. Don’t compare yourself to your partner’s past partners. The important question is how you feel about you. Don’t be afraid to seek counseling if you feel like your inability to let go of the past is something that comes from deep inside of you.  A good counselor or therapist can help you work through your inner issues to learn to be happy with who you are now.

When you are confident and happy with yourself, you can be confident that your partner is happy with you too, and then your partner’s former flames won’t matter so much!

No matter what the real issue is, if you find yourself obsessed with your partner’s past or even if you’re stuck in your own past, you may be serving only to push your partner away.  Unless that’s what you’re truly going for, it’s important to nip the behavior in the bud before it gets any worse!

Take the time to work through your problems and don’t forget to let your partner in during the process.  They can be a huge pillar of support for you and if you’re open and honest with them, they can be understanding as you work to move through your inability to let go of the past.  With time and effort,  you can learn to be comfortable enough with yourself to let go of your partner’s past, and you’ll both be happier for it.

Thinking of Having a Threesome? Why Not Make It A Foursome…

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You and your partner have decided to have a threesome. You may even have someone in mind that you and your partner have both agreed on.

If you’re about to take the plunge into the world of multiple partner sex, you may have a few questions on how to do it safely.

Congratulations! Not everyone has safety on their mind before having a threesome. Here are some great ways to have safety in numbers.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Just wanted to say I think it is great what you two do.  My question is my girlfriend and I want to have a threesome with another female and we have one lined up. I know to use a condom but what about oral and other kinds of play? We don’t want to come home with some kind of STD.

Do you have any advice for protection?

– John, CA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3yXco6t9ag[/youtube]

Getting Tested

The first and foremost thing you should do if you’re planning to have a threesome is get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. All parties involved should have this done.

Your doctor can do this for you, or a local health department can. Have the clinic print something for you that shows your STD status and let all parties involved have a look. This is truly the best way to avoid contracting sexually transmitted diseases when having a threesome.

Sometimes, a threesome is not monogamous and this can substantially shake things up. If you can’t secure a regular threesome partner or if it’s not just a one time thing, you’ll want to take extra safety precautions.

Stepping Up The Safety Factor

– Use latex condoms, or condoms from another material if someone is allergic to latex. Female condoms are great too. Use condoms during sexual intercourse, anal sex and even during oral sex and hand to penis stimulation. While this may not sound enticing, make sure you have a bottle of lubricant with you. Lubricant can go a long way to making latex feel more natural and pleasurable.

– Use latex or vinyl gloves. If you’re going do be doing any play with your hands that involves touching the penis, vagina or anus, protect your hands and their genitals by using latex gloves or gloves of another material.

– Use dental dams or at the very least, plastic wrap when giving a woman oral sex. These both work well to protect the mouth from any vaginal secretions. The trick to using dental dams or plastic wrap is putting a few drops of lubricant on the underside of the plastic square (the side that faces the vagina) and leaving the side that faces the mouth clean. This will help increase the pleasure of oral sex.

These things aren’t going to keep you from contracting every sexually transmitted disease on the planet, but it will reduce your risk of exposure a great deal. Remember that pubic lice, scabies, genital herpes and genital warts can all be spread by skin to skin contact.

Even if you’re wearing a condom, if there’s a genital sore on the upper part of the genitals and this is something you come into contact with, you run the risk of contracting the STD.

Communication

It is essential that you communicate frequently with all parties that are to be involved in the threesome. Talk before the threesome, during and even after. Address what actions are acceptable and what aren’t. Stick to these guidelines during the threesome. Don’t put anyone in a position where they could possibly contract a sexually transmitted disease just for your own pleasure.

Keeping the lines of communication open can seem awkward, but it is essential for a successful threesome. If you’re smart and safe, you and your partner can have a great time with your new partner.

He Pulled Out… Can I Still Get Pregnant?

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You and your partner having been having intercourse for some time now. You feel like a couple, you’re committed to each other . . . and you’ve been having unprotected sex.

Sure, he’s been pulling out or you’ve been using the calendar method, but how risky are you actually being? Can you get pregnant?

There’s no easy answer to this question, but the answer is always the same. Yes!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 years now. We’re having sex like a couple and he wants to get married and we been having unprotected sex, well he went to pull out but made it to my leg before his cum came out could I get pregnant from that?

– Alyson, Nebraska

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pumISRts4tg[/youtube]

Any sex at all can lead to pregnancy.

While birth control methods work well, whether you’re using hormonal birth control, barrier methods or spermicides, you still run the risk of getting pregnant. Your risk of getting pregnant as a result of protected sex is much, much lower than if you were having unprotected sex, but there is still a risk. The only time you are fully protected against pregnancy is if you’re abstinent.

Pulling out…does it work?

Pulling out is a popular birth control method of choice for many couples who do not want to wear condoms and do not have access to hormonal birth controls. It is sad to say, but pulling out before ejaculation does not protect you much from getting pregnant! It is not a safe method of birth control!

If any sperm get in or near the vagina, you could get pregnant. When pulling out, this could happen a number of ways. Your partner could fail to pull out quickly enough and ejaculate inside your vagina, dramatically increasing your chances of conceiving a child. Your partner could ejaculate on your leg and the ejaculate could get onto the outside of your vagina. If the sperm travel to your fallopian tubes (which they can), you could get pregnant.

Let’s not forget that men also emit pre-ejaculate during sex that they usually can’t feel, that can contain sperm as well. All of these things could get you pregnant!  It is much safer to use protection of some sort while engaging in sexual activity.

Are we being too risky?

What is considered “too risky” is up to you. Are you prepared to conceive a child? Are you prepared for the consequences of what could happen if you become pregnant? Have you talked to your partner about how the situation would be handled should you find out that you are pregnant?

If you are not ready to become pregnant, have a child, prepare to end the pregnancy or place the child for adoption after the birth, you should seriously reconsider having unprotected sex even if you’re pulling out or using the calendar method! If you do believe that you and your partner can truly handle the prospect of getting pregnant after having unprotected sex, then it’s up to you whether or not you wish to continue having unprotected sex.

Talk with your partner and talk with your doctor about how you can start having safer sex. If you do not want to become pregnant, you need to use some method of birth control. Condoms work especially well and are easy to purchase from supermarkets and convenience stores. Hormonal birth controls and spermicides are effective as well, and for extra protection you could consider using both.

The best person to counsel you on how to have protected sex is your doctor or a sex therapist or counselor! The bottom line is if you don’t want to get pregnant, don’t risk it with unprotected sex, ever!

My Girlfriend Says She Needs Space – What Does That Mean?

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Who hasn’t found themselves in a relationship where one partner wanted space?

It’s a totally normal and healthy thing unless you’re not the one asking for space. Then it gets uncomfortable and sometimes even awkward when your partner wants space but you’re content with closeness.

What does it mean when your partner asks for a little breathing room? Are they trying to play the field or do they really just mean what they said?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am seeing a girl who left her marriage one year ago and had been in another one year relationship directly following the breakup of her marriage. About 2 weeks following the breakup of her relationship I started seeing her and things are actually going very well or were going well.

We had a discussion about how we are spending a lot of time together and she had made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t get into a serious relationship right away. I took this as she wants to play the field and not see me. What do you think?

– Steve, Alberta

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RS-XD0vMcs[/youtube]

There are many reasons behind asking for space.

A person might ask for space in a relationship for a variety of reasons. The key to figuring out what your partner really means when they ask for space is trying to understand what is behind the need for space.

Did your partner just get out of a string of serious relationships and would perhaps want to take the next relationship slowly? Is your partner going through a troubling emotional time right now where they would need some time by themselves to think things through? These are all good, legitimate reasons that someone would ask for space in a relationship.

If your partner is going through anything like that, chances are their request for breathing room is just that – a need for space. It probably doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be with you anymore or that they’re trying to play the field. Although this is a possibility, it’s actually very rare.

If you suspect that your partner is trying to play the field (and by suspect, we mean have real reason to believe) then you should just talk to your partner about it. Air out your feelings and let your partner have their say too. Chances are, if you talk about together in a non-judgmental way, you’ll get to the bottom of the situation in no time.

Give your partner space.

If your partner asks for space, there’s not a thing you can do about it but give them space. As frustrating as it might be, especially if you’re not on the same page as your partner, you really don’t have a choice. It’s your partner’s choice.

If they want to slow down, or take some time to be by themselves, it’s important that you let them! Chasing after your partner will only serve to push them away. Remember the saying that if you love something, let it go and if it comes back, it’s yours? Even though it’s cliché, it certainly applies to this situation. If your partner asks for it, let them have as much time and space as they need to deal with what they’re dealing with. Make it clear that you’re there for support if they need it, but otherwise, steer clear! If they truly care for you and want to have a relationship with you, they’ll find their way back to you.

If your partner really is playing the field, they’ll go down a different path and you might be all the better for it. Just remember to take everything in stride. Give your partner space if they need it and just hang out until further notice. Chances are, if what your partner says about needing space and taking it slow is to be taken at face value, you’ll end up back in a solid relationship again and your partner will have worked through some of the issues at hand, making for a better relationship in the end!