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How Much Porn Is Too Much And How Do I Know if I’m Addicted?

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Contrary to popular belief, pornography is actually watched by many people – both men, women and couples.

Watching pornography isn’t something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about because it’s more than likely that the person sitting right next to you watches it to.

That said, is it possible that someone can watch too much pornography or become addicted to it?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve just watched the video about a woman being addicted to pornography and it made me think.

I think it’s fair to say I’m addicted to pornography …  But the twist is that it can’t be because I’m lazy and I don’t even have a sex life.  I don’t have a relationship, and I’m not interested in getting one anytime soon. Is watching porn every other night or so bad?

– Kevin,   California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W13IgytPqrg[/youtube]

How much porn is too much?

Generally, even watching pornography as often as every other night and in some cases every night isn’t considered “too much.”  That depends, though.  How much is too much?  There are no set “rules” for how often someone has to watch pornography for it to become “unhealthy” or “too much.”  It varies from person to person.  For example, someone who watches pornography every couple of nights but who has always done this and still maintains healthy, loving and sexual relationships in their life has not taken the habit to an unhealthy level.

On the other hand, if someone who rarely watches pornography begins watching every night or every other night and is lacking meaningful, intimate relationships may have an issue that needs to be dealt with.  There is no one way to tell if someone is watching too much pornography – it’s something you have to judge for yourself.

Can pornography be addicting?  Sure – everything can be addicting, especially for someone who has an addictive personality.  That, however, doesn’t mean that if you watch porn often that you are automatically addicted to it.  You have to truly think about whether it’s an actual addiction or not.

Do you think about pornography all the time, even when you’re not watching it?  Do you find that you’re irritable or act differently if you don’t watch it?  Do you reschedule appointments, skip family time or stay at home while your friends are out just so you can watch porn?  If you’re answering “yes” to any of these questions, you might be addicted to it.  If not, then you most likely have nothing to worry about.

If you find that you’d rather watch pornography than have an actual, meaningful and sexual relationship, that’s something you need to really take a look at.  It wouldn’t be the first time someone has used pornography in an attempt to avoid being hurt in a relationship or being taken advantage of.  Let’s face it – watching pornography is a lot faster, takes less effort and ends when you want it to.

Theoretically, it’s the greatest relationship ever.  In reality, if you’re substituting porn for an actual relationship, you end up missing out.  Do you have deep seated issues that keep you from dating or beginning relationships?  If there are psychological reasons that keep you from having relationships, such as childhood abuse or self confidence issues, the best way to work those out is with a therapist.

All in all, the majority of people who watch pornography – even if it’s nightly or every other night – aren’t addicted to it nor do they watch it “too often.”  Does someone who never watches pornography watch it “too little?”  That’s unlikely – so it differs from person to person.  If you’re comfortable watching porn, your relationships aren’t suffering and you’re not showing classic signs of a serious addiction or deeper issues . . . well, sit back, relax and enjoy!

Women: 5 Ways To Save Your Marriage

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Is your marriage in trouble? No matter how bad, there’s always hope and ways to turn your situation around.

Here are five common ways to help create a better, more loving and harmonious relationship with your husband.

1. Handle arguments differently

Every marriage and relationship has arguments, but it’s how you handle them that’s most important.

At Junior High School, I said ‘no’ to drugs. At my wedding altar, I said ‘no’ to fighting. Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” anti-drug campaign was a huge success.

Kids made a verbal commitment and a mental stance to avoid drugs before they were even of the age to be tempted. When they were introduced to drugs, they knew they could “just say no” and not feel alone.

Fighting is NOT harmless. It’s addictive and, if continued, is likely to cause irreparable damage. Certainly there are times when emotions get wrinkled, and the natural inclination is to blow your top.

I sometimes have to bite my tongue so I don’t say something I would regret later (since when is self-control a bad thing?) Having a naturally calm personality has admittedly made it easier for me to think before I speak than it is for some people. But that shouldn’t stop anyone from trying.

2. How to make him listen

In most relationships, a polite and sincere request gets much greater results than if you yell, nag or complain.

For example, the other day Athena saw my bath towel on the middle of our bedroom floor. She said “you might want to hang up your towel or it won’t dry out in time for your shower tomorrow.” When my clothes pile up outside of the hamper, she sweetly says, “it would really help me out a lot if you put your dirty clothes in the hamper.”

She was exhausted one morning and when Ashton (then five months old) began to stir, she turned over to me and asked if I wanted to “get up and have a little morning playtime with Ashton.”

That was a much nicer way of asking me to help her out than saying, “Why am I the one who always gets up early to take care of YOUR son? I think it is YOUR turn for a change.” Athena always thinks of nice ways to ask me to help out or to stop doing something irritating.

3. Turn gossip and bashing into praise

No one’s perfect. When wives get together and the conversation turns to complaining about “what their husbands do,” or male bashing in general, refuse to participate.

It shows that you respect and value your husband. For a man, few things are more devastating than to have his wife criticize him in front of friends. Instead, when a “gripe session” gets going, make it a point to start sharing some of his good qualities.

Usually, this alone will steer the conversation into a positive direction and help your friends to also praise their husbands — which in turn helps them to respect and appreciate them more too. Knowing that my wife refuses to belittle me in front of friends makes me love and respect her even more.

4. Change your routine of life

After a few months or years, most couples get into a comfortable pattern where they always do the same things. Same dinner / movie dates, same sexual routine and same behaviors. You can rekindle some of that magic and keep your marriage magical by simply paying attention to these three important areas:

1. Go on creative dates – agree to go out and do something you’ve never done before once every week, fortnight or month. It doesn’t really matter what you do, but it’s important to commit and do this constantly. Want some ideas? Go to a winery, museum, art gallery, carnival, the beach, or have a picnic in a park.

2. Spice things up under the sheets – try a new position, technique or location. Wear some nice lingerie or introduce some new toys into the bedroom.

3. Change the norm – buy him a gift just to say “I love you,” give him a surprise quickie before work, a nice massage, set up a scavenger hunt that shows how much you care about him with a gift at the end.

5. Face your money issues and debts

One of the biggest problems facing couples today is the huge amount of debt they bring into their marriage. Not only are there more divorces, couples are calling it quits much earlier in their marriage than ever before. Here are some ideas to get your debt and money issues under control.

1. Sit down and prioritize all aspects of your family budget together. Only when you analyze your spending habits will you fully realize where you are wasting money. It’s a great opportunity to talk about your goals and dreams.

2. Realize that frivolously spending money can be a sign of disrespect for your marriage and mate.

3. If you would like a bigger diamond ring or a fancier car, ask yourself why.

4. Take a quick inventory of all the items you own but could really live without. Consider how much you paid for them. What if you didn’t buy those items and had all that money in savings instead? Would it make a difference in how you view your job, your family and your future?

Met Someone New? How Long Should You Date Before It’s OK To Have Sex?

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You’ve met someone new. You have a great connection and things look great. So when is it okay to have sex for the first time?

There are those who believe it’s okay to have sex on the first date. Others think the third date is the right time, but still others believe you should wait much longer. Perhaps as long until after the wedding.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How long should I date a man morally speaking before we have sex??

And so it will be a better relationship if that’s what is meant to be…

–Erica, California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCUON2MefyU[/youtube]

The morality of sex

Morally speaking, there is no right or wrong answer to this question – which is what makes it such a great question.  People who are uncertain about what boundaries they have when making the decision to have sex with the person they’re dating might be a little surprised to learn that the only boundaries they have are the ones they set for themselves…

Some people feel that it’s perfectly fine or natural to have sex with someone on the first date, or even shortly after meeting.  Others certainly might not agree, but it is ultimately up to the couple in question.  If both parties involved feel that it’s okay and feel confident about having sex soon after the relationship begins, by all means – go for it!

Other people feel that sex is only for those who are married.  Whether it is due to strict religious beliefs or purely philosophical ones, this approach works well for many couples.  They are committed to each other before getting physical and when they finally do the deed, they feel more comfortable with each other.

Then there are those who wait until they gain their footing in a relationship and start to feel comfortable before getting sexual with their partner.  Some people abide strongly by the “three date rule” and others wait a few months, but not forever.

When is the right time to have sex?

There is no magic “time” that would make it morally right to engage in sexual activity with your partner and unless you feel otherwise, there’s no magic “time” that would make it morally wrong either.  It’s all up to you and your partner.  If you are both consenting adults, you’re free to engage in sexual activity whenever you like.

Before doing anything, however, you should take a deep look at your own religious or moral beliefs.  Do you feel it would make you uncomfortable to have sex with your partner before the one month mark?  Does your partner?  Are you completely comfortable having sex with them after only a week?  How would it make you feel if you did?  Really think about it and don’t be afraid to come to terms with how you feel about the situation.  You have the right to decide when and if you’re ready to “do it” and with who you’re ready to “do it” with.

When it comes to figuring out your own personal rules, you are free to be as strict or as lenient with yourself as you like.  Do whatever works for you.  Don’t do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable or make your partner uncomfortable.  No one should ever be pressured into having sex.  Don’t be afraid to fly by the seat of your pants either – if you’re with someone and feel comfortable with the idea of having sex with them, you’re welcome to throw any ideals you previously had out the window.  Or you can stick to your guns – it’s up to you.  Remember, the only boundaries you have are the ones you set for yourself.

Sex Toys for Boys?

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When most people think about sex toys, they usually think about vibrators and other such toys – for women.

But what about the guys? Are there no sex toys for men?

Sure there are.

But aren’t sex toys just for women and gay guys?

Huh? Where have you been?

Times are changing, and women demand that their men look, smell, and dress like civilized people, not farm animals. Suddenly it’s OK for men to have and share a sensitive persona, it’s not just about the neanderthal tough guy perspective. Nothing wrong with true strength of character and solid, unflinching self confidence, but the woman in your life expects to be loved and treaded with loving care, as an object of your affection.

More men are “getting their hair done” in fine salons than ever before, and more are enjoying regular manicures and pedicures. It’s a matter of appreciating that how you look and how you smell is indeed important, and looking and smelling nice doesn’t make you “gay”.

Well, along with everything else, men can also enjoy sex toys with their partners. Yes, there ARE sex toys for straight men, not just big, arched, phallic vibrators and butt plugs.

One of the most well known and appreciated sex toys for men is the cock ring.  Cock rings work by providing resistance against the man’s erection, thus partially restricting the blood flow in the penis to prolong pleasure, make his erection harder, and help to prevent premature ejaculation.

How many types of cock rings are there?

Surprisingly, cock rings come in many shapes and sizes.

Many are the simple and unyielding metallic or even plastic variety. Some are rubber and stretch a little or a lot.

And there is also more extreme, elaborate, fancy cock rings, complete with built in vibrating ability, such as the Hot G Vibe vibrating cock ring.

Since we like to think outside the box, let’s talk a little more about this last one…

Hot G Vibe – Vibrating Cock Rings

The Hot G Vibe cock ring is very unique among cock rings. In addition to being a cock ring, it’s also a vibrator.

And unlike many other cock rings, this one can be worn during actual penetration. Whether or not you’re comfortable with that, is another story.

Also a first among cock rings, the Hot G Vibe does not need to be worn at the base of the penis. It can be placed anywhere along the penis. Because of this “feature”, you can actually use multiple vibrating cock rings at one time. I can just see every guy thinking – I wonder how many I can fit on mine!

And of course to touch on the taboo topic of masturbation and self pleasuring, the Hot G Vibe cock rings can be work without a woman. Yes, it’s true… you can enjoy full vibrating action by yourself. You don’t even have to tell anyone about it, just like nobody knows how often you masturbate.

For any man who hasn’t ever ventured into male sex toys, perhaps it’s time you tried it. Who knows, you may like it.

And you can always start easy, maybe with a regular cock ring. And if you’re ready to go all out, try something more adventurous like the Hot G Vibe vibrating cock ring.

Frustrated Girl – Why Can’t I Have An Orgasm With My Partner?

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So you’re not able to orgasm with your partner – you’re not alone.  That said, it can be more than frustrating and enough to make you swear off sexual activity all together.

Some women are unable to have an orgasm at all, but the vast majority are women that can have an orgasm – by themselves.  What can you do if you’re only able to reach the big “O” when you’re flying solo?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve only been  able to orgasm through masturbation while I visualize my private fantasies and feel comfortably alone. My boyfriend and I have been trying to get me to orgasm with oral sex or anything without sex.

Do you have any advice on how to relax and orgasm in the presence of my boyfriend?  Or with my boyfriend doing it to me without having sex?

–Carmen,Arizona

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKOIHfhLODg[/youtube]

Realize there’s an emotional factor

For women, sexual activity – of any kind – is an extremely emotional and private matter.  For you to be able to share your orgasm with your partner, you need to trust your partner and feel completely comfortable in their presence.

Sure, you may feel comfortable naked in their presence, but what about being emotionally naked?  If you trust your partner, you’ll be able to lay out your deepest fantasies and desires without the fear of rejection or shame.  If your foundation of trust isn’t at its strongest, work on that before you worry about having an orgasm with your partner.

Go slow.

You’ve established a trusting, emotional connection with your partner and now you’re ready for more.  It’s time to lay it all out there – what turns you on?  How do you like to be touched?  What feels good to you?  Sharing these things with your partner can help them know what will bring you to orgasm.

Don’t be afraid to guide your partner in the right direction – you know what you want but it’s not going to do anyone any good if you keep it all to yourself.  If you feel ready to take the next step, start slow.  You don’t have to take the plunge all at once.  Go step by step until you’re comfortable with a little more and a little more.

Try mutual masturbation.

Sure, it sounds embarrassing.  Really embarrassing.  It doesn’t have to be, especially if you and your partner are completely comfortable around each other.  Mutual masturbation can help “break the ice” before experiencing an orgasm with your partner.  You’re not on completely foreign territory here – you’re pleasuring yourself with tried and true methods but you can experience an orgasm in the presence of your partner.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out that it’s not as bad as it sounds!  If you’re still a little nervous about masturbating with your partner, try it with the lights completely out.  It may make you feel more comfortable releasing your inhibitions.

Above all, sharing an orgasm with your partner is all about trust.  If you find that you simply cannot experience an orgasm with your partner – even during mutual masturbation – but reaching orgasm by masturbation alone is not a problem, you may have deeper seated trust issues with your partner that you need to work through.

More often than not, however, you’ll find that letting go of your fears and letting your partner in is more emotionally rewarding than frightening.  You and your partner will have a level of intimacy that you never thought possible when you begin experiencing orgasms together.