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Virgin Swingers – Am I A BAD Person If I Want to Have Sex with Our Friends?

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Some couples have a truly amazing, exotic sex life that’s enough to make most anyone jealous.

But there’s more to a great sex life than endless sexual adventures and erotic games.

It’s not even about those amazing mind-shattering orgasms that many have heard about, but few have ever experienced.

The real secret lies in really playing together and being completely open with your lover, your playmate, your partner in crime. Open up and share your fantasies, and indulge your partner in theirs. That’s the well kept secret of those with the truly incredible sex lives.

Here’s a question from a woman who would love to enhance her and her husband’s sex life by having sex with some of their friends, but she’s terribly afraid of what others will think of her…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi this is a tough question for me because we were asked to do something with some friends of ours that I thought I would never do. They asked us to have sex with them!

Is it possible to have sex with this couple and still remain friends with each other? We do a lot together and I can see the sexual tension between all of us. We want to do it but we are not sure how to start it.

There are also kids. I don’t want to do anything with the kids around is that a smart idea. I really want to do this but I am nervous and scared and don’t know what to do. We all know that we love our spouses and that sex is as far as it will go.

Am I a bad person for wanting to have sex with someone else other than my husband? He is the only one I have had sex with. I have a lot of mixed emotions about this and I need some advice. We are all really good friends and don’t want to ruin our friendship either please help me. What should I do?

– Heather, Iowa

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4W4rUuy8TcU[/youtube]

So… How About a Threesome? Or Maybe Even Swinging?

In expanding their sex lives, many couples come across that point where they consider a threesome – or even consider inviting another couple into their bedroom. Gasp!

Sure, bringing another woman into their bed is possibly the most popular male fantasy of all time. But finding that ever elusive single girl that likes to play with couples in her spare time is more challenging than some might think.

Fact is, most single girls like to go out and have sex with single men – not with couples.

Of course there’s a lot of social stigmas around “swinging”, but the reality today is very different. Rather than the old “wife swapping” lifestyle of decades past, some couples today choose to try new things to spice up their sex life, and this new thing may or may not include playing with other singles or couples.

This is not about “swinger groupies” – people who don’t care about much other than having sex with others in large orgies, and hanging out at swinger lifestyle conventions. It’s about a couple experimenting and trying a new thing or another to add more spice to their sex life. THAT’S IT!

What’s truly amazing is that for something with such stigma, over 20 million Americans engage in sex multiple partners, together with their spouses. And the most popular adult personals site shows a consistent number in each state, regardless of religious or political stereotypes.

Are you a bad person if you WANT to have sex with your friends?

Think back… maybe back to your college days. Have you ever had one of those late nights hanging out with some friends, another couple? You know the feeling… you’ve all had a little too much to drink, and card games are starting to become a contact sport. You look around the room and everyone’s feeling the excitement, the sexual tension.

And while you’re pretty excited to cross a boundary here, you’re terrified. Are you suddenly a bad person? Are you taking advantage of your friends? Are they taking advantage of you? Is it cheating to be even having those thoughts? Are you asking way too many questions for the amount of alcohol you’ve consumed?

Is It Cheating to Have Sex with Someone Other Than Your Partner?

That certainly depends on how you define cheating. It’s kind of hard for you two to be cheating on each other while you’re BOTH enjoying something together, isn’t it?

Cheating is a breaking of the sacred trust in your relationship. Cheating is being dishonest and going behind your partners back. When you’re both enjoying a fun, new adventure together, that’s not what we’d call cheating.

But BEWARE. While it’s not technically cheating, there are a few things that could go very wrong if you’re not careful.

You MUST have excellent and very open communication, and a great, solid relationship to start with, or this could tear your relationship apart. Swinging, or the broader concept of an “open relationship” is definitely not a crutch to fix, or patch, a failing relationship. It can only work for a couple whose relationship is steady and strong enough to withstand the emotional torrent that could be unleashed when you bring new people into your intimate relationship.

And as with regular sex between single partners, be very sure to practice safe sex, and know your playmates before you get too personal. Play it safe so you can have more fun.

What Will Your Friends and Family Say? How About Your Minister?

It doesn’t matter! Not at all. It is simply not any of their business, whatsoever. Period.

Some people make the tragic mistake of involving their family in their sex lies. This is a bad idea and will lead to arguments in all but the best of situations.

While it’s not always the case, in general, as a society we’re just not yet evolved enough to handle this type of discussion at the dinner table – largely because of the silly but amazingly widespread taboo around all things sexual in our culture.

So make your decision together with your partner, and go with what feels right to the two of you. While your family and friends may think they have your best interest at heart, they are not living your life – you are! Do what feels right to you.

Frantic Girlfriend! How Do I Overcome My FEAR of Sex?

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Sex is a beautiful, wonderful experience shared by many happy couples around the world. But sometimes a couple can’t fully enjoy sex because one of them is actually afraid of sex.

Huh? Yes, there are many people out there, mostly women, who are afraid of sex. The slightest mention of sex can completely lock them up and bring them to tears.

Here’s a desperate cry for help from a lady in the U.K. facing the dire prospect of losing her husband…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a 24 year old woman, 8 months pregnant, and don’t enjoy sex at all. It all started when I was about 18/19. I had my first real love and it was brill.

The only problem that I had was that I didn’t like to have sex or even talk about it. The thought of it makes my whole body tense up. I’m with a loving partner now who I have been with for 2 years. We have sex occasionally, twice to maybe three times a month. I’m really worried because I can’t satisfy him. I would love to, but even talking about it now I feel like I want to cry.

He has suggested some things like games / watching videos / role play, but I can’t do it because I feel embarrassed. He sometimes shouts at me because he gets sexually frustrated, and says that he might even stray if I gave him permission. I really need some advice, as I feel I might lose him. Please help.

— Emma, United Kingdom

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVdtR-rQGJI[/youtube]

Why Are You Afraid of Sex?

This could happen for many reasons including childhood abuse, parents who had issues around sex, an extremely religious upbringing, and many other reasons. And before anyone accuses us of religious bashing, we’re not talking about all religions or all religious followers, only the extreme, pathological cases.

The point here is that there are many reasons that someone could reach adulthood and literally be afraid of sex.

So what do you do when you are this person, and you’re in a wonderful relationship? Just imagine the self-doubt and worry that you would feel – wanting to please your partner but being completely unable to do so…

Here are a few suggestions on how to overcome these fears.

Educate Yourself on Your Body and Sexuality

Educate yourself about your body, sexuality, and the emotions around sex. Read books, go to seminars, look online – whatever you have to do to truly understand your body and sex.

This may seem unrelated, but I had an incredible fear of spiders, especially wolf spiders. They seemed to be everywhere. Until… One day I went to the Science Museum with my 7 year old daughter and they just happened to be doing a feature on spiders. I learned so much that day and with this new knowledge my fear of spiders was erased. I now politely help them back outside when they come in the house, rather than splattering them into oblivion.

Knowledge is power and with knowledge comes acceptance.

Where are these feelings of fear coming from? It’s absolutely crucial for you to find the origin of these feelings and deal with them. Whether it’s childhood abuse or being raised by parents who genuinely believe sex is evil, the most important thing you can do is understand where this fear is really coming from.

Only then can you deal with those emotions, accept yourself, be at peace, and move on with your life – free of this restraint.

See a Traditional Therapist

A good therapist working closely with you should be able to help you find the underlying source, or at least to get an idea where to look. When seeking a therapist, be aware of… any biases they may have. Every human being has biases, and it’s important to always understand the bias of someone you’re dealing with.

Consult a Clinical Hypnotherapist

Hypnotherapy is a little on the fringe and “out there” for many people, but it can definitely work wonders. It certainly has for us. What we really like about hypnotherapy, is that you can often find the root of a problem in just a few sessions, as opposed to visiting a traditional therapist for months on end.

Since hypnotherapy is not mainstream enough that you can go to a hospital and get treatment, be sure to see someone who’s had some verifiable training and is a certified clinical hypnotherapist. And no, you can’t be hypnotized into doing anything you wouldn’t be open to doing anyway, that’s just in the movies. What a hypnotherapist will do is help you achieve a very relaxed state so that you will be more comfortable dealing with some of your more deep seated issues. But if it makes you feel better, you can take a trusted friend or relative with you (as I did).

Certainly both therapist and hypnotherapists have their place and benefits, but our focus here is discovering the core underlying issue quickly. Then you can visit a traditional therapist to deal with your emotions as they come up over the long term.

Try some emotional clearing to find the source yourself.

It’s hard for us to find the root of our own faults because we shield ourselves from harm or pain. Our minds easily avoid the real reasons for our problems unless we make a truly focused effort, and even then it’s very hard to come up with anything useful – unless you seek help from an unbiased external source.

A really great book to read on this is “Feelings Buried Alive Never Die” by Carol Truman. It’s an easy read, but it should help you find and heal the real buried feelings and emotions behind the problems you’re experiencing.

Ultimately, your best bet if you really WANT to get this resolved is to go through all 3 of these approaches, and then really focus on the one that is working best for you.

Can you overcome your FEAR of sex before it’s too late and you lose your husband to another woman?

This is hard to say… It depends on your husband, or boyfriend, and the strength of your relationship. Remember, love is not sex and sex is not love. Don’t focus on what you might lose. It’s more important to focus on getting help for yourself first. Only then will you truly be able enjoy a sexual relationship with another person.

Aaaahh! Why Does She Want to Be ‘Just Friends’?

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We’ve all known someone who’s loved a woman from a distance… wanted to be with her, but wasn’t sure how to share his feelings for her, how to go up to her and ask her out.

But what’s EVEN WORSE is loving her from no distance at all… being her best friend and wanting, hoping, wishing it could be more.

Here’s a question from a man in Arizona who’s desperately wondering why the woman he loves from the barren depths of the friend zone won’t take that risk to be more than friends…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Well, I have known this girl for a while now and when we started hanging out we were getting ready to take our friendship to something more… but she got scared and left?

Now she keeps coming back in and out of my life and saying that we are good friends. I finally got the courage to ask her why she didn’t let me be the man that she can love, and she told me that we are great friends and she was scared of ruining our friendship.

Why wouldn’t she take the same risk with me that she had taken with others, including her current boyfriend? Help!

– Daniel, Arizona

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYoWES-fETs[/youtube]

Why do Some Women Torture Men by Keeping Them “Just Friends” Instead of Lovers?

Contrary to what some of guys may think, the woman of your dreams (who happens to also be your friend) probably really values your friendship. Yes, it’s possible for women to have dear friends who are men, without being attracted to them in a romantic or sexual sense.

Rampant homophobia aside, straight guys also have both male and female friends they’re very close to, without being sexually attracted to them.

There is of course also the remote possibility that she’s not aware of your feelings. This is a real long shot, and it generally implies that she’s not very observant and doesn’t listen to her intuition. You can always tell if someone likes you – all you have to do is listen.

And, maybe she wants to be with you romantically as well, but she’s afraid to approach you for whatever reason. Maybe she’s shy or afraid of rejection. Maybe she believes the man has to make the first move. Sometimes two people truly want to be together, but neither one makes the move.

Either way, it’s your move. If you want to know, you’ve got to take that first step and make a move. It doesn’t have to be a major item, but escalate things until it’s very, very clear that you are interested.

When You Finally Share Your Feelings With Her, Why Does She Not Reciprocate?

What if you’ve shared your feelings and she STILL doesn’t want to date you? And she’ll probably give you some good, logical reasons for it. But you have to find the REAL deep down reason, and it’s usually not the logical one. As human beings, we often use logic to support emotional decisions, basically a way to excuse what we really want to do.

Here are a few possible reasons…

1. She truly values your friendship more than romance

OK, this one sounds good, but it’s pretty unlikely. People take just about any risk imaginable for the very possibility of finding true love, closeness with another, and of course, amazing sex.

2. She just doesn’t like you that way!

While this is NOT what you want to her, it’s by far the most likely situation. You may WANT her to like you as a lover, but she only likes you as a friend.

Think back… surely at some point in your life, maybe back in school, you had someone attracted to you, but you didn’t feel that way about them. You may have liked them as a person, but you didn’t have romantic or sexual feelings about them. Now, this same thing is happening with you.

Moving On – Letting Go and Finding the RIGHT Woman for You

Hanging out in the friend zone is no way to live. She thinks you’re just being a friend – of course she probably knows very well that you want it to be more, but doesn’t want to lose your friendship. And you’re unhappy because you’re trying to make this relationship into something it just isn’t. That’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to her.

And by keeping her in your life and WANTING it to be more, you’re literally stopping the RIGHT woman from entering your life. It’s time for you to move on and actually find a woman that WANTS to be with you romantically and sexually, not “just friends”. Decide that you’re ready to find someone new, and open yourself to the opportunity of finding that perfect someone.

Approach other women, talk with them, ask them out, and have fun!

Sexual Abstinence – Can You REALLY Have Intimacy Without Sex?

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Regardless of your personal reasons for choosing sexual abstinence, you really need to talk with your partner about what is and is not OK. The boundaries are different for everyone.

What IS Sexual Abstinence?

Here’s an excellent definition from SmarterSex.org

Sexual abstinence is a choice to refrain from sexual activity. This choice is usually made for a specific reason. The reason may be moral, religious, legal, or for health and safety.

Read this question from a desperate young man who’s wondering how he can ignite the passion in his relationship – without actually having sex…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over two years now, and we have decided to refrain from sex until marriage.

The lack of sex isn’t a problem like I said, but the main problem we are facing is a lack of intimacy. For example, we haven’t really ever made out or fooled around. We started to make out once but then all of a sudden – like something clicked in her head – she stopped abruptly.

Since then I have tried a few more times to make a move to make out with her, but every time she just seems to have a defense mechanism. I was wondering if you have any advice for me to be able to overcome this hurdle, or if you have some tips for us to try and make our relationship be more intimate without sex. Any advice you have will be greatly appreciated.

– Dan, Michigan

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPsICFMbUKQ[/youtube]

Intimacy Without Sex

Given that you’ve agreed not to have sex, is it possible to still have sexual intimacy?

Again, that depends on how you define intimacy. Is it cuddling on the sofa, or is it giving and receiving oral sex? As you can see those are two very opposite extremes. We like to think that intimacy is a shared closeness rather than a sexual activity, but that does not have to be your definition.

Intimacy is one of those words that has different meanings for different people. That’s why it’s critical to talk to each other and find meanings and boundaries that you’re both comfortable with. This is not about anyone else and is completely between the two of you.

You see, to some, kissing is the highest form of intimacy and to others ‘getting intimate’ means sexual intercourse.

It’s time to get down to details…

Talk openly about what kinds of sexual activities you are open to and what sexual activities are absolutely off limits. Since you’re not having sex, you’re going to have to learn to talk about it openly.

Here’s my question. If you’ve never had sex, how do you define the boundaries of sexual activity?

My suggestion to answering this question is to buy some books and truly learn about your body and sex – what it is, what it isn’t. That way you can make an educated decision on where to set your personal boundaries.

Once you’ve identified the boundaries, stick to them!

Trust and communication are so important to maintain a deep level of intimacy, especially when trying to abstain from sex. You don’t want to accidentally go too far and risk ruining the opportunity for further intimacy – and damaging your relationship!

Choosing Sexual Abstinence

One thing we want everyone to consider carefully is their reasons for choosing sexual abstinence.

While we support and respect other belief systems, we do not feel that sex is either bad or evil, especially when shared between two people who are in love. We feel that sex is a natural expression of this love and should not be repressed.

Many religious organizations and parents use all kinds of scare tactics like guilt, pregnancy, and disease to keep their children, and even other consenting adults, from having sex.

Don’t fall for these scare tactics.

We believe in making an educated decision! Take the time to really do your homework, read, watch, and ask questions… Understand sex and your body, what it is and what it isn’t, and why you are choosing to refrain from having sex.

Did you get that subtle word? Choice. It’s YOUR choice to have sex or to refrain from it (assuming of course you are of the age of legal consent, which may not be the same everywhere).

You don’t have to agree with us, but don’t simply do what others are telling you to do either.

If you do choose abstinence, make sure that you are doing so because it’s the right thing for you and for your relationship – not because of guilt, religion, or parental obligation.

Ask questions and demand honest and open answers!

How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More – Oral Sex Secrets Exposed

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With all the societal and social stigma telling women they have to be “good girls”, very few feel comfortable talking openly about sex in general.

So it’s no surprise that most women won’t tell you they’d love for you to “go down on them”. Sure it can bring them immense pleasure, but it’s rare for a woman to make that request of her man.

Here’s what’s even worse. Amazingly enough, many women have NEVER experienced an orgasm! Think about that for a minute… never having had an orgasm.

Now, how would YOU like to be the one to give her that very first magical mind blowing orgasm? To give her all that pleasure.

Here are some surprising facts about women and oral sex

  • there are 8,000 nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris?  More than on the head of a penis or any other part of the human body?  With something that sensitive, you better know what you’re doing before you go poking around, especially with your tongue.
  • 88% of married women say cunnilingus is their preferred form of sexual activity?
  • 81% of women regularly achieve orgasm from cunnilingus, versus
  • only 25% from traditional vaginal penetration?
  • only 60% of women say they enjoy vaginal sex at all?
  • only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm?  That’s over nine out of ten women who do experience an orgasm when their lover understands a woman’s body and how to drive it to new heights of ecstasy

So what role SHOULD men play here?

Of course men don’t usually think twice before asking their woman to give them oral sex, or even try back door sex with them, which is now often referred to as “the new oral”. But here’s the rub. Considering everything she does for YOU, to get YOU excited, isn’t it about time you went out of YOUR way to give HER an amazing orgasm or two?

It’s time to step up and surprise your woman with the gift of orgasm and oral sex from her man.

Today, it isn’t about you, it’s about HER. And if you’re not doing the right things to really get her excited, then what’s the point?

Here’s our review of Oprah Love Expert, Michael Webb’s excellent Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More.

This book is a revealing step by step guide at oral sex and female orgasm from the master of romance. It’s about time we heard from a man known as a true romantic on the real sexual needs of a woman.

Most guys have SO much difficulty actually talking openly to their lovers about anything having to do with sex. Men don’t have trouble asking for one sexual favor or another, their problem is getting into intimate details with their partner… finding out what SHE really likes without getting the male ego bruised.

But it CAN be done, and the results should really improve your sex life – by satisfying the desires of BOTH partners.

Michael walks you through ALL the questions you need to ask your lover – so you REALLY find the right spot and bring her insane pleasure. Better yet, keep it fun – make this into an erotic date night game!

This book actually goes into the touchy details, like…

  • how to make her comfortable talking about RECEIVING oral sex from you
  • how to build the trust so she’ll welcome you
  • how to break through her self-consciousness barrier while overcoming your own inhibitions about cunnilingus
  • how to recognize and navigate the 8 components of the female genitalia with your tongue, and make them love it
  • how to tell if she’s enjoying herself just by watching and listening
  • 8 questions to ask to determine what she really wants
  • 9 tips for getting her ready for you, and for it
  • 5 ways to set the romantic stage for cunnilingus
  • 4 techniques to prepare her body for your most intimate attention

Summary: 

One thing we didn’t like about Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More was the long and extensive focus on safe sex, sometimes to the point of taking all the fun out of it! Your mileage may vary of course. Fact is, Michael just added all that information so that you’re informed and you have it if you want it.

Overall this book is a great guide to pleasuring your woman and we highly recommend it.

A lot of men could score some serious points with their ladies for just THINKING about bringing them this type of pleasure – not to mention actually downloading this guide and mastering the techniques. It’s not hard, it just takes a little initiative. 🙂

Get your copy right now before you get busy and forget. Surprise your woman with the gift of oral pleasure… Isn’t she worth it?