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Swinging vs. Polyamory – Am I Wrong to Want One Without the Other?

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So you’ve been enjoying the swinging lifestyle for a few years, and are having a blast.

But what if it starts growing into more than just sex with friends – or friends with benefits?

What if your husband or wife starts developing romantic (a.k.a. love) feelings for your playmates?

Dare we call it polyamory?
 

 

"Polyamory is the practice of having more than one loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The relationships are long-term, intimate, and usually (but not necessarily) sexual. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly."
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

"Swinging, sometimes referred to in North America as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple.  Swinging has been called wife swapping in the past, but this term is archaic and does not accurately describe the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging

And what happens when the jealousy beast rears it’s ugly head. Admittedly swingers (and certainly those into polyamory) are not nearly as apt to fits of jealousy as some monogamous couples, but it’s been known to happen…

What happens when one partner wants a polyamorous relationship and the other one doesn’t? Is it wrong to want one without the other?

No, it’s absolutely not wrong. What you want is what you want. What you feel and what you want is what’s right for you and for your life. Period.

The swinging lifestyle is typically about sex!

You get together, you play, and then you go home. That’s kind of what it’s about. But Polyamory takes it to a new level and, what I would consider, a much more enlightened level where you are actually in love relationships with multiple partners. It’s a true and total sharing of one another and not many couples (or individuals) are able to do that.

It all comes down to communication.

It’s critical to ask your partner how they feel and to share your feelings. The absolute worst thing that you can do is to hold your feelings inside – what you really want – because you’re afraid your partner may not understand. You have to talk about what you both want from the relationship and what boundaries you’re comfortable with. And in some circumstances, you may find out that you want different things. If this is the case, you’ll have to decide if you are willing to compromise or go your separate ways. 

Jealousy

The biggest reason why many people feel uncomfortable in a Swinging or Polyamorous relationship is "jealousy". It’s one of the biggest emotional issues that all couples face. And when you start bringing other people into your bedroom, you simply cannot let jealousy sneak into the picture because it will tear your relationship apart.

So you have to find ways to make each other feel really special and absolutely certain about where you stand in your own relationship before sharing intimate fun with others.

That’s the biggest thing in the end. Talk! Share your feelings!

Oh, and if you think swinging or polyamory are a rare occurrence in our society, think again!

Check out this survey that over 4,000 of our readers took – Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Polyamory? The results will certainly surprise you. 

High School Sweethearts: Is It Meant to Last?

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It’s happens all the time. High School Sweethearts go off to college. Usually, they go off to different colleges and that ends it pretty quickly.

But what happens when they actually go to the same college and see each other every day?

It may be more difficult to break it off, but as people grow and mature, especially at that age, they tend to go their separate ways. And that’s OK. It’s almost expected.

There are occasions where they stay together and live happily ever after, but that’s not the norm.

For young couples in this situation, the important thing is not to focus so much on the ever after and enjoy the time spent together today, in the present.

Don’t rush into marriage too quickly. There’s no reason for it. You can always get married later if you choose to do so. Being together is not all about marriage, and it’s not always meant to lead to marriage.

Many people just see marriage as a safety net – a way to "lock in" that relationship permanently before it gets away. Signing a marriage contract won’t make you closer. But getting married too soon in any relationship will usually lead to a lot of heartache and often an even more painful breakup.

Open and honest communication is critical. One may worry about the other’s happiness and make foolish decisions just to keep from hurting their best friend. Talk about your relationship frequently at this age because both of you are changing and growing so much all the time.

What may have been a valid assumption about your relationship in January may no longer be true in June. It’s not that the other person is fickle or confused. The ages between 18 and 27 are the years when a teenager becomes and adult and truly discovers who they are. They come out of their shell so to speak.

In many cases, this means leaving behind old friends and lovers, including your High School Sweetheart. Not because they’ve done anything wrong… You’re just growing and changing in different directions.

While it may hurt to break of the relationship, if you are honest with one another, five years from now, you’ll probably still be friends because of the trust and friendship you’ve developed. If you lie and hide your feelings, you’re more likely to lose the relationship all together.

If you’re not sure that you want to continue the relationship – maybe you want to experience life and see what else is out there… Talk about it with your partner and explain your feelings. Let him or her know that it’s not about them. Make it about you.

In reality, two things could happen — you could be completely honest and find out that your partner feels exactly the same way – so you decide to just be friends, or your relationship may grow even closer because of your honestly and move to the next deeper level.

The important thing to remember is that the decision to stay together or to move on should be a mutual decision made by the two of you together. 

Top 10 Ways To Boost Your Sexual Confidence with Women

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Hey guys. Do you ever wonder how the seduction guys do it? How do they have such Incredible Confidence With Women when some of them are just down right ugly and fat?

Confidence has little to nothing to do with looks. Confidence comes from the inside. Our readers are always making comments like, “You say to have confidence, but that’s not so easy for me. How exactly do I get this confidence that you speak of?”

Once you know the secret, you’ll wonder why you didn’t figure it out on your own…

Our definition of confidence is simply “not caring what others think about you”. Only YOU can determine what’s right for you – your looks, your style, your personality… When you stop letting other people judge you by their personal standards, you will have true internal confidence.

Here’s a great article on improving your sexual confidence from one of our favorite guys in the Dating Coaching and Seduction arena, David DeAngelo.

Top 10: Ways To Boost Sexual Confidence

Most guys lack confidence in their ability to physically turn on a woman and “rock her world” when it comes time to hit the sheets. A woman knows right away if she’s dealing with one of these “boy-men” and runs for the hills as soon as she realizes it. If you want to make sure she sees you as a Sexually Confident kind of guy — the kind of guy who can ignite throbbing sexual passions deep inside her — you need to become a master at giving women an incredible sexual experience. Here are 10 powerful tips to get you started.

Number 10 – Uncover the source of Sexual Confidence

Sexual Confidence comes as a result of knowing how to give a woman mind-blowing pleasure. It’s the confidence that the woman you’re with will have a once-in-a-lifetime experience with you. It’s knowing all the steps — from the first eye contact all the way to the “end game” — and knowing how to build ANTICIPATION at every step along the way. Start by practicing my “two steps forward, one step back” technique by escalating things, then backing off, then escalating further, then backing off again. The anticipation and arousal this creates will drive her INSANE. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Number 9 – Get out of the manipulation mindset

Guys are always curious about how to “trick” a girl into bed — what the magic words are, etc. I personally know a few guys who do this… and I can tell you it does NOT lead to fulfillment. Avoid this whole “manipulation mindset,” and stop trying to figure out what the magic bullets are to get a woman to do what you want in a dishonest way. It’s much better to work on becoming an interesting guy who knows what to do to build attraction in a natural, non-manipulative way. If what you’re doing feels wrong or unethical, stop it. There are better ways to get what you want.

Number 8 – Stop idealizing beautiful women

Most guys get fooled into believing that just because a woman is unusually attractive, she’s also usually honest and would never consider taking from you, cheating on you or lying to you. The reality is that people are never 100% “good” or 100% “bad.” There are situations where ANY person would lie, cheat, steal, or be disloyal. When you accept the reality that people are people, a beautiful woman is still human, and that the woman you feel strongly for is just as likely to be dishonest or disloyal as any other, you’ll take her off that pedestal you put her on. And that’s an important step toward achieving Sexual Confidence.

How important are looks when it comes to being confident in bed?…

Number 7 – Looks don’t matter when it comes to Sexual Confidence

Nothing about how you look, how old you are, how tall you are, how much you weigh, how much money you make, or whether or not you’re her type has ANYTHING to do with how you can make a woman feel once you’re in bed with her. A key to remember is that AFTER a woman has experienced a mind-blowing intimate experience with you, that experience alone will render all of that other stuff irrelevant. It just won’t matter. Picture yourself in this future ahead of time and it’ll help make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Number 6 – Delay your gratification

Delaying gratification becomes more profound the more you think about it — and when it comes to sex, it’s absolutely critical. It not only allows you to build the sexual tension and make her want you more and more, but the teasing and anticipation act as amplifiers to HER arousal. Bottom line: You are more likely to turn her on — and more likely to take things to a physical level — if you’re cool and calm. Lose your need for instant results, and you’ll drive her CRAZY.

Number 5 – Act like sex is normal

A lot of guys get nervous when it comes time to have sex; they think they need to start acting differently when it’s time to “do the deed.” But sex is normal, so keep acting normal as things heat up. Don’t make a big deal out of it; keep having fun; keep teasing; keep acting light. Smoothly, confidently, comfortably progress from one step to the next, all the while enjoying yourself and acting like all is normal — because it is.

Number 4 – Put sex into perspective

Instead of positioning sex as the ultimate goal and the center of your purpose, move it so it’s simply one of your many goals. Make it a natural outcome if you like a woman and if you choose to spend the time and effort to get to that point. Take the “pinnacle value” out of sex, put it in perspective, and your relaxed attitude will make you much more likely to get it.

Number 3 – Tame the fear of rejection

As you progress from one step to the next with a woman — from a casual date to touching, kissing and beyond — the stakes get bigger and bigger. Men typically feel more apprehensive as they progress from one step to the next, and feel less confident moving to the next step as things get more intense. The fear is not of being rejected or stopped, but of losing all the ground that has been gained, and going back to ZERO. Fortunately, the more involved you get, the more likely it is you’ll succeed. The next step involves less risk, and it makes the sexual act more likely. Remember this.

Number 2 – Interpret her actions

If she stops you, it usually doesn’t mean that she wants you to stop FOREVER; it means that you didn’t get her turned on enough. Interpret it as “I’m not ready yet,” rather than “Go away, I don’t like you anymore.” Stop, lean back, talk casually for a while and just relax. Then get her even MORE turned on than before. Feel free to make her ASK you for sex… or even beg. “Please” is a great word — teach her to use it, and she’ll LOVE you for it.

Number 1 – Get in touch with the animal inside

A woman wants a man who’s in touch with his inner ANIMAL. If he’s overly logical, overly analytical, overly controlled, overly educated, it shows a woman that he cannot let the animal out. At an instinctive level, a woman knows that this means she won’t be able to FEEL anything strong toward him, and she knows he won’t be able to arouse any sexual feelings inside of her. Study, get to know, make friends with, and DEVELOP the animal inside you. Educating yourself in this area is one of the most important things you can do to take your Sexual Confidence to the next level.

Can She Get Pregnant If We Take a Hot Steamy Bath Together?

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Pregnancy Myth vs. Fact

Can she get pregnant while taking a hot, steamy bath together, even if we have swimsuits on?

The short answer to this question is "NO". There are many myths out there about what will and will not cause a woman to get pregnant. These myths are even more prominent in some of the more conservative religious family cultures because sex is simply not talked about in the home, so the kids grow up believing all kinds of myths and and tall tales about sex. It’s such a mystery to them…

In this case, sperm do not live very long outside of the body and when you throw in the chlorine from the bath, the little guys just don’t have a chance. Barring some type of immaculate conception, it’s very, very unlikely that a woman could get pregnant this way.

But don’t get too smug just yet, she COULD still get pregnant…

The Real Question About Sex, Pregnancy, and a "Hot Bath"

Here is a very interesting twist on this topic. If a couple is taking a hot bath together, are they sitting at opposite corners of this bath tub? Are they six feet away from one another? Are they waving at each other and having to yell across the pool to hear each other?

No? So then, what ARE are they doing exactly? Is there any alcohol involved?

In these situations proximity leads to more proximity… and that often leads to what we call "slippage". 🙂 Couples can get lost in the heat of the moment and before you know it – "Whoops!"

So the real question is: "What are they really doing in the steamy, hot tub together?"

Taking a bath is highly unlikely. They are more likely pursuing mild, pseudo-sexual relations but are afraid to call it sex because of whatever silly taboo or maybe just a little shyness. So what can you do?

Call it what it is and take the appropriate precautions. Wear a condom if you really, really want to be safe.

Safe Sex Recommended Reading

If you really want to get a better understanding about sex, and especially safe sex, here are a couple of books that will get you started on the right path.

The first one is the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. Whenever you want to learn a new topic, the Idiot’s Guide and even the For Dummies series are great because they cover so many aspects of the subject very thoroughly. They’re also generally very well written and easy to read.

Another book which is a very well illustrated and also very tastefully done is the Sexopedia by Anne Hooper.

If your parents didn’t bother talking to you about sex, like most parents don’t, go grab these two books and you will better informed. It’s a much better idea than getting this info from your buddies and flying blind…

Sex is a natural and beautiful part of life, but it’s also a very serious topic. What you don’t know about sex CAN hurt you. If you’re going to partake in it (even if you don’t quite call it "sex"), get educated and be smart about it.

How Soon is Too Soon to Start a New Relationship After a Divorce?

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While there’s no real answer to this question, there are some important things to keep in mind.

Many people worry that it’s too soon to have feelings for another person and worry about what their family and friends will say. In reality, you feel what you feel when you feel it, and you’ll know when the time is right. Don’t second guess yourself and don’t let others tell you what you need to be happy.

When you get a divorce, it’s very common to miss the companionship and closeness that you once had. So what can you do?

Most importantly, don’t try to fill that void with the first person that comes along.

And when you do meet someone, take it slow, worry a little less about the future and just go with your feelings today. Don’t focus so much about the end result. Many people agonize about "where the relationship will go", etc. Stop it!

Enjoy your time on the phone. Enjoy going on dates. Just take it day by day. Don’t worry about rushing into another long term relationship, especially since you just came out of a marriage.

I’m sure you’ve heard this: "Give yourself time to heal and get over the divorce." And that is quite true. Otherwise what you may end up doing is going into what everybody calls a rebound relationship, where you end up dating someone who is the complete opposite of your ex-spouse. In time, you’ll find out that just because he or she is the opposite of your ex, they’re not perfect either.

Recognize this type of relationship for what it is and you’ll be fine. It’s OK to spend some time with someone who is the opposite of your ex. It’s like a breath of fresh air. Just don’t get too excited, because rebound relationships normally don’t last. The right person for you is probably somewhere in the middle of what you left and what you’ve just found.

In summary, just take it slow and enjoy it day by. There’s absolutely no need to rush into a serious relationship. You’ve finally got your freedom, so why not take some time to enjoy it?