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5 Ways to Turn Your Bedroom Into a Sex Magnet

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Normally when people decorate their bedroom, they focus on making it a good place to sleep. After all, that’s what it’s for.

But as you probably know, the bedroom is also the number one place couples head to when they want to have sex.

Regardless of whether it’s the first time or the thousandth you’ve seen it, the atmosphere of your bedroom will either add to or detract from your sexual experience.

So making your bedroom into a space that is comfortable, unique, and inviting is one of the easiest and best things you could possibly do for your sex life. This is true for both men and women (though in general women tend to pay more attention to their surroundings during sex than men).

5 Ways to Make Your Bedroom a Sex Magnet

1) You’re a Grown Up – Decorate Like One

You’re not in college, and your bedroom is not in a dormitory! Movie posters plastered to your walls with tape will not impress anyone anymore.

It’s time to decorate like a grown up, and that means getting real furniture (not necessarily expensive furniture, but no blow up chairs either!).

Choose things that reflect your personal style and actually go well together. Coordinate. Pick out colors that make you feel relaxed and sexy.

For some people, bold colors like reds and oranges wake up their senses, as well as their libidos. For others dark, rich colors like chocolate brown and burgundy do the trick.

If you share your bedroom with your lover, be sure to do this part together. You want your bedroom to feel like a little sanctuary away from the rest of the world, away from everything that causes stress in your lives.

It should make you want to open up and connect to each other, especially during difficult times when sex lives become notorious for their vanishing acts!

2) Make Your Bed as Inviting as Possible

Plush comforters, soft pillows, and high-quality sheets will go a long way toward getting you both in bed. Haven’t you ever seen a bed (maybe on display in a store or in a picture) that looked so warm and delicious you just wanted to sink into it and never come out?

That’s how you should feel every time you see your own bed.

It may seem silly at first to splurge on something like Egyptian cotton sheets, but trust me, once your naked self feels how glorious is it to be sandwiched between your warm lover and those silky sheets, you won’t think twice about getting another set or two.

3) Keep it Clean

Even if the rest of your house is a mess and weekly cleanings are a laughable part of your schedule, keep your bedroom tidy for the sake of your sex life.

No one wants to sleep with someone whose room is a disaster – including your own husband or wife.

Not that your bed has to always be wrinkle-free, but there shouldn’t be dirty snack crumbs everywhere and yesterday’s socks on your pillow!

For special occasions, think about how your room smells.

Tuck an oil diffuser into a far corner (not directly beside the bed because the scent will be too strong!) and remember to use it when you’re preparing the room for your lover. Scent can be a huge turn on, and will help give your bedroom that “something extra”.

4) Add a Little Audio-Visual Stimulation

Although most sex advice books claim that putting a television in your bedroom automatically spells “doom and gloom” for your sex life – I disagree.

It all depends on what you decide to watch, and whether or not you watch it together.

Many of these advice books assume that couples watch TV as a way to avoid any real interaction with each other, so putting a television in the bedroom would certainly be the end of what ever sex life they might have otherwise had.

But if couples are actually using TV in this way, then they probably have bigger issues to deal with than whether or not a TV is in their bedroom.

For most couples, however, adding a television and DVD/CD player to their bedroom makes a very nice addition in terms of sex appeal. And if general TV watching is a problem, don’t get that particular TV hooked up to cable!

Instead, save the bedroom TV for watching “special” DVDs. Yes, this could be porn, but it could also be romantic or scary movies too. There are tons of movies that are perfect for getting you both in the mood. Don’t limit yourselves to the obvious ones.

Watch them cuddled up on the bed together, and just let things flow…

5) Make it Sexually Functional

The phrase “Hold on Honey, I have to go find the condoms” should never come out of your mouth – Never.

Everything that you could possibly want for your sexual adventures should be within easy reach of your bed. For this reason, a nightstand with storage space is a must.

Some sexual necessities that should be neatly stashed in one of your bed-side drawers are: condoms (if you use them), lubricant, breath mints, small sex toys (vibes, restraints, etc.), and a roll of toilet paper or tissues for easy clean up.

If you want to go the extra mile, keep a bottle of water in there as well.

Most people are thirsty after a good romp between the sheets, and having water available that doesn’t require a trip to the kitchen is always a welcomed luxury.

Also, the next time you’re in the market for a new bed, consider getting one with built-in drawers underneath. These drawers can be especially useful if you have larger sex toys, such as whips or floggers, that wouldn’t fit in a typical nightstand.

How ever you do it, the point is to make your bedroom a place of comfort and love. Having the “right” decorations and the “right” sheets won’t guarantee a great sex life, but if the potential for sex is already there, a well thought out room might just be the thing that seals the deal.

3 Quick Ways to Tell if You’re a Sexual Introvert

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Just like your innate personality dictates whether or not you’re a “social butterfly” or a “shrinking violet“, the same is true for how you express your sexuality.

We’ve all heard the stereotypical tales of very reserved, shy people suddenly morphing into uncontrollable wildcats once the lights go out. Or seemingly confident, strong individuals turning into blushing, fumbling kittens in the heat of the moment.

Sexual introverts come in all varieties, and more often than not, it’s very difficult to spot them out. Someone who is sexually introverted may be very outgoing in other aspects of their lives, but tend to close themselves off when confronted with a sexual situation.

That doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex, or don’t want sex, but that it’s more difficult for them to relax and to let go of their inhibitions than it is for sexual extraverts.

Being able to relax and to let go are crucial to a healthy and satisfactory sex life, so helping a sexual introvert feel secure enough to open themselves up in front of someone else is an important task for their lovers.

This is particularly true if both people in a relationship are sexually introverted, because neither may possess the necessary skills to “bring out” the other’s sexual side.

Knowing if you or your partner is a sexual introvert is often very helpful. It might be the explanation you’ve been looking for to a whole slew of seemingly “strange” sexual behaviors.

(For example, you may wonder why your partner loves to read steamy erotica before bed, but then refuses your sexual advances once you’re in bed!)

You Might Be a Sexual Introvert If:

1. You Think About Sex All the Time…

But rarely actually have it. Sexual introverts enjoy thinking about sex – a lot. In fact, for many it becomes an interesting preoccupation and lifelong curiosity. Often times they know much more about sex (its cultural history, the bodily mechanics, etc.) than do most people, but their knowledge comes from books, movies, and conversations with others rather than from real life experiences.

2. You’ve Read the Entire Kama Sutra…

But still use the missionary position every time. It’s true, you’ve probably memorized every picture, read every sexual technique book there is, and can recite passages from your favorite erotic novel. But when it comes to having actual, physical sex with your partner it’s always “the same old, same old”.

3. You Have Very Detailed Sexual Fantasies…

But are usually disappointed when (and if) you try to act upon them. Often the imagined sexual scenarios that sexual introverts create in their minds are more powerful than “real life” experiences for them.

This is by no means the fault of their lovers. It’s just that their fantasies are continuously perfected, like works of erotic art only they can see.

Because of this, real sex is often disappointing, and over time sexual introverts learn to go through the motions of sex in order to appease their partners rather than to satisfy their own sexual desires. That’s why sex with them can become so routine.

How to Spice Things Up if Your Partner is a Sexual Introvert

If you are a sexual introvert, or suspect your partner to be one, there are ways to make your boring and/or routine sex life more interesting and comfortable.

Assuming that you’ve already gained their trust, and have moved past their initial emotional barriers, the first thing you have to remember is how cerebral sexual introverts are about sex.

If you’re going to spice things up, it has to be done in an intelligent way. Don’t expect them to become our proverbial “wildcat” mentioned earlier just because you suggest trying a new position.

They’ve probably imagined what that position would feel like a thousand times, and unless you have something that surprises them out of their fantasies, they’ll stay firmly within their imaginations the entire time you‘re having sex.

And therein lies the key to unlocking their true sexual selves – Surprise!

You are not their fantasy. They aren’t controlling your every move, so use that to your advantage. Every time you do something that they’re not expecting, something they haven’t thought of before, it jolts them back to reality.

Carefully planned sexual rendezvous and little bits of added flare, like a vibrator hidden in the corner, or a sudden well-timed spank, can help them to appreciate the actual experience of having sex, rather than relying on their imaginations to turn them on.

Once out of their normal routines, those introverted sexual feelings are much more likely to come to the surface and to make their way into your real sex lives – Making both people a lot more sexually satisfied.

3 Reasons Why Married People Have Better Sex

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It’s true, people who are married or in long term relationships continually report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than people who are single or dating.

The old belief that committing yourself to one person dooms you to a life of sexual monotony is wrong.

Rather than placing limits on your sexuality, the emotional environment created by long term relationships (LTRs) actually fosters a more varied, creative, and explorative sex life.

3 Reasons Why Sex is Better in a LTR

1. Greater Sexual Frequency

The most obvious reason why sex is potentially better in a committed relationship is the general availability of a sex partner. Unlike the dating phase, most people in LTRs end up living together, which means sharing their nightly beds as well as their daily lives. This closeness often gives rise to more opportunities for sexual contact.

Instead of having to make a date to get together, and then trying to seduce your date into your bed, he or she is already there!

To counter this point some argue that sex happens most frequently in the beginning stages of a relationship, so “serial daters” have more sex than those in LTRs. But this isn’t actually true.

On average married couples have sex once or twice a week, which may not seem like very much to someone who is in a “hot” new relationship and having sex three times a day. But remember, married couples have sex once or twice a week every week, all year long, for years!

And some LTR couples have much more sex than that. Of course the frequency of sex also depends on lifestyle changes such as children, stress levels, etc. But even after all of these things are accounted for, the average person in an LTR still has more sex in a given year than the average single person.

2. Easier Communication Means More Satisfying Sex

Couples who have lovingly and willingly committed themselves to each other share an emotional bond that is deepened by constant communication. They talk openly about everything – including their sexual likes and dislikes.

Once people are at the point in their relationships where they feel secure with their partners (knowing that ‘saying the wrong thing‘ won‘t jeopardize the relationship itself), they are much more willing to be upfront about what pleases them – and what doesn’t.

For example, it’s a lot easier to tell someone, “You know, I really don’t like it when you squeeze my thighs so hard during oral sex. It’s too distracting…” when you’ve been with them for a long time than when you’ve just started having sex together.

Said to someone in a stable relationship, the above admission will probably be received in a “Good to know, thanks for telling me” kind of way. But said to someone in the early stages of a relationship, the admission could be received offensively because the underlying emotional foundations of security that are needed to support sexual technique criticisms just aren’t there yet.

The open and consequence-free conversations that characterize LTRs usually lead to a very intimate understanding of what both partners sexually enjoy, making each sexual episode an opportunity for improvement.  

3. Trust Allows for Experimentation

Once all the talking is over, it’s much easier to put those communicated desires into action if both partners trust each other completely. Most sexual experimentation – from trying new positions to living out one’s wildest fetish fantasies – happen inside of LTRs.

Yes, there are instances when one partner refuses to do or try something the other partner would like, but usually couples are able to find compromises or alternatives. And once an activity is found that thrills them both, they can continue exploring it, and all its variations, to the fullest.

So the next time someone tries to convince you that marriage or commitment will ruin your sex life, remember all the reasons why this simply isn’t true. Healthy relationships are the best places to develop, explore, and deepen your own understanding of all the wonderful emotional and physical experiences sexuality has to offer.  

Featured Author, Rose Rivera has a Masters degree in Family and Sexuality Studies and is the founder of SpeakSexy.org, a website dedicated to keeping readers abreast of the latest sexuality trends in an intelligent, provocative, and erotic way. For more great sex tips be sure to sign up to Speak Sexy’s feed today!

He Knows I’m Faking It! What Should I Do?

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Although we, as women, like to think of ourselves as Oscar winning actresses in the bedroom, the truth is we’re not!

And the number of sexually knowledgeable men out there is growing. They’re educated, well-read, and many have gained the amazing ability to spot our fake orgasmic performances every time.

(Un)fortunately for them, they’re usually good, caring men who pretend to believe our exaggerated moans in order to spare us the embarrassment of being caught in such a classic lie. The real problem then becomes how to tell us they know without hurting our feelings. Obviously this is an emotionally complicated conversation to bring up.

Just think about it. If he approaches the issue directly, you’ll probably react defensively and deny your pretended “O’s.“ If he approaches it indirectly, hoping you’ll confess, you’ll probably turn the conversation to something else rather than justify his obvious suspicions.

So if you believe your lover already knows you fake “it” and is not broaching the subject out of politeness, then the best thing you can do for your relationship is to make the first move toward clearing up the harmful unspoken questions he’s probably asking himself over and over again.

Questions such as, why are you faking it? Don’t you enjoy your sex together? Is there a physical problem he doesn’t know about? Have you ever had a real orgasm? What should he be doing differently to please you? Is the problem emotional? Should he be worried?

First, Understand Why You Do It

Sometimes women feel compelled to fake orgasms because it seems like the “right thing to do” in the moment without consciously understanding why. If you’re one of these women and you’re not exactly sure why you pretend to orgasm during sex, then this step should be an eye-opening part of the process.

Often the reasons are hidden in cultural expectations of what sex “should” be (ie – both people should orgasm at approximately the same time, sex is not fulfilling without an orgasm, if she doesn‘t orgasm it means she is not enjoying the sex, etc.), other times the reasons are more personal and related to the relationship dynamic itself.

Most Common Reasons Why Women Fake Orgasms

  • She believes other women orgasm during penetrative sex and doesn’t want to show her “inadequacy” of not being able to orgasm this way to her lover.
  • She is too shy to do what she knows will work in front of her lover (such as manual stimulation to her clitoris).
  • She believes her own orgasm will “take too long” in comparison to the amount of time it takes her lover to orgasm, so she fakes one at the appropriate time instead.
  • If she doesn’t orgasm she’s afraid her lover will take it personally and be offended.

Less Common Reasons Why Women Fake Orgasms

  • She’s never had an orgasm, even during masturbation, so she doesn’t understand what her body needs to achieve one.
  • She has a medical condition or is taking a medication that interferes with her ability to orgasm, but doesn‘t want to tell her lover about it or make a “big deal.”
  • She really does not enjoy sex with her lover (though this is rarely the case!).

Now That YOU Know Why You Do It, Tell Him

You’re pretty sure he already knows, so this part should go smoothly. Remember the point of this conversation is to be honest about your reasons for faking your orgasms, and to assuage his worst fears about your sex life. In all likelihood you are enjoying your sexual experiences with him, with or without an orgasm, so be sure to make a point of saying that right in the beginning.

Tell him about your embarrassments or your shyness to do certain things. Reassure him that you weren’t deliberately trying to make him feel uncertain about the quality of your sex life together. Once you’ve made your confession, both of you should feel very relieved that this collection of little lies is finally out in the open.

Moving Forward – No More Faking!

Although both of you should now understand why you’re not having real orgasms, the next step isn’t necessarily to begin a full-throttled crusade toward the big “O”. Instead, take a moment to assess any underlying issues that may need clarification, such as emotional trust and intimacy.

For example, why do you feel uncomfortable pleasuring yourself in front of him? Is having an orgasm honestly an important part of the sexual experience for you, or are you just as content not having one? It’s very common for women to report experiencing truly satisfying sex without having orgasms at all, but many of those same women feel pressured by societal expectations to have orgasms anyway (hence the prevalence of faking).

Because of this you and your lover should only begin to “fix” the “problem” if you believe sex would be more fulfilling for you with real orgasms. Otherwise it’s perfectly acceptable for you to continue having sex without them – As long as you don’t feel pressured by your lover or your culture, to fake them again!

Is Having Cyber Sex Before Physical Sex a Good Idea?

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These days it’s nearly impossible to begin a relationship without using some form of cyber communication during those critical “getting to know you” weeks.

From meeting online via a dating website to having a casual chat over instant messenger, the likelihood that you’ll have at least one online conversation with your potential lover is extremely high.

One of the main differences between online and face-to-face conversations is the amount of social inhibitions experienced by the chatters.

Because online communications encourage an atmosphere of anonymity, it’s easier for most people to open up about themselves. The lack of physical/visual social repercussions online, such as a frown of disapproval, makes online chatters less vulnerable to emotional hurts, and therefore much more willing to take chances by saying things that might otherwise be considered “inappropriate” in person.

Under such relaxed social constraints, it’s easy to imagine how a casual late night chat can quickly turn into an arousing exploration of each other’s sexual fantasies. But is engaging in this type of risqué talk with someone you’ve recently met and may eventually sleep with a good idea? Might it ruin those first “magical” moments if and when you do decide to have physical sex together?

The Pros and Cons of Having “Cyber Sex” Before Really “Doing It”

Pro – It’ll Give You Both a Chance to Explore Your Sexual Compatibility Safely.

Rather than risking a potentially awkward first time with a new partner, having cyber sex beforehand can provide both parties with an opportunity to verbally explore each other’s likes and dislikes in a fun and consequence-free environment.

Maybe she is much more sexually aggressive than he is, or maybe he has certain kinks that she is strongly against. Whatever differences and similarities are discovered, it’s much better to test out certain ideas online than it is in person. Wouldn’t you like to know your new crush actually enjoys being tied up before you whip out your studded leather cuffs?

Con – What Happens in Cyber-Land, Stays in Cyber-Land

It’s true, the uninhibited social freedom of cyber sex can go straight to some people’s heads like the bubbles in any great bottle of champagne. Because of this, the difference between someone’s online sexual persona and their real life sexual behavior can be shockingly different…

Although you and Mr. New Love did every position in the book during your torrid affairs in Cyber-Land, the reality might be that you’re a very shy and cautious lover. Once Mr. New Love really gets you between the sheets, the difference between Cyber-Land you and Real you might be very confusing to him. So confusing it might seem like a betrayal since you portrayed yourself to be one way when in fact you’re another. Sounds very much like lying, doesn’t it? And that’s never a good start to any relationship.

Pro –  Fantasies Can be Very Revealing

Not only can exploring each other’s sexual fantasies be a wonderful way to test out your sexual compatibility, but it can also lead to a whole slew of other insightful topics of conversation. Bringing up different sexual likes and dislikes can reveal where someone stands on a variety of socially political issues such as homosexuality, marriage, religion, feminism, etc. For example, when you are having cyber sex try shifting the fantasy toward something “taboo” and see how your partner reacts. It’s very easy to then bring up that topic later on for further clarification and discussion. There’s nothing like trying out a Nun/Priest role playing fantasy to bring out someone’s religious and political convictions!

Con – Your Writing Skills Don’t Match Your Sexual Skills

This problem can go one of two ways. Either you’re a fantastic writer who‘s bad in bed, or you’re a fantastic lover who can‘t write. In the first case, your partner may be disappointed the first time you “really” have sex since cyber (written) sex with you was mind-blowing due to your uncanny way with words. In the second case, your lack of verbal finesse might ruin your chances of ever getting your partner into your bed at all. If for some reason you believe your writing skills do not match your real sexual prowess, then it’s probably best to avoid cyber sex with your crush until after you’ve had physical sex with them at least once. That way no one will be unfortunately disappointed or unreasonably dissuaded from having sex with you.

Otherwise, Enjoy It!

Like most things, the decision to have cyber sex before physical sex with someone new is a gamble. The opportunity to explore each other sexually without having to worry about physical consequences, appearances, and social inhibitions is understandably tempting. My only words of caution are to remember that your cyber persona and actions will influence how your potential lover perceives you, as well as their expectations for your “real” first time together. However, if you’re a little mindful of these things and don’t go crazier in Cyber-Land than you would in your bedroom, then cyber sex can certainly add a lot of playful flirtations to those first few weeks of heart-racing acquaintanceship.