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The Right Way To Break Up With Someone

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A break up isn’t fun for either partner, but sometimes it’s just necessary. Here’s how to break up with someone the right way & minimize hurt feelings.

What She Said About The Right Way To Break Up:

Breaking up is never easy but if you want to do it the “right” way you need to be completely honest with the other person. This honesty needs to happen face to face also. So don’t be the ass who broke up with someone via text or email. I don’t care if the relationship was short lived, be respectful and end it like an adult. If you are done with the relationship then you need to save both of you time and pain and end it. Sort of like ripping off a band aid, don’t draw it out.

When you draw it out by asking for space or time to think you are just making things worse and you know you want to end it but are just trying to be nice. You have to end it and be done with it all the while you need to give the person your reasoning for ending it. Don’t leave them questioning what they could or should have done different or make them question your reasons for ending it. Be honest about why you are breaking up. It might not be easy and it might hurt, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to tell the truth then leave them hanging with no clear reason of the break up. It hurts when you hurt someone you care about but in the long run it would hurt even more if you lied to them just to protect their ego.

Long Term Relationships

If you are ending a long term relationship, be prepared for a lot more hurt and be prepared to have solid reasons why you are instigating the break up. Do not give them the line “It’s not you, its me” because it’s them, everyone knows it’s them. After you do break up, you need to have the courtesy to return their stuff, anything that belongs to them that they left at your place.

Then rid your self of things that remind you of them. I am not a follower of feng shui but it makes sense that personal items can illicit emotions and holding on to their items might bring negative energy into your life. So go ahead and throw away their tooth brush and any other mementos that serve no purpose.

When it comes to social media like Facebook, it might be best to “hide” them from your feed and do not overly boast about your newly singleness. You can easily hide your own relationship status from your feed without having to declare that you are single. Also, cut off your communication with them and do not text or call. Your ex will need time to heal from the break up, to cry, to be sad, to be mad, etc. and since you are the cause of these emotions, you can no longer be a shoulder to cry on.

Short Term Relationships

If you are ending a short term relationship you still need to give your ex the same respect, but you don’t need to be so dramatic about it. Yes give them a reason why you are breaking up, but honestly you don’t need to worry too much about hurting them. You should still not make a big deal about the breakup on Facebook. If it was a short term relationship, you shouldn’t worry about taking new pics with other guys or being out and loving being single.

You might even want to consider defriending the person if you two don’t have many ties (e.g. similar friends). It can still be messy but just take into account their feelings and try not to destroy them. On that note, do not even mention being “just friends” that may come in time but if you just broke the heart of a person who cared for you, you need to distance yourself and do it fast.

The main idea here is whether you were in a long term or short term relationship, if you have fallen out of love, met someone else or no longer love your partner the same way that you used to and want to end it, then end it. Put your foot down and break up. This is for your sake and for their sake too.

What He Said About The Right Way To Break Up:

Think of it as what it is: you’re firing someone. HR doesn’t give you a long drawn out emotional speech. They state the reasons, quickly and simply. It’s the bullet points they give you, not the in depth explanation. You don’t need it anyway, you already know what’s going on. They hand you your last check and then escort you out of the building. It’s not painless, it’s just as painless as possible.

That’s the way your break up should be. If you have their stuff, hand it to them when you break up, or just mail it back. Tell them simply and efficiently why it’s over. Then walk away or end the call. Less is more. The whole process should take no longer than five minutes. It may seem harsh, but it’s not. You’re just being professional about it and no one is really going to want this drawn out anyway.

Things Not To Do After A Breakup

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A breakup is tough for everyone involved – but you’ve got to have some dignity afterwards! Here’s what you need to avoid when you’ve been through a breakup.

What She Said:

Regardless of who ended it, its over. If it was your choice to end it, you must have had a good reason, and I hope you are feeling pretty confident about your choice. But, if it was him who broke your heart, you might be a hot mess of a woman. So, here are some things you should not do after a breakup that will help you heal.

Basically the last thing you want to do is act like Bridget Jones for weeks on end. Yes, you should take a few days to mourn the lose of a lover, but then you need to get your shit and yourself together. In order to do that, do not pour yourself a bottle of wine, play Alanis Morissette and cry into his favorite t-shirt. If he dumped you, you need to dump anything and everything that reminds you of him. Do not spend hours looking at photos of the two of you! That will just lead to you asking yourself where you went wrong, or asking yourself what you could have done differently.

That is all a waste of time, energy and will make you feel more depressed. You should also stop all forms of communication or means of communicating with him. Do not call, text or email him. I don’t care how drunk you are, believe me, there is no really cute story that he wants to hear, no funny joke he wants to hear, and he does not need to know that you thought about him. He will not be amused. Along that same idea, DO NOT Facebook stalk him. Do not check his Facebook page, his new photos or read into his status updates. You might even just go ahead and de-friend him.

It’s not easy, but holding on to ideas of him, or of his things or even just holding on to hope is not going to help you get over this breakup. The best thing to do is get back out there in the world! Go out with your girlfriends, live it up and be single again. While you’re at it, call up that guy you have always had a crush on and have some rebound sex. Like the old saying goes, the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.

What He Said:

It’s always best to rip the band aid off as opposed to removing it slowly. Get it over with. Cut off all ties immediately. Who cares why it happened? You’ll never really know and if you do find out you will probably wish you didn’t. Cut all ties. I mean everything. Delete their number from your phone. Cut all social media ties.

If they gave you something, get rid of it. It should be like a military cover-up: the relationship should be as if it never happened. Of course it did, you’re not lying to yourself, but you want to get rid of the reminders. You will still have the memories, but you don’t want anything around that triggers them, if you can avoid it.

Keep your mouth shut. Sure, you may want to talk about it with a friend or whatever, but do not blog about it. Do not post about what a jerk this person was on your Facebook, don’t do standup based on your relationship. You will only look like the idiot. It may feel good to do, but that’s it. You’ll look like the ass, and guess what? You will be.

Keep your mouth shut and speak only in positive, philosophical terms, if someone brings it up (everything happens for a reason, we just weren’t a good match, I wish him/her the best, etc). Obviously if they stole your couch or something, yes, call the cops, but assuming there isn’t a criminal element to your relationship, just move on, quietly, confidently and as positive as possible.

This is not to say you sugar coat anything, but if they’re that much of a jerk, shouldn’t you be happy it’s over? Don’t go away mad, just go away. Cut your losses (or count your wins, as the case may be), and go forward. And by all means, have sex with someone new as soon as possible. You should do the first new partner you can, even if you’re against hooking up with random people. It’s very important for the healing process. Seriously.

Tips For Recovering From A Long Term Break Up

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Breaking up after a long-term relationship can be devastating. If you have been with somebody for two years or more, it’s easy to associate her with your self-image. When you break up it’s hard to imagine going forth and finding somebody else. You might feel lost and shattered by the break up, but there are things that you can do to get back some semblance of your life again. Over time, the hurt will dwindle and it’s important to realize that you will find somebody else who can make you happy again. Here are a few suggestions to get your mind off of the break up and put you back on track.

Clean Your House

Cleaning your house can be one of the best ways to get over a break up. Take everything that the person gave you and put it in a closet. Don’t throw it away because you might need it some day. Pictures and other gifts that your ex-girlfriend gave you can bring back memories and make you feel even worse. Put them out of sight so that you aren’t thinking about the break up every time that you walk into your living room. You might feel like you’re betraying her for some reason by removing pictures or placing other things she gave you in a closet, but this will pass.

Update Your Facebook

Remove here from your Facebook account and set the “In A Relationship” setting to “Single.” You can’t do this fast enough after a break up has occurred. One of the reasons that you must do this immediately is because you could still get updates from her account every time that you log in. This can be a quick stab to the eye with a quick click of the mouse. Removing her Facebook doesn’t have to be malicious, but it’s better to do it to her first than have her do it to you.

Get Out

Sitting around the house and wallowing in your sorrows is only going to make you feel worse. Get out of the house and hang around with friends. Going through a break up alone will extend the healing process. Get out of the house and go to a friend’s house or spend time with your family. Friends and family will be considerate of what you’re going through. They can give you a shoulder to cry on and perspective on why the break up happened.

Consider Idealization

One of the biggest problems with a break up is that over time we can idealize the relationship. We idealize the good parts and tend to forget why the relationship failed in the first place. Instead of thinking about trips that you took together or holidays, think about all of the problems that you had. This will help you realize that she wasn’t right for you. Look forward to a future where you won’t have all of the problems that you did with her and you will gain a little perspective on why you broke up.

Take Up A Hobby

A great way to get over a break up is to put all of the energy that you had in your previous relationship into a hobby. Taking up a sport or focusing on your work is a good way to have goals. When you implement goals into your life, you will be able to spend more time on obtaining them. Team sports can work really well because they get you out of the house and around other people.

Set A Timeline

Set up a timeline for when you want to go on another date. We all need a cooling period after a break up, but you also need to get back into the saddle when you feel comfortable. Setting up a timeline will allow you to grieve for the previous relationship, but also puts you on track to start seeing other people. If your relationship was over two years, you could need up to 5 months to really be over it. If you reach the end of your timeline and you’re still not ready to start seeing somebody, give yourself more time. This is not a setback; it’s simply an extension.

Don’t Do A Comparison

Don’t compare new girls in your life to your ex-girlfriend. You broke up with your ex so she wasn’t good enough for you. There were problems with that relationship and it’s over now. Just because your ex hurt you doesn’t mean that another girl will. Have a fresh perspective on new girls and give them the trust and respect that they deserve. Don’t let your guard down completely, but you don’t want to have somebody paying for the mistakes that an ex made.

How To Break Up Without Hurting Him

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A break up is tough, but sometimes it’s inevitable. Here’s how to break up with your man as nicely as possible – and avoid doing major damage.

We have all been there. You go out with a guy a couple of times and things are great for the first two dates. After the third date things are kind of bland and by the fourth date you know that this is not somebody that you want to be with. One of the most heartbreaking aspects of this scenario is the fact that he’s still into you. Knowing how to break up with him without hurting his feelings can be a weight off of your shoulders. When done properly, you might even still be able to maintain a friendship. Here are a few ways that you break up with him without hurting his feelings.

Nip It In The Bud

A lot of women feel like the man that they’re dating could come around so they try to stick it out. This is not something that should be recommended. Even if he is really nice, you need to break up as soon as you know that he’s not right for you. Doing it in the beginning will save him a lot of heartache in the end. Dragging the relationship out because you feel like you might grow to love him is selfish. Not breaking up with him is selfish also. By breaking up with you are doing him a favor.

Avoid Clichés

“It’s not you…it’s me” and “You’ll find somebody” are patronizing and he could get very offended. When a guy gets offended he get defensive. The last thing that you want is a defensive man that starts verbally attacking everything about you. Just explain to him that you think he’s a great man, but that he’s not right for you. This is an easy way to say that you’re not interested and there’s not much he can do about it. Since you haven’t been seeing him for very long, he shouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

Be Specific

Using vague statements like “I’m looking for something different” is not enough. When you tell him that he’s not right for you, explain why. Whether it be that you want a partner that wants kids and marriage or that you need someone that is a little more romantic, specifics are best for a break up. This gives him a clear reason of why you don’t want to continue the relationship. You don’t have to attack him or his personality, but make sure that he understands why you are breaking up.

Don’t Be Overly Apologetic

Only say “I’m sorry” once. You’re not taking his house away from him; you’re breaking up with him. Since you’ve only been out with the fella a few times his world isn’t going to pieces. Don’t act like you are the end all and that he’s never going to find another person. Just say, “I’m sorry that we didn’t work out” and leave it at that. When you start apologizing profusely he’s going to think that you’re obsessed with yourself. Statements like “It’s not like you’re Heidi Klum” might come up if you show an inflated ego.

Don’t Stick Around

One of the worst things that you can do is ask him out to dinner when you’re breaking up with him. Don’t put yourself into the situation of having an obligation after you deliver the news. Ask him out for a drink or go over to his house. If you ask him over to your home, you might have to ask him to leave. Always have an escape route. If you stick around he might just try to change your mind. Make it clear that you have no interest in seeing him again and then leave the situation.

Trying To Be Friends

If you have left the situation amicably then you’re in the minority. Most men do not want to be friends with girls they have dated in the past. However, if he wants to still be friends with you, give it a little distance. Remaining friends with a man after you have dated is an honorable thing to do, but if you agree to this you should definitely keep out of touch for a little while. When you break up with a guy, the game begins. A girl that breaks up with a guy is a challenge and men love challenges. Keep the phone calls, text messages and emails to a minimum. Checking up on him can make you seem like his mother and that’s not needed either. Let him live his life after the break up. Don’t let guilt get the best of you. Furthermore, you should be out living your own life instead of worrying about how he’s doing.

Breakup Advice: 9 Ways To Get Over Your Ex

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Breakup advice is in order if your heart has just been broken. Take a step towards a new future with these nine ways to put the past behind you.

What She Said:

Getting over an ex is never fun – but with the right breakup advice, it doesn’t have to be complete torture. Be gentle with yourself while you process what you just went through; but don’t wallow. There’s someone great waiting out there for you. Dry your eyes and follow these tips. You’ll be tripping through the daisies with someone new in no time!

Embrace The Old Adage

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. It’s tried and true. Be sure you’re emotionally ready to share your body with someone and practice safe sex. If you’re ready, you’ll find having a fun fling will help you begin to release the memory of your previous lover.

Lean On Your Friends

This is what friends are for! Call, email, text and lament. You need to vent. You need to process. Just be sure to keep your boundaries. Leaning on pals during tough times is good. Making their ears bleed six months down the line because you can’t shake your feelings is bad.

Wine & Time

There’s no better breakup advice than curling up with a delicious glass of Pinot Noir and contemplating life. Think about what went wrong in your last relationship. Learn from past mistakes so you don’t have to go through those particular lessons again. Don’t drink your face off – but do unwind for a moment. Time heals all wounds. It will pass. And the passage of time will be eased with some relaxation.

Exercise

Don’t overdo it on hitting the bottle. You don’t want “wine waist” – or the depression that comes with drinking too much alcohol. It’s all about moderation. Balance that moderation with plenty of exercise. It’ll help keep your mood elevated – and you’ll be fit for the next time you’re ready to search for love.

Get Back Out There!

You’ve had a fling. You’ve gabbed to your friends. You’ve gotten familiar with your favorite wineries. And you’ve clocked in the miles on the treadmill. Now the best breakup advice is to dust yourself off and enjoy your hard-earned fresh start. Embrace it today!

What He Said:

Burn It

Get rid of all the shit they gave you. Gifts, pictures, clothes, everything. Get rid of all the reminders of that person. Don’t hold on to anything of the past. You’re moving forward not looking back.

Routine Is Your Friend

Ground yourself in your daily routines. Focus more on those things on your to do list. Add a bunch of things to it too. The busier you are the better. It will help you engross yourself in the present and that is a big key to moving on.

Add Some Hobbies

If you’re not really into anything, get into it. If you’ve got a hobby already, throw yourself into it.

One Night Stands Are Your Friend

Supposedly the best breakup advice and the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Sex like that just works. Not really sure why? Because it lets your mind and body know there are other people out there and other fish in the sea and the sooner you catch one the better you’ll feel.