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How To Have A Bad First Date

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A bad first date will ensure you never see the person you went out with again. Follow this sage advice for a really terrible, awkward first date!

You made a mistake. This person seemed great online, or when you met them at a bar, or maybe your friends tried setting you up with someone who is “totally right for you” only for you to find out that they’re totally wrong for you. You could just end the date, but you don’t want to. You’d rather just make the first date so bad that they never want to see you again. How do you have a bad first date?

Here’s how:

What She Said About A Bad First Date:

I can’t really imagine why someone would want to have a bad first date unless you wanted to re-enact the movie, “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.” Therefore my first question would be, why did you watch that movie? Sorry, I digress. Anyway, there are some pretty funny/crazy/sad things that girls can do that would make a first date terrible.

One thing to do is completely and utterly emasculate the guy. Offer to drive and pick him up at his place. Open the car door and all other doors for him. Call him nicknames like “little man” or “babydoll” or “shorty.” Basically put him in the role of girl or less of a man on the date and control everything! Along the lines of emasculating him, you can continue to act like a dude, a rough asshole dude. Pee in front of him, like outside in public. Burp and scratch yourself. Smell your arm pits and ask him to smell them. Call your guy friends when you are on the date and ask them what they are up too and don’t forget to tell your guy friend that you are on a date with a  hot piece of ass.

All of the above would guarantee for a bad first date because you are not only being rude, you are also switching genders on the guy. The icing on the cake would be, after acting so macho say you got the bill but then “forget” your wallet and make him pay. Another fun way to have a bad first date is just act like a crazy bitch one second and a sweetheart the next. Go bi-polar on him and he will have no idea what to do. This could (and should) include crying over a menu item or laughing over something that would be sad. You should definitely talk about ex boyfriends too and how you think they were crazy.

And sprinkle in stories during conversations about how you would follow them or watch them while they slept or anything stalker like. You can be super demanding one second and then act like you don’t care they next. Be so many different highs and lows with your emotions that they guy has as nervous break down because of you.

And lastly, if you want to have a really really bad date, talk about your booty call person. Tell the guy all about this other guy you’ve been sleeping with and how you are waiting for him to call you. Then keep your phone near by and constantly check it and get frustrated if your booty call hasn’t called yet.

There you go. It still blows my mind why anyone would want to have a bad first date but different strokes for different folks I guess. All the ideas that I have written about above should be pretty sure-fire ways to never have another date with this guy and maybe get a restraining order. Feel free to do the opposite of these ideas if you want to have a good date.

What He Said About A Bad First Date:

Nothing will endear you to a woman faster than calling her a c*nt. That right there is a guaranteed panty dropper. You can also call her fat (always a good one), spend the evening checking out women in the bar who are hotter than she is (and making it obvious so she really gets the point), or tell her that you plan on quitting your job and living off her and then sucking her dry mentally, physically and financially. Also, make sure to tell her you are incredibly bad at sex. Or that you have a small penis. That always goes well. You’re guaranteed a bad first date if you follow my plan. You’re welcome?

Ladies, if you want to have a bad first date, tell him you’re saving yourself till marriage, that you have a STD (or two or three) and you want to make sure he has it too, so you can do it bareback. Also mention you have issues, and a fetish for credit card fraud and identity theft. And that you’re more obnoxious and nitpicky than a Jewish mother. If all else fails, throw in religion, sex, and politics.

Should You Schedule A Date Night?

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A date night could easily be the missing ingredient to your relationship. So many men and women find themselves distanced from their partners after a long week. Most of the time couples deal with a stressful week by unwinding in front of the television or heading out with friends. This is normal, especially when you’re in a long term relationship, but it’s not necessarily a good thing.

While sitting in front of the TV might be relaxing for some, this doesn’t exactly help out the relationship. A date night can be a welcome surprise and bring that spark back between the two of you. There are several reasons that you might need to schedule a date night. Some couples believe that having to schedule a date night means that there is a problem in the relationship. However, this is not necessarily true. Here are a few reasons that you should actively schedule a date night.

You’re On The Books

A date night will put something on the books. It shows your guy that you are committed to spending time with him and it shows you that he is committed to spending time with you. When you put something on the books you have made the commitment and you should not back out of it. Some people make empty promises to their partners in the vein of “Yeah, we’ll head to dinner some time this week or something.” This kind of phrasing and ambiguousness doesn’t really put confidence into the relationship. Scheduling a date night will lock them down without dispute, giving both a time and place to spend some much needed quality time together.

Work Schedules

There are instances where people have very demanding jobs. This is becoming more and more of an issue, because people are working long hours simply to make ends meet and pay the bills. Just because you have a demanding job doesn’t mean that you can’t have a great relationship. You don’t have to sacrifice one for the other. In the event that you do have a demanding job, scheduling a date night might be needed. There are times when jobs require insane amounts of overtime.

If you or your partner has a demanding job then you should consider scheduling a date night so you do not schedule anything in its place by accident. Just because you have to schedule a date night doesn’t mean that you don’t care about the relationship. It simply means that you have other obligations and responsibilities that must be tended to.

You Have Something To Look Forward To

The day to day activities of life can easily make it mundane. Monday turns to Tuesday, which turns to Wednesday and you’re doing the same thing over and over again. When you schedule a date night with your partner, you have something to look forward to. You have something that will make your week go by a little faster and you can put up with some of the monotony until you reach the coveted night. Consider date ideas and think about what you want to do or what you want to eat. These can help you get excited about the date and forget about the pressures of work and family if for just a second.

Reservations

If you’re taking your partner to a romantic, high end restaurant, scheduling a date night is essential. Some restaurants require reservations up to a week in advance depending on how popular they are. If you schedule a date night then you can get a reservation way before the good times fill up. Getting into a trendy restaurant the day of can be a challenge.

Even if you can get a reservation it might not be at the time that you want. If you are going to a movie, a play or you have another event planned, having a reservation at the best time possible will work to your advantage.

A Date Night Can Breathe New Life Into A Relationship

Remember back to the time that you first started dating your partner? Do you remember how it felt to get dressed up and go out on the town? How he or she made you feel special because you had then on your arm? You can still have that feeling when you schedule a date night with your partner.

Schedule a date night and then go out and buy a new dress or dress shirt for the occasion. Watch how your partner’s eyes light up when they see you in your new outfit. Whether you have been working too hard or the relationship has felt a little distant lately, having a date night can easily bring the two of you back together again.

The Worst Dating Advice EVER!

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Dating advice can be both good and bad. Here is some of the most awful dating advice you can get – so be sure to steer clear of these!

What She Said:

For women, the worst dating advice is anything that has to do with the book “The Rules.” There should never ever be rules when it comes to dating. When you allow rules and try to have them you just end up not being yourself and you end up playing games. Last time I checked, we aren’t in elementary school, so stop it! If you want to ask a guy out, do it! If you want to call a guy, ext a guy or sleep with a guy, DO IT! Pay no attention to what you think others thinking you should do Dating is fun, so have fun!

For guys, I think the worst advice is the idea that they should be super sweet. Yes, you should be a gentleman but don’t let her control the date/relationships or make all the decisions. That being said, don’t be super cocky either. Respect her but respect yourself first. There is a fine line between dorky and cocky. Hopefully you are man enough to know how to be yourself.

What He Said:

Worst dating advice ever? Anything ever said on Oprah, or anything ever written in a book by women. Ever notice that most women who write dating books are single and or have a strong “I hate men” vibe to them? Well, you should’ve. Cause they do. Not only that, they have no idea what they’re talking about.

They’re trying to make sense of men from a female perspective. That’s stupid. Those “the rules” chicks are man hating evil demons from hell. I’m being too nice, I know. I should really say what I think, but seriously. They should be stoned to death by women everywhere, because they make men run like hell. We’re not afraid of commitment, we’re afraid to committing to those women.

Know what else is stupid, all those sell out men, who are lying to women under the guise of “telling it like it is (Steve Harvey and that “Men Are from Mars” dude, I am looking your direction.) They make us seem like dogs and that we need to be trained or fixed, or whatever. It’s not true. You don’t need to fix anyone, and you shouldn’t wait an arbitrary number of dates in order to get a guy to stick around or be faithful. That’s the worse dating advice ever heard.

Truth is, you should have sex with someone when you feel like it. When it feels right is when it’s right to sleep with someone. Could be seven dates in, could be seven minutes in. When it’s right, it’s right. There’s some sort of myth out there that if you withhold sex from a man, somehow you’ll get him to stick around longer. That’s like saying starving people will stay somewhere where they know there is no food.

The opposite is true. The sooner you sleep with a dude, the better in terms of keeping him around. Maybe he won’t stick around, but that is on him, and has nothing with when you sleep with him. If he’s going to bolt, he’s going to bolt and why not get some anyway? He might be really good at it, and it’s never really that bad.

For guys, don’t buy into feminism. There’s nothing wrong with women earning more and being equal, but at the end of the day, it always boils down to “Me Tarzan, you Jane.” All women want to be led, whether they know it or not. That’s why they love bad boys, at least for a while. They take charge, they know who they are, they make no apologies for it, they are exciting and unpredictable. They usually wind up treating girls crappy, so don’t model that part, but model the rest. Women want a man to do all those things and rock their world.

They say you should be yourself. That’s loser talk. Nobody ever got laid “being themselves.” You can only get some “being your best self.” You should be true to yourself, but always be at your best, inside and out. Make it easy on yourself too. The worst dating advice a guy ever got is “it’s whats on the inside that matters.” Yes, that’s important, but she’s never going to see if it if you look like a morbidly obese serial killer. Get nice clothes, get your hair did, get in the gym, make your outside a reflection of the inside. Women love a great visual as much as men do. (Don’t believe me? Two words: Magic Mike. I rest my case).

How To Get Her Phone Number

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Dating tips are essential if you want to score with the ladies. Here are some excellent suggestions to snag any girl’s phone number you want!

There is a misconception that you must talk to a woman for a long period of time before you’re allowed to get her number. There is nothing wrong with asking women for their phone numbers after only a very short conversation. After conversing for five minutes you could pull out your phone and say, “What’s your number?”

Be Confident

Don’t say submissive things like: “You’ve probably got a boyfriend, right? No? Well, then can I maybe please have your number?”

You may be thinking, “If she really likes me she’ll give me her number, won’t she?” Well, no. As you may remember, women are always checking to make sure you’re the confident, masculine man you project yourself to be. It’s part of the “the test.”

FACT: Masculine men know what they want and know how to get it

Masculine men don’t beg or plead for what they want. They command respect and expect everyone to comply with their requests. The simple mistake of asking humbly for her number gives her hundreds of opportunities to avoid your request and to figure out that you’re not the man she thought you were.

Instead, when you expect her number, you communicate that you’re a man who knows what he wants, and knows how to get it.

What If She Doesn’t Give It To You?

When you start putting your new knowledge into practice you’ll make mistakes – everyone does. Resistance during the initial meeting is normal. When you start to use this information, by understanding the excuses women might give, you can be prepared with your own responses and possibly save many hours.

There are only two reasons why a woman would avoid giving out her number:

  1. She’s in a relationship.
  2. She isn’t attracted to you.

Understanding the reasons, let’s look at the four major excuses women use.

Excuse #1 – “Why You Don’t Give Me YOUR Number?”

Don’t buy into this common trap. Women almost never call men first because, as discussed before, men are supposed to be the leaders. They should control every step of the dating process. Continue to ask her for her number. If she doesn’t want to give it to you, don’t give her your number, because you’ll just be wasting your time.

A woman says, “Why don’t you give me your number?” To the misguided man this means, “She’s interested and will call me” But it actually means, “I don’t feel a connection to you and want to get out of this situation as quickly and as easily as possible.”

Excuse #2 – “I’m Really Busy With Work/School/Commitments At The Moment”

This can be her subconscious mind really trying to stay away from men she doesn’t know well or feel comfortable with. The best way to deal with this is setting up a date on the spot. Say something along the lines of: “That’s OK – I understand, I’m really busy myself, but everyone’s got 20 minutes for coffee, no matter how busy they are, haven’t they?”

Excuse #3 – “I Have A Boyfriend”

This excuse can mean two things. She actually has a boyfriend and is happy with her relationship, or she doesn’t have a boyfriend but wants you to leave her alone. This is usually a lose–lose situation, because if you persist in asking her out, it reinforces her choice by telling herself you have no respect for a woman already in a relationship. Take the excuse “I have a boyfriend” as a sign to thank her, have a laugh and move on, no hard feelings.

Excuse #4 – “Why Don’t We Swap?”

Why would a woman want your number in return? Most likely so she can see who’s calling and avoid answering the phone if she doesn’t find the caller interesting. Let’s say you successfully get the woman’s number, now it’s OK to give her your number in return, right?

Wrong! You don’t want a woman identifying your number. Although this may seem strange, the fact is a woman doesn’t need your number. If you call her three times while she was working she’ll see: “three missed calls from John.”

Letting her know that you’ve called three times doesn’t look too good if you want to appear as an independent, strong and masculine male. Instead it makes you seem clingy and desperate. Women would rather wait for you to call again. So remember not to offer her your number at all. If she asks for it, just say she doesn’t need it, or say, “Na, just give me yours.” It’s that simple. If you don’t want to give her your number – and I recommend you don’t – just let her know.

Women don’t really want to lie. But after years of experience with boys they aren’t attracted to, they’ve engineered an under-the-radar method to avoid socially awkward situations they’d rather not deal with.

While some of these dating tips seem tricky and complicated, just understand that what women say isn’t always what they mean. Identifying the common responses and resistances lets you know whether you should invest your time further, or whether she isn’t interested at all, but is just being nice to avoid an awkward confrontation.

How To Have A Great Date Night With Your Partner

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Dating tips just aren’t for singles – they can help couples improve their relationship and make their sex life hot again. Try these killer date ideas.

Date night – we all know they’re important for anyone in a long term relationship. Date nights are crucial to the overall health and success of your relationship. But how do you have a really, really great one? What dating tips do you need to take your date nights from good to great?

What She Said:

Having a great date night takes effort. If you are in a long term relationship, you never want to get too predictable or too comfortable. To avoid boredom on your date you need to do something expected at an unexpected time. For example. if you always go out on Saturday, why not switch it up and go out on a date on a Tuesday. Or maybe you can surprise them at work and bring them lunch. Little changes will surprise and delight your other half. most importantly, you should do something you know your man would love to do but it ight not be your first choice.

Get tickets to his favorite sports team. Or instead of going to a restaurant you always go to, find a hole in the wall pub. If he always pays, why not pick up the check and take him out on a date! Tell him the time and pick him up. Drive him to the place and pay for everything. Its a super sweet gesture that will make your man feel loved! But if you do take him out, make sure he knows that he is required to put out at the end of the date.

What He Said:

The most important way to have a great date night is to have a date night in the first place. Pick a night of the week, or month or whatever and make that date night in your day planner. Set that date night in stone. Let nothing get in the way of it. Not friends, not family, not kids, nothing! You must ruthlessly protect date night from all threats, foreign and domestic. Yes, it may seem extreme, but it’s for a reason.

There are many legitimate reasons you may think you should cancel or reschedule your date night. But if you wait to the right time for date night, it’s never going to happen. Life happens so fast and before you know it, skipping one date night turns into skipping several and then you wonder why your relationship is in trouble.

Don’t let it get there. Have date night, no matter what.

After you’ve established your date night routine, it’s important to break it. The biggest threat to date night aside from not having it at all is allowing it to get stale and predictable. It could be something big like a weekend trip somewhere or something simple, like driving to the fancy pat of town and having coffee.

Another great way to spice up date night is to go back to the beginning. If you’re in the phase of your relationship where you’re having “date night” it’s safe to say you’re past the honeymoon phase. That’s natural, but that doesn’t have to mean the relationship gets stale and boring. Think back to your favorite memories from the early days of your relationship.

Recreate them whenever possible, and if you really want to add fireworks, try combining them (think sex in the backseat of a car in public while on vacation, for example). It’s worth the effort and even better, you’ll find yourself creating new, exciting memories and adding spark and sizzle to your relationship.

Date night is like the booster rocket attached to your relationship. It will help your relationship break the atmosphere and take things to the next level. You don’t just have one booster rocket attached to your space shuttle of love. You have several. They each burn for a while, then they run out of fuel and fall off.

This will keep happening until you are out of rockets. Then you go to the space station of love, get some more rockets, refuel, take some vitamin e and ginseng and then you go back out into space, ready to explore and go deeper and deeper inside of the galaxy.

That’s how it is. You can never stop having date nights, and if you’re going to have them, you might as well do it right. It’s much easier to keep your relationship going that it is to go out, filter out all the losers, perverts, sex offenders and douchebags while looking for a new relationship. Keep the one you’ve got. It’s worth it.