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First Date – How to Avoid the Conversation Dead Zone

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So you finally got up the courage to ask a girl out, and she said “yes”. Great news!

Unless of course you have no idea where to go and what to do on your date. Worse yet, some people are so afraid of that dreaded conversation dead zone, that they won’t even go out on a date.

Getting a girl to go out with you is traumatic enough for most guys. But this can be even worse. Sure, we’ve all been there. You remember those awkward first moments on a date with someone you don’t really know. What will you possibly talk about? Who will go first? What if you say something stupid? Will she ever go out with you again?

STOP! That kind of thinking is going to leave you single forever, so cut it out. Going on a date should be fun and exciting, not terrifying!

Here’s a question from Omar who is facing this very dilemma with a young lady he just asked out on a date. Omar is from the UAE, so there are some cultural differences concerning formality and dating, but the question remains.

How can you know for sure that you won’t sit there in awkward silence, hoping for your date misery to end?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

This is the first time for me to check out a video of yours, and I think they’re great.

My question is that two weeks ago I asked a girl if she would be my girlfriend and she agreed (I’ve been talking with her for a few months). Then, I told her I’ll ask her out soon, but till now I didn’t only because I just can’t find the things to talk with her about on the date.

So if you would please help me and give me some hints about what to say on the date so I don’t get stuck. Thanks for reading my message.

— Omar (United Arab Emirates)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PkJi0lIukY[/youtube]

6 Ways To Make An Office Romance Work

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Most people have either dated a co-worker or have thought about pursuing a co-worker, but there seems to be an underlying hesitance to do so because of the “sexual harassment” fear.

If you do decide to take the leap, here’s a great article from our good friend Jane May at www.CareerRamblings.com.

"6 Ways To Make An Office Romance Work"

Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons…

It’s really easy to get infatuated with a co-worker because it seems that they care about the same things that you do, when in reality work may be the only thing you have in common.

I’ve seen too many people throw away marriages for an office fling.

Having said all of that… Dan and I met at the office :-).

Leaving the Friend Zone – How to Actually Ask Her Out On a Date

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At some point you’re going to have to make your move and depart the friend zone. Now, this may not be in the first minute or two, and maybe not even the first time you talk to her. The key here again is self confidence. You’ll also need a little patience.

Take your time and feel it out first. Don’t make her choose until you know she’s comfortable enough with you to give you a chance and you’re comfortable enough to take the chance.

Watch this short video to find out how to move out of the ‘Friend Zone’ and on to the next level.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-pW3gAxR8[/youtube]

Cheap But Great Date Ideas from ZenHabits.net

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Looking for some great first date ideas or even second date ideas but you’re a little strapped for cash?

Here are some great suggestions from our friend Leo at Zen Habits.

  1. Picnic. One of my favorites. I like to pack a basket with home-made sandwiches (really hearty, good ones with good bread), fruits, cheese, desserts, candies, wine, snacks and all the utensils and napkins. Find a great spot for the picnic — sunset is probably the most romantic time.
  2. Treasure hunt. Another favorite. I set this up beforehand, writing clues on pieces of paper and leaving them all around town. Each clue led to the next, and at the end was a gift. You’ll have a blast driving around. It’s best if the places and clues are meaningful to the two of you.
  3. Home-cooked meal with candles. A specialty of mine. Even if you can only cook one thing well, you’ve got it made. Pasta or steaks are easy and sure bets (although I don’t eat steak anymore). A good dessert tops it off well. The candles are a nice touch. Pick some flowers too. Most women love a man who can cook, especially for them.
  4. Massage. This is most likely only appropriate if you’ve been going out for a few dates, but if you’re close enough for a good massage, this will win her over. Get some scented massage oil. Do the entire body, starting with the head, down to the neck, the back, legs and feet. Skip the tempting areas (or at least save them for last) or the massage might not last long.
  5. The beach. I live on an island, so this one’s easy. If you don’t have a beach, any other nice natural setting, like lake or river or mountain, will also work. You can pack a picnic, or just get some bathing suits and some beer and have a great time.
  6. Festivals. Look in your local paper … you might find all kinds of festivals, from movies to dance to desserts and more. They cost very little, and they are a blast. Walk around, make jokes, sample everything.
  7. Old movie marathon. Nothing’s more romantic than great old movies. Rent a bunch of them on DVD, pop some popcorn, get some candy, and watch them in your living room wrapped in blankets. A few sure-fire recommendations: Casablanca, Roman Holiday, Some Like It Hot, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, hell anything with Audrey Hepburn.
  8. Window shopping. Walk around and look at stuff at some of your favorite stores — antique stores, used bookstores, unique clothing. Try stuff on. Make fun of stuff. Make it fun.
  9. Watch meteors. Get a blanket and look up at the stars. It’s best if there’s a meteor shower — shooting stars are magical. Otherwise, learn a few constellations and point them out to her. Ponder the mysteries of the universe.
  10. Play in the snow or water. If you’ve got snow, you’ve got magic. Otherwise, a pool or ocean or lake are also great ways to play. Playful is good. So is a little innocent physical contact. Roll around!
  11. Museum. I love museums. They’re fascinating. If the girl thinks they’re fascinating too, you’ve got a winner. Zoos are fun too. Also carnivals. Buy cotton candy.
  12. Family barbecues. If you’ve been on a couple dates, you might be comfortable bringing her to a family gathering. A casual one like a barbecue is probably better to start with than Thanksgiving dinner or something. Although, going to a wedding is also fun. Barbecues are great because there’s good food and it’s free! Also, if your family is a lot of fun, you’ve got free entertainment!
  13. Shakespeare. I like watching plays, especially by the Bard. If the girl likes that too … well, she’s worth her weight in gold, as far as I’m concerned. And Shakespeare is very romantic. Quote her some lines afterward.
  14. Sundaes. Delicious and fun. Share toppings.
  15. Poetry reading. These can be a lot of fun, especially if you have a poem you can go up and read. Write one especially for her and tell everyone it’s dedicated to her. Then have some beers and watch the others. Poetry can be very romantic (unless it’s the angry kind, in which case it’s a lot of fun).

If you haven’t been to Zen Habits yet, go over and check it out. Leo has some great ways to improve your life.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” ~Aristotle

Zen Habits is all about achieving goals, productivity, being organized, GTD, motivation, eliminating debt, saving, getting a flat stomach, eating healthy, simplifying, living frugal, parenting, happiness, and successfully implementing good habits.

For some fun and really unique date ideas, check out our review of Michael Webb’s excellent guide 300 Creative Dates.

Here’s How to Make the Transition from Friends to More Than Friends a Little Easier

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The Question

I’ve recently had feelings for this girl and it turns out she’s had feelings for me as well.

We’ve been friends with each other for years but there’s always been something more there.

She told me that she had liked me more than a friend in the past and she does presently, and it’s the same story with me.

A few days ago we kissed for the first time after we had been out with a group of friends but were alone at the time. From that point on I considered us to be “official” and that’s also what she said to me after the kiss.

However, just two days later she sent me a text message saying “I can’t do this, I just can’t right now.”

She has been messed around by boyfriends in the past and treated particularly badly by her previous boyfriend. I’m afraid this has something to do with it.

I really want to make it happen with this girl. Any ideas?????

So what would you do in this situation?

Force the issue and tell her to get over it or maybe sit back and wait for her indefinitely?

Here’s what I would do in the same situation.

The Answer

It sounds like she’s a little “gun shy” and who can blame her. Give her time and show her that you’re not like her previous boyfriends. She may just be really nervous about crossing the “dating” line and taking the risk of losing you as a friend.

Talk to her.

Tell her openly and honestly how you feel without putting any pressure on her. Let her know that you’re there for her regardless of whether or not she’s your girlfriend or just your friend. Whether your relationship with her is labeled as “romantic” or not, it sounds like you have a good relationship, one worth keeping. Too many people let their hormones drive their intellect and ruin a perfectly good relationship – don’t be one of those.

If she just wants to keep you as a friend, it doesn’t mean that she’s rejecting you as a person. It simply means that she’s not ready for a romantic relationship and doesn’t want to date you right now. So many men get angry over this situation because they take it personally, but most likely it has nothing to do with you – she’s already told you that she’s attracted to you.

Ask yourself why you want to take the relationship to the next level.

Is it physical attraction and sex? Are you looking for a long term relationship? Do you just want to know that you have a girlfriend?

There are no right or wrong answers, but it’s important for you to know what you’re looking for so that you can help her better understand. And if you don’t know what you’re looking for that’s OK too. Just make sure to be honest with her.

Ask her to be honest with you and don’t judge her when she is.

If the previous boyfriends really are the reason, then you’ll need to respect and accept that if you really care for her. If she’s just not emotionally ready to be in a romantic relationship, then she shouldn’t be in one with you or anyone else.

So many people make the mistake of getting into a relationship when they’re really not ready to be involved at that level with another person and it usually ends badly and with regrets on both sides. So make sure she’s ready and don’t push. Let her know that you’ll be there for her when she’s ready – if that’s something that you’re willing to do.

Don’t stop being friends just because of a kiss.

I’ll take one good friend over 10 girlfriends any day!

Maybe there’ll be more to your relationship and maybe there won’t, but you’ll both have more respect and trust for each other in the end. It’s not always easy, but try to enjoy your relationship for where it is today.

Whatever is going to happen tomorrow will happen tomorrow and that’s OK. Always live in the Now.