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My Wife Spends More Time With Her Friends Than Me!

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Marriage is a partnership between two great friends – but what happens when your marriage gets less time than her best girls do?

My wife seems to be way more interested in the well being of her girlfriends over me. It’s kind of to the point where I’m wondering if she’s more interested sexually, given the amount of time she spends with them. What gives?

What She Said:

Have you reached out to your wife lately? It sounds like she might be taking solace in the company of her girlfriends. It is possible to feel lonely, even in a marriage. You’ve mentioned that she doesn’t seem very interested in your well being. Have you flipped the script and asked yourself if you’ve shown interest in her happiness as of late? If you said “no,” that might be the answer to your question.

Bring In The Romance

Of course the responsibility is not all on you. You obviously have a valid concern, regardless of the cause. You’re feeling alienated by your wife, and that’s not good. Given that you’ve included sex in the mix, I’m assuming that intimacy with your partner is not up to par. Have you tried a little romance? A fun date night might be a good start to getting things going again.

Communication is key, especially in this situation. You need to sit down and have an honest talk with your wife, ASAP. You’re going to have to be blunt and let her know your concerns. If she let’s you know everything is fine, but she’s also been feeling the distance, be sure to start scheduling time together. Make your marriage a priority again. If she reveals that she does indeed have sexual feelings for women, it’s time to let her go. You’ll both be happier in the long run being who you truly are. Good luck!

What He Said:

Unless your wife has always been like this something changed. It didn’t just happen. She may not be happy at work, or something. Most likely in these situations, it’s that the guy she’s with started phoning it in.

Think back to a time in the relationship when things were working like you wanted them to. Compare that to now. Are you spending as much time with her? Are one or both of you more stressed out? Are you doing the same things for her now as you were then? My guess is probably not.

Decoding A Woman’s Desire For Sex

So, start doing them. Try and do them without the expectation of the sex. She’s out of the mood and been that way for a while. She may have to readjust to the new attention, but it will happen. Ironically, she will want to have sex with you right after she comes to the conclusion that you’re not giving her this attention because you want to get laid. Women are sneaky like that. Once she feels that you’re giving her this added attention because you legitimately care about her and want to shower her with it, that’s when the booty usually picks up.

Again, I know. It doesn’t make sense, and it’s counterintuitive. But that’s the way it works. Just try it. Give it like a month. Or two weeks at least. If it doesn’t work, punch me. I know it will work, which is why I can say that. Just try it. You have nothing to lose.

How Long Should You Stay Engaged?

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Marriage is an exciting process – the proposal has happened and now you’re engaged. One of the very first things you and your new fiance have to do is to set the date for your wedding. How can you decide how long you should be engaged before you celebrate your big day? It will depend on a number of factors, including how much time you’ll need to plan, whether or not you have guests coming in from out of town, and more.

This is something you should start discussing with your S.O. no later than the day after you get engaged. The sooner you can settle on a date, the sooner you can go to work on the rest of the planning process.

Decide On The Wedding Size

Before you can set a date, you have to decide exactly what kind of  wedding you’ll have. If you and your partner want a big ceremony with lots of guests, a full bridal party, and a huge reception, you may very well need at least six months to a year to get everything set up.

If you want a small ceremony with only a few friends and family, you may only need a month or so. Should you and your partner be anxious to get married and not into a traditional wedding, you might even consider eloping as soon as possible. You can always have a party to celebrate your marriage with all of your friends and family after the fact.

Picking A Special Date

Another factor to consider when picking a date is whether or not there’s a special date that means something to both of you. Maybe you want to get married during a certain time of year so you can have an outdoor ceremony, like late spring or early fall. Or maybe there’s a meaningful date, like the day you first met or the anniversary of your first date that you want to be your date.

If either of these scenarios is the case, you may have a big wait, particularly if you need time to plan and that date or season is coming up quickly. Should that be the case, you might have to wait until that date comes up next year instead of this year, or your planning might be too rushed. If neither of you wants to wait that long, you need to be willing to sacrifice your idea of a perfect date or season to get married in.

Venue Availability

Your date will also be determined by the availability of the venue you want to get married in. Some venues, like religious ones, may already be booked for someone else’s  ceremony on the date that you want. It’s a good idea to have a window of dates or a few backup dates in mind in case your ideal date is booked. Otherwise, you need to be willing to be flexible on the venue.

The same thing goes for who will perform the ceremony. If you belong to a specific congregation and want your preacher, priest, Rabbi, etc., to perform the ceremony, you will most likely need to be flexible on your date. If the two of you are just going to use a justice of the peace, however, you can probably pick the exact date you want. Odds are that someone will be available for that day.

In the end, finding the right date mostly comes down to what your priorities are. If you have a detailed dream wedding plan, you’re probably going to need more time and have to be more flexible with your date to make everything work. If you and your fiance’s number one priority is to make the marriage sooner rather than later, you’ll have to be willing to be looser with your wedding plans. Just make sure that you’re both on the same page about your priorities, and you’ll settle on the right date in no time.

Engagement: Perfect Ways To Pop The Question

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Planning an engagement isn’t easy – in fact, sometimes it can be more difficult than planning the wedding! Thinking about the right way to propose can leave your head spinning. Make your engagement stellar with these great ideas.

Engagement is a big moment in not only your relationship, but also your life, so you want it to be as perfect as possible. A proposal should be personal and memorable. Most importantly, it should also be successful. All your work will be for naught if you don’t hear a “yes” at the end of it. Making it truly thoughtful and special will go a long way toward getting you that positive outcome.

Consider Your Mate’s Personality

Once you’ve decided to pop the question, the first thing to consider is your S.O.’s personality. If your girlfriend or boyfriend is a private person, asking them to marry you at halftime during a football game probably isn’t the way to go. If they’re a huge sports fan and love big, public displays of affection, then that’s probably a good idea.

Is your partner a sucker for traditional romance? Then a candlelight fancy dinner might do the trick. If they’re outdoorsy, you might want to try a trip to the botanical gardens or a hike. The quirky S.O. might appreciate finding their ring at the end of a treasure hunt with clues you’ve put together yourself. Just make sure that you tailor the location and mood of your proposal to your love’s tastes. They’ll appreciate it on so many levels.

Referencing Your Dating History In Your Proposal

If you really want to win him or her over, try referencing past moments in your dating history. Take them to the first restaurant you ate at, or the park you walk through every Saturday afternoon together.  If you met through work or in school, try asking in front of your office building or at your mutual favorite spot on campus.

You can even address the moment you knew your S.O. was the one for you. Maybe you had a moment at a museum while looking at a painting together when you realized he or she was the one. Go back and propose in front of that piece of art. Perhaps you both bonded over a mutual love for animals, so you should pop the question at the zoo or when you’re taking your dogs to the dog park together. Proposing at a special location that is part of your story together can make the moment feel extra inspired.

Think About What You Will Say

You should also prepare what you’re going to say before your engagement, of course. Be honest and open with your emotions. Tell an anecdote about the first time you met or the moment you knew you wanted to be together forever. Talk about how much you love your S.O. and paint a well-worded picture of how you see your future together turning out. Enumerate the qualities your boyfriend or girlfriend has that make them the perfect fit for you.

Then explain why you know you’re their soulmate. Be confident, but don’t feel bad if you get nervous or stray from what you planned to say. Nerves and excitement can be somewhat endearing. It’s an emotional moment, and it’s fine to tear up or stumble over a word or two. Let your true feelings shine through, and your mate will be moved by them. Combine that with a well-planned proposal that’s tailored to your significant other’s unique tastes, and you’ll be planning your wedding together in no time.

How To Discuss Deal Breakers Before You Get Hitched

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Marriage can be a truly exciting thing. During the time between your engagement and your wedding day, you’ll be busy with planning, enjoying the feeling of anticipation at your coming nuptials, and more. The engagement period is also your last chance to move past any doubts you may be having about your relationship.

The most important thing you can do prior to getting married is make sure you and your significant other are on the same page. Within the first week of getting engaged, you need to cover all of the possible deal breakers, so you don’t find out about anything bad after you’ve already said “I do.”

She Said Yes – Now What?

So the question has been popped and answered in the affirmative—now what? If you’ve already discussed all of your plans for the future with your S.O., congratulations! You’re ready to start planning the ceremony. If not, it’s time to have a very serious discussion together. You two need to cover all of the possible deal breakers and make sure you’re either on the same page, or one of you is willing to bend for the other’s sake.

Talking About Children

First up is one of the biggest topics, children. Do you both want to get pregnant? If one of you does and one of you doesn’t, that can be a major deal breaker. Don’t convince yourself that you can go without the little rug rats you’ve been hoping for just because your soon-to-be spouse doesn’t want them. Definitely do not convince yourself that he or she will likely change their mind.

Give this topic very serious consideration, because if you want them and he/she doesn’t, it can definitely lead to divorce farther down the line. If you both want children, you probably need to set basic expectations about it now. If one of you wants them right away and the other wants to wait, be sure that you’re willing to meet in the middle before you move forward with your marriage. As for how many you want, it’s probably best to wait until you’ve actually had one child before you start deciding on numbers. In this area, as in all of the other major issues, it’s necessary to establish where you are willing to compromise and where you are not.

Talking About Religion

After the issue of offspring has been covered, it’s time to talk religion. If you both practice the same faith or are not particularly religious people, there won’t be much to discuss here. If you’re both the same faith, two Methodists for instance, but go to different churches, you should discuss whose church you’ll join.

Other than that you’re golden. If you’re not of the same faith, or one of you is more religious than the other, you’ll definitely need to examine this subject more. Does one of you expect the other to convert? If you have children, which faith will you expect them to practice? Clarify these issues now, and no major problems will arise further down the line. Besides, if you’re intending to have a religious ceremony, you’ll need to have this discussion so you can pick a venue, etc.

Talking About Finances

You will also need to discuss your living arrangements and financial situation. Does either of you already own a home, or are you both renting? In either situation, will one of you move into the other’s place, or are you going to find a new place to share? If you are going to find a new place together, you need to decide whether you want to buy a home or rent something. Then you should compare your expectations.

If one of you would prefer to go on renting an apartment and the other expects to be a home owner within two years, the sooner you can reach a compromise, the better. Discussing your finances will go hand in hand with deciding where to live. Now is the time to talk about whether or not you’ll combine bank accounts, if either of you has any debt, and more. Unromantic as it may seem, financial worries can cause marriages to crumble. You don’t want to find out six months after you got married that your new spouse is $20K in debt and expects you to put your salary toward that. Talk about fighting and a possible divorce waiting to happen!

Smaller Issues To Deal With

There are other smaller issues that can wait until after the honeymoon, like how you’ll be splitting household chores and deciding which person’s family to visit on each holiday. What’s most important is that you clear the air on the major parts of your future—children, religion, finances and living arrangements. If you can have an honest discussion on these topics and plan to tackle any problems together, you’ll start your marriage on a much happier note.

Getting these things out of the way prior to the wedding not only leaves you with less to worry over, but it also makes sure you don’t walk into marriage with incorrect expectations. If you’re not comfortable talking any of these topics over now, you may need to question if you’re really ready to be married or not. However, if you can start your engagement with this sort of openness, you’re setting a great precedent for the rest of your lives together.

4 Ways To Save Your Marriage (For Men)

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Is your marriage in trouble? No matter how bad, there’s always hope and ways to turn your situation around. Here are five common ways to help create a better, more loving and harmonious relationship with your wife.

Handle Arguments Differently

Every marriage and relationship has arguments, but it’s how you handle them that’s most important. At Junior High School, I said ‘no’ to drugs. At my wedding altar, I said ‘no’ to fighting. Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” anti-drug campaign was a huge success. Kids made a verbal commitment and a mental stance to avoid drugs before they were even of the age to be tempted. When they were introduced to drugs, they knew they could “just say no” and not feel alone.

Fighting is NOT harmless. It’s addictive and, if continued, is likely to cause irreparable damage. Certainly there are times when emotions get wrinkled, and the natural inclination is to blow your top. I sometimes have to bite my tongue so I don’t say something I would regret later (since when is self-control a bad thing?)

Having a naturally calm personality has admittedly made it easier for me to think before I speak than it is for some people. But that shouldn’t stop anyone from trying.

Turn Gossip And Bashing Into Praise

No one’s perfect. When the guys get together and the conversation turns to complaining about “what their wives do,” or wife bashing in general, refuse to participate. It shows that you respect and value your wife. Instead, when a “gripe session” gets going, make it a point to start sharing some of her good qualities.

Usually, this alone will steer the conversation into a positive direction and help your friends to also praise their wives — which in turn helps them to respect and appreciate them more too. Knowing that my wife refuses to belittle me in front of friends makes me love and respect her even more.

Change Up Your Routine

After a few months or years, most couples get into a comfortable pattern where they always do the same things. Same dinner / movie dates, same sexual routine and same behaviors. You can rekindle some of that magic and keep your marriage exciting by simply paying attention to these three important areas:

  • Go on creative dates. Agree to go out and do something you’ve never done before once every week, fortnight or month. It doesn’t really matter what you do, but it’s important to commit and do this constantly. Want some ideas? Go to a winery, museum, art gallery, carnival, the beach, or have a picnic in a park.
  • Spice things up under the sheets. Try new sex positions, techniques or locations. Wear some nice lingerie or introduce some new sex toys into the bedroom.
  • Change up the norm. Buy her a gift just to say “I love you,” give her a nice massage, set up a scavenger hunt that shows how much you care about her with a gift at the end

Face Your Money Problems And Debts

One of the biggest problems facing couples today is the huge amount of debt they bring into their marriage. Not only are there more divorces, couples are filing for divorce much earlier in their marriage than ever before. Here are some ideas to get your debt and money issues under control.

  • Sit down and prioritize all aspects of your family budget together. Only when you analyze your spending habits will you fully realize where you are wasting money. It’s a great opportunity to talk about your goals and dreams.
  • Realize that frivolously spending money can be a sign of disrespect for your marriage and mate.
  • If you would like a bigger diamond ring or a fancier car, ask yourself why.
  • Take a quick inventory of all the items you own but could really live without. Consider how much you paid for them. What if you didn’t buy those items and had all that money in savings instead? Would it make a difference in how you view your job, your family and your future?

No one said mending a marriage would be easy. It takes time, effort and persistence – but in the end, you can really make it work if you put your mind to it.