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Is Marriage Dead?

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Gender roles are changing, times are tough and no one knows what it means. Nothing is changing more than the institution of marriage. But is it changing or is it just plain dead? How does this affect you and your matrimonial urges? Five minutes from now, we’ll have given you all the answers you need.

What She Said:

Well, as someone who just got married last week, I certainly hope not! I’d also hazard a guess that all the people (rightfully) fighting to legalize gay marriage are also hoping it’s alive and well. Either way, it still seems to be a commitment that’s very important to a lot of people. But how do you make a modern go of an antiquated notion? The idea that two people would enter into a lifelong contract only for the good of procreation seems incredibly absurd. And frankly, I believe it is.

A bond created between two lovers transcends moral constraints; and these days you definitely don’t need a marriage license for the kiddos. The buzzwords for wedded bliss are “unconditional love and friendship.” Getting married is a matter of choice versus necessity these days, so there’s a lot of leeway in making it how you want it. Though I personally have thrown religion out of the mix, there are a lot of questions you shouldcask yourself before making it a legal matter. Are you compatible in the areas of spirituality andcbelief in commitment? Do you want to share finances? Do you want to travel and, if so, do you travel well together? Does this person have your back, no matter what? How is the in-law situation?

Do you have compatible life goals? Are you going to choose to bring children into the mix? Do you agree on child rearing? Really, I can’t stress the basics enough – being each other’s best friend and sharing similar views on how you want to live your lives are absolutely essential to a happy union. I don’t believe marriage is dead; the concept has been around for thousands of years and will be around for a thousand more. What is dead is the old-fashioned notion that marriage can exist only between a man and a woman – and only so those people can have children. It shouldn’t matter what combination of couple stands before the altar – if you’re lucky enough to find true love in this lifetime, I say more power to you.

What He Said:

To quote Austin Powers, marriage “isn’t dead, it’s just very badly burned.” Our entire society has undergone a huge fundamental shift. Things will literally never, ever be the same. Men have lost, women have won, and as such they will be taking things over and running the show very, very soon. No one is sure what any of this mean, but though it’s not all bad, it damn sure ain’t all good, at least for men. Nowhere is this more true than when discussing marriage.

That being said, saying marriage is dead because of the shifts in our society is just as stupid as saying the music industry is dead because of the Internet and iTunes. It’s different, there are now a different set of winners and losers to the game, and the way it’s played is different, but you still can get your “I do” on if you so desire.

I will say that the concept of “unconditional love” between adults is absolute bullshit. It doesn’t exist. Sure, it exists between parent and child, but man and wife (or wife and wife or man and man) no. No way. Disagree with me? Go off and have sex with a bunch of people on your anniversary or blow off Valentine’s Day and see how your spouse likes it. See? There are conditions. You can negotiate them to be whatever you want, but there are terms and conditions. Marriage, at the end of the day is a contract. Pure and simple. You dictate the terms of the agreement and you either sign or you don’t. You can’t always get exactly what you want in it, but you should be happy with the deal you signed or you need to cut your losses and walk away.

This is a merger like any other, and it requires you to do just as much due diligence as humanly possible, even if you know the deal is a great one for both of you. You have to be on the same page as much as humanly possible and talk about everything up front. If you don’t it will become a potentially fatal mistake at some point down the road. A pound of prevention is worth a pound of cure in general, but especially in marriage.

Personally, I also recommend a good pre-nup. You plan on staying married to the partner of your dreams forever I know. I’m not saying you wont. To me, it’s like this:

You have a car right?

You have insurance on that car, right?

You don’t plan on getting in an accident, do you?

Then why do you have car insurance?

Because you know as well as I do, that sometimes they happen. And they can be messy, especially if you’re unprepared. You know what pre-nup does in a happy marriage? Collect dust. It’s like the fire extinguisher in the kitchen that you never use because there’s no fire, but there might be. That’s why you have it. You understand, don’t you?

Choosing An Engagement Ring To Fit Her Style

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Good news, guys: the hard part is over. Finding the perfect engagement ring is so much easier than finding the perfect woman. (Presumably, you have already found this perfect woman, right? Because I might suggested holding off on purchasing the former until you have secured the latter). But you’re not in the clear just yet. This is kind of like a test or a midterm, to be more accurate. How well do you really know your girlfriend and, subsequently, her tastes?

If She Is Traditional

Opt for the classic engagement ring style: the solitaire setting with a round- or princess-cut diamond. The solitaire has been a consistently popular choice for decades because of its simplicity (but with the right diamond, it can be stunning). More recently, three-stone settings (one center stone, with two smaller side stones) have become more common, without becoming a fad.

If She Is Trendy

Does she have to own the latest gadget? Does she read fashion blogs obsessively? Then you will want to choose a modern ring, and these days, glitter is in. The more sparkly (almost outlandishly so), the better. Look for a ring with a sparkly center stone, yet is also surrounded by more diamonds: on the setting, on the band. The cocktail-style ring is a good example of this: it is just shy of being gaudy, which is fashionable at the moment (go figure). Another current marriage proposal trend is the tension mount setting. This ring has the diamond attached, not by a traditional prong setting, but because it is basically squeezed between the two ends of the ring.

If She Is Environmentally Friendly

Choose a conflict-free diamond. This is a diamond which is certified as having been created without a history of bloodshed, theft, or any crimes that are typical of the treacherous diamond trade. It also means that the profit is not funding a military organization or the weaponry trade.

If She Is Unique

Does she shirk the idea of fitting in or being the same as anyone else? If so, a good option for a unique proposal would be to stay away from diamonds altogether. Look into other stones, such as a pearl, emerald, onyx, or even turquoise. However, if she likes diamonds, look into colored variations, such as pink, blue, or even black.

If She Is Rugged

Nothing is worse to an adventurer than having to worrying about losing the stone while you are hiking or climbing trees. For the adventurous woman who doesn’t want to accidentally break her ring, try the bezel, baguette, or etoile settings. This means the diamond is set into the metal, flush with the edge, which gives it a smooth surface. This ensures a hassle-free ring to fit her lifestyle.

If She Is Frugal

It’s true, some women cringe at the idea of their boyfriends spending so much money on a ring. (Lucky you!) To ease her horror (and that of your bank account), choose white gold instead of platinum metal. It looks the same, but is much cheaper. Also, one up-and-coming idea for saving money is by buying a lab-created diamond, instead of a natural one. It, too, looks the same (and many times, even better!), but is drastically less expensive.

How To Make Sex In Your Marriage More Exciting

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Contrary to popular belief, married sex (or long term relationship sex) can be even better than wild, crazy sex with someone you’ve just met or don’t know very well. Married sex doesn’t have to be boring or blase. The trick is, you have to make a conscious effort to make your sex life in your marriage better. Here’s how you can do it!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhR-wqMVgWE[/youtube]

Bring Variety Into The Bedroom

Doing the same old thing in the bedroom time after time is an excellent way to land yourself right in a married sex rut. If you want to have a great sex life when you’re married or in a long term relationship, it’s important to bring new ideas in the bedroom. Try new sex positions that you’ve never tried before, or bring sex toys in the bedroom for you and your partner to play with. It’s a common misconception that sex toys are geared for women only. While many sex toys are for women, there are also a number of toys for couples to use together and sex toys for boys!

Make Love Sometimes And Screw Sometimes!

Sex doesn’t always have to be romantic and lovey-dovey. While it’s great to “make love” and share that deep, emotional connection with your partner, it’s also great to “screw” your partner and let your animalistic side take over! Take the lead one night and completely ravage your partner. Act like you’re just going to die if you don’t have your way with them RIGHT NOW, and as you’re having sex, exaggerate your reactions a little bit. Be of the mindset that your partner is the only thing you want at this point in time and absolutely nothing else matters. They are a cold drink on a blazing hot day or a meal when you’ve gone hungry for days! In turn, let your partner do the same to you on another night and let yourself be completely taken over by them when they’re in the lead. You can also take turns being the dominant partner one night. Do it on the couch, in the kitchen or in the car. When you want your partner or they want you, do it right then and there!

Be Adventurous

While it can be easy to let yourself go and have wild and crazy sex with someone you’re not completely comfortable with, it’s even easier to do this with someone you’ve built that trust with. When you’re 100% comfortable with someone and trust them to accept you no matter what, you can really let your wild side take over. Try some taboo things, such as anal sex or prostate massage, or even BDSM and roleplaying. If there’s something out there that really turns you on sexually but you’re not sure if you can bring yourself to do it, doing it with your significant other can actually be really fun and exciting. You don’t have to be afraid that they’re going to reject you if you get a little too freaky, because you know they choose to be with you every day because they love and care about you. So let yourself go and consider doing some things with them that you wouldn’t normally consider doing!

Q&A: Should I Get Married If His or Her Family Does Not Approve?

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It happens more often than we like – your parents don’t approve of him or his parents don’t like you. The relationship is great and you want to get married and commit to each other, but how do you handle the parental situation? Should you wait to get married or even dump your significant other because of what your parents or his parents think?

Question: I am engaged to be married. I love this guy more than anything, we are 21 and have been together for almost 5 years. However, his parents do not want him to marry me. We are of different social classes and they think I “control” his life. The reason they think this is because their son has grown up and wants to make his own decisions and they don’t like it. His family treats me fine but it’s what they say when I leave that is the problem. By the way, I have never been fond of his parents.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bcy6vOK4nk[/youtube]

Live Your Life

Your life is not about making decisions based on what other people think. If you are happy with your fiance and you have a good relationship, focus your energy on that rather than what his parents think about you. If you dump him because his parents don’t want him to be with you, you could be throwing away a great relationship that has the potential to enrich your life for years to come. You deserve to be in a happy and healthy relationship and if you already have one, don’t give it up just because someone else thinks he shouldn’t be with you. Make the decisions that better your life and deal with the rest later.

Are You Really Ready For Marriage?

It is possible to have a great long term relationship without ever getting married. So think about it. Are you really ready for marriage? Are you keen on marrying your fiance because his parents don’t want you to, so you can prove them wrong? If your motivations for marriage aren’t pure, or you aren’t completely ready to make the commitment of marriage, consider just having a great, monogamous long term relationship instead. You and your fiance can be happy together and have a healthy relationship without the marriage license if that’s what you want. Don’t tie the knot if it’s just in response to his parents’ dislike of you. You may come to regret it later.

How Will You Deal With His Family?

Before getting married, talk to your fiance about how you and he will deal with his family when the time comes. How will you arrange holidays? Will you accompany him on visits to the family? It may be fine for you to stay home before you have children, but once children come into play, it can be very difficult to have separate holidays. What does your partner think about it? Does he have any ideas on how he will handle the situation when you and he get married? These are things that you need to discuss with your partner before you tie the knot, so there are no surprises later on down the road.

Questions To Ask Yourself When Thinking About Getting Married

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Marriage is about taking a relationship to the next—and final—step. From here on, you will need to take another person into consideration with every major decision (and many minor ones, too). If you want to move, leave your job, go back to school, buy a couch, take a vacation…on all of these things, you will need to consult and compromise. It is not just about committing yourself to another person and declaring your ever-lasting love. Rather, it is also about creating a life together—one which absorb your current way of living and thinking. So, are you ready for it?

Are You Okay With Supporting Her If Something Happened?

Right now, you only need to worry about yourself. However, after getting married, what if she lost her job? Are you willing to financially support her, take care of her until she is back on her feet? You cannot be greedy with your money when another person is depending on you. More important than money, though, what if she were in an accident and could no longer feed herself or use the bathroom alone? Are you up for the possibility of really having to tend for another person in the event of a life-changing event?

Do You Agree About Major Topics?

Some things simply cannot be negotiated. You may want kids, but she does not. How do you compromise on such a huge issue? Simply put, you don’t. While minor stuff, like who does what chore, can be discussed and argued. But make sure you are on the same track about such issues as children, finances, religion, or sex.

Do You Communicate And Solve Problems Well?

Again and again, good communication is slated as the way to make a marriage last. Do you feel like you can talk about anything together, like you can handle anything when you work together? You must be willing to confide in this person, to share what is bothering you. Otherwise, the drift between you will grow with each year that passes and more words go unspoken.

Does She Know All Of Your Secrets?

It can be hard to take that step in revealing all the embarrassing things they may do when alone or dastardly events in your past about which few people may know. Even simple admissions like how much debt you owe. Are you comfortable sharing this information with her? Is there anything she isn’t comfortable telling you, in return?

Do You Think It Will Last?

This may seem like a no-brainer, but surprisingly, I have heard many people say something along these lines: “everyone needs a starter marriage,” usually followed by a shrug. If you don’t plan to have this relationship last forever, why bother at all? Put that time and energy towards finding the one with whom you do see yourself growing old.