Love & Relationships

10 Tips for Surviving Valentine’s Day Whether You’re Single or Attached

As the big day approaches, it’s easy to lose perspective and go into meltdown mode…

1. Remember that Valentine’s Day is ONE day out of a whole 365 days!

If you’re attached, keep yourself grounded in this reality and avoid making Valentine’s the tipping point of your relationship.

If you’re single, much as it might seem like the entire universe is celebrating their love on the 14th, they aren’t, and you can’t let your whole emotional world collapse. Love is something to be celebrated all year round.

2. Manage your expectations but most importantly communicate them.

Are you expecting the sun, moon, and the stars even though you’ve only been in your relationship for a short period of time? Does your partner dislike Valentine’s day and hasn’t previously lived up to your expectations?

I’m not suggesting that you remove the element of surprise or spontaneity, but if you’re the type of person that is likely to feel very disappointed if the day isn’t what you expect, it’s time to discuss your expectations so that you can 1) find out if they are realistic, 2) share your thoughts with your partner, and 3) free the both of you to have a day that you can enjoy.

3. Do not create drama or get stressed about it.

It’s supposed to be a celebration of love but it is very easy to ruin the lead up to it or the actual day.

Whether you are the type of person that resents Valentine’s day and feels inadvertently pressured by your partner or the commerciality of it, or whether you’re that person who lives for Valentine’s day and expects a big gesture, if the person you are with is at conflict with your outlook, you will find yourself in the very unpleasant drama zone.

4. Remember that you’ve saved some money and been spared the pain of scratchy underwear and other such tacky gifts.

It can be quite difficult to come up with something original and inspired for Valentine’s day and there aren’t many of us who haven’t had love dice, love cheques, cheap flowers from the petrol/gas station, furry handcuffs etc, never mind paying over the odds to be packed like sardines into a restaurant with a set menu.

It’s not about throwing the cash around if you are attached, and if you aren’t, pat the extra cash, or treat yourself to something nice.

5. Don’t go on a first date.

There is a lot of expectations and unnecessary pressure when you have a first date on Valentine’s. Be very careful of knee-jerking into a new relationship as we make some of our worst decisions when we’re insecure and desperate to avoid singledom.

6. If you’re single, embrace the day and spend it with those that you love most.

Some of my best night outs have been when I’ve been single on Valentine’s. If you’re not the type that can let the day pass without feeling a bit anxious, hang with your other single friends,

7. No drink dialing.

Do you want to wake up on the 15th with a banging headache and regrets that you’ve made a fool out of yourself calling your ex, or even worse, you’ve slept with them? No matter how horny or sentimental you get, wait till the next day to see if you still feel the same when you’re sober.

8. Don’t seek validation from the day.

If your relationship has issues, gritting your teeth and eeking all of the sentiment out of the day is going to be the equivalent of papering over the cracks of your relationship. Don’t rely on this day to make your relationship but certainly don’t use it as the sole reason to break your relationship either. Likewise if you’re single, don’t think that the absence of a mate or a date invalidates you.

9. Valentine’s day extends to self-love.

As Luther Vandross said “Love the one you’re with” and this time, that’s YOU. V-day spells a great time to evaluate where you are and what you want out of life and your relationships. If there is any overhang from the past, start to deal with it and get happy before you throw yourself back in the dating saddle.

10. Make an effort and small gestures all year round.

If you do this, Valentine’s day won’t feel like guzzling water for the first time after being lost in the desert for a year…

To learn more about Natalie Lue, visit http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk.

If You Think The Law Of Attraction Won’t Work For You, You’re Probably Right! Here’s Why…

By karen

By now you have probably heard the phrase “Law of Attraction”, it’s been quite the buzz word in pop culture for the past few years. The Law of Attraction is the concept that we attract into our lives what we think about.

There are some who doubt the Law of Attraction but there aren’t too many people you could find that would deny the fact that in order to accomplish anything in life it does take some thought. The thought comes first. The achievement comes after.

Whether you want to use the phrase “Law of Attraction” or not, it is a fact that energy flows where your attention goes.

So how can we harness this energy in a deliberate manner to attract a partner, a potential mate or maybe just a date?

Well, to start with think about this. Where is your attention? What are you thinking about?

I remember when I was single and hanging out with my single girlfriends, at that time an extremely common sentiment that I would hear over and over again from many smart, beautiful and talented single women who all really wanted to find a nice man and settle down was “All the good men are taken. All the good men are either married or gay”. Consequently, those very same intelligent and attractive women who really wanted to find a nice man would more often than not meet the men who were married, gay or otherwise unavailable. It was inevitable.

Because you attract what you think about whether you want it or not.

Therefore you need to be aware of your thoughts and vibrations. Because, as you think about what you want, the Universe brings it to you and as you think about what you don’t want the Universe also brings it to you. Everything is included; there is no exclusion in the Universe. Whatever you focus on will come into your experience, whether you actually want it or not.

Now of course, these women didn’t “want” to attract married and gay men. And perhaps they were just expressing the frustrations they were having but they were creating an endless cycle. They were attracting exactly what they were thinking about , “married and gay men” and not thinking about and therefore not attracting what they really wanted which was a “nice man to settle down with”.

So if you want to use the Power of Law of Attraction to deliberately bring you what you really want the best thing and really the only thing to do is to…

“Think about and focus only upon that which you really want."

If you find that difficult there are some very valuable techniques you can use. One easy and very effective technique is to use affirmations. Write down what you want and what you are looking for and then develop some affirmative statements that coincide with your list. Say it to yourself over and over again. Repeat and repeat.

For example….

“I meet nice and available people everyday”

“I always meet nice, single men”

“I am so happy and grateful that I am able to connect with the type of person that I want to have in my life”

And so on. You get the picture. Just make the affirmation true to you. If it resonates with your heart and soul, it is more likely to work for you and you are more likely to use it to your advantage.

One more thing, as it starts to work and you start attracting the kind of person you are looking for, remember to be grateful.

The Universe loves Gratitude.

To learn more about Karen Lynch, visit LiveThePower.com.

Why Do Happy Couples Suddenly Fall Out Of Love?

By eddie

It seems to be a complete mystery. Something we cannot understand. And yet it happens every day all around us: People who used to love each other madly suddenly fall out of love, just like that.

What are the reasons?

Sarah’s Story:

Sarah and her boyfriend had been the perfect couple. It was as if they had waited for each other their whole lives. They had the same hobbies, the liked the same things, they considered each other to be soulmates.

This went on happily for two years – the perfect relationship, until her boyfriend suddenly started to pull back, to act strange and get distant. Eventually he broke up with her, and when she asked for the reason he simply replied that he didn’t love her any more.

Sound familiar? Has this also happened to you or someone around you?

A disappointment.

Isn’t true love meant to be forever?

Well, I cannot give you an answer to this one, but I can give you the advice that you need to examine your perception of “true love”. I can tell you: All that glistens is not gold.

A high expectation of true love, and an exaggerated romantic view of the ideal concept of love can disturb the view to having a fulfilling and healthy relationship.

A realistic view is vital.

What is the Main Reason that People Fall out of Love?

Of course, there are numerous reasons why people break up, but they are not always the same ones as why people fall “out of love”.

The term “to fall out of love” implies that they’ve been in love before and all of a sudden the love is gone.

This is of course an illusion. Nobody loses their love overnight.

In my experience there are 3 main reasons why people don’t love anymore, and therefore break up with their partners.

1. Their expectations weren’t met

If you meet a person and you are really attracted, you tend to idealize things. You fall in love with that person, because everything is so new, so fresh. The sex is great, you’re having a great time discovering all the positive attributes of your partner. All your needs and expectations are being addressed, and when they’re not, you simply put your rose-colored glasses on.

The problem here is that your view of your partner is not always a realistic one. Everyone gives their best, tries to show a better self and to hide possible flaws.

We accommodate and compromise much easier at the beginning.

The problem here is that they met each other’s expectations at the beginning, but later on in the relationship, when the fire has cooled off a little, they tend to pull off their masks and show their real selves.

Now they are acting how they really are. No more compromising, no more accommodation, no more meeting the partners needs.

And here is where it can lead to conflicts because someone will not have their needs fulfilled, and will feel betrayed in a way.

This is usually the moment when the person “falls out of love”.

2. Was it really Love?

Another problem is that people very often cannot say if they’re in love or not. They confuse sexual fulfillment with love.

This happens very often to young people, or people who have been in a long term relationship or marriage for a long time. They confuse the initial fulfillment of a need which has not been met for a long time with love.

Once this urge has been satisfied, (this doesn’t always have to be a sexual need), they suddenly lose interest and “fall out of love“.

Of course, it wasn’t love in the first place, that’s why the whole thing appears out of the blue.

3. Mistreatment

Unfortunately it happens frequently, especially with men, that they start sweet and kind and later on they become loud and abusive.

Violence is of course the most extreme case, very often the partners suddenly change their behavior in ways that cannot be tolerated any more by the other one. Good examples are drug and alcohol abuse.

The partner finds that they are very disappointed and loses their love for the person, because their basic needs aren’t provided any more. The relationship isn’t fulfilling and healthy.

Knowing Why is Helpful

The knowledge of the 3 reasons why people can fall out of love can be helpful to us. They can teach us how to behave correctly at the beginning of a relationship.

We have to have realistic expectations about love and relationships, and most of all we have to be who we really are right from the beginning.

Make clear what your needs are despite the risk that your new partner might not love it.

Pretending and cutting back your basic needs will only draw a false picture of you, a picture which will fade with time and possibly make your partner eventually fall out of love with you.

Would you take that risk? I won’t.

Your friend,

Eddie

Why You’d Be Crazy To Get Married Before You’re 30

By david

Marriage in your twenties is for the birds!

Marriage and Me

I never talk about marriage… Not that I’m against marriage, nor am I commitment phobic . I’ve been married. It lasted three years and one day. It was basically like a lease. At the end she still had low mileage, that “new wife smell,” and she still looked great when I returned her to the dealership. She was like a certified pre-owned Lexus.

Now this is not the part that will offend you – it’s this next part that will get under your skin.

Twenty is Too Young!

For those of you who got married in your twenties, I think all of you got married too young. Yeah I know: “I want to be a young mommy,” or “I want to be a young dad.” But a young mom and a young dad still have no idea who they are as a person.

Get to Know You

If you’re a woman, you really don’t know who you are until you’re thirty. And, sorry guys, but if you’re a man you really don’t know who you are until you’re at least thirty-five to forty. This would make all of you old dads and older moms – not exactly Warren Beatty old but older and, may I add, wiser. Now I could go online and grab you a bunch of statistics about divorce rates and everything else, but why bore you with statistics that you can research on your own.

What it All Means

This would also mean that families would be smaller and the worlds population would slow down to something more manageable. This is not an Al Gore thumping blog post but we are running out of key resources in the world and a few less kids would really help the issue.

From all my years of coaching, I have just found that women don’t really know who they are until they’re thirty. Your twenties are all about finding yourself. And as for men, we’re just way too immature until we’re at least thirty-five to forty.

I’ve recently emailed all the women I’ve dated in my twenties . . . all 700 of them 🙂 I sent them an email that said:

Thanks for the Experience!

“Thanks for the experience. You were great. I was a self-centered asshole. You met me during my player years and, yes, you were just a notch on the belt. But now that those years are over [my real age you readers will never find out!], I’ve matured into a really good man. Let me know if you’d like to reconnect as a friend or on a deeper level. David”

Now this isn’t some Neil Young or Bruce Springsteen song, nor did I really write this email. And I really don’t think I dated 700 women…I might have, but who knows, and who remembers? The important thing is toembrace what you did and grow from the experiences you had.

The Bottom Line

But the bottom line here is this: To make a marriage successful, you have to know who you are first. None of this Jerry Maguire ‘you complete me’ crap. Enjoy your twenties. If you’re in your twenties right now, enjoy dating but enjoy the time getting to know yourself more. Also, don’t rush a family and the condominium on wheels (for those of you who don’t know what that is, that’s the overly obnoxious SUV – Yes, I live in California and yes I hate Hummers . . . though I do enjoy an occasional hummer).

So, take the time to get to know yourself before you get in that minivan. Because to have true love, you have to find true love with yourself first. For those of you over thirty who are in a marriage, you know exactly what I’m talking about here.

Last But Not Least

Just one last thing … I’m all about the biological clock, but can you at least wait until your late twenties to pound out the puppies and get married? Give yourself a few years to get to know who you are as a person. You’ll make a better wife and you’ll make a better lover. Because I’ve got to tell you that there is nothing more fun in bed than a woman over the age of thirty. I tell all my friends that they can have all the women in their twenties. I’m all about the hot sexy cougars.

How To Be A Good, Responsible Dad And Still Have Great Sex With Your Wife

By loveandsex

Can you really be a good husband AND a great lover?

Remember that she was your wife before she was ‘mom’.

Married couples and especially new parents often forget this very important fact. You were couple before you were parents.

Your biggest responsibility as parents is to love your children and provide a stable home.

You can’t do that if you’re divorced.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I have been married for 7 years, we have a four year old son and 2 year old twins.

Money is kind of an issue, due to the fact that we are a single income family and I work nights.

How can I be romantic and achieve a romantic sex life, but not neglect our kids and responsibilities as parents? Thanks Greatly.

— Steven, Missouri

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMdNmRKnUGU[/youtube]

Make Time For Your Relationship First

I know you’re exhausted. I know you’re tired. You’ve had a really long day.

But it’s critical to your relationship whether it’s two weeks older 20 years old, to make time for one another and to nurture your relationship. Schedule some time to just be together, whether its first thing in the morning, a nice lunch, or some quite couple time before you drift off to sleep, couple time is very important.

It doesn’t make you bad parents if you get a babysitter once a week so that you and your partner can go out on a nice, intimate, romantic date. As a matter of fact, it may even make you better parents. Parents who actually stay together. Parents who are able to give fully to their children because they feel nurtured and loved as an individual.

Teach your children now what it means to be a well balanced individual. Don’t let them grow up thinking that they have to sacrifice everything to become parents. Just because that’s what your parents may have done, does not mean that’s what you have to do.

Also, don’t forget why you became a couple in the first place.

Remember the things that you used to say to one another and the things you used to do for one another when you first started dating…

Now start doing them again!

Remind Her How Sexy She Is To You

It’s really easy for a “mom” to start thinking of herself only as a mom and to forget that deep down in there somewhere is the sexy vicious woman that she used to be. It’s very important for a man to lead his woman note that he still thinks she’s sexy and that he still thinks of her as a wife and not just a mom.

Little things go a long way with women. Flirt with her. Let her know that you still think she’s attractive. Ask her out on a date – one that you planned to surprise her.

Don’t take your time together for granted. Treat every day with your wife as if it were the last day on earth. All we very have in life is this moment so live in the present. Not yesterday – it’s already gone. Not tomorrow – it may never come. Be the best partner and parent that you can possibly be – today.

Our best advice for a long term, successful relationship is to live it one day at a time. If you can say before you go to bed each night “I want to see you again tomorrow”, then you’re well on your way to a life long relationship.