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Top 10 Signs She May Be Cheating On You

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You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you what your heart doesn’t want to hear.

That feeling that tells you she may be cheating on you.

Things just don’t feel right with your relationship and you’re worried that maybe she’s stepping out on you, but you just can’t put your finger on exactly what’s bugging you.

Well, here are some concrete signs to watch out for if you think she may be unfaithful…

Top 10 Signs She’s Cheating

by Shawn Croft for AskMen.com

No man likes to discover that his girlfriend has set her eyes on another chump. What is even more heart shattering is the discovery that she has already done the unimaginable and cheated on you.

Here are some signs that she might have taken a roll in another man’s hay bale. But before you start suspecting your girlfriend or accusing your wife of cheating, remember that these are just signs. Ultimately, you should trust your instincts.

You must also be on the look out for combinations of these cheating signs for a more definitive indication of trouble. Lastly, there is the chance, however slight, that she is actually doing some of these things to provoke jealousy or to attract you , so be careful, be wise and, most importantly, be smart.

1. Scent of another man

Scent is a very important sign of cheating girlfriend, but if she suddenly starts wearing a new fragrance, the alarm bells need not sound off. She might be simply trying to spice things up in your relationship. Going off the deep end too soon could damage your love life — permanently. However, if you smell another man’s cologne on her clothes, hands or neck, then she may be planting her lips where she shouldn’t. Watch out.

2. She doesn’t criticize you anymore

There was a time when she cared about what you did or said, in fact, she used to hound you about those type of things. Now, it seems that she couldn’t care less if you were dead or alive and concern about your habits, good and bad, have retreated to the recesses of her mind. She might have simply given up on trying to convert you or she finally accepted your faults, but she could have just as easily met someone else who does not have your faults and bad qualities.

3. You caught her in a lie

Catching her in a flat-out lie is a key sign that she is cheating on you or doing something wicked. When you discover that the person you’re supposed to trust has been lying to you, your feelings will surely run the gamut — from anger to rage, and from frustration to sadness. But keep this in mind: if men are stuck with the “once a liar, always a liar” lyric, the same stigma can be applied to women.

4. Your sex life is nonexistent

In the past, the two of you went at it like wild animals in heat, but now she gives you the cold shoulder when you try to initiate sexual relations and intimacy is nonexistent. Either she has lost interest in you, which is not good, or she is getting her kicks elsewhere, which is really not good. It’s time for a talk if the two of you are still intimate but find that she lacks any desire for you.

5. She has a new wardrobe

She has an entirely new wardrobe, her lingerie has taken a cue from Victoria’s Secret and her hair looks great. She could be cheating on you, but here is a warning to the paranoid: if she started a new job, for example, she is probably not cheating. If she is doing this all for you, wake up and please her as she is not cheating on you… at least not yet…

6. She’s getting in shape

She hits the gym, eats healthier and she has her eyes set on becoming fit in a short time span. Again, she might be looking to improve her health and lifestyle or she might be doing the extra laps for you. But if she gets home from the gym, showers and runs out (without telling you where she’s off to), then something is up.

7. She works longer hours

A surprising number of women have admitted that if they were to cheat, it would likely be with a colleague. So unless she was just promoted, has a project to close or she’s in the midst of a busy season, her work hours should remain more or less stable. If she suddenly starts working 60 hours a week instead of 40, she might just be “logging” in those 20 extra hours on someone else’s pay sheet. You should take note, as it might be time for you to punch out.

8. She likes her new colleague

Your girlfriend might be cheating if she was, at one time, constantly talking about her new male colleague, pal or friend and suddenly stopped. This guy, who at first seemed to seemed to be the center of the universe, suddenly disappeared from the radar. Actually, he only disappeared from your radar, as he has become the number one bogey on hers. If you see your girlfriend showing any form of affection toward another man, alarm bells should start ringing. The only instances that you shouldn’t suspect her of cheating are if this man is a relative or an old friend. Could this reverence for the new star employee be the reason she no longer invites you to the office parties?

9. You’re cut off from her family

Her family is now exactly that: her family. One reason for the extra barrier might be to facilitate the eventual separation caused by her cheating or she needs her family to cover up for her. Perhaps the “in-laws” are in the dark as much as you, and would not condone her actions. Whatever her motives, you have discovered that you actually miss the family gatherings that you once dreaded.

10. She has become defensive and paranoid

She thinks that you are out to get her when you are genuinely clueless about her cheating ways. She stutters and worries excessively when you ask her innocent questions. She answers some phone calls and reacts awkwardly, while she completely avoids other calls. Her sudden fear and paranoia have you worried about her health, until you realize that her health regimen has been getting an extra dose of protein.

Maybe she’s just the cheating kind…

If you notice any one of the aforementioned signs in your girlfriend or wife, don’t fly off the handle just yet. Remember, it’s important to keep sudden behavioral changes in mind as you examine and contrast her regular actions against her new attitude. When you suspect your girl of cheating it is best to follow your instincts first and to keep an eye out for any number of signs. Naturally, our first instinct when we discover a cheating girlfriend is to end the relationship. However, this is up to you and you need to consider what you might have done, if anything, to provoke the cheating and how much time you have invested in the relationship.

If you want to find out for certain, right now, if she’s cheating on you, download How To Catch Your Cheating Lover today.

How to Resolve Relationship Difficulties Without Making Your Partner Wrong

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When you’re in a relationship with another person and you spend all, or most, of your time with that person, there are going to be things about them that you don’t like. In fact, they may even have some quirks that drive you absolutely insane!

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could bring up those concerns without it sounding like you’re nagging and without it turning into a full blown argument?

Here are some really great tips and suggestions that will help you talk about the things that drive you crazy without offending your partner and ruining a perfectly good day.

How to Resolve Difficulties Without Making Your Partner Wrong

by Marianne Torrence, Trainer and Facilitator

You’ve read all about the #1 relationship mistake – putdowns or making your partner feel wrong or belittled.

It’s pretty obvious that is not going to help a relationship, but what happens if your partner is doing something that really upsets you and they have no idea that it’s happening? Do you have to just put up with it and keep quiet?

After all, if you mention it it’s going to seem like a putdown, right?

Well, actually, not necessarily. This is where you have to learn some skills, how to introduce the subject, warn your partner that there’s something that’s on your mind, and ask for them to be able to hear you out, if possible without reacting.

Sound like a tall order, right? Maybe. A lot of this depends on your partner’s self-esteem and ability to understand that YOU having a problem with something they are doing doesn’t mean they are wrong for doing it. It simply means that YOU have a problem with it. Period.

So another point – if you have managed to bring up this undisclosed issue and get it off your chest without causing an upset, it’s wise to not then get into trying to get them to change it. Because often just the fact of communicating it and getting it heard, understood and acknowledged can not only make it less of an upset or concern for you, but may bring about in your partner a willingness to change whatever it is or at least consider it. Especially if they don’t feel put down by the way you brought it up.

Obviously a lot depends on the magnitude of what your partner was doing that was getting you upset. There’s a fairly substantial difference between leaving the cap off the toothpaste and spending every night at the pub with the boys.

There is also a major distinction between complaining about something constantly – a.k.a. nagging – and bringing it up once as an issue to be communicated and looked at.

The fundamental of being able to deal with these issues is to establish some procedures and agreements for communicating about potentially disturbing or “hot” topics. One of the best ways to do this is to create a “frame” or “introduction” to be used to signal you have an issue to discuss that may be challenging or difficult to face.

Phrases that can work can go something like this…

“Have you got some time to talk about something that’s been on my mind?”

“I have something that’s been bothering me and I would like to be able to talk about it to you without making you feel wrong. Do you feel up to listening right now?”

When you communicate the upset, take responsibility for it by phrasing it from your own perspective, not directed at your partner.  E.g. “I find that I feel upset when I see you _________”, “My feelings get hurt when I notice ________ .”  “It’s been seeming to me like you tend to ignore our daughter when she tries to tell you something, and I’d like to know if you feel that is happening, maybe you can help me understand what you feel is going on.”

Now, a lot of this depends on what sort of person your partner is. If you are with someone who under no circumstances can entertain the slightest hint that anything they do could possibly be improved, or is anything less than perfect, well, you’ve got troubles. (It is always EXTREMELY smart to make sure before you get into a relationship that the someone you have got your eye on is actually someone who is willing to correct mistakes and learn from them, and understands that no one does anything perfectly the first time.)

But if you have a reasonably confident well-balanced partner you should find no difficulty in establishing some ground rules as above to allow you to communicate about differences in viewpoint without starting a war. Just make sure it starts with an agreed on frame of reference so your partner is aware it’s “sort-out time” coming up.

And as much as possible make sure they are in a position to give you their undivided attention, with sufficient time to complete the discussion, before you launch into it. Five minutes before you leave to go to a party is probably not a good time!

Remember one of the vital points on this, when discussing your issue, leave out the word “you” as much as possible. Keep it to how YOU feel about whatever it is. Not what they did or said but the reaction of feeling you had about it. The word “you” can very easily sound accusative and become accusative.

And be as specific as possible about what is upsetting you. “I feel upset because you always burn the dinner” is not workable if it’s an exaggeration and therefore untrue! “I got upset when you burned the dinner twice last week and I wondered if there’s some way I can help you so that doesn’t happen” would provoke less reaction than the first statement.

Practice this if you need to. Even in front of the mirror. If you have old habits maybe ingrained from copying parents or from earlier relationships it may take some work – but it’s worth it –much less stressful!

There’s another much deeper secret about all this but it will have to wait for another article, this is enough for now.

Marianne Torrence is a clearing facilitator, personal development specialist and SuperTeaching trainer, providing in-depth and highly effective techniques and systems to “clear out your mental closets”; involving procedures which substantially reduce stress.

With 35 years of experience, Marianne delivers over 40 different programs covering a wide variety of issues people have such as unwanted limiting beliefs, removal of negative energy from traumatic incidents, relationship difficulties, communication ability enhancement, personal integrity makeover, attitude transformation, and bettering communication with their bodies.

Help! My Partner is Driving Me Crazy!

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Have you ever been in one of those relationship “discussions” – read: arguments – with your partner that for no reason seems to escalate out of control and when it’s all over, you’re sitting there in a daze wondering what happened?

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could identify these situations before they occur and stop arguments in their tracks?

Here’s great article from featured author, Melody Brooke on just how to prevent these “discussions” from spiraling out of control.

Help! My Partner is Driving Me Crazy!

When we are in a long-term relationship we sometimes find that we are caught in conflicts that make us feel crazy.  We don’t understand what the other person is talking about and they don’t seem to understand what it is we are trying to tell them.  Often this is about the time couples give up on their partnership and call it quits.  Why does this happen? How can we stop it?

It happens because we are animals. Yes, essentially we are human animals driven by instincts that we don’t have conscious awareness of, but that are driving our behavior nonetheless.  It’s not terribly complicated, though it’s not all that easy to change.  Understanding what drives us and why we react the way we do, and why our spouses are reacting the way they are; helps us move through it to a (hopefully) happy resolution.

We can stop it, but it’s sometimes really hard.  To begin with, recognize that whatever it seems like the conflict is about is not what it’s really about.  I know it’s hard to accept but what you are really upset about it not that he didn’t call when he said he would or that she got upset with you for being late. That may be what triggered the discussion, but it is not the source of the upset.  Let me explain.

When we feel we are being attacked or threatened in someway we feel that we are the Victim, and the offending person (our partner) is the Villain (perpetrator, bad guy, whatever) on an emotional level.  Now, we may know intellectually that this person is our lover, our spouse, our intimate partner, etc., but we don’t feel that way when we are feeling attacked or threatened. On an emotional level, we are the Victim and they are the Villain. As long as we are emotionally in this place, our relationship is ultimately doomed.

Our instinct then, is to attack back in order to feel safe or that we are protecting ourselves. I call taking this position being in the “Self-Protector” position.  Of course, if we are “Rescuers” we might instead, let our partner off the hook by saying, “Oh, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I am getting upset over nothing” thereby placating our partner and avoiding a fight.  But the end result is the same, we haven’t stopped feeling like a Victim and they are still the Villain in our heart.

So if fighting back or placating are not the answer, what is? How do we stop the craziness?

The answer is simple, but not easy. We take ownership of our part in whatever upset our partner, or of what is upsetting us, and then provide empathy and respect for our partner. This is what it looks like…

Sara:  John, you said you were going to be here at 8, and when you didn’t get here or even call, I got worried. Then I felt hurt and like I don’t matter to you.  Can you tell me what was going on with you?

John: My being late was unavoidable.  My boss called a last minute meeting because sales are down and it ran over, then I had to go by my mothers to help her with her car and I lost track of time.  To be honest, I knew you would be mad that I was late and I just couldn’t deal with it right then, I was too stressed.  I know it must have hurt, I really didn’t mean to hurt you, but I can see that I did. I am sorry.

Sara: (Crying) You were afraid I would be mad? Of course I was mad. You let me down. But I can see that if you were stressed you wouldn’t want to face it right then, I am sorry my anger makes it hard for you to talk to me. I’ll work on that.

Obviously, “Sara” and “John” are able to be really respectful, honest, and not reactive.  It’s really hard to not be reactive when we have been hurt. But taking the time to find out what is going on with our partner (using whatever words we can muster) allows us to step back and see them as a human being, with problems and issues of their own, and not merely our offender.

To do this we have to be able to do something called “Containment”.  Containment is where we hold back on expressing our reactions to something before hearing the other person out.  We listen thoroughly to what is really going on before we respond.  This allows us to get the whole story and the feelings behind it before saying our piece.  Containment is a skill that has to be learned consciously and requires attention and intention to accomplish, but it can be done, and it’s so worth it.

The next time you are caught up in one of those crazy making discussions, try this. Shut up, contain your reactions, listen, and then start “mirroring” your partner and ask them to tell you more.  Mirroring is when you say back to your partner what you are hearing them say, it’s not parroting them word for word, but summarizing and re-phrasing what you have heard, then checking it out, “Did I get that right?” or “Is that right?” As you ask for more, say, “Is there anything else?”, “What else”, “What else can you tell me about it?” or “Is there more?”  When they have said all they can say about it, see if you can find something in what they have said to empathize with, even if you don’t agree with them, before you respond.

Most of the time, once you have fully heard your partner out, your reaction will be quite different than it was initially.  Suddenly our defensiveness is down and we have a chance to respond to our partner with ownership of our part, empathy for what they are going through and respect for who they are.

Is It Possible to Love Two Men? How do I choose?

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Ponder this question for a moment…

Society teaches us that it is wrong to love two men at the same time, or two women for that matter.

At the same time we are taught to love everyone in our family unconditionally.

Is it because that love is not sexual in nature?

Why isn’t is possible, or should I say, why are we taught that it’s wrong to love more than one person romantically and to be sexually attracted to more than one person at the same time?

Think about this while you read this question and our answer…

The Question

I am in love with two men. Both say they love me and eventually want to marry me.

One is my best friend, the person I feel I can talk to about anything, and the person who has always been there for me and who I can communicate with and makes me laugh. However, I am not sexually attracted to him, although I love him and enjoy intimacy other than sexual intimacy. Also in order to have children we will need to have IVF to prevent a genetic disorder, which will mean suffering for me.

The other is not my best friend. We have trouble communicating and he is always running around with his many friends rather than spending quiet time with me at home, although he can be very romantic and loving. However I am incredibly sexually attracted to him and love him, and also I would be able to conceive with him naturally without IVF.

I am confused. I have tried looking inside my heart to determine who I love more…but that doesn’t work as I love them both for different reasons and for different qualities. I have tried writing up a list of things I like and don’t like about both of them but this doesn’t work either. I need to make a decision as I am hurting myself and them. I am scared of making the wrong decision and regretting it later when I realize I chose the wrong person.

My question I suppose is, is it better to marry my best friend even though I don’t desire to have sex with him, as I know that communication will always be easy with him, and will not something that we have to work at. Also I know he will always be there for me, never betray me to his friends, always understand or try to understand my views, and spend more time at home with me instead of constantly going out every night. I suppose my problem here is that sex is an important part of marriage and I am scared I just wont want to do it as often as him as I don’t desire it, which will mean his needs as well as my needs will not be met, and will hurt the relationship.

Or is it better to marry someone who you are incredibly sexually attracted to since sex is a very important aspect of a marriage, and work on the communication, even if it means always having issues that you will have to work hard to resolve because communication between you is something that has never come easily and will require a lot of work because you are each on different wavelengths?

In a way I wish I could put guy #1’s personality in guy #2’s body, then I would have the perfect mate. I just don’t know what to do. I truly love them both, for different reasons. I just don’t know what I should give more importance to in helping me make my decision. I suppose that another resolution would be that since I don’t know who I love more, I would choose that person who loves ME more. In that way I could be more sure about making the right decision. Both have done things to hurt me, and both have done things to show me they love me, albeit in very different ways….so I really don’t know how to get that answer either.

I just want to do the right thing. I have had ample time to think about this and time hasn’t helped, in fact it has gone on too long. Please help me.

Confused Sarah

The answer to Sarah’s question…

The Answer

Communication and friendship are critical for a long term relationship.

Sex alone is not enough and how can the sex stay good if you are not able to talk to one another?

Having said that, if you’re not physically attracted to someone for whatever reason, how can you possibly expect to have a romantic relationship with them?

You are in a difficult situation.

Have you considered that neither of these guys are ‘marriage’ material?

Our society is so hung up on locking in that interest rate and getting married before all of the good ones are gone. It is possible to have a long term relationship without getting married.

What’s the rush? Are either of these guys pushing the issue?

It sounds like you’re still young. There’s absolutely no need to rush into marriage and family. As long as you’re open with both guys, there’s nothing wrong with dating both of them… Assuming they’ll go for it.

Take your time, relax a little bit, and stop ‘planning’ your future and try enjoying today for a little while. Don’t worry so much about who you need to marry and have kids with, unless of course your’ e ready to do those things right now, today, this minute.

I can’t decide for you which of these guys will make the best husband for you because if he’s willing to work on it with you, you can correct your communication issues with guy #2 (will most likely take the assistance of a counselor). You can also, work on the sexual pleasure issues with guy number #1 (there are counselors for this too).

The animal magnetism that you spoke of with guy #2 will most likely fade after a few years when that initial relationship high wears off.  His body definitely will not last forever…  Will you still be attracted to him if he puts on 20 pounds and stops running around everywhere? Where do you go if you can’t talk about sex and your changing wants and needs?

And his running around with his friends will probably get old, sooner than later. Not a good thing. Just remember you can’t change people, they change only if and when they’re ready.

I lean to guy #1 as the best long term choice, but if you’re absolutely not physically attracted to him, it won’t work. At the same time, if you can’t resolve the communication issues with guy #2, that won’t work either…

In Summary

  • It could be that neither one of these men is “the one” for you long term.
  • Live your for life today, not only for the future.
  • Why the strong rush to marry one of them right away? Maybe you should hold off until you feel the right time to marry “the right man” comes. There’s absolutely no need to rush into marriage and family.

I have to say I’m completely stumped on which one you should choose, if you should even choose one of them… I could pretend that I know exactly what you should do, but I refuse to lie to you and give you advice that I wouldn’t give my best friend.

Hopefully, however I have raised some new questions in your mind that will help you make the best decision for you.

Is Your Partner Cheating on You? Are You Sure?

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Jealousy… Anger… Fear… Frustration… Confusion…;

These are the most common first emotions when you first suspect your partner of Cheating.

Do you think your partner may be cheating on YOU?

Do you trust your partner completely and think there’s absolutely no way they would ever cheat?

Well, think again…

More people than ever before, thanks to the internet, are cheating on their partners.

With online dating sites, social networking sites, video chat rooms, email and instant messengers, it’s easier than ever to meet someone, have an affair – and get away with it.

Check out these really scary statistics from CheaterCheckers.com.

  • 1 in 2 people in a relationship cheat on their partner
  • 9 out of 10 women who feel their partner is cheating are correct
  • 50% of men who feel their partner is cheating are correct
  • 57% of women cheat on their partner
  • 3 in 4 married men cheat on their partner
  • 2 out of 3 people being cheated on never find out

If you’re like me, you know that people cheat, but those numbers are much, much, much higher than I ever would have guessed.

Now if you know Dan and me very well, you know that we don’t believe in the whole partner ownership thing.

However, if you have made an agreement with someone to stay completely monogamous (Yes, you actually talked about it. Not just ‘assumed’ that’s how it would be.), and then you go behind your partner’s back with another person – that’s lying and you’ve broken the trust between you and your partner.

Without trust, you cannot have a truly intimate and loving relationship.

Our thoughts are that if you really find another person incredibly attractive and it will bring you joy to have sex with them – talk to your partner about it and if it seems like a good thing to do and both of you are OK with it, then go for it.

Again, we don’t subscribe to the whole ownership and jealousy thing. You cannot own another person, and if you really love them unconditionally, you will want them to do whatever brings them joy and happiness.

Unconditional Love means that you place no conditions on your partner (or anyone else for that matter) as to how they must behave, or who they must be, in order to receive love and acceptance from you.

Here’s a great article and another perspective on unconditional love from Roy Klienwachter, author of several books and hundreds of articles on the subjects of New Age Philosophy and Spirituality.

"What Does Unconditional Love Really Mean?"

What we find most of the time is that when we are attracted to another person, it’s mostly the thrill of the chase…

Talking about it openly with your partner will very often diminish the perceived excitement of the other person because suddenly it’s no longer taboo or forbidden. Also, we’ve found that if you talk about what you find exciting about the other person, you may both get so aroused you’ll have the best sex you’ve had in months.

If of course, you can get past the whole jealousy ownership thing…

Trust me, it’s better to just to be open and honest with each other.

If you want to find out for certain, right now, if your partner is cheating on you, download How To Catch a Cheating Spouse today.