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How To Make Sex In Your Marriage More Exciting

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Contrary to popular belief, married sex (or long term relationship sex) can be even better than wild, crazy sex with someone you’ve just met or don’t know very well. Married sex doesn’t have to be boring or blase. The trick is, you have to make a conscious effort to make your sex life in your marriage better. Here’s how you can do it!

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Bring Variety Into The Bedroom

Doing the same old thing in the bedroom time after time is an excellent way to land yourself right in a married sex rut. If you want to have a great sex life when you’re married or in a long term relationship, it’s important to bring new ideas in the bedroom. Try new sex positions that you’ve never tried before, or bring sex toys in the bedroom for you and your partner to play with. It’s a common misconception that sex toys are geared for women only. While many sex toys are for women, there are also a number of toys for couples to use together and sex toys for boys!

Make Love Sometimes And Screw Sometimes!

Sex doesn’t always have to be romantic and lovey-dovey. While it’s great to “make love” and share that deep, emotional connection with your partner, it’s also great to “screw” your partner and let your animalistic side take over! Take the lead one night and completely ravage your partner. Act like you’re just going to die if you don’t have your way with them RIGHT NOW, and as you’re having sex, exaggerate your reactions a little bit. Be of the mindset that your partner is the only thing you want at this point in time and absolutely nothing else matters. They are a cold drink on a blazing hot day or a meal when you’ve gone hungry for days! In turn, let your partner do the same to you on another night and let yourself be completely taken over by them when they’re in the lead. You can also take turns being the dominant partner one night. Do it on the couch, in the kitchen or in the car. When you want your partner or they want you, do it right then and there!

Be Adventurous

While it can be easy to let yourself go and have wild and crazy sex with someone you’re not completely comfortable with, it’s even easier to do this with someone you’ve built that trust with. When you’re 100% comfortable with someone and trust them to accept you no matter what, you can really let your wild side take over. Try some taboo things, such as anal sex or prostate massage, or even BDSM and roleplaying. If there’s something out there that really turns you on sexually but you’re not sure if you can bring yourself to do it, doing it with your significant other can actually be really fun and exciting. You don’t have to be afraid that they’re going to reject you if you get a little too freaky, because you know they choose to be with you every day because they love and care about you. So let yourself go and consider doing some things with them that you wouldn’t normally consider doing!

How To Make Your First Trip Together Not Be Your Last

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Taking a vacation together is one of the most fun relationship milestones. Your goal may be to introduce your new partner to your family, to share some relaxation, to experience a new place, or simply just because. Yet those extra hours spent in one another’s company will be very exciting, in both good and bad ways.

How A Road Trip Can Test Your Relationship

To start, this may be one of the first times you have been bound to one another (metaphorically, I mean; physically is a whole other article), unable to get away if he starts annoying you. In a way, this is a test for your relationship: are you ready to spend many hours together (possibly without anyone else around for hours), or have you not yet reached that point? If it is the former, keep reading for tips on how to take a successful trip together.

Keep in mind that tensions already run high while preparing for a vacation, and even higher when actually traveling to your destination. The stress of planning, spending, and hoping like hell that everything goes well can translate to frustration toward your girlfriend who has to stop and pee every thirty minutes (has she sprung a leak or something?!). Rather than allowing these tense emotions to steer you, remind yourself (chant it, if necessary, though silently so as not to worry her) that it is just the stress. Why, you love your girlfriend (and her small bladder), of course.

Making The Trip Easier

In addition to restroom breaks, don’t push your bodily limits: rest or eat when you need to do so. Take turns with driving duties. Share the radio or CD player. Compromise on everything. Being stuck with someone who is one foot away from you for hours on end is not the time to exert your stubbornness.

Finally, the best way to avoid the nearly-inevitable road-trip fights is to stay preoccupied. Schedule fun things to do or see along the way. If you know your route will pass by a national park, take an extra hour to visit it. When you see a sign proclaiming World’s Largest _________, check it out. It will give you more to talk about when you are trapped – I mean, back in the car. Also, bring along a book geared towards conversation, such as a Book of Questions, or just print your own list of interesting questions to ask one another. This will not only keep the car ride interesting, you will also learn more about your significant other. If you feel yourself getting uptight despite these tips, listen to an audio book. This will encourage a silent but not awkward atmosphere.

And hey, if all else fails, you can pull over for some illicit, roadside sex.

Q&A: Should I Get Married If His or Her Family Does Not Approve?

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It happens more often than we like – your parents don’t approve of him or his parents don’t like you. The relationship is great and you want to get married and commit to each other, but how do you handle the parental situation? Should you wait to get married or even dump your significant other because of what your parents or his parents think?

Question: I am engaged to be married. I love this guy more than anything, we are 21 and have been together for almost 5 years. However, his parents do not want him to marry me. We are of different social classes and they think I “control” his life. The reason they think this is because their son has grown up and wants to make his own decisions and they don’t like it. His family treats me fine but it’s what they say when I leave that is the problem. By the way, I have never been fond of his parents.

–YouTube Viewer

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Live Your Life

Your life is not about making decisions based on what other people think. If you are happy with your fiance and you have a good relationship, focus your energy on that rather than what his parents think about you. If you dump him because his parents don’t want him to be with you, you could be throwing away a great relationship that has the potential to enrich your life for years to come. You deserve to be in a happy and healthy relationship and if you already have one, don’t give it up just because someone else thinks he shouldn’t be with you. Make the decisions that better your life and deal with the rest later.

Are You Really Ready For Marriage?

It is possible to have a great long term relationship without ever getting married. So think about it. Are you really ready for marriage? Are you keen on marrying your fiance because his parents don’t want you to, so you can prove them wrong? If your motivations for marriage aren’t pure, or you aren’t completely ready to make the commitment of marriage, consider just having a great, monogamous long term relationship instead. You and your fiance can be happy together and have a healthy relationship without the marriage license if that’s what you want. Don’t tie the knot if it’s just in response to his parents’ dislike of you. You may come to regret it later.

How Will You Deal With His Family?

Before getting married, talk to your fiance about how you and he will deal with his family when the time comes. How will you arrange holidays? Will you accompany him on visits to the family? It may be fine for you to stay home before you have children, but once children come into play, it can be very difficult to have separate holidays. What does your partner think about it? Does he have any ideas on how he will handle the situation when you and he get married? These are things that you need to discuss with your partner before you tie the knot, so there are no surprises later on down the road.

Loving The Unlovable Parts Of Your Lover

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About half way through Committed, Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir that picks up her life where Eat, Pray, Love left us, Elizabeth shares a charming scene where she and her fiancé tell each other their worst faults. They lay it all on the line like a test: this is who I really am. Can you still love me?

“Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of that.’ Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to be pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.”

~ “Felipe” from Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir, “Committed.”

I find the scene charming because my husband and I did the exact same thing. The only difference was we did it on our very first date! But I imagine the same dynamics drove both conversations and that was insecurity born of painful, challenging divorces and other dysfunctional relationships mixed with a deep desire that the new beloved understand what he or she was getting into in order to reduce damage done to the other.

Stop Sabotaging Your Relationship

Honestly, unless you’re a complete newbie to the relationship scene, it doesn’t matter whether you’ve had just one long romance (that may or may not have gone bad) or a string of monogamous (or not so monogamous) relationships; you know the stuff about you that sabotages romance and good loving. You know the places you go to with words, attitude, and actions that drive a wedge between you and your partner, whoever your partner is. Your partner knows those things about himself or herself as well. The longer you’ve been together, the better you know those things about each other.

So what do you do with those things to keep from sabotaging your relationship? And, by the way, sabotage can look as dramatic as the relationship falling apart or as mundane as simply ruining an afternoon or a single day. How do you love the unlovable parts of your lover?

Perhaps I’ve hinted at where to begin? That would be with you. A quick way to turn down the heat of repulsion that your partner’s words, attitude, or actions have engendered is to recognize that you have things about you that repulse your partner as well. Whether it’s the times when you suddenly feel like complete strangers to each other (and not in a good way) or the times certain reoccurring behaviors drive you batty, you are both only human and so you are both going to be guilty of doing or saying things that turn the other person off. Accepting this can help lighten up how you feel about the issue and how you feel towards your lover.

Loving The Unlovable Parts Of Your Lover

Loving the unlovable parts of your lover doesn’t mean forcing yourself to interpret annoying things as charming. Although that is one way to tackle it, love is bigger than that. Love often means allowing people to make mistakes, take risks, do things that go against our ideals while managing the ego’s war inside that would really rather control the other person than make allowances for them.

And so if your lover, for instance, has a habit of taking off their shoes and playing with their feet and toes every night when they settle down on the sofa beside you to watch a little T.V. and it’s something that makes your skin crawl, you have some decisions to make. Do you really need to go to battle over this and make them change their behavior? Maybe so. If so, make it as much about you as you can.

So, rather than blast them for being gross or insensitive, make it about your limitations and how you need them to do this for you. Ask if there’s anything in return you can do for them to make their life with you more comfortable. There’s no easy way to say, “This right here must stop.” But if it must stop, better to make the request than to let discomfort turn into resentment.

However, maybe you don’t really need to turn this into a battle. Maybe you love to suck on those toes when they are freshly bathed and so you think you can create peace inside yourself over this presently irritating habit. Give that a try before creating a battle over this. Work with yourself to see if you can change rather than asking your lover to change. You may not ever like your lover’s habit but even if it can become a neutral event in your daily routine, neutrality can be an expression of loving your partner in spite of this particular unlovable habit.

Open Your Eyes And Heart

Of course, a third option is to join in the fun, remove your own shoes and socks and play with your feet and toes!

Felipe’s advice as Elizabeth Gilbert relates it is really good. It suggests that loving the unlovable parts comes down to facing them squarely and determining with complete honesty whether or not you can accept the bad with the good. At the very beginning of a romance, this can save a couple a lots of time, trouble, and heartache if the truthful answer is “No.” In that case, you can go your separate ways before harm is done.

But if the truthful answer is yes then you proceed with growing the love between you with open eyes and hearts. This practice begun early in the relationship can help you navigate a lifetime of choosing each other as lovers over and over again as each day uncovers the mystery of who you each are in the world and to each other.

Should You Stay With A Cheater?

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The bad news is your long-term girlfriend cheated on you. The worse news is you don’t know whether to stay with her or not. Yet no one can decide for you. This is something you will have to come to terms with whether that ends in a breakup or on the rough road to patching up your damaged relationship.

Why Work It Out?

Hopefully, this is because you truly love her and can’t picture your life without her. But maybe it is because you don’t want to be alone or to start over? If it is, stop reading right now, pick up the phone, and break the bad news to her. This is not a good reason to carry on any relationship, let alone one which is on the rocks.

Will She Do It Again?

This question will be the most important one to figure out. She has broken your trust, but is there any hope of repairing that trust? If you can’t learn to trust her again and she isn’t trying to earn back that trust, this will be a lost cause. Here are some ways to  determine if this was a one-time mistake which she truly regrets, or the first of many more “I’m sorry’s” to come:

  • Did she admit to the affair or did you find out?
  • Was she apologetic or defiant and indifferent?
  • Has she taken any steps to regain your trust or to improve the relationship yet?
  • Will she see the other man again? If so, in what capacity?
  • Can you get over this?

You may have forgiven her for the affair and you may trust her to not stray again. But if you can’t forget what happened, this relationship will not last. Every time you have sex, you may wonder if he performed better, if she preferred his body to yours, or if she envisioned him instead of you. Yet it may not be about her at all. You might think, “Well, if she got to sleep with someone else, why shouldn’t I? Then we will be even.” This tit-for-tat mentality may sound like a brilliant idea in your head; but trust me, the world is not always fair and neither are relationships. If you want it to last, sleeping with a stranger of your own is not the way to do it.

What Did You Do Wrong?

Politically correct answer: nothing. She cheated, so she is the bad guy. Truth-that-hurts answer: probably something. What victims of cheating never like to admit is that they are occasionally at fault, at least partially. While they may not have forced their lovers upon another, they may have contributed to the act. Think about your own relationship: has your sex drive dwindled recently? have you not been appreciative or attentive? While this may have come as a blow, it certainly couldn’t hurt to think about what exactly led her to the arms of someone else. This does not mean you are taking some of her blame. It does mean, however, that there may be deeper relationship problems on which to focus.